Lo and Behold
by TheSoggyBug
Summary: My version of Mockingjay. Peeta didn't get captured, but everything in his and Katniss' lives are being turned upside down with horrible Capitol secrets being unlocked, traitors being exposed, and relationships blossoming to new levels. Peeta/Katniss
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, everyone. This is my first Hunger Games fanfiction so no one make fun. I know some of it is not as realistic as it would normally be, but I tried my hardest. Please do not read if you have not read Catching Fire. Also, if marriage and pregnancy_ _make you uncomfortable, you may not want to read this. Anyways, please enjoy!_

"Miss Everdeen, I'm afraid you are wanted back at the hospital," A cheery blond nurse poked her head into my room. It was not unusual to get checked up on every few hours or so. I was just allowed to leave my hospital room three days ago, but I still needed regular checkups seeing as how just a week ago I nearly died in the violent Quarter Quell. The people from district thirteen had saved all of the remaining survivors, all the while I slowly bled to death.

"Sorry, Gale. I guess I will see you at dinner then," I sighed, upset that the first time I had been alone with my best friend, nurses had to come along and ruin it.

Gale shrugged and walked beside me to the hospital, like he always did. Normally my sister Prim went with us, too, but even _she_ had to grant me and Gale some alone time.

We walked together in silence, only the _click-clack_ of the nurses heeled shoes on the hard linoleum floor. The halls of this giant sanctuary were only mildly familiar to me. I know on the west end was the giant, high-tech hospital with their fancy supplies and machinery that could cure anything from a head cold, to a ruptured organ. Sleeping quarters were on the south end. That is where everybody slept. Me, Prim, Mother, survivors, Gale, Gale's family, Peeta's family, and Peeta.

_Peeta._ Hearing his name, even in my head, hurt. I hadn't seen him since he said goodbye to me when it was my turn to unroll the wire that triggered or enemies' deaths. Yet, it didn't work. Someone cut the wire and we were attacked. The memory of Peeta's face before I left him to do my job was permanently burned into the insides of my eyelids.

No matter how much I missed him and wanted to see him, nervousness clawed at my stomach every time I think of when we will see each other next. According to Peeta's charade for the Capitol, we are married and have a baby on the way.

"Here we are, Miss Everdeen," The blond nurse said kindly, opening a door for me on the left of us. I squeezed Gale's hand once before I went into the hospital room.

As usual, a tall, crinkly-eyed doctor greeted me. "Hello,Katniss!"

"Good evening, Dr. Longarden." I greeted the man. We formed an awkward kind of friendship since I spent most of my time in the hospital.

"How are we doing? Please take a seat," Dr. Longarden motioned to a long papered table against the wall. This, of course, was practiced every time I went here.

I sat at the end of the uncomfortably sticky table and held out my left arm, also something I always did here so the doctor could see how I was healing.

Dr. Longarden took my arm in his rough hands, examining the wide pink scar. After a few minutes of checking the scars' color-and-refill and other tests, he dropped my arm.

"Well, Katniss, it seems as though your arm is all the way healed and no longer needs daily checkups, or should we say 'hourly' checkups." The doctor laughed his throaty chuckle. "Now, the eye on the other hand… Let's have a look at it." He took his finger and let it hover above my right eye.

When I sent an arrow through the chink in the force field and electrocuted the whole dome, some matter flew down and burrowed itself in my eye, causing the need to replace it.

My eyes followed the direction the doctors' finger moved.

"Good, good. I see you are adjusting to your new eye well. You may—excuse me for a moment," Dr. Longarden held up a finger as a shrill ringing filled the air. He crossed the room and picked up the telephone. "Dr. Longarden here," he answered. "Yes, she is. I will. Thank you." As the doctor hung up the phone, he said, "Katniss, you are wanted in room 2B. But before you go, I wanted to tell you that you are in great health and no longer need to come here regularly until further notice,"

A while ago I would have been confused by these instructions, but I knew my way around well enough to find it. In the south side where people sleep, there are five sections of rooms. Dr. Longarden wanted me to go to room #2 in sector 2. Easy enough. I don't know why I needed to be there, or who needed me to be there, but all the same I left the hospital unit and made my way to room 2B.

Once I got to the south end, the hallways started looking more like a hotel then a business building. Finding sector two wasn't that hard, seeing as how there was a large, brass number 2 above the hallway. I walked to the room second to the end and knocked on the door.

_So there it is. My first chapter. Understand that I began writing this in a notebook a really long time ago and the story is going to get way better and more interesting, okay? I'm not going to beg you to review, but those of you who know what getting a review for your first fanfic is like, keep that in mind. The chapters are going to change in length, some longer, some shorter. :D_

_TheSoggyBug_

_P.S: I'm not going to do A/N on each chapter because they are prewritten. Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

"Come in," a familiar voice said from the other side of the door, but distant, as if he were not close to the door. My heart jumped up into my throat as I walked into the room.

In the far corner, someone was sitting in a high-backed chair in front of an easel, putting finishing touches on a painting. He was lean and tall, with shaggy blond hair and blue eyes I knew only too well.

"Peeta!" I cried, running over to him. Peeta looked up from his painting and smiled.

"You seem healthy," he said to me, setting down a thin paintbrush.

"Yep. They patched me up nicely. What about you? I haven't seen you in quite a while."

"Healthy as a horse. The only thing they had to fix up after the explosion was head trauma." Peeta stood up, stretching his arms above his head.

"The only thing?" I laughed shakily. "The only proof I had that reassured me you were _alive_, was the word of the officials,"

"Hard to trust what they say. "Peeta laughed too. "So how is your family? Prim…your mother… Gale?" Even though Peeta tried to hide it, I could hear the jealousy in his voice.

"Yeah… they are all good." The awkward silence was more than I could bear, so I tried to make things better. "But I missed you, too. Seriously, Peeta. I can't imagine life without you. "

Peeta turned his tight face to me. "Why miss me when you have Gale?"

Ouch. "Peeta, Gale is my friend. After living and dying with _you _several times, it is hard to be with_out _you. To me you are just as important as Gale."

Peeta ran his fingers through his hair, scowling. Finally, his eyes locked onto mine and he said, "Coming from the person who spends every waking hour with him. You didn't even come to see me _once _while I was worried sick about you."

"I wasn't allowed, Peeta! And Gale and I only see each other a few hours a day, at the most. I _wanted _to see you! I needed to know that you are okay, but the officials didn't let me," I hated how difficult he was making this. My sanity won't hold together forever.

"How do I know you aren't just saying that to get yourself out of trouble?" Peeta's face was considerably more relaxed, but he still looked cautious.

It took a few seconds to think, but I ended up saying, "I have been having way too many nightmares lately," It was true. Most of the time they were violent and painful. "I miss sleeping next to you." Even hearing it from my own mouth, it sounded cheesy. To most normal people, what I had just said would be considered proof of anything, but nonetheless, Peeta accepted it.

His face melted into a relived, happy expression. Taking a step towards me, he opened his arms. I immediately walked into them and everything was okay again.

"I don't think it would be very wise, here. People would see me go into your room at night and not come out until morning. They would seriously wonder." Peeta laughed into my hair.

"I know," I sighed. "It's a bummer, too. I really have been having nightmares."

Peeta and I just stood there for a while, wrapped in each other's arms, just when stupid Peeta had to ruin the moment.

"Katniss, I have a question for you," he said.

"Yes?" I lifted my head an inch off of his collarbone.

"Well, you know how you are supposed to be pregnant?"

Eek. Somehow I knew this was coming, but I didn't want it to. "Yeah." My voice wavered; I was afraid to hear the rest.

"When I announced it, I was under the impression that both of us would die, so it wouldn't matter if it was true of not But now that everyone knows your alive, they think you are still carrying our child. How is that going to work? You aren't going to get any bigger, and there isn't a child, so what now? People will find out sooner or later."

This wasn't quite what I expected, but it was along those lines. "Well, um… miscarriage."

"Tragic. The star-crossed lovers' first child died before birth. But you still won't get any more _round _if you know what I mean," Peeta put the back of his hand on my abdomen.

"I'm stuck. You got me there. I have no clue," I put my head back on Peeta's chest. That is when he said something that caught me completely off guard.

"I wish it were true."

"Ah," a little squeak escaped my lips and I begun to pull away.

"No- Katniss, I didn't mean- Don't go!" Peeta caught my wrist as I turned away.

"What brought that on?" I managed to choke out when I stopped pulling.

"I-I don't know. It would just be a heck of a lot easier if our act was less of an act than reality." Peeta obviously regretted saying anything at all.

"Yes, but I am only seventeen. I would like to keep my virginity intact, thanks," I said nastily in his direction, refusing to look at his face.

"I know, Katniss, and I didn't mean that we- that you and I- I didn't mean that!" I could feel Peeta trembling through his hand that was clutching my wrist.

"How else do girls get pregnant, smarty?" I snapped at him. I really hated making Peeta so upset like this, but he wasn't helping me not be angry at him. I don't know what I was feeling towards him at the present time. Not hatred, possibly misunderstanding, but I didn't want to hurt him this badly.

"Katniss…" Peeta pleaded with me.

"Don't you 'Katniss' me!" I hissed venomously at him. My heart ached seeing him this ashen-faced, but I tried not to show it.

Suddenly, Peeta began to laugh. I felt my anger fizzle away, seeing him enjoy himself so much.

"What? What's so funny?" I tried to fight back the smile that was threatening to form on my lips. Peeta looked genuinely humored.

"We sound like any other married couple. It just makes me laugh," Peeta grinned at me. He had a point. An airy laughed bubbled in my mouth and I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

Peeta raised his eyebrows at me. "Do you forgive me?"

"No," Peeta's face fell when I said that. "I will hate you and your stupid ideas forever." I reached up and kissed his cheek. "Now let's go get dinner. I'm starving."


	3. Chapter 3

As usual, everyone greeted us at the table with laughter. Gale looked disappointed that I came with Peeta, but nonetheless smiled when I took my usual seat next to him.

This evening I sampled a number of dishes until I felt like I ate enough. Excusing myself from the table, I made my way to my room to shower for the night.

Ever since I was granted my room, a schedule gradually formed. After I am done showering, Prim comes in and combs out and braids my hair while we talk. Once she leaves, Gale spends a few minutes saying goodnight to me. My mother always comes in right after that to give me a cup of warm milk and to tuck me in. But today, a new addition to my agenda was introduced. Half an hour after my mother left, someone knocked softly on my door.

"Coming," I called and hopped off my bed to get the door. Peeta was there, standing a few feet back. When I opened the door, he smiled.

"Mind if I join you?"

It felt good to curl up next to Peeta's side again. I felt guilty for doing it in such close vicinity of Gale, but I put a "do not disturb" sign on my door so I had no unexpected visitors. The maids had handed them out for us to use as we wish.

I tried hard not to imagine the hurt and disgust on Gale's face if he knew that Peeta and I often, and comfortably, sleep in the same bed together. With that unnerving thought in my head, I fell asleep with my head on Peeta's shoulder.

In my dream, I was back in the clock arena, dragging the old mentor, Mags, to the water. She resisted and gabbled nonsense words, trying to avoid the water at all costs. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, her eyeballs twitched back into her head and she went still. A small trickle or blood ran from her mouth and into the ocean. Even though it was only a tiny stream, the sea soon filled up and turned into a churning sea of blood. The air turned hot and sticky, making it hard to move.

I looked over at the dead mentor and gasped. Her wizened old body had begun to reform. The curly white hair grew and straightened, turning jet black. Her skin stretched tighter over her newly formed muscles and turned a dark shade of brown. Now I was no longer looking at Mags the old mentor. Instead, she was a small, scared black girl that I immediately recognized as Rue. I sharp pang of sadness twisted in my stomach as I looked at the girl, who was still alive.

I dropped to the ground and did my best to shield her from any kind of harm, but it was too late. Stumbling backwards, I could just see the point of a sharp trident sticking grotesquely out of Rue's ribs. Looking up, I see Finnick, sweating heavily with his arm still outstretched in the motion of throwing the trident at Rue.

With no warning at all, Finnick transformed into a deadly animal, fangs dripping with blood. His eyes were the light green of the real Finnick and his coppery fur rippled in the hot wind. A second mutt appeared at his flank, and I recognized him with a cry. With sandy blond fur and brilliant blue eyes I only knew to fondly.

No, this was just a bad dream. It had to be. There was absolutely no way Finnick and Peeta transformed into mutts right before my eyes. Rue's body tumbled from my arms as I tried to make a run for it, but I couldn't move at all.

Before I knew it, two- inch- long fangs were piercing my body. Blood sprayed from each would like a punctured spray-paint can. Pain flowed freely throughout my body as the two deadly mutts' teeth found purchase on my skin, over and over.

"Katniss!" someone yelled in the distance. Yes, thanks for noticing me as I lay here getting devoured by two of my good friends. "Katniss!"

My eyes shot open. I wasn't back in the arena. I was in my own room, sweating through the covers next to Peeta. Not the mutt Peeta, but my Peeta. His eyebrows were scrunched together in concern.

"Are you okay, Katniss? You were thrashing around and moaning in your sleep."

I shivered. "They are just my usual nightmares. I'll be fine." What I really needed right now was some dry pajamas (mine were soaked in sweat) and a large glass of ice water. I didn't worry too much about waking mother and Prim up because they were use to me crying in my sleep.

In the bathroom I took a shower of cold water and pulled on a fresh, white gown. After filling myself up with ice-cold water from the sink, I went back to the bedroom. A tiny clock on the wall stated that it was 6:00 in the morning and breakfast starts in an hour. I didn't want to go back to sleep, so I crawled in bed and sat up against the wall with Peeta. "I'm not going to risk any more nightmares. You can go back to sleep if you want, but I am staying up until breakfast." I said to Peeta.

"No thanks. If you are staying up, I'm staying up." Peeta sat up with me and shook his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes.

I figure; if we aren't going to sleep, then why not talk. "Look, Peeta, I am sorry that I reacted badly yester-"

"Don't be," Peeta interrupted. "I'm sorry that I sprung it up on you so fast. Even though it was true, not all truth needs to be spoken. I am just wondering what will happen now. Has President Snow died? Have all of the districts been eliminated? Is there even a possibility of having a normal life after this? Does it still matter if we keep up the star-crossed lovers' thing? Will we have a choice to get married or not? Would it affect things that you aren't carrying my child?"

"I don't know the answer to any of that… I wish that we were allowed to hear some sort of news. For now, I think it's smart to still continue with the star-crossed lovers' thing."

Peeta closed his eyes and smiled. I loved the beautiful, serene look on his face when he did that. I was content to stare at his face all day.

All day only lasted for another five minutes, when Peeta's eyes reopened. To my dismay, they were filled with confusion and sadness.

"What is it?" I asked him softly, putting my hand on his cheek.

"I realized something." Peeta grimaced, but when he didn't elaborate, I spoke.

"Well, what did you realize?"

He lowered his blue eyes and swallowed. "We don't really have to be star-crossed lovers anymore."


	4. Chapter 4

"What? Why?" I did my best to comfort him, but I don't think my sadness from seeing Peeta so sad helped him feel any better.

"We are all safe. No one can reach us here and no one here would do us any harm if we didn't feel what the Capitol thought we felt." Peeta said slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"I'm not sure I get it." I was pretty confused why exactly Peeta was so sad about this.

"Peacekeepers or the president can't hurt us or our loved ones here. If we don't keep up our false relationship anymore, no one is going to care. You-" Peeta's face was painted with disappointment and hurt. "You don't have to pretend to love me anymore."

The room tilted slightly underneath me. The star-crossed lovers theme had been our life rope. It is broke, we would die. Now we didn't have to pretend anything, and there was no chance anyone I loved would be hurt because of it. I did love Peeta, but I am stuck between Gale and Peeta. I love them both so much, but I can't have one without hurting the other.

"Err… Katniss? Are you okay? You look kind of green." Peeta didn't even look at my hand, which had slid off his cheek.

"I-I need a second," I said in a hoarse whisper. Without noticing it much, I slid off of the bed, walked out the door-

-And ran straight into Gale. His body was rigid and his eyes were wide. It was obvious he had heard everything Peeta had said. Stupid eavesdropper.

"Katniss…" He whispered in a tone that wasn't accusing or questioning, but wondering.

"Not now, Gale," I put my hand on his chest and lightly pushed him away. With only a curious glance back at me, Gale obliged to my wish and left me alone.

I sank down onto the floor and put my head in my hands. It wasn't relief or disappointment I was feeling, just confusion.

I don't know how long I was sitting there but I suspect it was about an hour.

"Katniss, we are going to breakfast. Are you coming, too?" My mother and Prim appeared in front of me, in their normal day clothes. I was still in my nightgown.

"No thank you, mother," My voice sounded shocked and hoarse. I should at least try for a more normal tone. "I'm not hungry."

Peeking quickly in my room, it appeared that Peeta had snuck past me. Without much care for what I put on, I dressed slowly, hoping to pass some time.

To my disappointment, dressing didn't take too long; only ten minutes. I slumped out of my room and dully counted the rooms on my right to myself.

"No clue… Someone… Prim… Mother… Someone else… Gale—"I stopped at Gale's door. It was thrown open, and Gale was leaning against the doorframe.

"Hello Katniss." His voice didn't sound formal, exactly, but it had an edge. Like he was pleased about something, trying to hide it, and had something sneaky up his sleeve. "I know you know that I heard what Peeta said. There is no point in hiding it. I know how you feel. There isn't really a point in hiding that either." A small bead of sweat appeared at Gale's temple. I wonder what is making him so nervous.

"Where is this going Gale?"

"Well, can you…um… join me in here real quick?" Gale's voice sounded no longer pleased, but still sneaky and nervous.

I shrugged. "Yeah. Okay." I followed Gale into his room and he shut the door behind us.


	5. Chapter 5

_**PEETA'S POV**_

Stupid, freaking Gale, thinking he is all that. I should have just kept my mouth shut. At least Katniss would still be with me if I did.

Resisting the urge to break something valuable, I clutched my elbows to myself and stared half-heartedly at my newest painting. It was of my and Katniss asleep on the sand together in the Quarter Quell. And now it was impossible for us to be together because I blabbed. Just when things started to go well, and she had actually started to _love me back_, things just had to get ruined.

I tried to calm myself by lying back on my bed and imagining happy things. Not surprisingly, my happy things didn't make me happy. Katniss choosing me instead of Gale, her actually having my child…

Normally fantasizing those things, but it just gnawed on the edges of my sanity.

"Food will help. You have to eat…" I mumbled to myself, willing my feet to drag me to the cafeteria for breakfast.  
Miraculously, it worked. I found myself seated alone at a table with a piece of bread in my hands. Ugh. Even if I _did _have an appetite for food, I would probably puke it up anyways, so I set the bread back down. To distract me from tossing my cookies right then and there, I looked for Katniss.

The cafeteria was big, with several large table crammed into the room together. There was only ten other people here besides me. Katniss' mom and Prim sitting at a table, the former head Gamemaker, Finnick, another Quell survivor I had forgotten the name of, and five other people I didn't recognize. No Katniss. Or Gale.

My stomach lurched and I clenched my jaw together tightly, trying hard not to puke, but I managed. What were they doing together? Exchanging blond jokes?

"Are you okay Peeta? Where is Katniss?" Katniss' little sister Prim appeared in the seat next to me. She had begun to grow on me, I swear. She always seemed to know exactly what I was feeling.

"Katniss? Oh, she's…um… out with Gale… Doing stuff." My voice sounded pretty distant.

"Oh. Okay, I was just curious. I will see you later I guess." Prim hopped off her seat and went to sit by her mother again.

I leaned back in my seat and reassured myself that Katniss was perfectly fine and safe with Gale. She and Gale were very close and they are probably just… talking… about kittens. There is absolutely no reason that I should think that Katniss would do anything of the sort. Gale is a nice guy, once you get over the fact that he is out to ruin your relationship with the girl you love….

A loud horn blasted throughout the cafeteria, announcing the arrival of the Scavengers. Scavengers were experienced survivors that go out every day and search for remains of the wrecked districts.

Today the Scavengers were all empty-handed except for a large brown-skinned man that had escaped from district 11. Something furry and orange was squirming around in his arms, desperate to get loose.

Prim jumped up and ran over to the man, holding her arms out. The Scavenger placed the spitting fur ball into Prim's arms. Immediately, the orange thing calmed down.

Prim petted it and crooned, "It's okay, Buttercup…"

Buttercup. So Prim's cat had survived. I watched Prim skip over to her mother and they both hugged and petted the cat.

I made a resolution to act as normal as humanly possible (which might not actually be normal in my book) and went over to congratulate Prim and her mother.

"Look, Peeta! Buttercup survived!" Prim beamed, holding out the orange cat to me as I sat down next to her.

I smiled at her and hoped it looked normal. "Congratulations! You're very lucky he survived the bombing."

"I know." Prim hugged the cat to her and Buttercup purred.

"So, Peeta, we haven't seen you in quite a while. How are you?" Prim's mother was always polite to me, even though I knew she was still a bit bitter towards me.

"I'm very well, thank you." I must have looked guilty or cautious, because Ms. Everdeen patted my shoulder.

"It's okay, Peeta. Katniss already told me. You two are so noble. Lying to the capitol to protect you families," she said to me.

"Oh, you know?" I dropped my voice just in case there were any rude eavesdroppers around. Just in case, I said,"That Katniss isn't married and pregnant?"

Prim and her mother nodded.

"Where is she anyways? Katniss, I mean." Ms. Everdeen looked around the cafeteria.

"Um… She disappeared into Gale's room. I haven't seen her since," I didn't like lying to them, since I actually didn't see Katniss going into Gale's room, but I knew she was there.

"Oh, poor girl, having to choose," Katniss' mother shook her head sadly. Well, I suppose I should tell them now.

"Well, Katniss doesn't have to pretend anymore. The Capitol no longer has any control of us, even if it is still standing. Katniss is free to choose whom she wants now."

Prim sensed my disappointment and put her hand on my arm. Even though we don't really know each other, Prim is very close to me. "And you think she chose Gale."

Stupid mind reader. "Yeah." Prim is so good at reading me and it was really pointless trying to hide anything from her even if I didn't want her knowing it. I better go before she catches on to any more of my crazy assumptions. "I am going to go get something for my headache. See you around,"

In these situations, there are limited few people I feel comfortable talking with, but even fewer that would listen. So I turned to the person who hasn't exactly been close to me, but is always there, whether I like it or not: My father.

"Now, get some sleep, son. It's late." My father clapped me on the back as I got up from the stiff wooden chair I was sitting on.

"Okay. Goodnight, father." I went back to my own bedroom, which was three rooms away, and saw that he was right; it was 10:30 at night. I spent the whole day just talking to my father, which felt good to relieve some of the pressure.

I welcomed the hot shower and dry sheets as I got into bed. It felt oddly wrong not to have Katniss next to me, her head on my shoulder.

Even though I skipped breakfast and lunch (Prim brought me some soup for dinner) I wasn't hungry at all. On the contrary, my stomach felt so twisted that even if a feast was put out before me, I would turn it away.

I don't remember falling asleep, but apparently I had, because the next time I opened my eyes, the clock read 11:16am. I shot out of bed and was in the middle of dressing, when I realized there wasn't anything to hurry about. Sleeping late wasn't usually a bad thing. Sighing heavily, I finished dressing, and sat in a chair in front of the occupied easel. The painting of me and Katniss was still there. Even I had to admit it was a very good painting.

In a sudden rush of wild fury, I tore the picture from the easel and stuffed it into the closet. Katniss wasn't mine anymore, and I had no right to torture myself by looking at her picture every waking moment.

A knock on the door jolted me back to reality. Throwing it open, I said rudely, "What do you want, Katni—"And stopped dead. It wasn't Katniss who was hesitating a few feet from the door looking sick.

"Gale." I felt the blood pounding in my ears.

"I give up," He didn't make eye contact with me, just looked down at his hands, which were wringing together.

"What?"

"I said I give up. I can't do it. The look in her eyes…" Gale winced as he remembered. "She is so lost. I can't take it anymore. It is torture seeing Katniss like this."

"What can I do about it?" My voice sounded very bitter. "She's yours now like you wanted,"

Gale grimaced inwardly. "Take her. Make her happy."

His words didn't take too long to register. "You're giving her to me?"

"I-I suppose I am, if it will make her happy, and I know it will. I can't…"

"But you two just—you…" Words failed me.

"I know. You don't need to tell me. But I can't stand it anymore. The dried tear streaks on her face, the lost look in her eyes every time she looks at me. You can make her happy. I know you can."

"But-but she is yours. You had her for just a day and you're giving her up just like that?"

"Yes… After all, "A pained smile reached Gale's lips." It isn't me she wants."

"You two just spent a whole day- and you're giving her up right after you- seriously?" I'm sure I sounded pretty dumb stuttering like that, but a full sentence refused to form.

"It thought it would make her happy, but it didn't, so _yes _she is yours. Just—"Gale took a sharp breath and closed his eyes. "Make her happy."And that was it. Gale turned around and left sector B.

_The next Chapter is going to be 5 and a half because it is so short, but it is still a chapter. :3 so don't skip over it._


	6. Chapter 5 andahalf

_**KATNISS POV**_

I was only half-conscious when Gale brought me back to my room. After that I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, my head was still groggy and even though I was still pretty tired, I felt restless to the point of not being able to go back to sleep. Stirring slightly, I noticed someone at my side. At first I thought it was Gale, but when I opened my eyes, I saw familiar blue ones staring down at me.

"Peeta…. Gale is upset…" I didn't know why I told him that. It would surly make him mad, but it didn't.

"Yeah. I know." He said simply.

"He was talking to me before I drifted off. He said 'Katniss I can't do this. You aren't happy and you need someone who can make you happy.' Do you know what he meant, Peeta?"

"Uh… Yeah. I do. He came to me when you were sleeping and said you weren't happy with him, and he's letting you go so you can be happy." Peeta's voice was very strange, and I couldn't exactly place it.

"Let go? Meaning…?"I knew what it meant, though.

"Meaning he's giving you to someone who _ could _make you happy." Peeta smiled a bit and ducked his head away from me as if he was trying to hide it from me.

"Meaning you." I couldn't help but smile a teensy bit, too.

"You are happy with me, aren't you? 'Cause if you aren't, I guess you're stuck with the Plutarch Heavensbee after all." Peeta grinned at me.

"We'll see."


	7. Chapter 6

5 WEEKS LATER

"Come on now! It's gotten a little tight on you, hasn't it, Katniss?" My mother was busy helping me into a neat forest green dress for the dinner celebrating the anniversary of the Games, or lack thereof. Everyone seemed inclined to celebrate the ending of the Games, and a feast seemed in order. There are that many lives saved.

I shrugged "I've had it for a while." I tried to suck my stomach in, which helped a bit.

"Time to cut down on the pudding, isn't it?" she laughed as the long green dress slid neatly into place on my hips.

"Mother, you know I don't like the pudding here." I ran a hand over my stomach, feeling guilty that I had been eating more than I should. I was a bit pudgier; I had to admit, but just in the stomach area.

My mother dusted my shoulders. "Prim, dear, are you ready?" she called to my little sister Prim, who was in the bathroom. Prim skipped out, holding her orange cat, Buttercup, to her chest. The cat leaped out of her arms and wound its tail around my legs. Strangely enough, he had grown considerably warmer towards me ever since I left for the Quarter Quell.

Mother eventually found nothing else that she could fix with me, so she said, "There we are. Well, we still have a little bit until the feast, so if you want to go see Gale and Peeta, Prim and I can just meet you at the feast."

"Okay, then. See you there," I kissed Prim on her forehead, patted the cat at my feet, hugged my mom, and left the room.

I stopped at Gale's door and knocked. Things had become really awkward between us, but we both tried to put the moment behind us.

"Hey, Catnip!" Gale opened the door to his room and smiled.

"Hi! You are going to the dinner, right?" I attempted to be cheerful.

"Wouldn't miss it! To be honest, I haven't even started getting ready for it," Gale pointed to his clothes, which were dirty and had a few rips. Certainly not suited for a celebration dinner.

I laughed."My mother woke me up really early so I have been ready for a while. I suppose I will see you there then?"

"Yeah," Gale hesitantly opened his arms and I hugged him tightly around the waist.

"See you there!" I let go of him and waved goodbye as I walked off.

When I got to Peeta's room, I knocked on the door.

"You can come in, Katniss," he called. I walked into his room and shut the door behind me. Peeta was standing in front of a small wall mirror, adjusting a dark blue tie around his neck. I had only seen those on the mayor, so I assumed they were expensive.

You look nice Peeta!" I complimented him, walking up to his side.

"Thanks. My dad let me borrow this tie. You look nice too." Peeta put his arm around my shoulders. "How are you? You seem tired."

"I am. My mother woke me up at 7:30 this morning, and insisted I eat only a tiny breakfast. Last night Prim had a nightmare and wanted to sleep with me. She brought Buttercup, who was very hard to calm down."

Peeta laughed loudly. He had a nice laugh. "You get about that much sleep every night seeing as how your family doesn't give you any privacy until eleven at night. That only changed about two days ago."

"I know, but lately I have been so exhausted and hungry! Mother said it was the stress of the dinner, but dinners aren't stressful. I tried to tell her that, but she wouldn't have it."

He laughed again. "Roast duck or minced lamb? I just can't choose, the pressure is killing me!"

"Shut up," I said half-heartedly, but still smiled. "Let's go to dinner; it should have started by now."

Peeta threw on a light jacket and, with a flourish, offered his arm to me. No boy has ever done that and I didn't know how I should accept it. "Umm…."

"You're right," Instead, he dropped his arm and took my hand in his, and we went to dinner.


	8. Chapter 7

On big occasions, different groups of people get sent out to work. Hunters are in charge of meat, Foragers are in charge of the vegetation, and bakers earn a little extra money baking bread and cookies. That is what Peeta and his father did in their spare time.

We laughed and chatted with the people at our table through dinner, and I was careful not to eat too much of a single thing.

"Peeta, these cookies are beautiful!" my mother complimented him, and held up a golden-brown cookie with an intricate design of roses on it.

"Thank you. My father wanted all of our work to be flower-related. There are daisies and blue bells somewhere around here, too," Peeta peeked at the different plates of treats. Then he found the one he was looking for and held a cookie up for all of us to see. "Primrose was Katniss' idea."

Prim took the cookie from him and looked at it cautiously. She took a bit out of it and Peeta laughed as she downed it fast.

"Primrose, manners." Mother scolded her. Prim blushed.

"It's alright, Ms. Everdeen. Even my father couldn't keep away from them," Peeta said, smiling at Prim, who looked better after he had said that.

I laughed and drained my glass of ice-water and immediately knew that it was a mistake. "Excuse me for a moment," I said, starting to get up. _RRRIIIIPPPP. _ I stopped dead in my tracks, horror flooding me. Apparently my mom was right about the dress not fitting right because it just split a foot along the left seam on my waist.

"Oh no!" I squeaked, and I clapped my hand on the rip.

My mother jumped up immediately and said," Katniss, I told you that dress didn't fit right but _nooo._"

"Here, take my jacket. Peeta shrugged off his jacket and put it on my shoulders.

"Thanks," I muttered, putting the jacket on. "I'll be right back."

After a short trip to the restroom, I found a tidy white jacket to replace Peeta's black one.

Dinner went on better than it had in the beginning, and when it was over, I excused myself from the table. My head was hurting, so immediately after I showered, I crawled into bed. Before anyone could come and wish me goodnight, I was fast asleep.

I didn't have any nightmares, for a change. Just an eternity of blackness and waiting impatiently for me to wake up.

Peeta, like always, was right next to me when I woke up. "Are you okay, Katniss? You slept for a really long time," He asked me, brushing a stray lock of my hair behind one of my ears.

"Not really." I groaned. "My head hurts like crazy and I feel like I'm going to toss my cookies at any second."

Thank goodness I made it to the bathroom before I did, though. Emptying my stomach was much easier, and faster, than filling it up, I had to admit. After I was done flushing my stomach, I looked for something to help my headache. Mother always used plants for headaches back in district 12, but there weren't any available now, so I had no idea what to take. So I went back into the bedroom empty-handed.

"Would you like me to take you to the hospital?" Peeta asked in a worried tone.

"I think I'm going to have to. My head is ready to explode at any moment."


	9. Chapter 8

At the hospital, Dr. Longarden welcomed me back. "Well, Katniss, nice to see you again! Just couldn't stay away, huh?" the doctor chuckled.

"I need something for my headache." I said to him. "It is excruciating."

"Certainly. And while we are at it, a checkup won't hurt, now will it?" Dr. Longarden motioned for me to sit down on the table while he got some medicine. Peeta leaned against the wall, waiting patiently.

"Ah, here we are!" the doctor placed two small pills in one of my hands and a glass of water in the other. I took the medicine and the doctor wheeled his little stool over to me. "Are you feeling okay other than the head pain?" He asked, looking at my arm scar.

"Not really. My whole dinner came up this morning."

"I see…" Dr. Longarden hummed to himself as he checked my temperature. When the thermometer beeped twice, the doctor looked at it. He clicked his tongue. "You seem to be having a tiny fever. Lie down, miss Everdeen. I would like to check the rest of your body for any other signs of illness."

I obeyed him and laid flat on my back. Dr. Longarden pressed his fingers under my jaw and in the crook of my elbow, all the while muttering to himself. "That seems okay…" he mumbled, and kept going with the examination.

When he pressed his expert fingers on my midriff, his eyebrows shot up, then wrinkled together. "Perhaps today you are feeling…. bloated?"

I felt myself blush madly. I could see Peeta turning his head away as if he were embarrassed too. "No, I don't. Why? Is there something wrong?"

"Just some swelling in your abdomen. I am going to give you a pill to help that and if it doesn't go away in three hours, come back and see me again." The doctor handed me a pill and waved me off with a sad sort of expression on.

Peeta's arm encircled me as we walked out. His face was a look of deep concentration. I was about to ask him what he was thinking about when his eyes went wide.

"What is it? Did you have another epiphany?" I asked him, cocking my head to the side.

"No, no. It's nothing. I am just freaking out, that's all," Peeta shook his head and smiled at me. "You probably just have some rare disease."

"Oh," I smiled back at him. "If that is all."

"Let's go exploring today! Maybe we could even go outside!" Peeta looked intent on not letting anything trouble him.

"Sure!"

It turned out that the Guards wouldn't let us outside, so we contented ourselves in staying in the giant greenhouse at the east end. There were hundreds of different types of flowers and shrubs that smelled so good; I could have stayed inside there forever.

But it all ended too soon when I realized three hours were up. Peeta tried to hide his nervousness when he reminded me, but tried to keep it at a minimum. "Has the um… swelling gone down?" he asked, plucking a leaf off of a nearby branch.

"I don't know." I pushed my shirt up a few inches and twisted so I could check to see if it had. Sure enough, Dr. Longarden was right; a small bump was jutting out defiantly from in between my hips. I didn't feel sick or anything, and if I didn't see a bump, I would think nothing at all was going on abnormally in my body. "Hmm… I wonder what it could be…" I said in bewilderment, pulling my shirt back down over the bump.

"Let's get you to the doctors." Peeta took my hand and once again (this is starting to get tiring) led me to the doctors'/

"Back again, huh? I take it the pill didn't work." Dr. Longarden put a hand on my shoulder and directed me to the examination table. "I hope you don't mind, but Peeta will have to step out for a moment," Everyone knew our names (big surprise there) so I wasn't at all fazed when the doctor talked to Peeta so casually.

Peeta ducked through the door and closed it behind him.

Dr. Longarden watched him go. "Okay, Katniss. You will have to put this gown on, I'm afraid. I am sorry they are so uncomfortable," The doctor handed me a scratchy hospital gown and pointed to a door on his right. "There is the bathroom."

Once I put the gown and laid flat on my back on the examination table, Dr. Longarden pulled a complicated piece of machinery from the ceiling. He placed it directly over my abdomen, and the machine made a few loud "clicks.

"Okay… Let's see now…" The doctor went over to his computer on a desk behind us. He typed on it for about fifteen minutes. Then he turned around to face me with a frown on his face. ""Katniss, you had better see this."

I hopped off the table and bent over to look at the screen. On it had a selection of fuzzy pictures, but something was visible in each of them. It was very small and oddly misshapen… Something like a potato with legs… No, there is a head… and arms… and- Oh my God.

I gasped loudly and was thankful the doctor was there to make sure I didn't collapse onto the floor.

"Maybe you should lie down," He suggested, and he guided me to the table, where I curled up and started crying. Not loud, wet tears, but dry hiccupy sobs that came to me when something happened that was almost too much for crying. Like when I found out I was going to the Quell. "No, no, no. Can't be possible," I choked on my tears. The doctor didn't say anything as I took deep breaths to calm myself. Slowly, I slid off the table and stood upright.

"Are you sure, Miss Everdeen? Can you walk alright?" the doctor was already at my side, holding my arm.

"I am fine, thank you, Doctor. I will be leaving now." My voice sounded oddly formal as I made my way to the door.

Peeta was there, leaning impatiently against the wall. When he saw me, he said immediately, "Katniss, what's going on? Did he find out what's wrong?"

I nodded, tears threatening to form again on my puffy face. "I-I'm pregnant with Gale's child,"


	10. Chapter 9

Peeta's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates but he still reached for me, as though it were instinct. I wrapped my arms around him and fat, salty tears soaked the font of Peeta's T- shirt. He cradled me to him, not daring to say anything. When I finally pulled away, I rubbed my eyes and said, "Sorry about your shirt, Peeta."

Peeta looked at me as though I was insane. "My _shirt? _I don't care about my shirt!."

"I know." I finished drying my eyes and looked up at him. "So what now?"

Peeta shook his head slowly, the information I had just given him still settling in. "Um… I—food. I'm starving." He smiled weakly and patted his stomach.

I didn't blame him for being slightly psychotic. If he felt anything like I did, he was acting way better than me. "Er… Yeah. I am really hungry, too, but isn't it too early for dinner?" I looked around the hallway for a clock, but seeing as how it was a hallway, it didn't have one.

"Yeah, it is, but I snuck some of the leftover bread and cookies from last night's dinner. It's in my room." So Peeta and I walked to his room, taking our time.

"Do you mind if I crash on your bed tonight?" I mumbled, pressing my face against a pillow. After we had stuffed ourselves with the food Peeta had, we just sat on his bed and found shapes in the cracks on the wall.

"Not at all. You go to sleep." Peeta stretched out next to me and put his arms behind his head. After that, I fell into a deep, restless sleep.

In my dream I was back at the lake in District 12. The water was clear and warm as I swam through it. Just then, I saw someone coming and I got out quickly to see who it was.

The man had a light olive complex and jet black hair. Even though I hadn't seen him in years, I knew immediately who he was.

"Father!" I cried, running towards him, though I couldn't hear myself. My father smiled kindly at me and held his arms out. I jumped into them and wrapped my arms around him, sobbing.

"Katniss…" My father sounded amused. "Are you still asleep?"

What? I'm wide awake! I lifted my head to tell Father that, but it wasn't my dad I was hugging tightly and crying onto. It was Peeta.

I sighed. "Sorry, Peeta." Almost reluctantly, I drew away from him and rubbed my eyes. "Stupid hormones making me so freaking' emotional…"

"And tired." Peeta laughed. "You slept sixteen hours."

"What? Just—never mind." I took a few deep breaths. "I want to talk to you. Yesterday I was avoiding the subject, but I can't procrastinate any longer."

"Yeah, same here…" Peeta bit his lip and looked down at his hands. I reached over and gripped one tightly in reassurance. "So, here's the thing…"

_**PEETA'S POV**_

I remembered when she walked out of the doctors' office, face tight and shocked, cheeks still shiny with tears. Then hearing that she had Gale's child inside her shocked me as well. I wasn't surprised exactly, and I knew that there was a chance of it happening, but it didn't register in my head until it actually happened.

Part of me loathed the child and wanted to have nothing to do with it because it was _Gale's_ baby. Conceived by _Gale _and half _Gale. _The other part of my loved and adored the baby because it was half _Katniss._ The girl who was my whole world. I felt guilty of telling her that I wanted her to be pregnant with our child, but I really didn't know what I wanted and it was a selfish ct, no matter how true. But now Katniss is pregnant, I don't know what to think.

As I voiced all of this to Katniss (I thought it would be unfair to keep it from her), she listened patiently, only her facial expressions giving her away.

"I understand that," she said when I was done. "I'm really shocked about it too, but it's my baby. Don't hate him. Or her."

"I don't hate him." I smiled sadly. "I am just insanely jealous of Gale, that's all."

Katniss closed her eyes and laced her fingers over her stomach. "Ha-ha."

"' Ha-ha'? Jeez, Katniss." I grinned. "May I? Katniss opened her eyes to see what I meant. My hand was partially outstretched towards her abdomen. Katniss nodded.

It was odd, touching her stomach that actually had a baby in it. A memory from the Quarter Quell came flitting back to me. Katniss and I laying on the sandy arena, waiting for sleep to come. I told her that she would make a great mother and I touched her stomach to add for the charade. Bu this time there was no charade. An actual baby was in there.

"What are you thinking of?" Katniss brought me back down to Earth.

"Us being on the beach in the Quell," When I said that, her lips tightened. The topic of the Games was a very touchy subject for her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, it's okay. Really." Katniss' face smoothed out into a normal expression and she smiled.

"So what are _you _thinking of?" I asked her. It was only fair that if she knew my thought I know hers.

"I am thinking of how hungry I am." Katniss closed her eyes again.

"But you ate all of my food stash yesterday! I don't have any left, so you will just have to wait until lunch."

"Well _sorry," _She said sarcastically.

I laid my cheek on the top of her head and we sat like that for a while.

After fifteen minutes, I couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Hey Katniss?"

"Hm?" She opened her eyes again and looked up at me.

"Well, your mother and Prim are under the impression you aren't married to me and aren't carrying our child, right? And you can't exactly tell them the baby is Gale's, right? Don't you think it would be much easier if we both get married and said the child was mine?" I hoped that Katniss wouldn't be as upset this time as she was the last time I spoke what was on my mind

"Yes, it would be." To my immense relief, Katniss smiled up at me. "It would make things so much easier."

I was taken aback. I didn't think she would agree. "Oh. Yeah, okay. Do you want to go to the green house to kill some time before lunch? And on the way we can stop by the Judge's office to get the papers,"

"Sure. I have to stop by my room to shower and change clothes first," She patted her stomach and got up.

"I should do that too," I got up with her.


	11. Chapter 10

_**KATNISS' POV**_

In my room I showered and changed into a loose deer-skin vest and pants. Well, the vest was suppose to be loose but nothing is when you're pregnant.

Before I went back to Peeta, there was something I wanted to do. As I quickly finished braiding my wet hair, I walked down the hall. When I got to my mothers' door, I stopped. Maybe it would be better to wait until the marriage papers were signed before I told her the news. I skipped my mother's room and the next stop happened to be Gale. I knocked on his door and waited awkwardly until he answered.

"Hey, Catnip!" Gale opened the door and smiled at me.

"Gale." I nodded at him, "Can I come in? I need to talk to you." I hoped against all hope that my words would actually come out in an order that he understood and didn't make him totally freak out.

"Sure." Gale looked at me cautiously as he swung the door wide to let me come in to his room. I made myself comfortable on his bed, knowing that he wouldn't mind me invading his room. "Hold on. Let me get my thoughts together,"

"Okay." Gale situated himself next to me and waited patiently.

After a few seconds, I took a deep breath. "You know what? I'm not going to cut any corners or 'sum it up'." I decided.

"Okay." Gale said again, but this time he held out his hand and I took it.

"Thanks. Alright, let's start off from the other day. I went to the doctors because of a headache and I came out with something completely different wrong with me."

Gale listened intently, absently rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

"It's not very easy to be subtle or not-straightforward about this next part so I am going to be blunt and truthful instead; I'm pregnant."

Whatever Gale expected, it wasn't that. All of the color left his face and I could literally feel his heart skip a beat though his hand that I was holding.

"Er… wow, that's, uh… *ahem* Wow." Gale sputtered and choked. Once upon a time I would have been glad that I wasn't the only person in this world to have problems with her speech, but it happened to slip my mind.

"Take your time," I told him quietly. He nodded in response.

Ten deep breaths and a bit of color returning to Gale's face later, he cleared his throat and said, "Go on."

"Thank you. So… oh yeah. Peeta and I think we should probably have an official marriage so it won't be a shock to my mother when she learns I'm actually pregnant. Though the part of the baby not actually being Peeta's might not be as easy to—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Gale interrupted me with a confused look on." The baby isn't his? So whose is it?"

My face dropped and I looked down at my hand. "Well... Yours, actually,"

"Oh," Whatever color that had returned to Gale's face left again. "Look, I need to know that I am really, _really_ sorry about that. I thought you—"

"I know you are sorry Gale, and I am too. There is time for apologies alter," It was my turn to interrupt him. "But I wasn't finished."

"Oh. Sorry, go on."

"Thank you. We can't exactly tell everyone that the baby is yours, so we are just going to pretend it is his and everything will be fine and dandy because we would be happily married with a baby on the way and no one would question—" My words were rudely interrupted by loud gurgling sounds coming from my stomach. "–that. Right. I am a bit hungry as you can tell, so…"

"No, you can go to lunch. I need time for this to soak in." Gale's face was continuing to be as pale as ever.

Before leaving the room, I gave Gale a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry."

Peeta was still in his room, bent over a small ringed sketchbook. When I came in, he closed it and looked up. "Hi, Katniss."

"Sorry I took so long," My voice must have been gloomy or anything less than happy, because Peeta cocked his head.

"You talked to Gale." It wasn't a question, but a fact. I shrugged moodily and went to sit by him. Peeta patted me kindly on the shoulder. "How did he take it?"

"He was… shocked. I left him and his thoughts alone so he could slowly die in peace."

"Hm. That bad, huh? Did you—"Peeta began, but stopped when a muted growling cut off his words.

I sighed heavily. "That is also why I left."

"Lunchtime?" Peeta laughed.

"Lunchtime."


	12. Chapter 11

As Peeta and I ate at our usual table, I felt a bit guilty. It was the policy of the Officials that no person under eighteen is permitted to leave quarters to hunt for the table. I really wanted to go out hunting and actually do something for everyone that had saved my life, but _nooo_.

"Katniss, for heaven's sake, slow down!" My mother scowled jokingly at me as I ate without care.

I looked down at my plate and saw the remains of a very big meal I had stuffed down my throat in a record time of half an hour. "Sorry. I let my stomach get the better of me…" From the corners of my eyes, I saw Peeta smirking at me.

On my other side, Gale was still pale, but laughed semi-casually along with everyone else.

"Peeta, these cheese rolls you and your father made are delicious!" Primrose complimented as she sampled a fluffy white roll.

My mouth watered. Life was just cruel; they _knew _Peeta'scheese rolls were my favorite. I glanced over at my mother and she gave me permission to eat just one roll. I ate two.

"May I be excused, mother? Buttercup needs a bath." Prim asked our mother. I could visibly see mother wincing as she imagined cleaning up after them.

"Of course you can." When my mother said that, Prim hopped off the bench and skipped away.

"I think I must go too, mother." I said. My mother nodded to me and I got up.

Peeta got up with me. "Errands to tend to." He explained to our table and we walked out.0 "Errands?" I asked him as the cafeteria door swung shut behind us.

"I was under the impression you agreed you would marry me." Peeta smiled, but I could see other emotions in his eyes. Worry, mostly, but also excitement mixed with confusion.

I had almost forgotten. "Yes, I had."

"Now, if you really don't want to, you don't have to. This is your choice and your choice alone. I'm sure we could figure something else out if you don't want to."

"I am absolutely positive. If I were to marry anyone at seventeen, it would be you. "

"I never dreamed I would be doing this." Peeta looked happy.

"You never thought you had a chance, but you do and I choose you, and here we are."

"Even you have to admit everyone thought you would end up with gale," Peeta said as we rounded a corner.

"That's too weird. If you want to end up with someone, don't become best friends with him first because just in case your feelings waver, things would never ever be the same between the two."

"Do you want to end up with him?" Peeta asked, although I know he knew the answer.

"No. I think we are better off as friends."

Peeta sighed in relief.

We went around another corner and ran straight into a Guard.

"What are you kids doing?" he demanding, folding his massive arms across his chest.

"We were hoping to see Judge Hinnant." Peeta said politely.

"Oh. Right this way."


	13. Chapter 12

The papers weren't as complicated as I thought they would be. Just some signing, initialing, and reading. All in all, I was glad when it was done.

"Are you okay, Katniss? You seem really quiet." Peeta took my hand on the way back to our rooms.

"Yeah. I just can't believe how much has changed since the Hunger Games. I thought I wouldn't have a choice to marry you, that it was to be forced, and I would never really be happy. But now…" I sighed. Words escaped me. "I don't know. Things are good. I am happy. That is all I really wanted, I guess."

"Yes…" Peeta murmured absentmindedly. "All you really wanted…"

Back in my room, I took a shower and dressed in my usual white nightgown that was the only thing that wasn't tight on my belly. Peeta was still washing up in his room and so I had some time to myself.

Since there was no hunting or foraging to do, I contented myself with tidying my messy room. I scrubbed down the bathroom until the smell of lemon soap hung permanently in the wood floor. The rest of the floor needed to be swept badly, so I did that.

Just as I stretch the blankets over my bed, something brushed across my shoulders. I jerked away in surprise with a squeal.

"Jeez, Katniss. It's just me, don't scream." Peeta's voice came from behind me.

"Don't do that to me!" I sighed in relief, trying to calm my frantic heart. "And I didn't scream."

"Yeah, sure. Sorry." He spun me around to face him. "Is that better?"

"Much." I rested my head against his chest. "Is it bad that I am hungry again?"

"No. I hear that pregnant women get much more hungry than, say, your average hippopotamus." Peeta sniggered.

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. But it is only 3:00. Dinner isn't until five." Peeta laughed again. Boy he was full of giggles, wasn't he? Just wait until I puke on him in the morning.

"What?" Peeta frowned at me.

Oops. I must have been making a funny face. "Nothing. Should we go to the greenhouse?"

"Yes, let's,"

We sat together in the greenhouse just like old times. Trying to sleep while my head lies on Peeta's lap, while Peeta sketched me, humming quietly to himself. No matter how exhausted my body kept telling me I was, thoughts chased each other around my head, keeping me up. I wondered what he was thinking right now. Maybe back right before the Hunger Games when he lied to the whole of Panem on his interview saying I was pregnant. That is certainly what _I'm _thinking of.

My head is so focused on _now _that it is impossible to imagine what will happen in two months. Five months. Nine months, even, when the baby is born. What would its name be? Would it be a boy or a girl? How would I possibly take care of it? What happened if it looked exactly like Gale? Would people find out? Would I just tell them it resembles me more than Peeta? What if that can't happen? Would—

"Hey, Katniss? Are you okay?" Peeta's voice snapped me out of the little world in my head.

"Of course I am. Just thinking to myself…"

"'Just thinking to yourself'? Katniss, you were snoring your head off. And you talk in your sleep. I hope you don't always do that or else I won't be able to get a wink of sleep!" When I opened my eyes, I saw Peeta smirking down at me.

"I-Women don't snore! You must have been hearing things, because I don't snore." I insisted, feeling my face grow warm.

"Of course I was hearing things." Peeta said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Stupid Peeta," I grumbled, closing my eyes again. "I'm going back to sleep, then."

"You do that," Peeta began to play with the long braid of hair that had fallen over my shoulder.

"Will you wake me when it is time to go to dinner, right?"I mumbled, already half-asleep.

"Of course."

Then sleep had me in its alluring clutches.


	14. Chapter 13

I guess what I thought while I was sleeping wasn't exactly a _dream_, really. I knew I was asleep, but instead of horrifying nightmares being played out before me, it was just an empty darkness. It felt almost as if I was dead, but I knew if I was my head wouldn't be this peaceful and quiet. Also, I knew Peeta would never let anyone near enough to me in order to do any harm.

I twiddled my thumbs, bored by the lack of scenery. Wait—I can twiddle my thumbs. With some experimenting, I found out that I could move all of my limbs just like if I were awake. Not that it was much use to me, really. I stood up in the darkness and started walking. It was only out of habit, seeing as how there was obviously nothing there.

I had to admit in all of my years of dreaming—nightmares or normal—I had never had a dream like this. As I walked, I thought about it to myself. It could just be a side effect of being pregnant, you never know, or it could be as normal as it gets. I bet Peeta has had one like this before, I'm sure of it. Then again, in my condition things could be extra-weird, because I was never normal to begin with.

My surrounding didn't get any more interesting as I walked around. Occasionally, my fingers would brush something on my sides, but when I look down, nothing was there so I carried on. After a while, walking got boring and I began to jog. To my surprise (NOT), things were still the same old black. I slightly enjoyed the freedom of getting to run as far as I can, but never to actually go anywhere. It was pretty fun, actually.

Until I run into a wall face-first, of course. I felt myself fly backwards and I landed flat on my back. All the air whooshed from my lungs and my head cracked against something hard.

"Katniss!" I heard someone say frantically as I popped open my eyes.

My head was searing with pain, and I knew I had banged up at least half of the bones in my body. Badly bruised, if not broken. I blinked my eyes, clearing my vision. It appears I was lying on the floor of the large greenhouse. Peeta was bent cautiously over me. "Are you all right? What were you doing?"

"What was I actually doing?" I said in a half-groan. The world before me began to do cartwheels and I shut my eyes.

"Well, first you just got up and started walking in circles. I tried talking to you but you didn't hear. After a few minutes, you broke into a run and hit the wall directly in front of you."

I lifted a hand to rub my forehead. "Ouch. My head…"

"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" Peeta helped me sit up with a very concerned look on.

I was thankful he was right there because I swayed—even sitting down—and I had to lean heavily on Peeta. "That might be a good idea…"

"You have a pretty bad concussion, Miss Everdeen. How did this happen?" Dr. Longarden helped me lay back onto the table.

"It's nothing. I was just sleepwalking and ran into a wall." I said with a quiet laugh. The vibration through my head hurt badly.

Peeta was right next to me. I didn't let him hold my hand, but only because I didn't want the doctor to think something was seriously wrong with me. Peeta rolled his eyes. "I'll just add that to the list of thing that will keep me up at night," he said sarcastically.

As the doctor rummaged in his shelves, I scowled at Peeta. " Well, if you're worried about not getting any sleep, how about you sleep in your own bed for once?"

Peeta raised his eyebrows and said challengingly, "Do you want me to?"

"No…" I grumbled, closing my eyes again. I hate it when I don't win.

"Good."

"Ah, here it is!" Dr. Longarden exclaimed finally, holding up a tiny pill bottle. "This thing is so easy to lose, but so helpful when you know where it is." He popped open the bottle and shook three tablets onto his blue-gloved hand.

"Does she have to stay overnight?" Peeta asked as I swallowed the pills down with a glass of water.

The doctor considered this. "No, she shouldn't have to."

"Can I go to dinner now?" I was restless under the uncomfortable blanket on the hospital bed.

"I'm sorry but you will have to wait until the medicine kicks in before leaving. I'll send someone to get you and Mr. Mellark some dinner. There are other patients I need to tend to." Doctor Longarden wished me good luck before leaving the room.

Peeta sat next to me on the bed and wrapped his arm around me. I leaned into his chest and sniffed. The pain was still there and on top of all that, I was very hungry.

It was only three minutes later when I said, "I'm starving! When are the people going to be here with lunch?"

Peeta sighed. "They are going to be here in a few minutes. If you are always going to be so hungry and distracted, I see no point in doing this."

"Doing what?"I didn't recall Peeta doing anything that he wouldn't do if I was hungry.

"This. Being so close to you," Peeta pulled me a little closer to him as if to prove his point.

"Oh. Well, when you're half starving it's not easy to...ignore…" Peeta cut my words off by pressing his lips to mine. They were warm and gentle and tasted slightly of salt.

Peeta's hand was soft as it brushed across my jawbone. The rush of kissing him didn't help my head feel any better, but it put the pain off my mind. With a jolt, I realized that I hadn't kissed him in a while.

My head felt this drugged, fuzzy sensation that I didn't mind to much, but I'm sure I would feel the after-effects later when my medicine wears off.

All too soon, Peeta pulled away. "We should stop. The nurses should be here soon with your food."

"No—wait. _No—_but, why?" I whined, trying to brush off the headache I feel coming on.

Peeta snorted lightly. "See? It isn't that hard to ignore your stomach when you are completely distracted,"

"Fine. You win." I tugged his arms back around me and kissed him again.

"You're impossible."


	15. Chapter 14

After dinner, the doctor let me go back to my room. As me and Peeta walked, I said, " I wonder if people back at the normal lunch table have noticed anything,"

"You think? Your appetite has gone up wildly, your stomach is _fat,_" I frowned at Peeta, "and you sleep until lunchtime. I think you should tell your family, at least,"

"Oh… Should I tell them that the child is… you know… not yours?" I asked Peeta.

We had gotten to my room so I stopped in the hallway.

"No. That would just cause confusion for your mother and Prim, and hurt for you and Gale. Everyone is still at dinner, so—" Peeta stopped when he saw a neatly hand-woven basket sitting covered on my bed. "What's that?"

We walked into my room and over to my bed. On top of the basket, a little not was pinned. It read:

Katniss,

I know you have been a lot hungrier than usual, thanks to your current… condition. I talked to the Officials and they have agreed to let me join the groups of Hunters that go out daily, to hunt for you specifically. It is a major exception to the rules, and the President seemed pretty upset about allowing me. I'm not sure how long I will be allowed to do this, but I will do it as long as I possibly can. So in this basket is some rabbit and squirrel I caught and cooked for you.

Congrats on becoming a newlywed. I have to say I didn't expect that to happen, that's for sure. My hatred (or jealousy, more like) for Peeta has gone down some, but not enough for me to be happy it was him instead of me. Yes, I know he is there with you, but what else can I say? Anyways, I hope everything works out well for you.

-Gale

P.S: You might want to tell your mother and Prim sometime. They are getting suspicious.

I hadn't noticed how much I had missed home caught and cooked meals until I tasted Gale's squirrel. I ate until I was full, and once I was, I put everything back into the basket. Peeta had refused any of the meat, claiming it was meant for me and only me. I knew this was true, but it couldn't hurt just offering.

Without bothering to shower, I changed into clean, grey cotton pajamas and washed my face. Peeta was already waiting on my bed, holding that small ringed sketchbook of his. When he saw me, he closed it and put it on the nightstand. "I take it you aren't going to talk to your mother and Prim today?"

I shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Or the next day, or the next…or the next…" Peeta grinned at me and I scowled back at him.

Ignoring Peeta, I crawled under the covers and crossed my arms.

Peeta tried to gently tug my arms free, but to no avail. "I didn't mean it, Katniss. Stop glowering and be happy for once!"

I rolled my eyes up at him.

"Okay, fine. Don't be happy. See if I care." Peeta grumbled.

He obviously didn't have a very good humor, because he didn't seem to get that I was joking. Somehow I managed to get him to open his arms and I settled myself into them. Even though I was sort of tired, sleep didn't come right away like I thought it would.

"Hey, Katniss?" Peeta asked me in a quiet voice, abandoning his attempt to be grumpy.

"What?" I turned my head to look at him.

"Is this all just a… act? I want to make sure this is purely for your sake and happiness and not someone else's. Not even mine. Especially not mine."

"Peeta, if this was all just an act, I wouldn't be so happy all the time." I said.

Peeta laughed. "Not your most convincing argument."

I laughed with him." You are right. What will it take to prove to you I love you and wanted to marry you? What will convince you that I'm not lying when I say I would die without you?"

"I don't know. I'm pretty convinced already, but I just need some reassurance, self-stability maybe."

"Mmhm…" I sighed, sinking into the bed. Sleep was already sneaking up on me fast, and I wasn't sure I wanted to follow it yet.

I felt Peeta's lips kiss my forehead gently. "Goodnight."

"'Night. I… love…" but before I could say the last word, sleep won me over and everything faded away.


	16. Chapter 15

"Poor doll looks so peaceful."

"Everyone looks peaceful when they sleep."

"It's almost a shame to wake her."

"I'm sure she will forgive us when she sees who is here."

"You are probably right."

"They must be treating her well here. She must be eating well with a stomach that round."

"Well, who wouldn't stuff her as tight as possible? She _was _half-starved in that blasted arena."

"I don't think it's fullness that made her stomach fat. She is just the same Katniss everywhere else. She would have gained weight in other places if it was food. No, I think it is something else."

"You have a point, but she looks fit as a fiddle besides—" someone gasped.

"What? What is it, Octavia?"

"Oh, my lord! Katniss!" Someone shrieks in my ear the next morning. "KatnissKatniss KatnissKatnissKatnissKatniss!"

I groaned and rolled over. At first, my fuzzy head was only vaguely aware of three things: One, Peeta is no longer next to me; Two, my head no longer felt like someone was squeezing it with a giant pair of pliers; Three, there were two somewhat familiar voices shrieking my name over and over in my ear.

"Katniss! Please wake up we have to talk to you!" one of the loud voices yelled again.

"But I'm tired…" I mumbled, opening my eyes unwillingly.

After a few seconds of adjusting my vision, two women were bent over me, their faces enthusiastic and easily recognized. One woman was very skinny, with brilliant aqua hair and spiraling gold tattoos above her eyebrows. The second was a plump, shorter lady who's smooth skin was dyed an interesting shade of pea green.

"Venia! Octavia!" I said, greeted my old friends. They made up two of the three people on my prep team in the capitol.

"Oh, please forgive us, Katniss." Said the shorter lady, Octavia. "You must hate us for working for Snow. Please, oh, please forgive us! We were forced! Venia and I had no—"

"Where's Flavius?" I asked, realizing what was missing in the odd group.

Octavia's face fell. "Poor dear died in the explosion."

"What explosion?" I hadn't heard anything about any explosion. In fact, District 13 specifically in the dark about any new whatsoever about the outside world.

"The Capitol, of course." Venia rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"Let us explain." Octavia saw my horribly confused face and came to the rescue.

The two ladies sat on the end of my bed and began their story.

"The Capitol people, including the President, did not know anything about district 13 an. So when the survivors of the Quell got picked up by their hovercrafts, the Capitol went insane. People of the Capitol thought that the President knew all about the supposed dead district and started a giant riot. Well, you can imagine what happened once eighty percent of the Capitol attempted to burn the mansion belonging to Snow." Venia smirked at Octavia, who giggled. "Katniss, if it makes you feel any better, half of the Peacekeepers were on your side. Imagine this: So, the Capitols population was about one million. Eight hundred thousand of those people were 100% on your side and tried to burn the Capitol building. There was 200,000 left. 120,000 of those were Peacekeepers on your side. 920,000 people were rioting and trying to burn the Capitol against the tiny army of 80,000 for the President. During the battle that only lasted about half an hour, your side killed all but eleven Peacekeepers and President Snow was trampled to death. The people that lived, left the Capitol and went *poof*. They disappeared and no one has heard from any one of them since."

"Now, at the time, me, Venia, Flavius, Cinna, and everyone else who associated with your allies, were locked in the secret underground torture prison. It was just as high-tech as the capitol itself. The dungeon was sort of like a very modern-day medieval dungeon. The giant room was a mile long and a mile wide, with no separate rooms or anything. We were chained to the ten-foot-high ceiling by evil electric chains that electrocuted you every time you struggle." Octavia sadly held up both of her wrists, and Venia did the same. Thick white scars roped around them like grotesque bracelets.

Venia shook her sleeves back down and continued from where Octavia left off. "Now, from the never-ending chain of gossip that passes throughout the prison, we heard that a group of vandals visit the abandoned city from time to time. None of us actually believed it, but the words gave us a little smidge of hope to be rescued." She paused, her forehead wrinkled.

"Tell her about the power surge." Octavia suggested to her friend kindly.

"Yes, the power surge." Venia cleared her throat daintily. "See, the Capitol hadn't had a living person in it for a while, and every electric thing was still up and running. All of that power was linked to the control panel in a secret room. That control panel was directly linked to the biggest power plant in Panem, which, of course, was in district three. Power was slowly leaking from the plant at three. At the very end of the plants' energy, a slight twinge was set. So, when the last bit of power was drained from the power plant to the over-worked control panel, it set off a major power surge. Every single thing in the capitol, from coffeemakers to irons to stoves, blew up. Yes, the worst thing about that were the chains we were hung from."

Octavia looked close to tears as she took off from Venia's spot. "It knocked all of us unconscious until just three days ago. When we woke up, lights were off and the hum of electricity was gone. The chains had broken off. Bodies littered the prison floor. Most were dead, some crawling around, some pounding on the door that use to be electrified. Out of the dead, our dear Flavius was lying ten feet away."

My old prep team hung their heads for their lost friend. When they were done, Venia recovered her usual eager face. "So we got out and made our escape out of the prison. The second we walked out of the prison doors, funnily enough we ran smack into the vandals. Only they weren't vandals. They were district 13's Scavengers. And-"she spread her skinny arms wide to emphasis her point, "-here we are!"

Octavia beamed. "But the best part is—"

Venia clapped her hand over her friends' mouth. "No, no, Octavia! It's a surprise!" both women giggled and fluttered out of the room.


	17. Chapter 16

I stared awkwardly after them. Did I just imagine that? They just left as suddenly as they woke me up. Before I could do anything else, the door opened again.

In my room stepped a tall, brown haired man that I believed to be dead.

"Cinna!" I jumped off the bed, ran over to him, and threw my arms around his waist.

"This is new, Katniss. Since when are you so happy?" Cinna hugged me back. "I'm sorry Katniss. I can't stay long at all. The Guards escorted us here and we need to go to a trial this afternoon. I only have a few minutes."

"A trial? What are talking about? What did you do? What are they going to do to you?" I immediately grew suspicious of the Guards here.

Cinna laughed. "What they are doing to everyone that comes from the Capitol. Anyone who lived, that worked for Snow must be trialed and sentenced to whatever deems appropriate."

I resisted the urge to smack myself in the forehead. Of course they didn't trust him! Venia and Octavia didn't bother to tell me any of that.

"I'm sorry, Katniss, but I have to go now. My time is up." Cinna sighed, looking at the clock on my wall.

I hugged him once more around the waist and watched him leave.

It was odd; at breakfast I didn't see Peeta anywhere, and no one I asked had either. When I took my usual place at the table, Gale obviously noticed that too. The fact made him a td more cheerful, although I could see my worry reflected in his grey eyes.

After breakfast, I decided to wait in my mothers' room to tell her and Prim. Not long after I had sat down on her neatly made bed, the door opened and my family walked in.

"Katniss! What are you doing in here?" my mother asked me in a curious voice.

Without taking any opportunities to be an idiot, I launched right away into the story I needed so desperately to tell them. The only part I altered was the part in which I found out who the father of my baby was.

Throughout my story, my mother sat calmly on the end of her bed, not interrupting once. Prim just stood in the middle of the room, with wide eyes, holding her ugly cat.

When I was done, I took a deep breath and waited for their reaction. My mothers' was more or less what I expected.

"Katniss Everdeen! If you had _any _idea—a-a girl your age—I_ never_ in all my years—"My mother stuttered, her face turning a delicate shade of pink.

"Please, mother. I'm not in the mood for a lecture. I know what you think about this situation, and I agree with you. Since there is absolutely nothing you can do about my personal choices and wants, I am going to ask you not to hate me for it." I already felt a stupid lump in my throat, catching the words.

"Katniss, I don't hate you," My mother had already gone into her sad, sympathetic-mother tone. "I just wish you had waited longer to get what you want."

I felt horrible for my mother. Her first child making all the wrong choices in life, growing up so fast it might be considered dangerous. I glanced over at my little sister, who was still standing exactly where she was when I had begun. "Oh, come here, Prim,"

She unlocked her position and walked over to me. With Buttercup still in her arms, she crawled into my lap and I put my arms around the both of them. Mother scooted up next to us and hugged all three of us tightly.

"I'm proud of you, Katniss." She said softly. "I lost you too many times to count. Now you are back with the people who love you, and you are about to start a whole new family of your own."

I sniffled a bit and didn't try to stop the tears that were threatening to spill from the corners of my eyes.

Prim took one arm away from her cat and put it on my belly. "What is her name?" she whispered.

I laughed through my tears. "Prim, I don't know if it is a girl yet." Seeing her frown, I bent down close to her. "But if it is, you can name her."

Prim squealed in delight, scaring Buttercup off of her lap. I kissed her lightly on the forehead and, for once, felt very glad I went into the arena instead of her.


	18. Chapter 17

I spent the rest of my day with Prim and Mother, laughing and revisiting old stories with them about life before all this happened. Prim was curled up at my side the whole time, occasionally patting my belly and speaking to it. I found that strange, but it didn't hurt anything to let her do it.

I went to lunch and dinner with them as well, and, life breakfast, I didn't see Peeta anywhere. I tried not to show my worry to anyone but, knowing Prim, she probably already knew what I was feeling.

When 9:00 rolled around, I said goodbye to my family and went to my room. I have to admit I was hoping Peeta would be there, but I was disappointed. Maybe if I waited a bit in my room he would come back, so that is what I did.

I think I was asleep for about an hour, when loud footsteps woke me up. It was very dark in my room, so all I saw was a darker shape amongst other shadows. I felt my bed tilt sideways a few degrees as someone sat down next to me.

"Go back to sleep. I will talk to you in the morning." I heard Peeta's voice whisper. After a whole day of going without his voice put me into sort of a drugged coma, seeing as how I was already 99% asleep. Curled up by Peeta's side, I fell asleep again.

When I opened my eyes again, I was still on my bed with Peeta. It was slightly brighter than when I last fell asleep, thanks to the weather-imitator windows. Peeta was still fast asleep, his hand curled loosely around mine. Sandy blond hair framed his sleeping face, making him look more like an angel than I've ever seen him.

As if on cue, my bedroom door suddenly smashed open, revealing a huge, misshapen man. The man was skeletal and horrifying. At his side, a long shiny sword hung in its sheath, waiting. Despite the loud sound he made when crashing my door down, his feet was slow and silent as he glided to my bed.

Even though my lungs weren't working well enough to get any air into them, I still had enough sanity to start shaking Peeta awake. "Peeta! Peeta, please wake up we need to run!" I whispered. Peeta didn't move. "Please, Peeta! Wake up!" I cried quietly, shaking Peeta even harder.

A high, ringing metallic sound filled the air directly above us. Shivering violently, I turned my head upward and saw the sword pointed in between my eyes. The strangers' hands were steady, and he raised his second to his lips. "Shh." The tip forced me to lay flat on the bed, hovering above me. The hand twitched, and at the last second, I shut my eyes, saying a silent goodbye to the sleeping boy next to me. I waited. No pain.

I opened my eyes and stared, horrified, as a river of blood ran down Peeta's throat and soaked the bedcovers. "Peeta!" I screamed. It doesn't matter if the stranger with the knife is still here or not. I took the blankets and attempted to staunch the bleeding, but I knew it was hopeless. No one that had his throat slit ever lived. Ever.

Abandoning the attempt to save him, I buried my face in his shirt and clung on as tight as I could to him, crying. Nothing could save Peeta.

I didn't hear a door open or anything, but the next thing I know, hands were gripping the top of my arms and tried to pry me off of Peeta. "Go." I ordered, my words barely audible because of the tears drowning me. The hands didn't go away; instead, they seemed to pull me tighter to Peeta's chest.

My world had gone numb, dulling my senses. I couldn't feel the warm blood seeping into our clothes and I didn't hear someone saying my name. Just barely, I felt a hand shaking my shoulders. In cold fury, I struck out at the person touching me. Raising my head and inch—though it was useless; I couldn't see through my tears—I screamed, "Leave me alone!"

"Katniss, Katniss," A quiet voice was murmuring somewhere around me, and I finally gave in. The person managed to pry me away from Peeta, and then I was being held by someone.

Originally, I would have checked to see who was holding me, but instead, I just buried my face in their chest and sobbed. Heartbroken, wet sobs that were even dreadful to my own ears. "No, no, no."

Hands cupped my face and forced my head to turn to their owner. Tears blurred my vision, but after a few seconds, I could see the person who was holding me. Messy blond hair around a pale, worried, familiar face.

"Peeta?" My mouth trembled as I formed the impossible name. No, he was dead. It must be someone else….

"You're okay, Katniss. You're safe." Peeta release my head and wrapped his arms around my limp form, rocking me as if I were a little baby.

A wave of fresh tears washed over me again and I found myself clutching my chest, desperate to keep what little sanity I had left. In order to do just that, I took a very deep breath and held it until I stopped freaking out. My eyes blinked several times, clearing my vision. I lifted my head and looked shakily around me. The first thing I noticed was Peeta; he was very much alive. Not a single spot of blood was on his clothes or the sheets around us. Just to make sure, I tilted my head to reassure myself that there wasn't a huge gash in Peeta's neck. There wasn't even a scar. The only thing that was making the blankets less than dry was my sweat. Gross.

Things were going well in order to regain sanity. My crying had stopped, and there wasn't even a reason to cry anymore. As I sat there, drenched in my own sweat and tears, I decided that what I really need was a cold shower, new clothes, and reassurance. The last part could wait until later, but the shower was a must-have.

As I got out of bed, Peeta opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a finger to stop him. Without anything else said, I got a new nightgown from the dresser and headed to the bathroom.

After I soaked in the shower for a while and changed into the fresh pajamas, I stood in front of the mirror. Boy, was I a wreck. My face was still puffy and red, but the shower helped. My once neatly-braided hair was escaping its braid and was mussed everywhere. I undid it and brushed it out. Even though I had worn my hair in braids most of my life, I decided to leave it undid for the rest of the night.

Peeta was still in bed when I went back into my room. When I crawled up next to him, he put his arms around me. "Was that just your usual nightmares, or…?"

I shuddered, unwillingly casting my memory back to my dream. "No, Peeta. Not my usual nightmares."

Peeta leaned his forehead against mine. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

In a struggle to keep tears from coming again, I said, "Not really. Well… you just kind of…" this was going to sound really corny. "…died,"

He caught my hand and held it up to his cheek. "But I'm alive."

"But-but he killed…you…" I wiped my eyes with the hem of my gown. "See this is what happens when I get all 'hormonal pregnant woman' on you. It's not pretty"

Peeta's lips curved up a degree. "It's always important that I know what it's like when you get 'hormonal pregnant woman' on me. Not the worst that has ever happened."

"What do you mean? ... It was the worst dream I have ever had."

Peeta rested his chin on my hand thoughtfully. "It was?"

I nodded. "All of my other nightmares are back in the arena. I know those are fake when I am in them. But there wasn't a single, tiny clue in that nightmare I just had that said it wasn't real. To top the whole 'completely real' thing off, I watched you get your throat slit."

Letting my hand go, Peeta put his arms around me again and I shivered on his chest.

"Are you cold?" he asked me, pulling the blanket up to my chin.

"Not really. I am just really creeped out, that's all." I closed my eyes and rested against Peeta. "Now that I know you are in fact still alive, I would like to go back to sleep."

Peeta laughed quietly. "Okay." His voice sounded amused.

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at him, my brows furrowed. "What? I recognize that voice. It's you 'she-doesn't-get-it-but-I-will-still-play-along-with-it-just-to-humor-her' look." A yawn threatened to come, but I forced it down, listening to what Peeta had to say for himself.

"It's seven in the morning. People are eating breakfast right now."

I felt my jaw open in surprise. It surely didn't feel like seven. My body was just so tired it felt like two in the morning.

"You can still go back to sleep, Katniss. It just won't be morning when you wake up again. I can wake you up at lunch, though."

"Yes. You had better." I snuggled back down into the covers. "If you want to go to breakfast, feel free."

Peeta said nothing to this, and in no time at all, his slow breathing lulled me to sleep.

_Hehe I love nihgtmare scenes, don't you? They are very entertaining. Of course, my origianl draft of that nightmare had sucked pretty bad, so please tell me if this one did. I hope you guys love my story so far! If you have any advice for me or anything like that at all, feel free to reveiw or PM me_


	19. Chapter 18

I woke up to the sound of crying. For a second, I thought it was Prim and one of her nightmares again, but I managed to convince myself it was nothing.

I looked over at Peeta, who was gazing off to his left in thought. His arms were still around me, of course, and I noticed—for the first time in a while—I hadn't woken up covered in sweat.

Since my internal clock was screwed up by this whole pregnancy thing, I tapped Peeta on the shoulder. "Peeta, what time is it?"

Peeta jumped when he felt me tap him. He didn't expect me to not be asleep. "You're awake, Katniss! It is 11:15. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Completely black and silent. It was wonderful." I laughed quietly, but stopped when I felt something startled me.

Peeta obviously noticed my gasp and said, "What is it?"

Dumbfounded, I moved my hand down towards my stomach. _Surely not… _I waited for a few second, frozen like that, but nothing happened.

"Katniss?" Peeta said again. He placed his hand over mine and looked at me with a confused expression.

"Never mind. I was probably imagining it." I mumbled, embarrassed.

Peeta shrugged. "Okay. How are you feeling?" suddenly, he grinned. "Hungry much?"

"Starving!" I threw up my hands and let them fall for emphasis. "I skipped breakfast."

"Good." Peeta chuckled. "Maybe we can ask the Hunters if they could shoot an elephant for you."

I whapped him on his arm. "Don't be stupid. There are no elephants here."

"How do you know?" Peeta's voiced stopped being sarcastic and I just had to wonder.

"They just aren't." The next thing I said made both Peeta and I curious. "I wonder what is…"

We sat together on my bed before Peeta broke the silence. "I know what we are going to do today."

After changing into a fresh cotton tank-top and simple pants, I met Peeta outside our room. Our plan had only one little step that was, and Peeta agreed, our top priority. We were going to attempt to convince the Guards to let us outside somehow. Peeta wanted me to tell everyone at dinner that I was pregnant, but I convinced him out of that. His idea was insane.

After lunch, me and Peeta sat on his bed, planning.

"I don't know if the Guards would actually let us out, but it is worth a shot, I suppose," Peeta said while absent-mindedly tugging on a stray hair of mine.

"Definitely." I agreed. "But you have to consider the timing of all of this."

"What? Are you concerned we would be interrupting their sleep or something?" Peeta snorted quietly.

"No," I laughed and lied back on a pillow. "I mean—I few want to go outside, we should have a whole day to do it, right? If we went today, we would only have a few hours to go outside."

"True. Let's just get through today and go outside tomorrow." Peeta looked slightly troubled, but leaned back on his bed with me.

"What are you thinking of?" I asked, honestly curious.

Peeta took my hand and began playing with my fingers. "Well, if I were you I would be horribly mad at my old prep team and want to cut them out of my life. I don't see why you don't do that."

I considered this. Mentioning my old prep team was random, but if that was what was on his mind, then I should answer. "What you said was perfectly acceptably, but I'm not mad at any of them. The only person I liked that had associated with Snow was Cinna, and my prep team was genuinely nice, maybe a bit crazy, but I have no reason to hate them for working for Snow. Sometimes I think of them like… slaves almost. They had no control over what Snow did."

Peeta shrugged. "Fair enough."

"What about you? Don't you miss Portia and your team?" I didn't know his prep team, but Portia seemed nice enough.

"No. They were frightening and I couldn't be happier to be rid of them." He grinned widely and I laughed.

"For some odd reason I feel as though you are not telling me something." I said, as Peeta turned away.

"Like what?" Yup. Definitely hiding something.

"Like something about our plans. I get the feeling you are just doing this to amuse me."

Peeta furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not hiding it from you, exactly."

"Can you tell me?" I even wrapped my arms around him to be extra persuasive.

He smiled. "Okay you win. It took some persuading and talking, but yesterday I finally convince the Guards—"

"You went outside!"


	20. Chapter 19

I gasped, realizing the truth. Part of me was kind of upset at Peeta for not telling me sooner, but the other part of me was too caught up in the thought that he actually got outside that I didn't linger on my anger.

"Yes," Peeta looked off in the direction of the door in thought. "Yes, I did…"

"Quit being so mysterious and tell me about it! What happened? What did you see? What did you do? How did you do it?" My questions were shot at him like bullets, begging to get answered.

Peeta grinned and leaned back to get more comfortable for the long story. "The night when I left… well I couldn't sleep, like normal. You had just drifted off and for about half an hour I was okay watching you sleep, but no offense, it's not very interesting. Every few minutes you would mumble something in your sleep, but other than that it was uneventful. Eventually, I got up and paced the halls. I didn't know where I was going, but on my way, I ran into a Guard. He told me that the Scavengers were heading off in ten minutes and he asked if I was one of them. Well, who could pass the opportunity?"

I listened intently, eager to hear every bit of Peeta's story.

"I told him I was, so the Guard shoved me into this room that sent shivers down my spine. Immediately I wondered if that was the right decision, because this room was an exact replica of the training room in the Capitol. It took a lot in me not to sprint out of the room at full speed. Both of the Games messed me up, Katniss, and I don't want to sound weak or anything, but I swear I almost fainted."

I felt sympathy for him; I probably would have wanted to faint, too. We were both messed up in a way nothing could every fix. Just the thought of the room made me huddle closer to Peeta.

"Without taking a good look at one thing for too long, I just grabbed some necessities and waited. The guy that ran the Scavenging was a surly bald man that insisted he be called Officer Tate. When everyone else was done gathering stuff and doing whatever, we followed Officer Tate through a part of District 13 I have never been in. When I thought we were as good as lost, Tate stopped at a dead-end hallway. At first I was very confused, but Officer Tate just… pushed the wall and it swung open like a door, which it was." Peeta paused, letting my brain catch up. When it did, he continued. "Anyways, that was the first time I had felt wind in over a month, and it was amazing. As the group stepped outside, I looked around and…"He seemed to have been at loss for words. I didn't blame him. "Little stars dotted the sky and it was the first time since the reaping so long ago I had felt safe walking out my own front door. Of course it wasn't my own, but you get what I mean. Anyways, Tate led us another ten feet further into the complete darkness then stopped. He told us to take out our flashlights and get a good look around. When I turned mine on and looked around, my mouth dried up instantly and I had a hard time standing."

I squeezed Peeta tighter, feeling my heart pounding itself silly in my chest.

The look in his eyes turned hollow and distant. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" I squeaked.

"Well, not exactly nothing, but it was as good as. It looked as if we were standing in a giant bowl made of rock. We could see the edges wrapping around the place we were standing in. The ground was covered in a thick layer of ash and the occasional rock. It freaked me out. Tate pressed a button on his fancy-looking watch thing and out of a hole in the ground cam hovercrafts. They reminded me too much of the Games, and for the second time, I wanted to run away. My mind kept screaming at me to run, but as soon as I touched the ladder I wasn't able to change my mind even if I wanted to. After a while, the hovercraft slowed and dropped us off somewhere. At first my eyes didn't adjust to the lighting, but after they did, it was hard to miss the Capitol mansion when it was twenty feet from you."

I clapped my hands over my mouth. Somewhere way back in my mind, I knew I was acting stupid and weak, but anyone that had gone through what Peeta and I went through would be acting the same way.

"I am glad there was someone right behind me to grab hold of the back of my jacket because I actually _did _run." Peetalaughed quietly. "The Capitol was exactly the way I remembered it, except the stillness and absolute silence. The birds weren't singing and the shouting of people, the rumbling of cars was all gone. Thankfully, Officer Tate gave me the jobs of raiding houses nearby so I didn't have to go in it."

I had gone completely still. "What happened after that?"

Peeta shrugged. "Nothing, really. I spent the day there, looting houses. I didn't get to keep anything or go back here earlier. I was thinking about you the whole time I was there."

"That's sweet." I said quietly with a small smile. "Although I bet you weren't thinking of me when you tried to make a run for it."

"Actually, I was making a run for it _back to you. _It was unnerving, not being with you. Leaving you unprotected."

"I'm fine here. You know that." I felt my cheeks burn and I turned away, hoping Peeta didn't catch my blush.

"Yeah…" Peeta was smirking. Apparently he did catch my blush.

It was a few minutes before he spoke again. "So do you still want to go outside tomorrow?"

I frowned. "No, I think I am content, for now. Don't get to use to it, though." I sighed heavily.

"What?" Peeta wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his shoulder.

"I'm bored." As soon as I said it, I felt dumb, so I said quickly, "Of course, being bored is much better than being hunted or dying."

"You could take a nap." Peeta suggested, blowing off the embarrassing moment.

"That works." I sank into the covers next to him and said, "You'll wake me for dinner?"

"Of course." The last thing I felt before I dozed off was Peeta's lips on my forehead.


	21. Chapter 20

About an hour after dinner, Peeta and I lay curled up on his bed, enjoying each others' company, but not saying anything at all. I took that chance to finally catch up to and organize the thoughts that were doing cartwheels in my head. My first goal was to sort out the "now" facts, starting with the simplest. _My name is, indeed, Katniss. I am seventeen years old. I will turn eighteen next week. I am pregnant with Gale's baby. I have no idea what to do._

My thoughts pulled me up short. I knew they were all true, but I haven't had time to consider the situation I'm in. I am seventeen years old and pregnant. What the heck am I suppose to do with that? My head started to hurt for no apparent reason and I found my eyes tearing up. Again, I cursed myself for being such a baby and blamed it on the hormones.

Peeta noticed my overwhelmed tears. "Katniss, what's wrong?" he wiped my cheeks with the back of his hand.

"I—it's nothing. I am just being a big baby." I sniffed and tried to remain composed.

"Well, the Katniss I know isn't a big baby so why don't you tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm—"I bit back a sob. "I'm just so _lost, _Peeta."

Peeta looked confused. "Um… Elaborate, please."

"I don't know…. It's just that seventeen-year-olds aren't suppose to be pregnant! Here I am, seventeen in this mad, underground refuge place with my best friends' baby on the way! What is wrong with me?"I almost wailed.

"Katniss, love, nothing is wrong with you." I have never heard Peeta call me "love" before, but I liked it.

"Yes there is!" My heart was throbbing painfully and tears were streaming down my face. "Everything is wrong about this! I am such a screwed-up girl. I wish—" I felt my lip tremble. "I wish things were back to the way things were before the Hunger Games."

Peeta narrowed his eyes, not unkindly. "Then the Games would go on, year after year, killing innocent little children for the Capitols' entertainment. Snow would continue to torture and use people, while districts would either be burning or starving to death. Do you really want not to have won the Games? To have overruled the Capitol? Not to have met me?" His voice was low, and I could detect pain.

I put my hand on his face. "Of course not, Peeta. I will never ever regret meeting you, Peeta. You are the best thing—correction—the only good thing that I have gotten from the Games. If I did a single thing right in my life, it was deciding to be with you."

For a spilt-second longer, Peeta stayed silent. Then he leaned over and very gently kissed me. The kind of kiss that wasn't much, but was sweet and meant the world. When he drew back, I closed my eyes to capture the memory, but Peeta had said, "Is there anything else bothering you?"

"…Yes." I said slowly. "There is a slight chance that I might not… live through this. Literally."

"What? Why?" Peeta's face turned confused and horrified.

"Think about it, Peeta." My voice was softer. "Even adults have trouble with childbirth, but I am very young and small for my age. Twenty percent of the people my mother tended to who were pregnant didn't live. The chances of an under grown teenager living through the same thing is slim."

For the first time in forever, I saw Peeta's eyes get watery as he realizes that what I said was true. "Well, that's too bad because the angels in Heaven are going to have to wait for you, because I'm not going to let you die just because ea simple childbirth."

I grimaced. "'Sweet of you to promise something that isn't yours to give."

"Look, Katniss." Peeta's voice was suddenly stern. "I helped you live through two Hunger Games. I risked my life for you countless times, and you've done the same for me. If I didn't let you die in either of those, I'm not going to let a simple childbirth take you. Whatever it takes, promise me you will at least_ try _to live. We'll find a way around stuff like that. Promise me."

The protectiveness and determination in his voice just made me cry more. "I promise." Since there wasn't really anything else to say to that, I just took one of Peeta's hands and rested it splayed-fingered against my belly. I looked down at his hand—I couldn't bear to look at his face—and absent-mindedly stroked his fingers. Graceful enough to create a work of art onto a tiny cookie, but strong enough to wield a knife and become an immediate threat.

"I need Gale." The confusing words poured from my mouth before even I know what I was saying.

Peeta's face mirrored my puzzled one. But bewilderment immediately turned into anger. "What do you mean you 'need Gale'?"

"I—that didn't come out like I wanted. Right now I am feeling depressed and want to go see my best friend."

"Do you do that often? When you're feeling down you-you go and sleepwith Gale? He is—you're not even-" Peeta yanked his hand away from me and ran it! angrily through his hair.

I didn't even know what to say, I was so insulted. "I-I don't!" I spat out. "He is my best friend and I have a right to see him whenever I feel like it! You have no control over what I do!"

"Well, what about me?" his voice was almost a shout. "Am I just your 'husband' who waits patiently on the sidelines for you to come back after Gale's done—"

"Would you just shut up for a second?"I screamed, clutching my head. A very loud scream, might I add.

Peeta closed his mouth.

"Thank you. It isn't like that at all, Peeta. I wish you could just understand what I am feeling right now."

"Then tell me so I can." Peeta begged.

I took a deep breath. "Look, Gale and I—That was only once, and look where that got me." I gestured to my swollen stomach. "Before I even knew you, Gale was the only one there to comfort me. I have known him since I was eleven and he is nothing more than a best friend. I just can't throw him away just because I have you."

Peeta took a few deep breaths to compose himself. It worked and he looked a great deal calmer. When he was done, he took both of my hands in his. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you, Katniss. I didn't want to have a fight."

"I'm sorry I screamed at you, too. I can imagine why you would be so angry." I kissed Peeta's cheek before getting up. "Is it still if I go see Gale?"

"It's all right. Go and see Gale. Just do me a favor."

I paused at the door. "What?"

"Keep your pants on."


	22. Chapter 21

It took me a full eight seconds in the hallway before breaking down in tears again. Gale's room was closed when I knocked on his door. There was a sick, hollow feeling in my chest and I yearned to be held by someone other than Peeta. Not that I liked being held by him, mind you. His arms were comfortable and familiar, but I needed my best friend.

Gale opened the door five seconds later. He was wearing a drab set of grey pajamas. There seemed to be an abundance of grey material here.

"Katniss?" He seemed surprised to see me a total mess like that. "What's wrong?"

I sobbed and leaned into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his lean waist. Gale's arms went around me, too, cradling me sympathetically to his chest. One of his hands cupped the back of my heads against his shoulder.

"Come inside, Katniss. We'll talk," He helped me to his bed and shut the door behind us.

Gale held me on his bed while I sniffled, curled up at his side. No questions were asked, or fingers being pointed. When my crying calmed enough for me to be able to talk, I said, "I-I'm so sorry, Gale. I'm sorry."

Gale pressed his cheek against the top of my head. "Sorry for what?"

"Everything." My head was hurting from crying so much. "For being a total unreliable wimp. It seems as though the only time I ever see you is when I need something and that is wrong. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, Katniss." His voice was soft. "You know I don't care about that. You know I will still always be there even if this is out of selfishness only. Which it isn't. If anything, I need to apologize to you."

"For what? You haven't done anything wrong."

Gale looked at me as if I had told him to gnaw his own feet off. "For what? None of this would have happened if it weren't for my stupid, rash, thoughtless, hormonal behavior. If I could take it back I would. You know that."

"Don't beat yourself up over it." I told him sternly. "It wasn't your fault." That wasn't strictly true. In fact, it was a blatant lie. I just didn't want my best friend to get upset over it.

"Yes it was. I was the one who got you pregnant in the first place. Who else's fault could it be but mine?"

I shook my head at him. "Mine. Things would have been better if I had just died in the Hunger Games."

"No, they wouldn't. If it weren't for you, thousands of people would have died. If it weren't for you, the Capitol would still be murdering children. Thanks to you, Panem is saved." Gale leaned his forehead against mine. I tried to ignore the fact that his mouth was only two inches from mine. "Katniss, the girl who was on fire."

I felt myself crying again. He was right. I am the girl on fire. I am Panem's savior. I am the mockingjay. A kind of pride swelled inside. It was amazing, yet somewhat depressing at the same time. Gale's words were true and inspiring.

I leaned close and pressed my lips on my best friends' cheek. "I love you, Gale. Thank you."

A hint of a smile traced Gale's face and his beautiful grey eyes lighting up at my words. "Anytime."


	23. Chapter 22

If my goal was to stop crying after I saw Gale, I was madly disappointed. As soon as I closed his room door again, the faucet on my eyes turned back up to full blast. I tried to quiet myself down so as just in case Peeta fell asleep while I was gone, I wouldn't wake him. I stood outside my bedroom door, taking deep breaths until I stopped hiccupping.

In my room, Peeta was fast asleep. Even in the dark, I could see the dark circles under his eyes. I knew they were because of me. Unless it is in the middle of the night, Peeta doesn't sleep while I do, just stays awake, watching me snore. It might be out of habit. In the arena, we did that every night and we lived because of it. Or it might be just because he is just really sweet and doesn't want to leave me while I'm sleeping.

I walked over and gingerly sat on the bed next to him. He looked so peaceful and a year or two younger when he slept. My exhaustion was fighting the urge to stay up all night long, watching over Peeta as he slept, like he does with me.

One of Peeta's cheek muscles twitched. I didn't know if he was awake and knew I was watching him or if he was just dreaming. Just in case he wasn't asleep, I bent over Peeta's dark shape and kissed him softly on the lips. Okay, I have to admit it was for my benefit, as well.

In the morning, I woke quite suddenly from a peaceful sleep. My stomach was rolling and gurgling painfully. I felt as if I was going to lose all of my intestines if I opened my mouth. Peeta was lying parallel to me in the same position he fell asleep in last night. For a moment, I forgot all about my upset stomach and just gazed at him peacefully. That was a mistake.

The blanket I was under got tugged down to the floor as I launched myself out of bed and into the bathroom, accidentally awakening Peeta. I didn't hear him mumble my name through the closed bathroom door. I even forgot to be embarrassed as I retched into the toilet.

Suddenly, I felt gentle hands holding my hair away and stroking my back.

"Go away, Peeta. You don't want to see this; it's disgusting." I groaned, noisily shutting the toilet lid. Peeta just shook his head at me and continued holding my hair.

:Seriously, Peeta. My eyes were squinched shut the whole time and _I'm _disgusted." I dragged myself up to the sink and splashed my face off with water.

"I've seen worse." Is all Peeta said. He got up, too, flushing the toilet on his way. "And besides, I'm your husband and I get to do stuff like this."

I blinked. What he said was very true, I just hadn't thought about it at all since it happened. The thought made me smile.

"Am I forgiven?" Peeta asked quietly in my ear.

I shrugged. "There isn't really anything to be forgiven about. You seemed to enjoy watching you puke in the toilet so be my guest." As I rambled, I searched in my wardrobe for something to wear.

Peeta was following me. "You're sick. It's a perfectly natural thing to be sick. I have seen so much worse than someone puking. I have seen you lying half-naked in a pool of blood before. I've seen you in your underwear before," Okay, now he was just embarrassing me. "I have been _naked _barely a foot away from you and you are saying that comforting you while you're sick is gross?" He shook his head, as if I were the insane one.

He had a big point, there. We have been through a lot together, and for Pete's sake we _are _married. I shouldn't be embarrassed about _undressing_ in front of him, nevertheless _barfing_ in front of him. Although the thought of undressing in front of him made my cheeks turn red.

"Katniss?"I must have had a funny face on, because Peeta looked concerned, and a bit amused.

I snapped out of it. "Sorry. You're right. Um…" My head was feeling fuzzy as I dug around the shelves in my wardrobe. I wanted to change clothes because the ones I am wearing right now were itchy and the seams on my shirt were about to burst. "Dang…"

Peeta's brows furrowed. "What?"

"Hold on." I grabbed an armful of clothes and stopped into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, I stomped back out of the bathroom in my undershirt and panties, and I threw down the clothes I was holding."Stupid clothes!"

"Um…Katniss?" Peeta shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Why?"

"All of my friggin' clothes don't fit me anymore! This undershirt is the only thing that fits over my stomach because it is stretchy cotton!" I crossed my arms angrily. Yes, it was childish, but I had a reason to be upset and moody.

"Hmm…" Peeta peered into he opened shelves that were mostly empty except for a messy array of nightclothes. He pulled out a loose white night gown and tossed it to me. "Put this on. I'll be right back."

As quickly as I could, I tugged the gown on and stopped Peeta at the door. "Where are you going? I want to come."

Peeta opened the door and casually walked through with me following closely behind. "Your mothers' room. She sews, right?"

"Yes…" I could see where he was going with this. My mother might be able to sew me some new clothes that would fit over my swollen belly.

When we got to her room, Peeta knocked on the door politely. The door swung open and my mother smiled when she saw us. "Katniss, dear! And Peeta. How are you two getting along?"

I opened my mouth to talk, but realized Peeta had, too, but he snapped it shut and motioned for me to talk.

"Sorry," I quickly apologized to him. "Mother, I'm having a bit of a… clothes issue."

My mother nodded.

"Well, if I bring you some new material, can you make me some clothes that would… you know…" I gestured at my stomach. "fit better."

"Of course! I'm a bit rusty, but I'm sure I can catch up fast." Then mother unexpectedly reached out and hugged me tightly.

Just as she closed the door, me and Peeta heard her say, "She's growing up so fast…"

Once the door closed, I sighed. "Mothers."

Peeta laughed. "You mean _your_ mother."

"You're right. No other human being could possibly that weird." Me and Peeta walked back into our room.

"It's not weird…" he said, slightly indignantly.

Just then, I remembered Peeta's abusive mother. I think Peeta meant that my mother wasn't weird, but she just loved me and it was a big improvement from his mother. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"Sorry for what?"

I felt guilty for being inconsiderate. "Mm… nothing."


	24. Chapter 23

We sat on my bed for a while, like normal, and after a bit, I said, "I'm sorry."

Peeta turned his head towards me. "You apologize too much. What are you sorry for this time?"

"I'm sorry I make your life so boring. Your time is mostly spent lying awake while I sleep, and eating with me. What little time we have left is spent hanging out in my room."

Peeta put his arm around my shoulder. "I'm okay with that. Are you okay? Would you like to do something else? We could—"

Peeta was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." I rolled out of bed and opened the door.

Standing there was a short, brown-skinned nurse holding a clipboard and a thin strip of paper. "Katniss Everdeen?" she asked in a warm voice.

I nodded. "That would be me."

The nurse smiled at me. "Dr. Longarden requested he see you."

"Really? What for?" Peeta appeared at my side and wrapped his arm securely around my waist.

"He claims it is time for him to give you a checkup. He said something about being pregnant, but a girl your…age…" the nurse trailed off as she eyed me unusually large stomach. "Oh. I see."

"Yeah… Come on, Peeta." I rubbed my eyes with one hand and held Peeta's with my other.

We followed the nurse through the halls, not saying anything. Peeta was just as curious as I was about the random checkup. As far as I'm concerned, I am perfectly healthy.

At the hospital, the nurse signed me in, gave me the thin plastic bracelet she was holding, and sent me to a room in the back where we were to wait for Dr. Longarden. He wasn't the only doctor here available, but he was the one I was assigned to. Peeta stood next to me, while I was sitting on the uncomfortable examination table.

"I wonder why I need a checkup." I said absentmindedly.

Peeta shrugged. He was as clueless as I was. Just when he was about to say something, the door opened and Doctor Longarden entered in his usual green scrub outfit.

"How are we doing today, Katniss?" he asked, sitting down in front of his computer.

I shrugged. "Fine."

The doctor pulled a sheet of paper from his filing cabinet and snapped it onto a clipboard. "Good, good. Mr. Mellark?"

Peeta shrugged as well. "As good as I have ever been. Sort of." He couldn't help but smile. That phrase didn't work the same for us as it did for other people.

Dr. Longarden wheeled his little stool over to me and went into his "professional doctor" mode. "So, Katniss, I am going to ask you a few questions regarding your pregnancy and get on with the normal checkup as usual, it that all right with you?"

"Sure…" I didn't get why he asked my permission for that, but I suppose it didn't matter.

"Thank you. Now…" the doctor cleared his throat and clicked the end of his pen. "You are seventeen years old, is that correct?"

"Yes, but I am turning eighteen in a week." When I said this, Peeta frowned, but didn't interrupt.

"And when was it that you found out you were pregnant? I know I was the one to do the exam, but I need to write it down anyways."

"Three days ago. I think." I just went with that because I didn't feel like doing any math right now.

"Is there anything unusual that you have noticed that wouldn't be happening if you weren't pregnant?"

"Um… I sleep a whole lot longer than normal."

"How many hours do you roughly sleep a night?"

I squinted, figuring that out in my head. "About fifteen hours."

"Okay… Anything else?"

"I eat twice as much as I use to. It seems as though I am always hungry."

"I see…Mood swings?"

"Major." I nodded. "And often."

"MmHm…" the doctor scribbled that down. "Sickness?"

"Yeah… In the morning."

"And how often are those?"

"I don't know. Every four days, maybe."

"When did they start?"

"Roughly two weeks ago." I am getting sick of doctors. If he insists he is going to stick a needle in my and do any more tests than he already has I'm going to be upset.

"Yes…" he scribbled something down and continued. "When do you believe this child was conceived?"

I felt my face turn bright red and I looked down. The doctor had efficiently embarrassed the heck out of me. "Er… About six weeks ago."

My doctor was about to write that down, but he stopped and frowned. "…Are you sure about that?"

I resisted the urge to hop off the table and hide under the bed. "Yes."

He took off his reading glasses and put them in his shirt pocket. "This is very odd, because the symptoms you have described are those of a woman five or six months into pregnancy."


	25. Chapter 24

"What?" I squeaked. Peeta frowned. "What is that suppose to mean? Is that bad?"

"Well, it could mean a few different things." Dr. Longarden was talking while he typed my information into the computer. "It could mean you are indeed five or six months pregnant. It could mean the symptoms sped up and that your child will most likely die inside of you," I held onto Peeta's hand tightly. "It could mean that he already did," I found myself crying. Peeta wiped away tears on my cheeks while staring fixedly at the doctor. "And judging from the development in your abdomen, I could make several more guesses."

"Then make them." I begged him, mopping my eyes with the hem of my gown.

Doctor Longarden laced his fingers in his lap. "The size of your stomach is relatively bigger than a person only one month in, so I could again say that you are five or six months in. I could say your baby has had a major growth spurt and will come early, which will also lead to his death. I could say you are more than five or six months in, and the baby is waiting for a growth spurt right before the birth, which would be safe and okay." He paused, and I took the opportunity to talk.

"Well, aren't there tests you can do that would determine if one of those options is true?" I abandoned my earlier conclusion of how upset I would be if I had any more tests done.

"There are." He nodded.

"Which ones do you want to do on me?" I protectively curled my arms around my stomach, bringing Peeta's hand with me.

"One to determine how far you are in, one to tell me when it it—or was—due, a DNA sample to tell me who it's parents are, and one to tell me when it was conceived." The doctor rubbed his eyebrows and began tapping away on his computer again.

"I know who the parents are, and I already told you when—"I started, but the doctor cut me off.

"I need to know the exact date." He said, still typing.

I felt myself blush. Again. "Fine. When are the tests?"

"Three of them can be done today, but the other will have to be done tomorrow. That one I will have to sedate you for."

I looked up at Peeta with sad eyes. "Are you up for spending the day I the hospital with me?"

"Of course I am." He bent down and kissed the top of my head.

I saw the doctor pretend to not notice, and he turned back to the screen. "Excellent. I will need to get a second bracelet for you, and a different room. I'll be right back." He unplugged his laptop and carried it with him out of the room.

Peeta sat down next to me on the hospital bed and sighed. "So… He seemed pretty convinced that the baby isn't Gale's. Kind of weird, isn't it?" He was trying to act casual about it, but it was easy to hear the worry and confusion in his voice.

I had held myself together long enough, so I let the pressure of the moment brake over me and I let the threatening tears fall and I allowed myself to choke and sob. Burying my face in my hands, I curled my body up in a little ball and pressed myself against the pillow.

Peeta brought my head on his lap and smoothed my hair back. "Don't cry, Katniss. We will gert this fixed, I promise." When I didn't say anything, and continued to cry, he said, "Well, how bad could it really get? What is the worst possible outcome to this?"

If this was meant to cheer me up or calm me down, Peeta failed miserably. I covered my mouth with one of my hands and hiccupped, "I-I don't k-know."

"Well—"

"I don't w-want to talk a-about the worst p-possible o-outcome." I wrapped my arms protectively around my swollen stomach. "I-I don't want t-to think about m-my baby dying," My voice broke on the last word.

Peeta carefully lied down next to me on the bed and I put my head on his shoulder. With the edge of his sleeve, he wiped away my cheeks. "Then tell me, what _do _you want?" his voice was so soft and quiet I could barely hear him through my wet hiccups.

"I-I want…" When I took a deep breath, it sent me into a dramatic coughing fit which I quickly recovered from. "I want him."

Peeta's browns furrowed. When he didn't say anything, I took his hand and put it against my stomach.

"Peeta, I want my baby. I want him to have the best life possible, even if that means if it's with… with someone else. I want him not to be Gale's, but—"I choked on the last word and had to stuff my fist in my mouth to stop myself from crying again.

"But what?" Peeta used his other hand to brush away a stray piece of hair that had fallen into m face.

Before I could answer, the door opened again and Dr. Longarden strolled in. He always seemed to come in at the worst of times. Maybe he had been eavesdropping and his timing was purposeful.

Peeta and I sat up immediately and I tried to scrub the evidence of my breakdown from my eyes.

"It's all set, Katniss. I arranged the tests to be sent over to room twenty, and I signed you in properly. If you are ready now, we are going to get you transferred to that room," he said cheerfully, putting a second little plastic bracelet on my wrist. Maybe I'll start a new trend.


	26. Chapter 25

The doctor guided us to a large room with plenty of fancy machinery, and I let Peeta on my bed just in case I wanted to have another crying fit. Dr. Longarden didn't leave us after that. Instead, he busied himself with readying the tests while Peeta and I lay on the bed in some type of silent truce. If I allowed him to stay on the bed, Peeta would help me if I broke down again. Although, we both knew that I would allow him to stay on my bed even if he didn't.

While the doctor was unwrapping a giant needle-syringe, he said, "So, Katniss, the results from the tests won't be here until tomorrow, but the fourth test won't be ready until tomorrow as well, so I am waiting until we have all of the results. Once we do, I will send someone to get you so you and I can go over it. Is that okay with you?"

I nodded silently.

For the next four hours, I laid still in the hospital bed while I had different sized needles jammed into my stomach and arms and set inside colored tubes. I got a quick lunch break at two o' clock, and it took another hour to prepare the last test. By the time it was four o' clock, I was covered in bandages, but the doctor had disappeared a while back without releasing me. Peeta held my hand through all of it, and he didn't even complain when I squeezed his fingers white because of the six-inch-long needle that had to be at just the right angle. That one hadn't even been taken out before the doctor left. By the time four-thirty rolled around, I was about to go insane.

Peeta noticed. "Are you okay, Katniss? Your eyes are crossing."

"I think I'm about to go mad." I rubbed my temple. "The needle jammed into my stomach isn't helping either. I don't even think it is doing anything anymore. It's just sitting there making me itch." I was pretty uncomfortable, sitting there on the hospital bed. The doctor had made me take all but my underwear off, and he gave me this weird shirt thing that didn't even cover all of my ribs. Thankfully he had given me a blanket to cover up with.

"What can I do to help you?" it was a genuinely honest question, and Peeta didn't seem at all fazed from sitting next to a half-naked person on a hospital bed.

"I don't know…" I groaned. "Just stop me from breaking something valuable. Distract me."

"Distract you…"Peeta thought hard. Then he turned his head to look at me. "What is your favorite thing about now?"

I frowned. "'My favorite thing about now'?"

"Your favorite thing about your life here. What do you like most about it?"

"Hmm…" I absentmindedly traced a circle around the needle in my stomach with the tip of my finger. " Knowing that the people I love aren't going to starve to death or be killed by the Capitol."

Peeta smiled. "That is definitely a plus."

"What about you? What is your favorite thing about now?"

Peeta caught my restless hand and held it against his cheek. "You. Falling asleep with you. Waking up with you. Watching you scowl. Thinking of how you have become so utterly protective of your child, even though it is not mine."

I blushed. Of course that was Peeta's favorite thing. I stretched my neck as high as it would go so I could kiss Peeta on his cheek. "Being with you comes in next."

"With me, I guess it's kind of backwards because safety is second in my list of favorites." He joked.

I rolled my eyes. "You never did really care about your own skin."

"That's not true!" Peeta said indignantly, though he was smiling. "I have just cared about your more."

"Of course…" I was smiling, too.

"Can I ask you something?" he said now seriously, still holding my palm to his face.

"Sure. Anything you want."

"Anything?" Peeta raised his eyebrows a millimeter, and I could see his seriousness wearing off as a small smile traced his lips.

"Anything you want."I assured him.

"You know how the doctor said you seemed six months in and not one?"

"Yeah…?" I wondered where he was going with this.

"Hold on—Were we in the Capitol then or—no, hold on…"Peeta knit his eyebrows and I didn't interrupt his thoughts. "Let's see…" He was mumbling to himself now. "We were in the Capitol roughly a month after the Games and a month before the Quell…then the tour…" Peeta's eyes grew wide.

I frowned. "Peeta?"

Peeta turned to me, his brows still furrowed. "Say—and this is hypothetical—you_ are_ a bit more 'in' than we thought. The only time we were in the Capitol was—" Peeta let out a sound of frustration. "This isn't coming out right!"

I reached up and smoothed his forehead out. His eyebrows were in danger of becoming a unibrow.

He sighed. "You said that it was impossible for the child to be anyone's but Gales', but the doctor is convinced otherwise."

"Oh." I understood what he was saying. "Gale was the first, and only, so technically it _is _impossible—"

"No, it isn't!" Peeta's eyebrows rose as he realized what he was saying as he was saying it. "A little less than eight months ago we were doing the Victory Tour."

I rolled my eyes. "You're saying I hooked up with someone from District Two, or whatever. Well—"

"No, I'm not. At one point in the Tour we were at the Capitol. It is completely possible for them to have drugged us, but while I was peacefully sleeping away, they were… messing with you. You know what the Capitol people are capable of."

My head was trying to understand what he was saying. I was drugged in the Capitol and the freaky doctors there got me pregnant somehow? The thought made me gag, but what really disgusted me, was that Peeta was right. It was completely possible.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I shouldn't have told you that. You look sort of… green." Peeta touched the back of his hand to my cheek.

"Blegh. I _feel_ green." I groaned. The room swayed slowly beneath me, and I focused my eyes on a little red button on the wall next to me, concentrating on not throwing up. The room spun to a stop and then my eyes really focused and I saw the little black letters printed neatly underneath the button:

**Press for Service**

I pressed it. Not because I was bored and wanted to press the shiny red button for fun, but because I wanted to get out of this stupid hospital and back into my room.

Peeta frowned, but before he said anything, we heard the doorknob turning and a very exasperated-looking Dr. Longarden entered. He strode slowly over to the bed and bent down close to me. "Yes, Ms. Everdeen?"

I was past the point of worrying about etiquette. "I want to leave now. I am sitting here starving, half-naked, with a giant needle shoved in me and after seven freaking hours in the hospital, I would like to leave."

The doctor blinked. Then he gently took the needle out of my stomach and handed me my gown from the countertop. "Sorry about the wait, Katniss. We have most of the information we need now, and I will send someone over tomorrow morning to get the rest. And don't worry." He smiled at me. "You will be sedated so there won't be any time for you to be bored."

Peeta got off the bed so I could slip the gown on. Once I did, he offered his hand to me. I took it and stood up awkwardly, stretching my creaky joints.

As soon as we were through the hospital exit door, I ripped both plastic bracelets off. They rattle to the floor and I didn't even bother to pick them up and throw them away.

Peeta wrapped a comforting arm around my waist. "Are you hungry? It's five o' clock."

I pouted slightly. "I can't go to dinner in a nightgown! None of my clothes fit me right either…"

"Let's check your room anyways before we make any decisions."

"Check what?" I asked Peeta as we changed our course and now headed towards the rooms.

He shrugged, but didn't elaborate.


	27. Chapter 26

Whatever Peeta was so keen on finding in my room wasn't there. After a few minutes of just standing in the center of the room looking around awkwardly, I decided the trip to my room was a waste of time.

"Did you have any one particular thing you were looking for?" I asked Peeta.

He shrugged again. "Not really." He studied my face in thought, and then his eyes flicked down to my stomach. "Do you have a jacket you could wear over it?"

I shook my head. "I have this nice leather jacket my father made me but it doesn't fit."

Peeta shook his head, too, and then smiled. "What are we going to do with you?"

I sighed heavily and plopped down onto my bed, but before I could say something back to Peeta, a knock on the door interrupted me. Why does that always happen? I sighed again and went to open it.

My breathless mother was standing in the doorway, holding something. "Katniss! I'm so glad I caught you before you went to dinner!" she said.

I smiled at her grimly. "I have been trying to fix my clothing problem. Just a few days ago my clothes fit and now nothing does."

My mother beamed. "That is why I came. I haven't seen you all day, or else I would've come sooner."

"Long story." I stepped to the side to let my mother in.

If she thought Peeta being in there was weird, she didn't show it. Instead she held something out to me. "I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!"

I took the bundle and untied the piece of yarn that was wrapped around it. Several pieces of clothing fell from my hands. "What are these?"

My mother spared me bending down and she retrieved the clothes for me. "Katniss, I had these when I was pregnant with you. It wasn't too long after your father and I got married, so I had a little extra money to buy good clothes with. I wore them when I was pregnant with Prim, too." She smiled sadly and laid the clothes down evenly on my bed.

I examined the nice clothes while my mother kept talking.

"They got saved right after the first round of bombing in twelve. I couldn't imagine what use they could be for me, but I saved them."

I set down a nice dark blue shirt and hugged my mother. "Thank you. I suppose now I should say 'what would I do without you?'."

Mother laughed and hugged me back. "I should get to dinner."

As Mother walked out the door, I suddenly wondered if I should tell her about my visits to the hospital, but then decided against it. If there wasn't anything wrong, I don't want her to worry about nothing.

"I guess you're pretty lucky to get those." Peeta smiled at me. "And just when you thought all hope was lost."

I smiled, too. There weren't a ton of clothes, but enough to do their job. I grabbed the blue shirt and a pair of simple pants. I was lucky my mother saved them. They definitely did not look like normal clothing. I wondered how hard they would be to make from scratch.

"I'll be right out." I said to Peeta, and went into the bathroom to change.

The clothes felt sort of funny when I put them on, but they weren't too tight. I like the shirt because there were tiny ruffles on the edges of the sleeves and the collar, but the pants felt weird when I moved. Thank goodness I had inherited my small build from my mother. I was very fortunate to be her size.

"They look good on you." said Peeta when I showed them to him.

"Thanks." My self-consciousness faded when Peeta smiled and took my hand.


	28. Chapter 27

Dinner went well, and if anyone seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary, they didn't say anything. Gale was happy to see me, but he got a very guilty look on his face because he noticed me being extra-sensitive about my belly. I was being very careful not to bump it on the table, and I think I actually apologized to it when I did. Maybe nobody else noticed that.

When Peeta and I left, I was almost glad. Gale seemed about ready to have a nervous breakdown.

"I wonder what I'm going to tell them if something is wrong with me." I said to Peeta on the way back to my room. "Nothing is going to make sense to them."

"It actually might help, though." Peeta considered. "If the baby actually was from the Capitol, no one would ever have to know it… you know… wasn't mine."

I nodded my head slowly in approval. "I guess it would help, but I don't want a baby from the stupid Capitol."

Peeta sensed me getting upset and dropped the subject. Smart boy. "Let's talk about it another time."

I nodded silently.

When we got to my room, Peeta held the door open for me. There was some small part of me in the back of my head that felt guilty for not letting Peeta have any time to himself. Although I had a feeling that he would deny wanting to have time to himself. Maybe I'll bring it up sometime.

"You should get some rest." Peeta said, straightening the blankets on my bed. "Who knows how early the doctors are going to come?"

I smiled and went into the bathroom to change out of the clothes I was wearing. My sore body welcomed the hot shower and fresh nightgown with open arms, and afterwards, I examined myself in the mirror. To my disappointment, it was totally obvious I was pregnant. I was hoping it was small enough not to show, but all hopes of people not noticing vanished. It's not like the world would end if they _did, _but the easier this whole thing is, the better.

I frowned to myself. This whole thing was so complicated. Just a few days ago, I was able to fit into a dress my size with only mild tightness (with the side-effect of splitting the seam of the dress) but now none of my clothes would fit, even if they were loose before!

Letting out a sigh, I stalked out of the bathroom, scowling.

Peeta, who was leaning against the door, smirked at me. "There's no reason to look so happy, Katniss."

"Oh, shut up."I said halfheartedly, and flopped onto my bed.

"I'm going to my room for a few minutes, but I will be coming back." He detached himself from the door, and opened it. "You can go to sleep if you want." With a smile at me he ducked through the door and I was left alone in my room.

"Sleep, indeed." I muttered to myself, crawling into the covers. I should do that without a problem, even though I won't have Peeta to snuggle up against. Thinking the word "snuggle" in my head made me snort.

I pressed my cheek against the pillow and closed my eyes, but instead of sleeping, I found myself thinking. What if Peeta was right? What if the Capitol _had_ caused my pregnancy? That would be really awkward if it did, because what if it looked completely different from me? What would people think if I go into the hospital, and come out holding a tiny baby with pale skin, orange hair, and green eyes? Talk about weird. Although, that would have been better than if the baby _was _Gale's and it looked identical to him. That would be really weird and uncomfortable explaining to Mother…

My mind wandered from subject to subject, starting to slow down with my mind as I got closer to sleep. When I was 90% asleep, I heard my room door open. At least, I think it opened. Maybe I was dreaming. Anyways, the door opened and I heard Peeta come in. I knew it was him because when he saw me asleep (or so he thinks), he laughed quietly.

He walked over to the bed and bent down next to me and I felt his lips press against my temple. It was an oddly touching action, but it took all in me to pretend to be asleep and not wrap my arms around him.

I thought he would take advantage of me being "asleep" and go and go back to his own room, but instead, I felt him stretch out on the other side of the bed. His hand closed around mine, and I took the risk of squeezing it back. Maybe people do that in their sleep as some type of reflex. Whatever Peeta thought of that, I didn't find out, because I fell asleep.


	29. Chapter 28

In my dream, I was back in the hospital. I was completely paralyzed, while blurry doctors above me poked around my stomach. One of them said something to the other and they left. The only doctor hovering above me now was a small man with white hair, but his face was covered up with a really big doctor's mask. He checked over his shoulder to make sure the others were gone, and then he bent over my face. Since I was paralyzed, the only thing I could do was watch him as he pulled his mask off.

President Snow.

I let out a silent scream and the last thing I saw was him as he brought down a scalpel to my heart.

I woke up in a cold sweat, sitting straight up and panting as if I had just run a mile. Peeta had his arms around my shoulders.

"President Snow…" I panted, glancing around just in case he was in here. Of course, he wasn't.

"He isn't here. You were dreaming." Peeta assured me.

I took a deep breath. "I know." Then I shivered. Just to be absolutely positive it was just a dream, I felt of the place Snow had stabbed me. Nothing but smooth nightgown material. I sighed in relief.

Peeta smiled sadly. "You should go back to sleep. It is only one in the morning."

I nodded and lowered myself back down and used Peeta's shoulder as a pillow. He reassuringly tucked the blankets under my chin and put his arm around me.

After a few seconds of silence, he laughed. "I can feel your heartbeat. It is pounding one hundred miles an hour."

"You're telling me." I laughed quietly as well. "Yours would be too if President Snow stabbed you with a scalpel."

"Is that what he did?"

I nodded. "Yup. Now my dreams are haunted by scalpels." My fists knotted in Peeta's shirt and I'm sure he felt me shiver.

Peeta turned his head towards me and smoothed my hand out on his chest. "You can sleep now. You're safe."

With my arm still draped across Peeta's chest, I closed my eyes and in five minutes, I had once again fallen into a fitful sleep.

_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK_. Loud pounding on the door woke me up. When I lifted my heavy head off of Peeta, I realized it wasn't actually loud. My head just amplified it since it woke me up.

"Doctors…" Peeta groaned. He rubbed his eyes and laughed quietly. "I wonder what they will think when they find me in here with you."

"I don't care." I sighed. "It's none of their business."As usual, getting up was awkward almost to the point of painfulness.

"Katniss Everdeen?" said the tiny nurse in the doorway once I opened the door. "Please follow me."

I reached behind me for Peeta's hand before I followed the nurse.

She led me to a room similar to the one I was in for my other tests, but instead of the little metal table being covered with needles and such, there was only a small bottle of clear liquid and one tiny needle syringe.

"Lay down on the table please, Ms. Everdeen." piped the nurse in her unusually high-pitched voice. I wonder what district she was from.

I let go of Peeta's hand and crawled up onto the paper-covered bed. Like all other hospital beds, it was hard and scratchy, but I didn't complain.

"Okay…" Said the nurse to herself. Then she pulled a starch-white blanket out of the closet and handed it to me. "You will have to undress all the way and cover yourself with this. We will leave you for that."

I assumed "we" meant her and Peeta. I felt my cheeks burn as Peeta grinned at me and followed the nurse out. Was all of this completely necessary? I thought, as I grumpily took my clothes off. I was very thankful the nice nurse gave me a blanket to cover up with, because I have never felt so naked. There was an extreme difference between this hospital and the apothecary my Mother use to run. She never made anyone feel uncomfortable, whereas in the hospital, they do everything to make you wish you hadn't come in the first place, even if you are sitting there without your arms.

Five minutes later, the nurse knocked on the door again.

Pulling the blanket securely up to my neck, I grumbled, "You can come in…"

The nurse skittered in on her high-heels, and I heard Peeta ask from the hall, "I can come in too, right? You won't be bothered that I'll see you naked?" He stifled a laugh.

"Why do you find all of this so funny? I'm wearing a blanket. Yes, you can come in, but stop cracking jokes at my expense." I said back, scowling hard at him when he walked in. I made sure to pull the blankets even higher as my eyes followed Peeta as he came around to the side of my bed smirking.

"It's kind of scary when you do that eye thing, you know that, right?" he said.

"Yes, I do know." I snapped. "And I don't exactly care."

The tiny nurse patted my shoulder sympathetically. "There, there."She piped as her stubby little fingers unwrapped the plastic-covered needle on the table.

Peeta tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, but didn't say anything. I don't see why he is still nice to me after I was snapping at him. I know if he had snapped at me, I would snap right back and things would be tense between us for a while. Peeta is so _good _no matter what I do, and it kind of annoyed me.

"Okay, dear. This won't hurt at all. Just a little mosquito sting." The nurse filled her needle with the clear stuff from the bottle and instinctively I took one of my arms out from under the blanket and held it out to Peeta. He took my hand and patted it comfortingly.

The very second the nurse shot the clear stuff in my arm, my eyelids began to droop. Peeta immediately blurred in front of me and a strange numbing sensation spread from my arm to my legs and head. I think I tried to say something, but before it could come out clearly, the drugs had pulled me under.


	30. Chapter 29

The sleep I fell into was slow and obviously drug-induced. Weird shapes formed and molded themselves before my eyes as if they were made out of syrup. I could make out some of the figures; Peeta reaching his arms up at something I couldn't see above him, Prim's ugly cat buttercup pouncing on a pear-shaped flower, which molded itself around the cat and into a net. The net then twisted as if caught on something then shattered. Finnick Odair with his head stretched and then something burst from his neck. A strange shape formed itself out of Finnick and came galloping towards me. Suddenly, the images shattered as if the goopy shape had run into a wall of glass. The wall shattered and a wave of broken arrows crashed around me like a waterfall.

The whole dream was quiet until then, but at that moment a clear voice rang through my head: _It's already too late. _The voice belonged to President Snow, but had once been someone else's words, though I couldn't places who's.

A cold shill swept through me and I knew what the doctor had shot into me wasn't morphine or any other type of medicine I have had before. These drug-induced dreams were something I have never had before.

Ever since the wall had broken and I had heard the voice, the strange shapes had stopped, and now I was standing in complete blackness, except for a thin layer of blue mist that was lazily swirling around my feet. It tickled my ankles as it crept higher. Unlike most of the things in my dream, I was not threatened by it, even when it reached my knees. By the time it was inching up my neck, a strange buzzing sensation filled my ears and begun to make my head heavy. And then the blue mist swallowed up my head and blackness fell over me like a blanket.

When I resurfaced, the vibrating had stopped and I was aware of something soft pressing down upon me as I lied on my back. I peeled my eyes open and found myself staring at a roughly-tiled ceiling. My neck protested as I turned it to look to my left.

Sitting at a desk, typing on a computer, a kind-looking black man sat. He was gazing intently at his screen, not aware at all that I had woken up.

"Is it done?"My voice sounded groggy, and my throat felt like a desert.

The man turned his head towards me and smiled. "Yes. There weren't any problems. You should be good to go once we get some food into you."

Great. Food. I was absolutely starving, but I had no idea how many meals I had missed. "What time is it?"

The doctor glanced at his watch. "It's two-thirty." He checked my vital signs and then after scribbling something on a clipboard, he left the room.

Even though the quiet of the hospital room was peaceful and refreshing, I had to admit I was lonely. It was obvious the doctors hadn't allowed Peeta to be there when I woke up, but I was hoping the nice doctor would bring him along with my late lunch.

I sighed and decided to take advantage of being alone and examine the place the doctors cut me open. I bunched up the first layer of blanket to my chest so when I pushed the second layer down to see my stomach, I would still be somewhat covered up. Tucking the blankets firmly around me, I surveyed the three-square-inch white bandage that was taped to the underside of my belly. When I poked it, it hurt, but when I didn't even think about it, it was like it didn't exist. It was like a bad bruise.

If I wasn't naked, I probably would have gotten up and left a while back, but the lack of clothing stopped me. I sighed again and covered myself back up.

Twenty minutes later, a nurse I've never seen before came in, wheeling a cart with my food on it. But to my dismay, Peeta was nowhere in sight.

"How are you feeling?" asked the nurse once I was done eating.

"I'm fine. Can I leave now?" I put my plate down and pushed the metal table away. Making sure the blanket was tucked securely around my chest, I sat up.


	31. Chapter 30

_Hallo to all of my amazing readers! Thank you all for reviewing, adding my story to your favorites, etc. :3 I was really worried nobody would like it, but I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry this chapter is coming later than all of us (including me) would like, but I lost my story folder for a little bit there. It scared me. Anyways, I love you all and I apologize for the badness of the chapter division. Now that the story is typed out, I am going to get better at that I promise. Keep on reviewing!_

The nurse nodded. "Yes, we are finished." She opened a drawer under the sink and handed me my clothes, which were freshly washed. After she did, the nurse stepped out of the room.

With a sigh of relief, I put on my clothes. I had to admit my gown smelled slightly of hospitals, but I ignored it.

When I stepped outside the room, the nice nurse lady was there to guide me to the exit.

After checking out at the front desk, I headed through the waiting room. When I opened the door, I saw only three people occupied the waiting room: a little seven-year-old boy clutching his arm and crying, his mother, and Peeta.

The moment he saw me come out of the office, Peeta got up and jogged over to me. "How did it go? They didn't let me be there for any of it. As soon as you fell asleep they all but shoved me out." He said. Not wanting to hurt me by putting his arm around my waist, Peeta took my hand.

I shrugged. "I saw just as much as you did. I fell asleep, woke up, ate, and left. Of course," I grinned. "I think I got dressed somewhere in there."

Peeta laughed. "So how are you feeling?"

I sighed heavily. "You are, like, the billionth person to ask me that in a week!"

Peeta shook his head exasperatedly, but didn't say anything.

After a few minutes of silently walking to my room, I said to Peeta, "I need to talk to you."

A hint of a worry line appeared between Peeta's eyebrows. "Okay."

"You have been throwing away every second of your free time to be with me and making sure I'm okay."

Peeta's eyebrows furrowed more. "Yes, I have."

"That has to stop."

Peeta slowed his walking. "What? You don't want to spend time with me—?"

I shook my head at him. "No, I am feeling guilty that you don't ever get any time to yourself anymore."

Peeta sighed. "But you need me. You know… being pregnant and all."

"But _you _need time to yourself. When was the last time you painted?" Haha. I got him there.

"Um…"Peeta frowned.

"Exactly. I am giving you a day off."

Peeta kept furrowing his eyebrows, which annoyed me.

I made a noise of frustration. "Go paint a picture! Make cookies! Do whatever you did before I got pregnant." I reached up on my tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek.

Peeta looked down at me and I immediately knew I had won. He said, "Okay, but if you need anything, I'm not going to be mad at you for finding me."

I smiled at him. "Fair enough."

"What? Why can't I?" I said angrily.

"I'm sorry, Katniss, but you are underage and pregnant. Both of those facts goes against the rules. I can't let you go out to hunt." The head Hunter scowled down at me, obviously annoyed.

I was trying to get him to let me go outside to hunt, but it was apparent that nobody really liked me now that I wasn't the girl on fire any more. I could hunt, but it seemed as though I didn't fit the qualifications. "But I can hunt better than all of the 30-year-olds you send out there! You know how good I am so why can't you let me out?" I really hadn't meant to resort to whining, but if that is what it takes.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Everdeen." He turned his back on me and walked off.

I stood there in the middle of the hall, fuming. Well, if I wasn't allowed to hunt there must be something I am actually _allowed_ to do.

An idea came to me and I was suddenly ashamed of myself. Ever since I learned I was pregnant I have been ignoring my real family. After that I decided to spend some time with Prim. She must get really lonely without me being there for her all the time.

I fiddled with my sleeves as I walked to her room. I thought about changing clothes first, but I guess nobody really cares if I walk around in my nightgown even if it is three o' clock in the afternoon.

I found Primrose in her room, brushing Buttercup with a little pink plastic hairbrush on her bed.

"Katniss!" she said when I walked in. Prim dropped the plastic hairbrush and ran over to me, hugging me tightly around the waist. Buttercup took the chance to leap off the bed and slip out the door unnoticed.

I hugged her back, although not too tight because my stomach was feeling tender. "I'm sorry I haven't been spending time with you. I have been having some really weird stuff going on."

"Like what?" with Prim brushing out my hair on her bed, I told her what I could about what has been happening. I left out the fact that the baby might not be Gale's because she doesn't know I thought it was his in the first place.

"I can tell you are really worried about this, Katniss, but it will be all right." Primrose took a lock of my hair and begun weaving it into the others. "You have Peeta and Mother and me to help you."

The sweet little girl that I had known before was gone, replaced by the strong 13-year-old that barely ever cried. It made me somewhat sad, but I was grateful for her to be there. "Thank you, Prim. I have been freaking out a lot. I almost never cried or broke down but now I feel like screaming ever day and I feel like the master of nervous breakdowns! What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you." Prim said soothingly. It was the same thing Peeta said to me when I had (another) breakdown.

"It's just…" I scooted around to face my little sister. "It's not 'just another life'. In the arena I held it together and even as I watched my friends die, no feeling could compare to the one now that tells me about my baby…"

Prim tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I know. And I don't blame you. Neither does Peeta, and I know that for a fact."

I laughed quietly. "Yeah… Before, back in district 12, me and Gale use to talk about our future. If we wanted families. I didn't, but now, I realize that was only because I didn't want my children to go through the same thing all of the other children go through. The reaping. Now that there is no more Games and I am about to start my own family, I love it and I want to save my child." Even to my own ear, my words sounded corny. But it was true. Primrose would surely understand.

Instead of saying something, Prim took my hand and smiled comfortingly.

That night I slept with Prim in my bed. She fell right to sleep, curled up by my side. It reminded me so much of little Rue, but I pushed that memory away before I could dwindle on the thought too much. With the comforting sound of my little sister breathing, I was lulled into a much-needed sleep.

_Wahoo! Chapter 30 is done! This one is long. :3 I like writing long chapters. I still need you guys' input on my story. Help me out! I just need to know if any of you would be not okay with Katniss being preggers with Peeta's baby after all. As always, love from SoggyBug_


	32. Chapter 31

_Hi y'all. Thanks to all of my favorite readers and reviewers! You wouldn't believe how many reviews and stuff I got! You people are my favorite people in the world. Even the ones I hate. :D just kidding. Anyways, here is the chapter thirty-one. I hope you guys like it. I know for a fact somewhere around chapter 32 or 33 is going to be VERY crucial and important and awesome. I am going to have tons of fun writing it, and it very well may be one of the most important chapters. One of them. Well, I suppose I should get on with typing. __ Enjoy!_

It was 6:30 in the morning when Primrose woke me up for breakfast. We showered and I changed into a pair of clothing from the stack Mother gave me. As a favor, Prim took two locks of hair from behind my ear and braided them back.

When we headed out, my little sister surprised me by heading not to the cafeteria, but to the sector 2 sleeping quarters.

"Where are we going?" I asked Prim.

She smiled. "I thought you might want Peeta to come to breakfast with us."

I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't know why I found it so funny. Maybe it was the determination in Prim's voice or the fact that she could read me so well. I wondered if she could read Peeta that well, too.

We got to Peeta's room and I knocked softly on his door. When there came no reply from inside of his room, I opened the door a crack and peeked my head inside. On his bed, Peeta was snoring quietly in his sleep, his head lolled over to one side.

"Should we wake him up, or should we just go back and let him sleep?" Prim whispered.

"I can wake him up. He is normally up by now, so I'm sure he won't mind." I said in an undertone back. Prim nodded to me and I tip-toed inside.

In the small amount of light available from the hallway, I walked over to his bed and sat next to Peeta. He murmured something in his sleep.

"Peeta? Peeta, wake up," I said in a quiet, slightly sing-song voice. With a hand, I brushed away a piece of hair that had fallen into his face and had been tickling his nose.

He twitched.

"Wake up now, Peeta." I nudged his shoulder and Peeta's eyes flew open wide.

"Katniss, what's wrong?"He sat up frantically and grabbed my arm. "Is something wrong? Have—"

"Its okay, Peeta. Nothing's wrong." I said reassuringly.

Peeta relaxed his grip on my arm and sighed. "Sorry." Then he saw my sister standing in the doorway. "Oh. Hey, Prim."

"Hello, Peeta." Unlike me, Prim was absolutely fine with situating herself wherever, even if it is someone else's bed.

She crawled up onto the bed next to me and put her hands in her lap. "Do you want to have breakfast with us?"

Peeta laughed. "Um… sure. Thank you for the invitation."

I smiled at him and motioned for Prim to get off the bed. "Come on, Prim. He can't get up with us sitting on his legs."

Once Peeta was done showering, we set off towards the cafeteria for breakfast. Peeta discreetly took my hand. "So I take it everything went okay yesterday?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. I tried to get the head Hunter to let me go outside but he didn't let me."

"I should hope not!" Peeta scowled. "It's too dangerous with you being pregnant."

"That's what he said to me." I mimicked the Hunters' deep tone. "'According to the rules, those who are underage or pregnant are not to be allowed to go outside'."

Prim laughed. "It makes sense, Katniss. You could accidentally get your stomach shot or something."

I snorted. "Like that would happen. 'Whoopsie-daisies. I just shot myself in the stomach. My bad.'"

The conversation was dropped after that.

At breakfast, I sat by Prim and Peeta. Gale wasn't there, but my mother sat in front of us and chatted lightly.

"Katniss, are you okay?" my mother asked me.

The anxiety of the test results had been weighing down on me and just now showed up apparently because I couldn't eat anything. It felt as though all of my organs had been emptied out and refilled with noodles.

"Yeah. I am just nervous, that's all."

"Nervous?"My mother frowned. "Why would you be nervous?"

Oops. I had forgotten my mother didn't know about my tests or in fact I needed them at all.

"Just, um…some tests I had done. The doctors think something funny is going on with me so I am waiting for the results…"

"'Something funny'?" her voice changed from curious into her 'accusing mother' voice. "Define 'funny'."

Peeta and I exchanged glances.

I cleared my throat uneasily. "Well, they think I am… further in than I'm supposed to be." I could feel my cheeks growing hot. "The thing is, eight months ago I was in the Capitol. Peeta and I think the Capitol people messed with me."

My mothers' eyes grew wide. "Oh, really?"

I sighed and looked down at my hands. "I am waiting for the doctors to come and get me."

Prim took her small hand in mine and rested her head against my arm (since she couldn't reach my shoulder).

"I want all three of you to come with me." I took a deep breath and looked my mother square in the eye. Her bright blue gaze was somewhat intimidating, but I held it as steady as I could.

"Why?" Prim looked up at me. I'm glad her eyes are much softer than Mothers'.

"Just in case I pass out, or something. It wouldn't be as hard to drag me if all three of you do it." I tried to smile at my joke, but all I managed to do was grimace.

"Katniss Everdeen?" said a voice from behind me.

I twisted around and saw Dr. Longarden standing behind me.

"I need to see you in my office."

_In response to a few of the reviews I got saying who want the baby to be who's, I got all of that figured out. It is totally unexpected and I think you people are going to freak out. xD It is going to be sooo awesome! _


	33. Chapter 32

_Okay, okay, okay. This chapter is pretty important. I have been planning it for a while. So without wasting any more time chatting about the weather, here is chapter thirty-two!_

I nodded me head to him and slowly got up. I took Peeta's hand in one of my own, and Prim's in the other. My mother brought up the end.

Without so much as a "follow me", the doctor headed off towards the hospital with me, Peeta, Prim, and mother trailing behind him. The halls had never seemed so oppressive until then.

Dr. Longarden led us to a room on the east end of the hospital, and in it, was a desk with a computer on it, two chairs in front of the desk, a chair in the corner, and in the very back of the room was a normal-looking hospital bed. I didn't know why it was there. The walls of the room was painted a pale blue, perhaps to calm people that got unhappy news told to them.

I took a seat in the middle chair, and Peeta and Prim sat on either side of me. My mother said she would stand, and put her hand on my shoulder for support. The doctor took a seat behind the desk and pulled out a clipboard with notes on it from a drawer.

"So here's the deal," he said, folding his hands on the clipboard. "Your test results came back, and what all of the doctors saw, perplexed us."

I clenched my hands into fists and braced myself, preparing myself for the worst. Peeta reached over and gently pried one of them open so I could squeeze his hand instead.

"First, I should start out by saying that one of the tests we did was to show how far along you are."

I nodded and felt a cheek muscle twitching. "Well…?"

The doctor took his reading glasses off. "Eight and a half months."

"Are you kidding me?" I shrieked suddenly, jumping off the chair. "That is impossible! How could your stupid tests say that I am eight months along when the only time I ever—"

"Katniss," Peeta had stood up, too, and had his arms around my shoulders. "Sit back down, Katniss. It's okay."

Still, breathing heavily, I plopped back down in my chair and refused to look anyone in the eyes.

"I'm sorry if that upsets you, Katniss, but I have been doing these tests for twenty years and never once have they been wrong." Dr. Longarden said sympathetically.

Since it was obvious that I was in no condition to talk rationally to anyone right now, Mother took over. "Do you know when she is due, Doctor?"

"Can you handle that right now, Katniss?" he asked me, afraid that I might scream at him again.

I nodded moodily.

"Sixteen days."

I felt the air escape my lungs and my hands began trembling. "Are you—are you serious?" I said, trying not to cry.

"I'm afraid so."

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip so hard it bled. Prim had gotten up and had her arms wrapped around me and she was saying comforting words, although I couldn't hear anything. It was as if all of my senses had shut off except for pain. And I felt a lot of that.

"If you are alright enough for me to continue, I would like to do so." Doctor Longarden had put on his reading glasses and was glancing through them at his notes.

I wiped my eyes and looked up at him.

"But what I don't get," Interrupted my mother "Is that the symptoms have only shown up in the past two weeks."

The doctor shook his head sadly. "That is another thing us doctors found strange. The biological development of the baby has been tampered with so where for the first seven or so months you would be perfectly normal. Everything about you would suggest that you weren't pregnant. But for the last two weeks, the baby would hit a major growth spurt, and your symptoms would double or triple in that time."

"Dang." I said quietly. "I was hoping you were just messing with us."

"I'm a doctor." He snorted. "Doctors don't 'mess'. Anyways, one of the tests we had done was a blood sample of the fetus. Along with DNA from both you and Mr. Mellark, we found different chemicals. Chemicals that do not exactly belong to humans."

"Are you saying my baby isn't human?" I said clearly. I stood up and put my hands on the desk, leaning closer to the doctor and looking him square in the eye.

"No. Your baby has most human qualities, but the ones that aren't human, tell us doctors something."

"And what is that?" Peeta had stood up next to me to, and had spoken in my defense.

Dr. Longarden sighed and looked up at us with a look that seemed almost… apologetic. "You have seen creatures that posses some human qualities, but are actually just experiments. You have seen how they somewhat resemble humans, but have gone… wacked."

"So you're saying my baby is some whack-job experiment?" I could feel me hand trembling, but I tried not to let my worry show to the doctor I was having a staring contest with.

"No. I am saying your baby is a muttation."

_Ooooh how scary! I love this part of the story. I have been planning it for soooo long! BWAHAHA don't worry. The next chapter will explain it. I know I said I wasn't going to tease you guys by saying "I am not going to review unless I get [insert number here] reviews" and I am not going to do that, but_ _if you guys can pull together five reviews it would make_ _my job typing the next chapter easier. :3 Don't forget I love you, and I am sorry if any of this medical stuff makes you uncomfortable. Love From, TheSoggyBug_


	34. Chapter 33

_Okay. I just figured out that while I got like 20 reviews, only a few were available so when I found out how to read all of them I was like WOAH. I loved your idea karen8tor about the astronomy lab. ;D I had no idea you guys liked me this much and I guess I should admit I didn't think you would. Thank you all soo soo soo much for all of the amazing suggestions. I dedicate this chapter to all of my amazing fans. I will list some of them here: karen8tor, juzgi9, L.24, RainingJaguar, MisaMisaPanda, ilovefinnick, and junbug24. Please enjoy this chapter!_

I felt my knees buckle and I slid onto the floor. The room around me had begun to spin and didn't stop spinning. _My baby, my poor, poor baby. It isn't even a baby. It's a mutt. _My stomach was rolling painfully and my eyes couldn't focus on one thing. I felt myself crying as the room tilted and I was staring at the ceiling. Somewhere next to me I vaguely heard someone call my name. I don't know who it was. All I heard now was my own thoughts repeating over and over. _Muttation. It's not a baby. It's not even alive._

My face was wet and my throat was sore when I finally reopened my eyes to see where they had put me. Thick tears obscured my vision, but I could make out the figures of my family. Prim was holding onto Mother and her face was buried in her sleeves. Peeta had sat down on the floor and his hair fell in his stricken face. Until then, it was apparent I was lying on the bed in the far corner of the office.

Ever so slowly, my senses came back and my body started shivering violently.

"What's happening to her?" Peeta said frantically to the doctor, standing up and putting his hand on my forehead.

"She is hyperventilating." Dr. Longarden went into his professional-doctor mode and began rummaging through a cabinet with a serious look on his face. He took out a strip of cloth and soaked it with ice water.

"She is trying to say something." Prim had unburied her face and was looking worriedly at me.

I tried to move my lips and form words through the chattering of my teeth, but as I cried harder, I found that near impossible so I stopped trying.

Doctor Longarden put the wet strip of cloth on my forehead. "We can worry about that later. For now we need to get her to calm down."

If this was in a different situation, I would have thought it funny that my family seemed to be taking turns trying to calm me down, but the poignant stress was crushing my chest and the choking sobs wouldn't stop.

Pretty soon I found Prim curled up in my arms, stoking my hair and Peeta was holding my hand, saying reassuring stuff to me. I didn't hear what they were, and I guess it didn't really matter, because it seemed as though nothing would calm me down.

"You need to calm her down or else she will go into shock." The doctor was now scolding my family for not stopping my crying. I wanted to scream at him, _"You aren't the one with the mutt growing inside of you, feeding off of your energy! You have no right to be mad about me crying because you don't know how it feels!" _But I didn't.

Peeta sighed and turned to Dr. Longarden. "I think I know what will calm her down."

"Then what are you waiting for? A go-ahead?" snapped the doctor. If I had once thought he was nice and charming, I was sorely mistaken.

Peeta let go of my hand and stalked out of the room. Is that what he thought would stop me crying? I cried even harder. I really didn't want to be such a crybaby, but it was one of those times when you are so scared, so absolutely horrified at something where your mind and body almost shuts off completely and nothing seems to make it better.

"Katniss, please calm down." Said my mother in a soothing voice."We can leave the hospital and go back to our rooms and forget that this day ever happened until tomorrow."

That is when I finally cracked. "You think this is something I can just shove aside in my mind and act all happy-go-lucky? You don't have to live with it constantly as it grows inside of you and feeds off of your happiness! I can never and will never forget it because things like this don't 'just happen'!"I half-screamed, half-sobbed at her. "This is _my_ baby and you have never known what it is like to love something and then learn it is a monster!"

The room grew absolutely silent. I expected the doctor to scold me for being out of control.

"Just go." I choked and lied back down onto the bed, my back facing them. "All of you. Leave me alone."

I heard the door open, shuffling, and the door close again. Now I was free to be as masochistic as I want and no one will tell me to "calm down".

About ten minutes later, I heard the door open again and this time only one person stepped in. I was about to tell them to get the heck out of here, but for some reason, I didn't.

"I may not be able to make you sing show-tunes again, but I can certainly try to cheer you up."

I rolled over and wiped my eyes to see my visitor.

Gale was leaning against the wall nonchalantly.

"Gale." I sniffed pitifully. Then the stupid tears started pouring out over my face again and a covered it up with my hands.

I felt him sit next to me on the rock-hard bed and took my hand. "You don't have to be upset."

I coughed and uncovered my face. "How can you say that? You haven't heard what is wrong."

"Believe it or not I did." Gale smiled crookedly and I wanted to hit him for smiling while I was so miserable. "I really hope you don't mind, but Peeta told me about it."

"Then what do I do, Gale?" I begged. "What do I do?"

He shook his head. "I don't know what to do, and I don't know what it must feel like. People must have been saying 'Oh, it will be all right. Nothing is wrong and everything will turn out perfectly fine'. I, for one, and not sadistic and I can't promise you that everything will be okay, but I can help in some way. What can I do to help you?"

I sniffed. "I don't know. My stupid baby is a mutation. What would you do?"

Gale shrugged.

"Well _that's _helpful." I snorted and began scrubbing at my eyes, which had begun to stream again.

He put his arm around me. "Well, whatever happens, just realize things could always get worse."

_I'm sorry the ending to this chapter was really bad. I couldn't figure out a way to end it sooner, and if I had gone with my original plan, this chapter would have been, like, fifteen pages long. :D I am still totally open for suggestions about what they should do next, or whatever. Never forget I love you all!_

_TheSoggyBug_


	35. Chapter 34

_Hehe thank goodness I am a fast typist. In answer to KRK to the JRK, yes, Katniss and Peeta got married, but Katniss is still using her last name. I will clarify that sometime in my story. :3 I might explode from having all of these ideas in me before I get them onto the computer. Well, once again I thank my supporters and wish you all the best of reading!_

Gale left and everyone came flooding back into the office. Dr. Longarden checked my pulse and to his relief, it was normal. "That's good. It's down to one-twenty."

Prim crawled onto the bed and wiped my shiny cheeks with a tissue in her hand. "Gale is good for you." She said matter-of-factly.

Well, I guess she was somewhat true, but there was something about what she said that bothered me. I felt almost…guilty. It wasn't as if I was cheating on Peeta or anything, but it felt as though I was channeling his jealousy.

I shrugged casually. "He is my friend. There wasn't anything he said that Peeta couldn't." I didn't know why I had said Peeta instead of "anyone else". Now people are going to be suspicious.

I glanced over at Peeta cautiously. He looked grateful.

"Katniss, I want you not to panic, okay?" the doctor put his hand on my shoulder and attempted to put on a sympathetic look, but it wasn't working for me.

"Right. Not panic." I said sarcastically. "How am I NOT supposed to panic?" MY voice was starting to rise again and Peeta put his arm around me comfortingly.

"I was going to go into further details of your child but I wasn't able to tell you before you started hyperventilating." When I said nothing to this, he continued. "You have seen wolf-mutts, right?"

"Duh."

I could tell the doctor was slowly losing his patience, but he held his frustration in. "Well, they are wolves with man-made human genes. This baby _is _a mutt, but not in the way you think. It is still half-human, but the other half is—"

"Man-made?" I mocked his tone.

"Well, as you would understand it, yes. Half of this child has been made by the Capitol, and the other half is just a normal baby."

I exhaled. So it wasn't an actual muttation? "So it's… Peeta's?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes."

I felt the breath slowly whistle from my lungs as I slumped back in relief. This was one of the weirdest feelings I have ever had. Relief was definitely in there somewhere, but accompanying it was also some fright and worry. So should I raise a half-man-made baby that looks like Peeta even though there was only one time that makes sense that I'm pregnant? Or should I abort and go on with my life as if nothing ever happened? I grimaced to myself. I am so close to my due-date that I might as well just have the baby and let the doctors kill it instead of aborting. Do I want to have this baby? Am I ready to actually raise a kid even though I am only seventeen?

"Katniss?" Peeta looked at me with a concerned face. I glanced over at him and realized I was crying again.

"I'm all right, it's just…" I found myself rambling excuses, but Peeta put his finger on the side of my chin and shook his head, stopping me from talking.

"It's okay, you know." He said in a gentle voice. "You can do this. I know you can."

Before I could stop myself, I said, "Will you do it with me?" I knew this must be extremely awkward for Mother, Prim, and the doctor, but they just stood on the other side of the room not saying anything.

"Always."

_Holy crud that was a short chapter. I was debating with myself if I should make this another half-chapter, but I decided against it. I really like this chapter because you can actually tell that Peeta has given his whole heart to Katniss by agreeing to raise the baby with her. :3 It's so sweet. I try to make my chapters be around 900 words each, but some go into extreme highs and lows. Some are 1,500 words, others (like this one) are only about 700 words. For those, I am sorry. Chapter 35 is about halfway done. I need some input from you fellows. Wait wait wait- I was about to tell you the name I thought up for the baby but I don't know if you guys want me to give that away. If I get three or more people saying they want to know the babies' name before hand, I will tell you. It is the awesomest name ever. Anyways... My next chapter shouldn't take to long to type, so be patient and please reveiw to let me know what you think of the story!_


	36. Chapter 35

_I am so proud of you guys! Keep up the amazing support, because I am going to need it. :3 I am getting surgery next week and I might not be able to type for a while so help me get a whole bunch of ideas together so I can be typing enough chapters to make up for not updated for a while. Enjoy this chapter!_

At dinner I had told everyone the news (everyone meaning Gale's family, Peeta's family, Finnick, Johanna, and the other Quell survivors) and their reaction was more or less what I expected. Gasping, hugging, congratulating, teasing, and, in Finnick's case, horrible innuendos.

Peeta and I were walking back to my room when Peeta stopped walking. "I painted a new picture yesterday. Do you want to see it?"

I smiled at him. Ever since the visit to the doctors' office, I have made an extra-good attempt to be nice to people. "Of course!"

Peeta took my hand and we turned away from my room and headed to his instead.

"Would you kill me if I asked you how you were?" he said teasingly.

I pretended to consider that. "… Maybe."

Peeta laughed. "No, really. How are you feeling?"

I was quiet for a second before answering, "I feel okay. It is a bit weirder knowing….. Well, it's weirder than it was yesterday."

"Yeah. I guess so…"

We rounded a corner and walked into Peeta's room. I hadn't been in it in a while, and once again I was astounded by how much he paints. Pictures of his lined walls and stood on tables. Normally, the last picture he painted stood on an easel before a new one replaced it.

This time, the painting was in black, white, and shades of gray. Of course, it was of me, but the contrast was breathtaking. I was standing in a field of white with my back turned towards the painter. There weren't many intricate details, just occasional shading with grays.

Peeta took a seat on his bed. "Do you like it?"

I sighed. "It's beautiful."

"I was thinking about painting another one tomorrow."

I walked over and sat next to Peeta. "That will work out because the doctor said I have to have another checkup."

Peeta frowned. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. It's just a… you know… checkup." I shook my head and waved my hand in the vague direction of my stomach.

"Oh."

We sat on his bed in silence for a while, just looking at Peeta's painting. It looked as if it was done in a short amount of time, but it didn't look sloppy. The major contrast of the black against white made it look as though a professional had done it.

"Why do you paint me a lot?" I asked Peeta, breaking the silence between us.

"…Because you live in my head a lot." Peeta smiled serenely. "You always have."

He was always so genuinely honest about everything. If it was someone else, I probably would have felt embarrassed about how casually Peeta says he loves me. How perfectly normal he is when he tells me I'm beautiful. I am nothing like that. Well, sometimes I am when I'm on drugs, but most of the time there is this little voice in the back of my head telling me that confessing my love to someone isn't normal and I shouldn't do it often.

I felt my eye twitching so I changed the subject away from my insensitivity. "So what do you think about the whole thing?"

Peeta frowned. "What whole thing?"

"…The whole thing that I had my nervous breakdown over." I said as if it was totally obvious (which it was), but I didn't exactly want to revisit the details.

"Oh, _that _whole thing…" Peeta folded his hands in his lap. "I am definitely taken aback, but it didn't sound as… horrible as you made it seem."

I felt myself blush angrily. What I _didn't _need right now was for Peeta to tell me I am overreacting.

He saw my distressed expression and shook his head. "I don't mean that you did that for nothing. Think about it: you still have a baby. It is still a human child and it is not very different from one that is totally normal and average."

I raised my eyebrows and gave him my "oh really" look.

Peeta sighed in annoyance. "The mutts in the arena were programmed to kill. The wolves were regular bloodthirsty wolves that had the intelligence of humans. And," he admitted "could stand up and walk like humans, but that is off the subject. They were just like regular wolves. They only had human brains—"

"-That were programmed to kill." I finished for him. "The capitol twinged their minds so where they were like murderers in a wolves body. How do you know my babies' brain isn't twinged like that to kill like the wolves?"

Peeta took a sharp intake of breath. "I don't."

A small choking noise came from my mouth and I was about to get up when Peeta grabbed my wrist and forced me to sit back down.

"It's a _baby, _Katniss. It has a _human baby _brain. The wolves and monkeys were designed to kill specifically for the Games. All mutations aren't necessarily horrible assassins."

I gave him my "oh really" look again, but I didn't think it looked as threatening through a layer of tears.

"Mockingjays." Peeta snapped his fingers and looked expectantly at me. "Mockingjays are muttations, but they aren't deadly. They don't want to kill you."

I sniffed. "Very comforting, Peeta."

Peeta put his arm around me sympathetically. "Look, nothing is going to be wrong with the baby."

Even though it was completely unnecessary and childish, I leaned into his arms and said, "Promise?"

"Promise."

_I didn't end the chapter where I wanted to, but I couldn't figure out how to get it where I wanted it. That's okay though, I guess, because is a perfectly acceptable amount of words for a chapter. I am going to give a little sneaky-peaky of the next chapter. Not the exact words, but I am going to use one of my reviewers' idea and they (Katniss and Peeta) are going to go to the astronomy lab and after that Katniss has another scary doctor's appointment and you people are going to learn more. 8o Oohh_

_K bye!_


	37. Chapter 36

_Hallo again. Sooner or later I'm going to stop telling you guys hello. Oh well. Anyways, I am going to type the 36__th__ chapter now and NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP ME. Unless my mom offers me a cookie. Then I'm going to stop and eat the cookie. Ahh, I'm getting off track here… Chapter 36. Right. Oh, yeah, and I apologize if I start off too many of my chapters by saying "that night" but I'm going to do it again. _

That night Peeta and I lay in his bed talking. Not about one thing specifically, but topics bounced around. I made the mistake of bouncing it back towards the whole "motherhood" thing.

"Hey, Peeta?" I asked him, turning over on my side to look at him. "Do you think I can do it? Raise the baby?"

"Well, you know more about survival then the average parent of six kids." Peeta scooted backwards so he was propped up by the wall.

"Raising a baby isn't all about survival, you know." I sat up with him. "You have to teach it manners and-and" I made a very loud noise of aggravation and crossed my arms angrily. Tears threatened to come but I tried not to let my hormonal side get the best of me. "I will be responsible for someone's life for over _eighteen years!_ If anything wrong happens it is going to be my entire fault!"

Peeta put his arms around me sympathetically while I pouted. "No it isn't! It will be our fault."

I kept pouting.

"You know, pouting never did anything to anyone." Peeta said quietly, studying my sulking face.

"Whatever." I slid down under the covers and closed my eyes. "I'm tired, so this bed is currently mine. Goodnight."

"Katniss," Peeta tugged lightly on my arms. "You can't sleep your troubles away. In fact, they aren't even troubles!"

I furiously wiped a tear away and said to Peeta, "You wouldn't know. You have never been a mother."

Peeta started laughing. "Thank goodness I haven't! For one: I am not female. And actually since you agreed to let me help raise the kid, I will be a _father_, which is pretty much as close as you can get to a mother without changing genders."

"What…?" Surprisingly enough, Peeta had actually cheered me up. I laughed a little and sat back up with him. "Dang it. I was supposed to be depressed all night long."

"Such a shame you had to go and be happy." He smiled and gazed subconsciously at my stomach in thought.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him. Peeta should be use to me asking him that by now, because I do it a lot.

He looked up. "I was just thinking about… how I feel about it. About the baby."

"Well?" I wrapped my arms around my stomach (which wasn't too hard since it was pretty big) and looked at Peeta.

"I don't know. I guess I'm… proud." He turned to me and looked hopeful that I would understand him. "Like I said, I don't know. I mean, it isn't exactly even my kid…"

"Sure it is. It's your DNA, isn't it?" even to my own ears, it sounded funny and I laughed really quiet.

Peeta laughed with me. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It _is _my DNA. But it is just _weird_ because, you know… we didn't really..."

"Yeah, I get it." I saved Peeta from a horrible moment of embarrassment.

He smiled shyly at me. "It is just odd that I am a father without doing anything. I have a hard time calling myself the baby's dad."

"That's okay." I tried to stifle a yawn and failed miserably.

"You should get some sleep." Peeta pulled the covers up to my chin once I had lain flat again. "Tomorrow we will go exploring."

"Exploring inside, right?" I said with another yawn.

"Of course. There is no way I am letting you outside this close to your due date."

"Sixteen days…" I said in wonder. "How did this ever happen?"

"We got involved with politics. _That's _how it happened." Peeta laughed and gently wrapped his right arm back around my waist.

I rested my head against his shoulder and sighed. "Mmhm... See you in the morning, Peeta."

I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Goodnight."

_Aw man. I hoped that chapter would be longer than that. Oh, well. That makes it better for the next chapter. If I had continued on to the next day, this chapter would be toooooo long. I'm sure that would be okay with some of you avid readers, but unfortunately for you, I am not such an avid typist. :3 That's okay. See you all next chapter (hopefully)! -TheSoggyBug_


	38. Chapter 37

_Bonjour, mes petits chou. For those of you silly people who don't know French, that translates into "hello, my little cabbages". Funny, isn't it? I got some reviews and I want to thank you guys again for some great ideas. I loved the one about the blanket ;D.I will try to improve my dialog. It has never been my strong spot, but I will try. At the end of this chapter I am going to tell you people a name for the baby I have been thinking of because you people said you don't care if I told you. So I will. Yeah, I just now realized in chapter 35 I gave little hints about that next chapter (at least I think I did)except I was mistaken. I think the hint will be for this chapter or next. Things just keep getting longer and longer. :3 I'm sorry about that. Enjoy Chapter 37!_

I was busy floating around in my little dream world at about 6:00 in the morning when the poking started. _Poke, poke. _I stopped dragging my feet in the weird substance my dream-ground was made out of and looked down at my stomach. _Poke, poke, and poke. _Someone was prodding my belly and it was annoying me a lot. I was having fun before they started messing around with my tummy.

"Stop poking me." I demanded into thin air, but my voice made no sound. "Stop poking me!" I said a little louder. Sadly enough, it was then I was sucked from my happy little dream world and I found myself lying mostly-asleep on a soft bed.

_Poke. Poke, poke._ I kept my eyes closed and grumbled to my anonymous poker, "Quit poking me…."

_Poke. _I threw off my covers angrily and sat up. "QUIT POKING M-"and I stopped. It turns out I was alone on the bed. Peeta was on the other side of the room, shirtless, and digging though his closet. When he heard me, he twisted around to look at me with a confused expression on.

I opened my mouth to make up an excuse, when—_poke, poke. _I moved a cautious hand down to my stomach where nothing (apparently) was poking me. I waited with my hand pressed lightly there.

_Poke, poke._ There it was! Something nudged the inside of my hand and I nearly jumped a foot in the air. "Peeta! Peeta, come here!"

Peeta tossed the clothes he was holding back into the closet and sat across from me. "What is it? Is anything wrong?"

I shook my head. "No. Here…" I took his hand and put it gently against the spot where mine was. I held his hand there until it happened again. _Poke. Poke, poke._

Peeta's hand twitched and I felt him inhale abruptly. "Was that…?"

I laughed quietly, simply perplexed. "What else could it be?"

We took our hands away and I could make out a small shape bulging from my stomach. A tiny foot.

"No one was poking me." I said, holding Peeta's hand back in place. "My baby was kicking."

Peeta laughed, too. "Unbelievable."

I stared down at it in awe. Just the day after the doctor told me I was due in two weeks he started kicking. I rolled my eyes a little at myself. It sounded so… stereotypical or… fake. All the people in the movies are like, "Oh, Henry come feel! My baby is kicking! Isn't it absolutely wonderful?" But here Peeta and I were, sitting on his bed, feeling _my _kid kick.

"This is… really weird." Peeta adjusted his position on the bed and leaned forward again.

I raised my eyebrows lightly at him.

"Like the good kind of weird." Nice save, Peeta.

"It is…" Just when I was getting use to someone kicking my hand from inside of me, it stopped. Just for good measure, we waited a few more seconds, but nothing happened.

I sighed. "Show's over. Now it is time for me to take a shower." I stretched out my stiff legs and swung them over the side of the bed.

"I'll walk you to your room." Peeta offered his hand to me, but I hesitated taking it.

"Um… You might want to get some clothes on before we go walking around in public." I stifled a laugh and Peeta looked down at his bare chest.

As he went over to the closet, I heard him grumble loudly, "Shirts are overrated."

"Yes, completely overrated. Are you saying you would rather _not_ wear one?" I asked him matter-of-factly.

He shrugged, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh. "No. I am just saying they are overrated."

"Of course you are…"

As soon as I took a shower and got dressed, Peeta and I went to breakfast. As we walked in, it seemed as though twice as many people as usual greeted me. After saying "hello" and "thanks" to it looks like the whole cafeteria (it is surprising how fast news spreads), I sat down at my usual table with a sigh.

"How is everything today?" my mother asked me, handing me a portion of buttered bread.

"Fine. I, um…" I tried to think of a way to say it without sounding cheesy and movie-like. "He was, um… kicking this morning."

As I expected, almost half the table exploded into cheers. Prim especially seemed happy. She squeezed in between Peeta and I (mother scolded her for that) and hugged me closely.

I peeked over Prim's head and saw Gale. He was smiling shyly but there was no trace of jealousy on his face as usual. I reached around my little sister and gripped his hand tightly. He looked appreciative.

"Ms. Everdeen?" I groaned loudly as I heard the professional voice behind me. This happens way too often, these doctors sneaking up behind me at breakfast. It seems like every day they come in and drag me away from family. If I wasn't so ticked at them right now it might have been funny. But it wasn't.

Without even glancing behind me to check who it was, I kissed Prim on the forehead and got up.

"Please follow me—"

"I know." I nodded to Peeta for him to stay there and followed the nurse lady out of the cafeteria with a horrid scowl on my face.

_Bad news fellows. THIS CHAPTER ENDS HERE. I'm sorry that I keep saying that this certain stuff happens this certain chapter, but I am not going to promise you guys that any more. It will happen though. Sometime. Now, I want your opinions on this name that I came up for the baby:_

_First name: Alexander_

_Middle name: Schuyler (pronounced Skyler)_

_Last name: (of course) Everdeen._

_Alexander Schuyler Everdeen. I love that name soo much! Tell me if you like it too, okay? :3_


	39. Chapter 38

_To one of my unnamed fans- thank you soo much for the name Oliver! It is so cute and I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. :3 I love it! I know some of you don't really like the name. It is 100% unique, but that isn't really always a good thing. I will think about it some more and consult in my sister. Don't worry. We still have (at least) sixteen more chapters, right? There is plenty of time to get a name everybody likes! Although, I would have to agree with you guys. It is kind of unfair to make the babies name Everdeen instead of Mellark. :3 I will get that changed. :D …..Drum roll, please! Here is Chapter 38! (Oh yeah, and if you guys could pretend Katniss came out of the doctor's appointment around dinner, that would be awesome, because I sort of timed things wrong. __ Thanks) _

Peeta was there in the waiting room, hanging around until I came out.

"Hey, Peeta." I said when he took my hand and we headed out.

"Did your appointment go all right?"

I shrugged. "Same as ever. They put me in an uncomfortable gown, shove a needle into me and Dr. Longarden takes an hour telling me a whole bunch of stuff."

"'A whole bunch of stuff'?" Peeta raised his eyebrows at me.

I let out a gusty sigh. "Nothing too important. Just stuff like… timing."

"You are being very mysterious. What do you mean 'timing'?"

He was starting to get under my skin. "He just said that it is possible for the baby to be born any day! Happy now?"

"Why is that so horrifying?" We were so distracted while walking, Peeta accidentally led us down the wrong hallway, but I didn't say anything. Maybe we would run into something interesting.

I turned my head towards him and snapped, "What if I had the baby tomorrow, huh? Wouldn't that just be super? What is _not _horrifying about that thought?"

He ignored my question. "How is it possible that you could have it any day? You are due in sixteen days."

"Even on regular women could be a month in either direction. Month early or a month later. Sixteen days is less than a month!" I grabbed onto a fistful of my hair in agitation. Peeta had no idea what it felt like to be me.

He frowned sympathetically and wrapped his arms around me. "That's okay. Let's go somewhere new today to get your mind off of things."

I gritted my teeth. "I can't just run away from things that are going to happen!"

"We aren't running away!" Peeta said indignantly. "We are going to go and have some fun for a change."

I tried not to explode into another rage so I nodded my head soundlessly.

Peeta looked uneasy at my speedy answer. "So… where are we going to go?"

"How about this one?" I reached behind me and stiffly shoved open the door my back was facing without even knowing what was inside.

Peeta peeked over my head and frowned. "I don't think pregnant women should go bowling, no offense, Katniss."

I looked over my shoulder as well. Sure enough, there was a small, not very well-made bowling alley that looked like it had seen its best day fifty years ago.

"What the heck is a bowling alley doing in a secret underground district?" I snorted in disgust and slammed the door closed again.

"Apparently these types of people like their entertainment." Peeta said sarcastically, and reached up to wipe an inch of dust from the tiny metal sign above the door that read 'bowling alley'.

"If this part of 13 is for entertainment…" I wiped off another metal sign adjacent to the room I just opened. It read 'miniature golf'. "I am starting to get disgusted by district thirteen. There are plenty more important things to think about than bowling and miniature golf."

"Like a workout room?" Peeta pointed to a door a little away from the others.

"A workout room? That is a little less unnecessary than miniature golf, but seriously?" I forced open the rusty door and sneezed as a billow of dust plumed out from behind the door. Inside, all of the machines were strung with cobwebs and many of them were broken.

I shivered and went back out; Peeta closed the door behind us.

"All of this stuff seems like it hasn't been used in years." I ran my finger along the slightly chipped cement wall.

We stopped at another door and Peeta reached up to uncover the metal sign above this one. For a moment I couldn't read it, but as he rubbed harder, I could make out the little black words 'astronomy lab'.

"Hmm." Peeta frowned and shoved against the door with all his strength. With a shower of rust, it creaked open and we stumbled inside. What we saw amazed me.

The room was about 20 feet by 24 feet, and was only about seven feet tall. In one corner of the lab was a horribly dusty telescope, aimed up at the ceiling. I looked up and gasped. The ceiling was made of solid glass and opened to the heavens. Even through the layer of dust, every minute star scattering the dusk sky was visible, and through the pink haze of the setting sun, I could see the crescent moon, slightly blurred.

"Whoa." Peeta had his head tilted up too and his blue eyes were fastened on the sky.

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up." I gaped at the room around me. It was hard to imagine nobody had used this room in forever. It was so surreal, and I had a hard time imagining what it would look like all cleaned up and like new. Then I had an idea. "Hey, Peeta?"

He turned his head towards me. "Hm?"

"We should clean this place up. Maybe sleep in here tonight." I stretched my hand up and ran it along the glass on the ceiling, leaving clear streaks of glass visible.

Peeta's face lit up and I could immediately tell he loved the idea. "Sure! Come on…" he laced his fingers with mine and we half walked-half jogged across the room and out the door.

_Originally this chapter was like three times as long, but I decided to cut it to here so it would be spread out to more chapters. Though, I think it is a perfect length, personally. Here is your homework: Tell me if you want the chapters longer or shorter or just right. The average length of chapters now is 1,000 words, so just let me know if it is too long or too short, okay? :D have an amazing day!_


	40. Chapter 39

_Hehe I love this chapter and I don't know why. Enjoy!_

Our first stop was Peeta's room, where he said we can pick up pieces of cloth and a bucket of water from the bathroom. He grabbed a plastic bag of who-knows-what from beside his bed and we were on our way.

From my room, I got a willow-twig broom my father had made me and miraculously survived the bombing of district twelve.

"You don't want to over-exert yourself, Katniss," Peeta said when I offered to carry the bucket of water. "It would be really bad if you went into labor now, instead of waiting for a more convenient time."

I scowled and carried the rest, while Peeta handled the bucket.

It took a few wrong turns and a bad run-in with a wall, but we finally managed to find the astronomy lab again. Peeta dragged the bucket inside and I got to work scrubbing the door clean. The rust was easy to get rid of; it just flaked right off. But the funny black stuff on the inside of the door was very stubborn, and so I had to use a lot of elbow grease to get that off.

Peeta had immediately started on the ceiling, wetting it down with water then wiping the dust away. There was a lot of ceiling, so I imagined he would be working on it for some time.

After wiping every inch of the door down with pine-scented cleaner I had found under the sink in Peeta's bedroom, I stood back to admire my work. "Hey, Peeta! Come see what I did with the door!"

Peeta dropped the rags into the bucket and walked over to me, wiping his hands off on his pants. Proudly, I opened and closed the shiny clean door and there was no shower of rust, or groan of complaint from the hinges.

"Wow, Katniss! You did an excellent job on the door!" he complemented, examining the front as well as the back. Then he peered anxiously at me. "You didn't work too hard, did you?"

I decided not to snap some witty retort off the tip of my tongue, and actually be nice when he worried about me. "No, I didn't. It was really easy."

Peeta looked pleased enough and went to work on the ceiling some more.

I grabbed the broom and started sweeping the floor out. Dust had gathered thickly there, so when I had swept my first pile in the center of the room, it was piled high with dust and bits of lint. Once I got rid of that, Peeta stopped me as I tried to come back into the room.

"No, no, Katniss. Wait out there." He gently grabbed my arms and steered me back out before I could protest.

I sighed and stiffly slid down the wall and sat against it. My stomach felt like it had gained a few pounds overnight, which I know it hadn't. The doctor said I still had seven centimeters to grow, and even though the growth rate will be faster than normal peoples', it will still be too slow to actively see the progression. I patted my stomach softly and closed my eyes.

From behind the wall, I could hear muted bumping and rustling. I assumed Peeta was sterilizing the whole place and doesn't want me breathing the fumes or something like that.

Ten minutes later, the door opened again (I couldn't help but be proud that it didn't creak) and Peeta stuck his head out. "You can come in now. It's all clear."

I had quite a bit of trouble getting up after sitting down. My large belly did its best to tip me over and keep me on the ground for eternity. Peeta offered his hand and I took it gratefully.

We stepped into the room holding hands and I gasped. Peeta had scrubbed the ceiling spotless and now the stars were so brilliant, I couldn't help but gasp. He had also scoured the walls until the wooden siding shone. On the far wall, however, was the picture he had painted the day before of me in black and white. The room didn't look like much, but after two months of living in dingy little apartments that all of them looked exactly the same, I was ecstatic.

"Do you like it?" Peeta asked, tilting his head a fraction at me.

"'Like it'? Peeta, it's beautiful!" I had a feeling my neck would eventually get very sore from constantly looking up, but at the moment I didn't care. The moon reflected enough light so where I could see Peeta's face as he looked cheerfully at me.

"And the best thing is…" he took my hand and glanced towards the door. "…no one comes here anymore, so we get the place to ourselves."

I threw my arms around his waist and squeezed him for all I was worth. Suddenly, a sharp ripple of pain shot through my stomach and I gasped.

Peeta caught me as I nearly fell backward. "Katniss, are you okay?" He lowered me gently to the ground and felt of my cheek.

I put both of my hands to my stomach in panic. It was continuing to send small waves of pain throughout my body, but it didn't hurt quite as much as the first.

"Katniss!" Peeta repeated frantically. "What happened? Do I need to get the doctor?"

"What happened?" I said urgently. Then I looked at my stomach. "I think I hurt him!"

"That's it." Peeta put my arm around his shoulders and heaved me up. "Whether you like it or not, you are going to the doctors."

"Not again…" I groaned, but I secretly thought it was a good idea because I think I actually did hurt my baby. Something was wrong and I wanted to know what happened.

_I am starting to annoy myself with these chapters. They always end where I don't want them to end. Ah, well. That concludes chapter 39 of my story. Please continue to give me suggestions about names and other stuff. __ I will be waiting!_


	41. Chapter 40

_Woohoo! I reached chapter 40! This chapter is dedicated to all of you people who have read, reviewed, and gave me awesome ideas for my story! Presenting…. CHAPTER 40!_

By the time we walked (well, Peeta had to half-drag me) to the hospital, the pains had gotten much, much worse, and I was near tears. Peeta was convince I was about to have the baby, but I knew better. The pain told me that something was extremely wrong.

Thankfully, the doctors met me at the entrance, fully clothed in their ugly blue scrubs and masks. With Peeta's help, they got me onto one of their mobile beds that were parked right behind the door. As the three doctors wheeled me through the halls, another one of them began questioning me, and writing down my answers on a clipboard.

We got to an emergency operating room, and Dr. Longarden appeared in matching scrubs, and shooed the other doctors away. He ordered me to calm down and Peeta gently pressed my shoulders to the bed with his hands. He said quiet, soothing words to me.

"Now, I am going to press in certain areas of your stomach. Tell me if it hurts." The doctor then pulled up the bottom of my shirt (I was in too much pain to care) and gently pressed two of his fingers against a part of my stomach.

Pain shot up my body that made me cry out. Peeta looked horrified and helpless as he stood there watching me be in pain.

The doctor looked very shocked that I was hurting when he just did that simple thing. "Please hold her down, Mr. Mellark. I need her motionless to inject the IV." He removed an IV from the drawer and began to hook it up with a bag of clear fluid.

Peeta nodded and with one hand, he held my shoulder down gently, yet firmly. With the other he cupped my face. I'm sure he could feel the wetness on my cheek, but I didn't want him to worry about me. I was the only one I allowed to freak out, and I was doing my job very well.

The long needle that was in Dr. Longarden's hand slid into my left arm. The pain from the needle was nothing compared to the pain introducing itself with my sanity. My eyelids began to droop.

"Take care…" Peeta whispered to me before I got pulled under by the drugs.

My eyes opened again and I was sitting in a brilliantly lit apple orchard. I frowned to myself and wondered my mind had chosen an apple orchard to host my latest delusional dream.

"What are you doing here, Katniss?" a voice behind me frightened me into whipping around to see the owner.

Standing a few feet away was Madge, the mayor of district 12's daughter. She was dressed in the pretty white dress she wore for reaping, except it was frayed around the edges as if it had been continually worn.

She shook her head slightly at me, sending her golden curls bouncing around her head. "You shouldn't be here. You have a decision to make."

"What decision?" ii was past me to cry and hug her and tell her how much I had missed her friendship.

Madge ignored me. "Your child is in danger. He is dying this very minute."

"No!" I cried, and flung myself to the ground at Madge's feet. "I can't help it! Save him, Madge. He has to live." I reached down to hug my stomach, but it was flat and perfectly normal, as if I was never even pregnant in the first place.

"Three days, Katniss." Madge started to turn to walk away, but I grabbed her hand and forced her to look at me again.

"Three days until what?" I begged her.

"Keep him or lose him. Three days." Madge's skin began to crumble under my fingers and I let go in disgust and horror. Her pretty white dress, now ragged and torn, fell to the ground and withered away like a fallen leaf during the first frost of autumn.

The apple trees that were in neat rows around me began to shiver and the sky dropped to an unearthly gray color. I heard a baby crying from somewhere above me and I looked up, frantic to save whoever was in distress. Way up in the tree in front of me was a solid black cradle that rocked and swayed menacingly in the wind. The crying was coming from that.

In desperation, I attempted to climb the slippery trunk of the tree to get to the cradle, but to no avail. Wind now bent the tree at a sharp angle and I watched the cradle tip forward…

…And fall. I raced to catch the falling crib, battling the raging wind enveloping me. Suddenly, the horrid black crib popped and out bloomed a parachute from the top, but I saw that the cradle and baby was now gone. I recognized the Capitols' Hunger Games parachute as it fell lightly into my hands, carrying an unnecessarily large rock. I yanked the parachute off and stared at the rough letters carved into the stone.

**THE END**

That was when I blacked out.

_That was the awesomest nightmare scene I have ever written! It was very fun :3. Don't worry; the next chapter will explain everything and what you still don't get please don't be afraid to ask me. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! Peace+love+pie= TheSoggyBug_


	42. Chapter 41

_I'm not going to waste time chatting. Quick, start reading! (PS: I know she doesn't know what Cra-Z glue is, but it seemed funnier so just pretend for me, okay?)_

My eyelids had felt like they had been Cra-Z glued shut, and my stomach felt like it had been cut open by a saw and sewn back shut with a rusty needle. It took all of my eyelids' strength to peel them open and glance around.

Peeta was crouching next to my hospital bed, holding my hand to his face and had his eyes closed tightly. He looked as if he was the one in pain, but I knew that was because of me.

I opened my mouth and through my swollen throat, I croaked, "Is he okay?"

Peeta raised his agonized blue eyes up to mine slowly as if he knew I was awake and said, "I should… get the doctor."

"Peeta, tell me!" My throat was burning really bad, but it was all I could do to not scream. "Is he okay?"

"I don't… know. I'm going to get the doctor." He let go of my hand and disappeared through the door.

A few minutes later, Dr. Longarden strode in and sat on his doctor stool with a bad-news look on. "Katniss, I am going to cut to the chase and be blunt with you about this. Is that okay with you?"

It is always good to get the pregnant ladies' permission before saying something. "Yes."

Peeta stood beside me and took my hand. I could feel his was shaking. Peeta wasn't nearly this messed-up when I had learned my baby was a muttation, but now he was acting as though the doctor had told him it was his true destiny to become a ninety-year-old lady.

"That was a very close call to death, Ms. Everdeen." The doctor began. "The umbilical cord had wrapped around the infants' neck and had nearly asphyxiated it. Luckily the operation was done when it was, or else you would have lost the child."

The trembling in Peeta's hands had stopped, but I could tell he was still very frightened.

"Here's the catch, though…" Dr. Longarden leaned forward on his elbows. "The way everything is positioned, this will continue to happen and the next time it does, you won't be as lucky."

"So what are you saying?" my eyelid twitched.

"I am saying it might be necessary to remove this child before the due date so nothing tragic will happen."

"You mean kill him?" My voice rose and I was rewarded with a stab of pain through my abdomen.

"No. I mean remove this child before the due date." The doctor said exactly what he did just a few second ago. "By C-Section."

My lip stated to tremble and I felt hysteria rising in my chest, but I fought it down. "But I need time to prepare! I need clothes, and-and-and…." A tear fell from my left eye and spattered onto the blanket.

"You have the option of aborting it." Dr. Longarden suggested.

No. I refused to let anyone touch my baby with intentions other than… happiness and… life. "How many days do I have to make my decision?"

"I cannot answer that. Only time can. The sooner the better, though." He looked at his watched and glanced at the door. "You will be released in an hour under medications."

I pouted and sank down into the covers as the doctor exited the room. I looked over at Peeta through the tears in my eyes and all I saw was a blurry shape with blond hair, but I think he looked sad, too.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss." he said softly, not looking me in the eye. "I wouldn't have done that if I had known what would have happened."

"It's not your fault so stop saying that it is." I snapped at him, but felt sorry and redeemed myself. "It would have happened if I hadn't have hugged you."

He laughed bitterly. "Who knew a hug could be so fatal?"

"Stop that." I ordered him. "Stop being so pessimistic."

Peeta looked up at me. "Well, I'm not going to be put through that again. We have to do something fast about the baby or you are going to be put in even more danger."

"It's not _my _life I'm worried about." I said quietly. Maybe my voice was meant to be apologetic or concerned, but it came out as argumentative. "I'm going to have him taken out early, Peeta. And I want your help with preparing things."

Peeta inhaled slowly. "I will do anything you want me to. What do we need to get done?"

"We need to get clothes and some place for him to…sleep…" An idea dawned on me when I said that. An idea I think Peeta had, too.

"…The astronomy lab." Yup. Peeta had the same idea as I did.

"Can I put you in charge of getting that ready?" I worried that it was too much to ask of him, but Peeta seemed fine with it.

"Of course. What will you be doing?"

"I am sure there are some types of vendors here. People have to get new clothes from somewhere. I will find those vendors and get supplies and clothes and such. I know Mother has some money saved from district 12 because it was in her pocket when the bombing started."

"Please don't over-work yourself. Get someone to help you." Peeta begged. I could see he was really concerned about my safety, but he didn't have to be.

"Don't worry, Peeta. I will." I smiled a little bit and brushed a bit of hair from Peeta's face to show how completely unworried I was. But the truth was, I worried a lot. After all, I only had three days.

_HA! I bet you didn't see that one coming! That's okay. Neither did I to be honest. I only came up with the idea at the beginning of this chapter. You guys said you wanted the chapters longer, so the next one will be longer, okay? I hope you got the whole "after all, I only had three days" thing. In her dream, Madge said "Save him or lose him. Three days" So that means at the end of three days the baby will die if she doesn't get it out. OO I just told you a major part of my story. I hope you are happy. That's okay. Karen8tor, thank you again for the awesomeawsomeawesome idea of the astronomy lab! It is going to be a nursery and it is all thanks to you for that idea! See you next chapter! -TheSoggyBug_


	43. Chapter 42

_I got soo many reviews! Thank you guys! Anyways, here is Chapter 42 and I will try to make it longer, okay? : 3_

Like he promised, the doctor released me after one hour and when Peeta and I were going out of the hospital, I got a peek at the clock. It read 11:14. I sighed. "We should go to bed and worry about all this other stuff tomorrow. I'm pooped."

Peeta nodded his head in agreement. "Your room or mine?"

"I'm going to go to mine because I am in a desperate need for a shower, but you can go to yours if you want."

Peeta laughed a little. "Showers sound nice right about now. I will meet you in your room, okay? Don't fall asleep before I get there." He squeezed my hand and went off in the direction of his room.

I hummed to myself in the shower as I scrubbed the lingering smell of hospitals from my skin. There was a cut, about two inches long, on my stomach, which was held together with tiny stitches. I was extra-careful to not irritate that.

I stepped out of the shower and toweled off with a clean white towel hanging up above the toilet. The nightgown that I had tossed in the corner of the bathroom a day or two ago was now folded neatly on the counter, and I put it on gratefully. To my relief, it didn't smell like hospitals. Instead, it smelled like the herb my mother used when she washed clothes back in district 12. It dawned on me that it was my mother that was handling all of my dirty clothes, washing them when they get left on the floor. I made a mental note to thank her the next time I saw her and Prim.

After making my bed nice and neat, I crawled under the covers and turned off the little lamp above me. Since I had closed both the bathroom door and my bedroom door behind me, it was completely dark except for the sliver of golden light peeking through the cracks.

I wrapped my arms gently around my belly as if to protect it from the haunting night, and I fell asleep.

In my dream, I was back in the apple orchard, except it was not pristine and beautiful anymore. Instead, the trees were vacated of all leaves and fruit, and most of them were broken or completely down. I picked up a piece of fallen fruit and bit into it. Instead of sweet apple juice I expected, it was nasty and rotten, little bits of warm who-knows-what filled my mouth. I spat it out and retched on the ground.

"You shouldn't have eaten the fruit."

I spun around and wiped my mouth off, staring at my visitor. Once again, Madge was standing behind me, except this time her dress was even in worse condition. The sleeves were torn off and there was a nasty rip up one seam. Madge was also very disheveled as well. Her cheeks were sunken in and there were patches of dirt all over her.

"Why shouldn't I have eaten the fruit?" I asked her, weary of her ratty appearance.

"You time is wasting away faster than I thought." She said to herself, glancing around her in an ominous way.

"How much time do I have?" I demanded, grabbing onto my old friends' shoulders.

She grinned, but her smile was not an average humans' smile. The crack in her skin reached literally from ear-to-ear, and most of her teeth were either gone or sharpened to a wicked point. "_'Of man's first disobedience and the fruit from the forbidden tree whose mortal taste brought death into the world, and all our woe, with loss of Eden, until one greater man restore us and regain the blissful seat..." _

I gasped and let go of Madge, whose voice had turned papery and rough, and was talking as if she was reading from an ancient book. Madge collapsed onto the ground and sunk beneath the soil. Once she was gone, a little pile of dirt right next to where she disappeared erupted. From the dirt came a stone, much like the one in my last dream.

With shaky hands I bent down to pick it up. Grime was caked on it thick, so I had to wipe the stone of with the hem of my shirt. I guess I was expecting to find the same words on it, and then pass out, but instead, numbers were scratched into the hard surface;

2 23:59

I frowned at the scripture in my hand, but before I could do anything at all, the rock exploded with a deafening "BANG!" and once again, I blacked out. This was getting old.

I woke bolt upright, sweating heavily in my bed. Peeta, as always, was right next to me with his arms around my shoulders.

"Another nightmare?" he asked me, with a little sympathetic duck of his head.

I tucked a sweaty lock of hair behind my ear and nodded pathetically.

"You're okay…" Peeta pulled me into a very gentle hug.

I welcomed his arms, although I was acutely aware of the fact I was drenched in sweat. Peeta didn't seem to mind though.

"Sorry that I woke you up. Again." I said when we let go of each other. "I had a dream almost exactly like this yesterday in the hospital."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Peeta pulled my head onto his shoulder.

"It's always an apple orchard." I began. "Madge is there. In my first dream, she said that I only have three days, but she didn't tell me what for. This time, she said some really weird stuff that I didn't really understand, and both times I somehow got a hold of a rock with writing. The first time there was really messy writing that said, 'THE END', but last night it had numbers."

"What were the numbers?" Peeta asked me.

"On top there was a two, and on bottom it was…" I squinched my eyes shut, trying hard to remember the writing. "Two-four-colon-five-nine."

Peeta frowned. "That's odd. Maybe it's a time or date or something."

"But what did the two mean?" but as I said it, I knew. I had only two days left, or so Madge said. "…Days…"

"You mean you have two days left? Until what?" I was just confusing Peeta.

"In two days, I have to make my decision. I think—"I gasped out loud. 23:59 was a time.

"What?" I didn't think it was possible, but the corners of Peeta's mouth just twitched down further. "What?" he repeated.

"Eleven fifty-nine. That is when it is going to happen again. If I don't make my decision by then, he will…" I trailed off, letting Peeta's mind fill in the rest. Peeta, though, didn't take it too seriously.

"Katniss, you are basing all of this off of a dream. How do you know it is real? It might just be fake."

"Yeah, well what if it isn't?"I said a little too sharply.

"This is the Capitol's baby. Maybe they _want_ you to think that."

My heart dropped into my stomach. What he said was completely possible, and was most likely true. It was somewhat disappointing.

"Did I upset you?" He went into his apologetic-Peeta mode. "I'm sorry. I should have never gone to that topic. It was stupid of me."

"It's okay." I patted him comfortingly. "What time is it?"

"Five o' clock." He said. "Why?"

"There is work I have to do."

_Well, that chapter wasn't a lot longer than my others, but I am working on it.__ I hope you liked it, and I hope I didn't rush into a conclusion too fast. Oh well. Let's see… your homework. Please, please, please, if you have time, please send me a PM. I will be able to respond properly to one of those and I enjoy getting them, so give me a suggestion or something like that! Like always, I send my love to my readers and reviewers! - TheSoggyBug_


	44. Chapter 43

_Hey everybody. I wrote this before the last chapter even got published, so therefore I have nothing to say except enjoy this chapter!_

After I took a shower and changed into fresh clothes, I said to Peeta, "You can go do whatever you want. I just might be gone all day."

"Where are you going?" Peeta, as always, looked concerned. I wish he would stop doing the whole pouting-thing. He is making me feel guilty.

"Preparing." I braided my hair back while walking out the door, but Peeta stopped me.

"Be careful, all right? Don't overdo it." He said.

After grabbing my shoulder bag from the corner, I reached up on my tip-toes and kissed Peeta. "Of course. "

As I left the room I called back to Peeta, "Good luck!"

My first stop was my mother's room. I gently knocked on her door and waited. No answer. Concluding she was indeed asleep, I opened the door quietly and treaded softly across the room. The sleeping figure of my mother was huddled under the light-blue covers and was moving up and down slowly with each breath she took.

Next to her bed was a shelf with five small compartments on the bottom. I crept over and quietly opened the first one. Inside was a leather drawstring pouch, which I opened just to make sure what I wanted was inside.

About three handfuls of silver coins filled the bag, making it slightly heavy to carry. I knew that my mother had escaped district 12 with all of this in her pockets, but the rest of my enormous fortune was back in our house in the Victors Village.

I put the leather pouch in my pocket, careful not to rattle the coin, and crept out of the room. It wasn't like stealing or anything, because technically it _was_ my money. Mother was just holding onto it for me.

My next goal was to find some sort of official person who can give me information. The residents of district 13 never saw their president, so I knew I wouldn't go to him for my questions. Maybe the judge would know the location of what I am looking for.

I went passed the cafeteria doors (even though the thought of food lured me) and headed to Judge Hinnant's office. When I got there, I found it was open, so I cautiously walked in.

The man sitting at the long desk was a short man, balding, maybe in his 60's. He was wearing a neat black suit and recognized me at sight.

"Miss Everdeen! How are we today?" he asked in his deep, soothing voice.

"I am fine, thank you, but I have some questions." I took a seat on one of the many chairs offered in this office.

"Ask away." The judge leaned forward on his elbows and stared kindly at me over his small eyeglasses.

"I would like to know where the vendors are here in district 13."

"Vendors?" Judge Hinnant looked politely puzzled.

"Where people sell things here." I said. "I am sure there is a place here that people get new clothes and… supplies and such."

"Ah, yes." He smiled and stood up. "May I escort you personally?"

I nodded and followed the judge from the room.

Once we were out, Judge Hinnant began telling me helpful information about this district.

"District Thirteen is divided into four sections, or Quarters, as we call them. Each Quarter is equally spaced, and each connected only by one hallway. The first Quarter is the Refuge Quarter, which is where we are. In this Quarter, there are many extra rooms, and everything is just simplified. A cafeteria where food is obtained easily and the people living in the Refuge Quarter are supplied with you basic needs."

I nodded as we turned a corner.

"The next Quarter is the Livestock and Plantation Quarter. Half of it is underground, half of it is halfway above ground. The part underground is where District 13's farmers grow livestock. Chickens that are for both meat and eggs, goats for meat and milk, and pigs for meat and fertilizer. We use to have cows but that was unbelievably messy." He smiled at me. "The other half of the Quarter is where District 13 grows food. That part is half-aboveground to get sunlight and water, but it is fenced in by high-security fence.

"The third Quarter is the Main Quarter. The regular residents of 13 are housed there, along with the more permanent offices of the president, judges, and other official people. Inside the Main Quarter is where Hunting and such things are arranged, although we have an office here in this Quarter. There is also a school in the Main Quarter that educates children from age five to twelve.

"The last Quarter is called the Market. Just the Market. In the very center of the Quarter, there is a big auditorium where the vendors sell clothing, toys, art, candy, liquor, and pretty much everything else on the planet. Along the edges of the Quarter, in between the auditorium and the walls, is where you sell stuff. Meat, hand-sewn clothing, blankets, and used stuff you don't need. From there it is taken and distributed in the auditorium according to what it is."

"Wow…" that was a lot of information I had gathered in just a short amount of time.

The judge and I rounded a second corner and came upon a hallway, sided by cement and dimly lit. Personally it creeped me out, but I didn't say that. Above the hallway entrance was a big sign that read**: RQ—M**

"That means 'Refuge Quarter to Market'." The judge looked at me over his shoulder and smiled again. "We are almost there."

The hallway was very long, maybe half a mile at the most. It took about fifteen minutes, although by the time we were out of the hallway and into a less depressing corridor, I was exhausted. My stomach felt twice as heavy.

Judge Hinnant led me to a tall door in between two corners of the area and opened it for me.

"Here is the main market area, Ms. Everdeen!" he said. "Will you have any trouble getting back?"

"No, but thank you." I said politely. "Have a nice day!"

"You too, Katniss." And the judge all but vanishes into thin air.

I turned back towards the auditorium and surveyed the very large room around me. No telling how big it was, but at about every three feet was stalls selling everything from pink yarn, to rubber snakes, to leather shoes, to tall bottles of white wine. I walked around the place, studying each stall as I went. After about four stalls, I came across one that sells multi-colored ribbons. I stopped and bought a dark blue one for Prim.

Seven more stalls over, I stopped at one that was about twice as big as the average stall that sold every bit of clothing imaginable. I scanned the rows as the articles of clothing got smaller and smaller until they turned into baby clothes.

"Looking for something in particular, Miss?" asked a voice from behind me.

I turned to see a young boy that looked about a year older than Prim, who had dark brown hair that fell almost to his shoulders. His eyes were a mysterious shade of hazel, but I didn't dwell on his looks for too long. He must manage the stall.

"Just some baby clothes." I smiled a little at him and turned back to the clothes.

"Boy or girl?"

I looked again at the boy with brown hair and said, "I don't know yet, but I think it is a boy."

"When are you due?" He was a little too nosy for his own good, but I didn't mind all that much. I tried to compare him to Primrose and found I was much more tolerable when I did that.

"Er… two days." I wasn't due then, but I knew that is when I get him. Or her. Whichever one.

The boy looked alarmed. "That soon? You had better be careful. I will give you half off for any clothes you want, since you need them that soon." He smiled, showing one little dimple on his chin.

"Oh, no, I couldn't." I insisted. "I have a lot of money." It sounded weird to my own ears, but the boy understood.

"I know." Is all he said.

I picked up a pair of soft blue cotton pajamas that had tiny imprints of sailboats, and I thought it was just the cutest thing, so I hung onto it. Right next to that was a suit of cotton that had little footies and a hood. The rounded buttons were in the shape of clouds, so I got that one too.

In the end, I had two pairs of pajamas, three sets of day clothes, a few pairs of hand-sew socks, and a pair of booties that looked comfortable.

I brought all of that up to the counter where the young boy sat and gave him the coins to pay for all of that. He kept his hazel eyes on me the whole time he counted it and put it in a drawer. By the time it was all done and I had the neatly folded clothes in my shoulder bag, I turned once more to the boy and asked, "Do you know of any other stalls that have more child stuff?"

The boy pointed somewhere behind me. "Fourteen over on the south end."

"Thank you." I left the stall, with only a glance behind me at the mysterious brown-haired boy.

_Okay, I liked the length of that chapter. I am going to keep chapters roughly that length if that is okay with you people. I'm not sure where I am going with the mysterious brown-haired boy. Maybe he just shows up once in the story and you forget about him. I don't know. WE HAVE TO HURRY SO FAST! I only have two or three chapters more to come up with a name for the baby! We haven't even agreed if it is a boy or girl. I am going to go all stern on you people and I'm going to expect twice as many reviews with suggestions and whether you want it to be a boy or girl. I am going to wait to publish the next chapter until I have ten names to choose from. Then I will post everybody's suggestions for names and whether it will be a boy or girl. I hope you all aren't too upset about everything not being a total surprise. You guys are helping me come up with the exciting parts, so I don't think you will mind too much. Anyways… Yeah… See you next chapter I suppose. TheSoggyBug_


	45. Chapter 44

_I have gotten a whole bunch of reviews, so don't forget to read my note at the end of this chapter! _

I was lying in bed, taking a nap after I had lunch, when there was knocking on my bedroom door. I got up stiffly, minding my overlarge stomach and dragged my body to the door.

Peeta was standing looking excited and winded in my doorway when I opened the door. "There is something I want you to see. I have been working really hard on it all day."

"Sure." I stifled a yawn and followed Peeta out of my room and away from my precious bed.

After a little bit of walking, he glanced over at me and frowned. "Are you sure it is okay? You look really tired."

"What do you expect, Peeta?" I said tiredly. "I am almost nine months pregnant."

He smiled a little bit. "I can show it to you tomorrow."

I slowed my pace and squinted down at the floor. It was so very tempting to go back to my room and sleep for forty days and forty nights, but Peeta said he had been working really hard on it, just to let me see it.

"Really, Katniss. I won't be offended if you want to see it tomorrow instead." Peeta seemed to have read my mind.

I still hesitated. "But you said you worked hard on it."

"I did, but more time just means it will get better until tomorrow." Peeta's arm went around me and we turned back to my room.

"Thanks…" I leaned heavily into Peeta's shoulder dramatically.

We got back to my room and plopped down onto my bed. I could feel my stomach shift when I did that, and I made a loud mental note not to do that anymore.

Peeta sat down next to me. "So, are you going to tell me what you did today?"

I propped my head up on my elbow and said simply, "I went shopping."

"Shopping?" Like I expected, Peeta looked very surprised. "I didn't think there was any place you _could_ go shopping here."

"Well there is more of District 13 than all of us here thought." I tucked my legs to my chest as well as I could (my stomach got in the way a lot), wrapping my arms around them, and told Peeta all Judge Hinnant told me about District 13.

When I finished, Peeta said, "And where did you learn all of this? You couldn't have possibly taken a first-class tour of District 13 in nine hours. Well, I suppose you could, but you wouldn't have time after to take a luxury shopping spree."

I paused for a second before I answered the question because it hadn't taken me nine hours to shop. It only took three, but I had spent the last six having lunch, soaking in my bathtub, and trying to take a nap. I said, "Judge Hinnant told me."

"Oh." Peeta frowned slightly, but the frown disappeared as soon as it had come. "So what did you get?"

I guess I was pretty excited when he asked that because I had gotten very good deals on stuff that the wealthier people at District 12 normally owned. Everyone seemed inclined to give me the stuff I wanted at half-price because apparently I was District 13's idol. Everyone wants to be nice to the girl on fire.

"I'll show you." I hopped (actually it was more like rolled) off the bed and went over to my wardrobe. There were a few large drawers and shelves on the bottom which I didn't normally use, but this time I had put the things I had bought in there.

Peeta crouched down next to me as I opened one of the big drawers very carefully and extracted a good-sized something that was carefully wrapped in cloth. I set it down in between us and we both held our breath as I took off the fabric wrapping.

Sitting in between us was a beautiful, hand-made cradle crafted so very carefully out of shiny brown wood. There were ribbons of twigs carefully twirled into perfect symmetry on either side of the crib. The whole thing sat on delicately on polished rockers, that didn't make any noise when pushed backwards or forwards.

Peeta sat motionless, staring at the crib as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "And you got this…how?"

I was so proud of my find, I willingly settled myself on the floor and told him. "In one of the stalls I was in, an old lady was the person running it. As I shopped, she told me that she use to have five children that all shared the same cradle, crafted by her grandfather, who disappeared mysteriously one day. I could tell she really missed her children, and I could see the sadness in her wrinkled old eyes when I said I was due in a few days. I was just about to go, when she asked me if I could come around the back so she could show me something. It was the crib, that all of her children had used, and she wanted me to have it. I offered her the rest of my money, but all she would take was half." I trailed off, thinking of how depressed the old lady looked when she was telling me all that, and how happy she was when I took it, promising I would take care of it.

"What was her name?"Peeta asked quietly, touching the worn wood of the cradle with his index finger.

"Willow. Just Willow." The old lady hadn't told me her last name.

Peeta nodded slowly, still staring at the cradle.

"I'm depressing myself. Let me show you the other things I got." I wrapped the crib back in the fabric and showed Peeta all of the other things I got; the baby clothes, a little stuffed lion, and a bag of homemade cloth baby diapers.

"What about a blanket?" Peeta asked. "Babies need a blanket."

I smiled. "I sort of have a special idea for that."

He raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

_I'm sorry that chapter wasn't as long as the last, but that's okay. I really have no idea where I am going with Willow, either. At first I thought she could be related to Rue or something like that, but that would be too much work, explaining all of that stuff. I know, I know. I am really lazy. Some people wanted the baby to be a boy, and here are some of the names they thought of:_

_Xavier_

_Blade_

_Oliver (I really like this name :3)_

_Cinna_

_Here are some girl names people thought of:_

_Hope_

_Faith_

_Tara_

_Rue_

_Primrose_

_Some people want it to be a girl so badly…. I don't know…maybe Katniss could have twins or something. Like night and day. One could be a girl who had freaky nightmares and her eyes turn black when she is angry, and the other could be a boy who is silent and maybe a tiny part of Gale is in them after all… I don't know that was just an idea. People seem to really like the idea of naming them after people Katniss loved. Like Prim, or Rue, or Cinna. Nice ideas! I had a pretty good idea for a full name for a girl. How about "Alexis Rue Mellark"? I really like that one. Or the name Cobalt in a boys' name. As a middle name or something. Remember, these are just ideas, but please tell me which ones you like!_


	46. Chapter 45

_Hello people. I have to stop writing twenty billion chapters before I can go online to check reviews because, once again, there is nothing for me to say except I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

It was an hour before lunch, and I was standing in front of my mothers' bedroom door. I knocked twice.

The door opened and my mother was standing there, hair still wet from the shower, a comb in her hand.

"Oh, sorry. Is this a bad time?" I asked a little too formal.

"Not at all. Is anything wrong?" She stepped aside and let me into her room.

I organized my thought inside my mind as I sat down at the end of her bed. "I have been having… complications… and I have a favor to ask you."

Mother gave me her "you-have-been-hiding-something-from-me" look and said, "First tell me these 'complications' before you go asking favors."

I sighed, waiting for my mother to sit down next to me before saying, "He almost died yesterday. The doctor said I have to get him out sooner than we thought so he won't _actually _die."

"'Sooner' meaning how soon?" Now my mother wasn't looking accusing at me, but somewhat worried and a tiny bit sympathetic.

"Meaning…" I winced and took a deep breath. "…meaning tomorrow or the day after."

The reaction from my mother was more or less what I expected. She gasped and got all teary-eyed. When she was with her dying patients back in District 12, she was stiff and professional, but when it came to her children, my mother was as soft as Prim sometimes.

She bit her lip. "That…That's pretty soon."

I nodded, not looking her in the eyes.

"What is the favor?" she took a deep breath and composed herself.

I told her.

As I spoke, my mother was nodding slowly. "I think I can do that. Maybe with Gale's help it would be sooner rather than later."

"That would be really good. I will need it as soon as possible."

"Katniss?" My mother looked me square in the eye, which made it hard to look her in the eye back.

"Yes?" I was getting uncomfortable under the stare of Mother.

"You will let me know when you are going to the hospital, right?"

I suddenly felt a sharp stab of pity for my mother. I hadn't really been letting her in on all of the stuff that has been going on with me. Heck, Peeta knew more than she and Prim did at this point.

"Of course I will, Mother." I reached over and hugged her. Not as tight as I did last night with Peeta, so it wouldn't be deadly (literally), but tight enough to let my mother know I was sorry for all of the crap I have been putting her through.

She patted my back comfortingly. "I will get right on that favor." She smiled and I left the room feeling considerably lighter than I was when I came in.

When I came back into my room, Peeta was gone, but I wasn't too worried. The bathtub was calling me.

I sat in the full tub, with only my nose sticking out above the water, trying to comprehend the fact that I have only one more night childless. Tomorrow I will go to sleep in the hospital and wake up with a baby. That thought was sort of hard to wrap my mind around, but I did, and the act of doing that made me get out of the tub.

I dried off and slipped on a nightgown, although I had no intention of going to bed quite yet. I took a brief second to comb through my wet hair with my fingers before I padded through my room barefoot.

I was walking in the halls for only five minutes when I ran into (literally) Peeta. He looked excited.

"Are you ready enough to see what I wanted to show you earlier?" he asked me. "You seem more awake than you were a little bit ago."

I thought about it for a split second before agreeing to go. "Yeah, okay. I won't pass out on you."

Peeta took my hand and told me to close my eyes. I obeyed. We walked in a faintly familiar pattern through the halls, and when I heard the very quiet opening of a door, I said to Peeta, "Can I open my eyes _now_?"

"Hold on…" Peeta turned me a fraction and made me take a step back, then said, "Okay, open."

I did as I was told and gasped. We were in the astronomy lab, but Peeta had transformed it into something I almost didn't recognize.

The floor was covered in a thin layer of fabric, not quite like a carpet, but something that kept my feet off the cold cement. On the wall was a large picture that looked hastily done, but in a way so where it didn't look sloppy, but artful. Splashes of orange and yellow littered the page in swirly patterns, accompanied by the occasional shape like a butterfly. Gold paint framed the edges of it in a way that made it look like it was professionally framed.

In each corner were cheap-looking (but nonetheless pretty) oil lamps that casted a warm yellow glow into the dimly-lit room.

It appears as though someone had dragged in a shelf, and was in the process of being stocked with baby supplies, all I recognized to be the stuff I bought. On the bottom of the shelf, all of the little clothes I had gotten for my kid had been folded and organized.

What touched me the most though, was in the corner opposite to the shelf was the cradle, illuminated by the lamp that hung directly over it. A pillow was placed next to the head of the crib along with a few layers of quilts.

I stood staring at the beautiful room Peeta had turned into a nursery in just a day. Tears had formed in my eyes and had begun to spill down my cheeks. I was about to reach up and wipe them away, but then I realized that I had a perfectly adequate reason to cry, so I just let them come.

"Do you like it?" It was exactly what Peeta had said when he had polished the room to spotlessness yesterday.

I nodded and buried my face in my hands.

Peeta put his arms around me and allowed me to have a mental breakdown all over his shirt. That was no exaggeration, either. He patted my back and smoothed my hair down while I cried. The weird thing about Peeta was that he never worried about himself and he was so completely selfless, it made me ashamed. I owed him so much.

"I'm scared, Peeta." The words spilled from my mouth before I knew what I was saying.

"I am, too." He didn't make fun of me or anything of that sort. He just agreed with me and kissed the top of my head. I love Peeta.

_AW my goodness I'm gonna cry because Peeta is just the sweetest thing… 8D go Team Peeta! Sorry, Gale fans. I love him too, but Peeta has to win for me, hands down. Anyways…. See you next chapter everyone!_


	47. Chapter 46

_I have been thinking, and I have come up with names. I won't tell you whether it is going to be a boy or a girl, but I have name ideas for either. Tell me if you like them! For the boy, it is Oliver Aden Mellark (one of my lovely reviewers reminded me that Aden means "fire" in some language), and for the girl it is Alexis Rue Mellark. I am so happy! Well, I am typing this at the hospital, going into surgery in 45 minutes. Except for that, there is nothing I can say in this A/N._

It was still the same day, and I was in the nursery with Peeta, thinking up things with him that I need to do before 11:59 tomorrow night. Peeta had some trouble when I had another nervous breakdown an hour or two ago. He was upset about how I totally convinced about my dreams telling me the future, and ho the numbers "2 23:59" could mean anything, but he calmed down when I said it calmed _me _down having a set time and date. I still don't think he believes me about it, but he didn't push the subject any more.

"So…" Peeta leaned against the wall and stared up at the sky through the ceiling. "What is your plan for tomorrow?"

I let out a gusty sigh. "I'm not really sure. I think I'm going to pack a bag of sorts to take with me to the hospital, and I want all of my family to go. You, Mother, Prim, and… and Gale I suppose, although I doubt any of them would be allowed back in the room with me…" Completely exhausted, I leaned into Peeta's chest. He wrapped his arms around put his chin on the top of my head.

"Are you planning on packing the bag tomorrow?" he asked me.

"Mmm…" I absentmindedly traced little circles on my stomach with my index finger. "I was planning on doing it today, but to be honest I don't feel like moving anywhere right now."

Peeta laughed lightly and I could feel it vibrating through his chest. "You can tell me what you want to pack and I can bring it to you."

"You wouldn't want to do that." I said with a somewhat drugged edge to my voice.

Peeta laced his fingers together on top of my stomach, as if proving, without words, to me he wouldn't mind.

"You would seriously do that for me?" I twisted my neck around to look at Peeta's face.

"There isn't much I _wouldn't _do for you."

For a second there I tried not to let my stupid pregnant-woman hormones get the best of me, but it didn't really work and the next second I had my hands on my face crying softly.

"Don't cry, Katniss." But Peeta didn't seem too upset that I was crying because of what he said to me. Instead, he just held my head gently against his collarbone and let me cry myself out.

It took a while, I had to admit. Crying myself out, I mean. I had my arms around Peeta and was staining the shoulder of his shirt for a good twenty minutes before I finally raised my head and took a deep breath. "Thanks, Peeta. I needed that."

"Any time. But seriously, Katniss, I will get together the stuff you want in your bag." He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"But that would make me seem so _lazy._ I have never been lazy." I pouted.

Peeta smiled a little bit and said, "I will give you permission to be as absolutely lazy as you possibly can from now until… you know… tomorrow." I guess you really couldn't call it 'having the baby' could you? Because it is going to be pretty stressful tomorrow.

"Okay." I finally gave in to Peeta's chivalry.

He sat up straighter. "So what do you want me to bring you?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but a thought crossed my mind that made me interrupt my own thoughts. "You know what? I think I am going to get up and get the stuff myself. You can help me, though. It just crossed my mind that you wouldn't know where some of the things are."

Peeta still looked very hesitant, but nevertheless, got up and offered me his hand.

It has become increasingly hard to get up and move around, because, as the doctor predicted, the kid inside of me has been having a major growth spurt and now weighs a lot more. He weighs enough to unbalance me, and make me nearly fall over when I crouch or stretch.

I groaned and wobbled onto my feet, and leaned into Peeta to regain my balance for a few seconds. He put a steadying hand on my shoulder.

After I did regain my balance, I took his hand and using my amazing pregnant-woman powers, I very lovingly dragged Peeta out of the nursery and to my room.

"So what can I do while you are finding whatever you are looking for?" Peeta asked when I set him down on my bed and kneeled carefully at the standing shelves next to the door.

"You can gather up some of my clothes, if it doesn't bother you touching my clothes too much." I smiled at him and began looking for a small cardboard box I had hidden there a while ago. "Oh, and also, all of this goes in my shoulder bag hanging up by the door."

"Okay." Peeta didn't seem to mind being my personal slave. Instead, he took the bag from its hook and put it on my bed. He walked casually over to my closet and began doing the job I assigned him.

I shoved aside a pair of my old shoes that no longer fit, and sitting there behind them, was my little cardboard box. Relived, I took it out and opened it. Inside, was a large square of soft material, and wrapped in that, was exactly what I was looking for.

Peeta was busy folding my clothes, so I took the chance to secretly unwrap the four corners of the fabric. Inside, resting in a shallow crease in the material was a small, round gem that was shiny white with a hue of pastel blue and sherbet orange when turned different directions.

"What's that?" Peeta asked, pausing from his folding, and looking over the side of my bed down at me.

"The pearl you gave me during the Quarter Quell." I rolled it over in my fingers, feeling the smooth, cold surface.

Peeta slid off the bed and sat down next to me. "You have kept it for that long?"

"Sometimes when I am having a mental breakdown, or before the Guards let me see you after the Quell, I would take this out and hold onto it. It calms me down." I pressed it to my chest.

"Katniss…" Peeta took the pearl from my hands, and gently put it back in the box. "I'm here for you know, instead of some silly pearl."

"But it's not some silly pearl." I looked up at him. "It is my most prized possession."

Peeta smiled at me, his eyes sparkling like I have never seen them do before. "I love you, you know that?"

I pretended to think about it. "Hmm…. Yes, I do know. You have only told me a million times."

He laughed and put his forehead against mine. "If that's what it takes."

"It doesn't take quite that much." I put my arms around him and kissed him.

Peeta seemed surprised, and pulled back very gently. "I'm sorry, Katniss, but we have to be careful."

I pouted. "Right…"

"Don't give me that look!" Peeta looked at me with his 'I'm worried about you being irrational and injuring yourself' face. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"But last night when I got hurt it was from hugging you too tight!" I insisted. "I'm not going to hug you too tight!"

Peeta seemed to be fighting with himself. "I can't let you get hurt."

It was too late for me not to get hurt now, because he was hurting my feelings. "Just because I sort of hurt myself yesterday doesn't mean I will today."

"You nearly killed yourself _and _your baby."

"You know what?" I was getting angry, but I didn't want to upset Peeta. "I need some time."

Peeta watched me sadly as I stalked out of the room heavily, but what he didn't see, was that I snatched up the pearl from beside me before going.

_I don't know if that classified as a fight exactly, but things will get better. I can't really stand when my favorite couples from books are angry at each other. Just wait a few more chapters! I can't wait until then, honestly. I am going to have to type fast! See you next chapter, all of my favorite readers, and even the ones I hate (a.k.a. no one). Bye Bye!_


	48. Chapter 47

_You guys are so sweet :3. To: person —thank you for your comment! I love all of my reviewers. You guys make me so happy. I hope this next chapter didn't take too long to update (ha-ha I crack myself up. It has only been a few minutes). Just to let all of you know, my surgery went well. I am feeling loopy from the pain meds, but other than that all right. Haha I was born in January, and my family doesn't really call me anything but my name. Thanks for worrying about me, guys. I love you people! Enjoy the next chapter! _

I was curled up in a little ball in the corner of the nursery, with my arms wrapped around my stomach and the pearl Peeta had given me. I know it is not a very well "hidden" hiding place, but maybe I did it on purpose so Peeta would come and find me so I can apologize to him.

I felt ashamed I had let my emotions get the best of me. There was no reason to be mad at Peeta. He was just being a little overcautious at the time, but that was no reason to throw a big 4-year-old fit and stomp out of the room. Maybe he hadn't come to find me because it was _my _job to apologize to _him. _I knew it was, but I guess I was just too chicken.

Tears began to flow down my face and I once again cursed my hormones and put my face in my hands, even though there was no one to hide from in here. Then again- I took my face from my hands- maybe it wasn't the hormones acting up. Maybe I was just being irrational and childish. Whichever the case may be, I put my face back in my hands. Right now, I hated myself and just wanted to be asleep. Sure, wanting to get away and hide from my troubles was not acting my age, but so far it was the best solution I had.

All of a sudden, arms went around my shoulders (which made me jump a little bit) and I hastily wiped my eyes.

"Its okay, Katniss." You know, maybe it would be good for both of us if Peeta occasionally didn't forgive me automatically every time I acted badly.

"No its not." I turned my head away from him. "Every time I act stupid, you are all 'oh, its okay, Katniss', but you know what? That isn't okay. I can't live my life getting away for treating you badly."

"You have had a hard few years. Once the stress is off your shoulders, things will get better." Peeta patted me sympathetically, but I pulled away and looked at him accusingly.

"This is what I am talking about. You always have to be such a good boy, while I am sitting here, screaming at you. Why can't you stop looking at it so logically instead of emotionally?"

"What do you want me to say?" Peeta looked confused, and somewhat upset.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out except for a little sob. Why do I have to be such a baby all the time?

Peeta put his arms back around me (I didn't pull away this time) and held my head against his chest. "What can I do to help you, Katniss? I hate seeing you this sad all the time."

"We need to finish packing my bag and get this over with." I took a deep, shaky breath.

"You mean get it over with _today_?" Peeta frowned.

"That is exactly what I mean. Come on." I put a hand on my stomach and heaved myself up.

Peeta was right behind me. "Are you sure about this, Katniss?"

"I have never been more positive about any decision I have ever made." I straightened my nightgown out (I find it easier to keep my pajamas on instead of changing every day) and marched out of the room, holding Peeta's hand securely so I don't fall flat on my face.

At my room, Peeta stood by at my door with his eyebrows furrowed as I redid my braided hair and slung my messenger bag over my shoulder. I grabbed the last set of mega-stretch pajamas from my closet and changed into them, discarding my others in the bathroom. Peeta's weary eyes followed me around the room while I did all of this.

From beneath my shelf, I grabbed a pair of soft leather shoes, but accidentally hit my head on the way back up. The heavy glass of water that was sitting on top of the shelf fell down in slow motion and bounced off my chest. I gasped in surprise and as soon as it happened, my stomach unbalanced me and I toppled backwards.

Peeta suddenly looked horrified and lurched forward towards me as I fell to the ground. Pain shot up my back and I felt something sharp yank me the opposite way.

"Katniss!" he cried out, and dropped down to his knees next to me.

"I thought it would be tomorrow!" I gasped and cringed with pain. It felt as though someone was giving me a nice body massage with a cheese grader from the inside. Pain was ricocheting up and down my body, blossoming out from in the middle of my stomach.

"What can I do?" Peeta looked freaked out and helpless as he held my hand and watched as I writhed around in pain.

"Get the—"I shoved my hand into my mouth to stop myself from screaming aloud.

"The doctors. Right. But I don't want to leave you!" Peeta grabbed a fistful of his hair with a wild look in his eyes.

"Then get Gale for Gods' sake!" I cried. It felt as though I was exploding from inside out.

Peeta nodded. "I'll get someone as fast as I can, I promise." He dashed out the door and I grabbed onto one of the bed legs to hold it as tight as possible. Horrible convulsions were ripping out from my stomach, making me cry out.

I heard heavy footsteps from the hallway and the door slammed back open and before I knew it, Gale was kneeling right beside me.

"Help me…" I whimpered. My pain was overwhelming. I struggled to stay conscious as Gale put his hand on my forehead.

"Peeta didn't say what was wrong." Gale said helplessly. "He just told me to go stay with you and he ran away."

My body started to shake. "…he's suffocating."

"Who is?"Gale pulled my head up into his lap when I started to cry.

I pulled my hands up to my stomach, which was still having horrible convulsions and pains.

Gale was about to say something, when the door opened again with a loud crash, and a large team of doctors in ugly blue scrubs came flooding into my room carrying different medical bags and other plastic stuff I couldn't identify. Gale was tossed out of the room, along with Peeta, who had followed the doctors inside. I gave him an apologetic look before the door slammed closed and another spasm of pain rippled through my body.

"Aren't you guys going to drag me over to the hospital or something?" I moaned as they heaved me up onto my bed.

They looked at me incredulously and snapped the plastic masks over their mouths. "To risky. Dr. Longarden wanted the procedure to be done here."

I was about to protest when one of the doctors stabbed a syringe into my arm and the last thing I was aware of was someone outside the door yelling my name.

_OH NOS! Believe it or not, I didn't even see that one coming myself. I only decided to do it at the beginning of this chapter. To junbug24, who wanted to know what I was getting surgery on, I was getting a tumor and my appendix removed. :3 I hope you guys liked this chapter. I sure did! Can't wait until the next! Love you guys. Thanks for all of the support!_


	49. Chapter 48

_I am not wasting any time chatting about how much I love you people. Here is the chapter you guys have _been_ waiting for (only for a few hours)!_

Through hours of horrible nightmares and vivid pains throughout all of my body, I finally came to a shivering stillness. The drugs must have started working because I didn't feel, see, or hear anything. I guess that was a good thing, but replacing my pain was a feeling of dread. _What happened? Am I dead? Is my baby dead?_

Some part of me was grateful that I wasn't awake yet, because I was too much of a chicken to know what happened. The other part of me wanted to wake up so I would know if my kid was alright. I wanted to hold him, and be close to Peeta, but I don't even know if he is alive. Heck, I don't even know if _I'm_ alive or not.

I felt a slight tugging somewhere in the vicinity of my stomach and a sudden rush of vertigo, making the world swoop around me (although I couldn't see anything). The rest of my body's feeling was retrieved and I felt somewhat rough material at my fingertips.

I pried my eyes open. It took a few minutes to come into focus, but eventually the dizziness faded and the images around me sharpened to clarity. The ceiling above me was textured and off-white, surrounded by peach-colored curtains. The walls were littered with strange machinery and beeping screens.

Stiffly, I turned my neck to my right and to my relief Peeta was kneeling next to my bed. He was holding my hand and was staring off into space on the opposite wall.

"Peeta?" My voice was barely audible through my scratchy throat. "Is he okay?"

Peeta glanced over at me and sighed in relief. "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"How come you always do that?" I groaned, frowning at him.

"Do what?" Peeta played all innocence, which annoyed the heck out of me.

"Every time I wake up from whatever, you don't answer my questions and act all weird." I looked him straight in the eyes (as well as I could, seeing as how my eye muscles weren't totally in my control yet) and I asked him in a clear voice, "Is he alive?"

Peeta, for once, smiled at the question. "Yes. Yes it is."

I felt the enormous weight of anticipation lift off my chest and be replaced by relief. "Is he beautiful?" I whispered.

"I don't know." Peeta stared back off into space. "I wanted you to be the first one to see him."

"Bring him to me." I begged. "I want to see him."

"I can't." Peeta stood up and gently replaced my hand back on top of the blankets.

"Don't go, Peeta!" I said frantically, trying to grab onto his hand, but missing by a few inches.

"The doctor wanted me to tell him once you woke up. I wasn't even supposed to be the one to be here when you woke up, but they made a rare exception for me." Peeta kissed my forehead before ducking out the door.

I watched miserably after him. Peeta just _left _me laying here in the hospital, after I had my child cut out of me, and he didn't have a single word to say. I closed my eyes again and fought away anger at Peeta.

"Are you awake, Mrs. Everdeen?" Dr. Longarden's voice came from across the room.

I cracked my eyes opened again and sniffled. I hated everyone right now and Dr. Longarden was definitely _not _one of the people on my "not hated" list.

"How are you feeling?" Wrong thing to ask, doctor.

"Why does everyone ask that? Would you people just STOP asking me that?" I felt anger bubble inside of me and I sat up. "You know what?" I said the doctor, trying not to let my voice rise any higher than it already was. "I don't need doctors. You all are telling me what to do and ever since I found out I was pregnant, you have been in _total_ control of me. That isn't going to happen anymore." I reached over and ripped the IV out of my left hand. I ignored the lack of hair surrounding where the IV was, and grabbed a tissue to staunch the bleeding.

Dr. Longarden held out his hands as if to stop me and looked concerned. "Now, Mrs. Everdeen, that needle was in one of your major arteries. You can't just rip it out or you'll be in danger of bleeding to death."

"Oh, I can't rip it out?" I said in fury, standing up, facing the doctor. I held my bleeding hand out to him. "I JUST DID!"

In desperate attempt to rein me in, the doctor looked to his side and slammed his fist against the "Press for Help" button.

"I want to see him!" I cried, running at the doctor as if I actually thought I could knock him down and run for it. Silly me.

The door burst open behind doctor Longarden and two doctors came in. I said "came" but what I really meant was "ran-in-and-held-me-down-on-the-bed-to-stick-a-needle-full-of-clear-stuff-in-me-until-I-passed-out-again".

The next time I opened my eyes, it was clear what the doctors had unwillingly drugged me with was something really strong, because my eyes refused to focus and my limbs felt as heavy as sandbags. I lifted my hand (or tried to), and found it was once again stabbed with an IV, but a metal band held both of my arms securely down. I groaned.

Immediately, there was a doctor that swooped down on my right and took my vitals. I grudgingly opened my mouth so he could stick his rubbery thermometer under my tongue.

After all of that was done and everything was recorded on a wooden clipboard, I opened my mouth again and managed to control my throat muscles enough to say, "Can… I go see him now?"

The doctor smiled lightly at me. "It's a girl."

I felt myself laugh a little, and even to my own ears it sounded _very _drugged. "A girl."

"I'm afraid there is a note here…"The doctor put his finger on a spot on the countertop, "…that says Dr. Longarden wants to wait until you are stabilized and the medicine has run its course. We don't want a heavily drugged 17-year-old stumbling around the hospital looking for her first-born."

I giggled, but then suddenly stopped myself. Why should I be giggling about this? There was nothing to laugh about.

"Do you want me to get Dr. Longarden in?"The other doctor asked me as he typed on the computer.

"Why would he need to come?" I asked in a slightly slurred voice. Wow, it was sounding like I really was drunk.

"Your wrists are bleeding."

I looked quizzically down at the metal bands, and, sure enough, it appeared as though I was pulling on them so tightly that I had actually managed to cut the skin of my wrists and a dot of blood was visible on the edge of the cuff.

"He can get you more medicine."

"No more medicine!" I cried, straining on my metal bands more. "I'm fine."

The doctor smiled again. "Give it an hour. Then we will see if you will be well enough to get up."

The next hour was agonizingly slow and painful. I was jittery and on edge the whole time, routinely asking the current doctor there if I could go. Little by little the heavy medicine wore off and I was getting more aware and impatient of things by the second. Finally, roughly an hour and thirteen minutes later, the doctor checked my vitals again and said, "You seem stabilized enough, but you have to promise not to rip your IV out and run around the room again, okay?"

"Okay!" I sat as still as I possibly could as the doctor inserted a little key in each of the metal bands and they opened with a loud _clack._ They unscrewed one end of my IV and taped it against my arm _out of the way._

"You aren't able to walk a whole lot right now, so a wheelchair is going to have to do." The nice doctor dragged out a fold-a-wheelchair from under the sink and unlatched it so where it was suitable to sit in.

I wiggled around in the bed until the doctor put his hand in the crook of my elbow and helped my into the chair. My knuckles latched around the arms and I wanted to scream to the doctor, "Faster, _faster, FASTER!" _ But the chair kept on wheeling as slowly as humanly possible, but I had to keep my promise not to hop up and run around the hospital like a loony.

Finally, the chair wheeled to a stop in front of a door, and to my surprise, Peeta was leaning against the wall, waiting for me. At least, I think it was me he was waiting for.

When Peeta saw me, he hopped off the wall and came over to me. "So I take it you didn't bleed to death?"

"Hey that wasn't my fault!" I said defensively, laughing. "I was on drugs."

"I know. Shall we?" Peeta took my hand and opened the door to who-knows-where that was in front of us.

The doctor wheeled me in, Peeta at my side, and I had to admit what I saw frightened me. The room was full of metal contraptions and in the very center, was a rectangular column made of glass halfway up. There were plastic circles in the glass on each side, with little tubes running inside of the column connected to different bags of fluid.

Inside the glass, was my baby.

_Dun dun DUUNN! Hehe I ended it right before we got to see the kid. Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter. It took long enough! I am doing well, typing as fast as ever, but not fast enough! I will try to get the next chapter soon. Love you guys!_


	50. Chapter 49

_This is the chapter you all have been waiting for! I have been waiting for it too, to be honest. Read, read, read! (I am glad you guys liked her being a girl)_

The doctor wheeled me over to the glass column and I peered in cautiously. Inside, wrapped in a swath of soft pink blankets, was this perfect little baby. She had an unusually pale face, with little brown freckles scattered across her nose. Peeking out from in the blankets were two large, curious eyes, the exact shade of the sky at noon. Lashes the color of buttered toast framed her blue. What set the whole look off, though, was very thick black hair that was spilling out from under the shade of her blanket and tickled her forehead.

I found myself crying. "She's…"I sniffed and looked up at Peeta. "She looks just like you."

Peeta looked as happy as I felt. "She has your hair."

I pressed one of my hands on the glass and watched as my babies' eyes followed my every move. "Where are Mother and Prim?"

"Out in the waiting room." said the doctor who wheeled me in.

"Are you kidding me? Get them in here. They must be dying…" I scowled at the doctor and looked back at the tiny newborn in the glass column. She was staring inquisitively at me and Peeta with her pretty blue eyes.

"She has your eyes…" I said to Peeta.

He nodded and put an arm around me. "She actually looks a lot like me… except for the hair. And the prettiness."

"_You're_ pretty." I laughed through my tears.

"I'm not a girl." He pointed out, smiling with me. "She may be pale and have freckles and blue eyes, but she is very pretty. Just like her mother."

I sniffled again and leaned my head against Peeta. "I wonder if—"

"Katniss!" someone cried behind me.

I twisted around and was rewarded with a sharp pain through the cut in my stomach. My mother and Prim were all but barreling towards me. I caught Prim with one of my arms and she hugged me around my neck.

"Primrose, look." I pulled her gently away and pointed through the glass.

My little sister pressed her face up against the glass and gasped. "He's beautiful!"

I laughed. "It's a girl."

As I expected, she squealed with excitement. "Have you named her yet?"

"I promised you could name her if it was girl, didn't I?" I smiled as I watched Prim giggled.

"I-I don't know!" she laughed, and to my surprise, Prim actually threw her arms around Peeta and hugged _him_.

After a second of hesitating, Peeta patted her on the head.

"Oh, she is beautiful!" My mother exclaimed, and turned to the doctors, who were standing near the door, smiling. "May we hold her?"

That is when the doctor shook his head sadly. "We can't let you do that yet, I'm afraid."

I frowned. "Well, why not?"

"Your daughter is not in the best health."

I immediately switched to my nasty defensive-teenager mode. "What do you mean 'she is not in the best health'?"

"We were very nearly almost late saving her." The doctor began. "You knew that she was in risk of getting the umbilical cord around her neck and dying, but no one thought that you would have another attack so soon. Her heart stopped twice already, so she has to be monitored until we are positive she is safe to go."

I started crying again, but this time, I had reason. "But why can't I hold her?"

"She is hooked up to half a dozen different machines." One of the other doctors nudged some of the tubes hanging out of the column. "Until we can unhook her from those machines, she is not able to be held."

I coughed. Well, my life sucks. All of this crap has been happening to me, and when things finally settle down (or so I thought), I just _had _to have a daughter that might die at any second and I couldn't hold her until she got better. I resisted the urge to tell the doctors how much I hated them. Instead, I had an idea. "Well, you guys are going to have some trouble because I am not leaving this room until I can take her home."

The doctors exchanged weird looks. "This room is closed to public from ten o' clock in the evening to four in the morning. Between those hours it is only monitored by cameras."

"That is going to cause some problems for you then, won't it?" I glared at each of them in turn.

Then one of the younger doctors piped up, "We have control of your drug supply _and_ your wheelchair."

"Well, whoop-dee-do you for you." I said sarcastically.

"Katniss…" Peeta put his arms around my shoulders.

"She's my baby, Peeta!" I cried, shrinking away from his touch.

"And mine, too. We can't take any more risks. She could—"

I interrupted him. "Why are you always like that?" I cried, hugging my arms to myself. "'Don't take risks' you say. 'Be careful'. 'Think of what will happen to you'. I don't always have to act as though I need to be wrapped in bubble wrap! Stop being such a pessimist." I sniffled.

Peeta frowned. "I'm just concerned about what is best for you."

"Well not all of it is about me! I'm fine! What about our daughter, huh?" Tears were flowing down my face, and it was all I could do _not_ to scream at the top of my lungs at him.

"Katniss," He looked away, face hard with hurt. "I love our daughter as much as you do, but I need to think about the consequences as a whole."

I stifled a sob and wiped my eyes. "I'm going to go now. Nobody should try to stop me."

The doctors watched me as I turned away from Peeta and my family, and shuffled out wearing only the thin hospital gown and a horrified face.

_I am having quite a battle with myself, here. See, I didn't really think about making Katniss and Peeta fight. It just sort of happened. Don't worry. I will fix things later. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR DOING THAT!_


	51. Chapter 50

_Hey everybody! I am glad no one hates me. Thank goodness I have an excuse for making Peeta and Katniss fight. Hehehe… Thank you people for asking how I am after surgery. I'm good, but I am on strict bed rest, and so that is why I am typing up so many chapters. I have all of this time on my hands and only a cell phone and a laptop for entertainment. And it sure is entertaining! Thanks to all of my reviewers. You people are so nice to me. And entertaining. In response to one of my reviews, I have to save don't worry. I have everything planned out. Yeah, I am probably going to put Finnick in there more once I figure more of the story out. And I'm not mad at you for not paying attention. Heck, I don't even remember saying something like that, but it is just as well. My memory is horrible. And OMG I know! When I read mockingjay I cried at the end soooo hard. Really. I made my mom read it and she cried too. So many people died that I loved it's not even funny. I am not going to go into details just in case some of you haven't read it, but all I have to say is I HATE SUZANNE COLLINS! No offense. :3 Please enjoy this chapter!_

How come I cry so much? For the second time in two days, I found myself leaning against th wall in the nursery/astronomy lab crying my eyes out. Nobody had come in here to comfort me or tell me it will be alright. By "nobody" I meant "Peeta" because he was the only person who knew about this room. I guess he is a pretty smart guy for leaving me the heck alone, because if he came in now, I just might scream at him again. Maybe.

I stared up at the sky, and judging by the sun being just barely above the horizon in the east, I decided that only a day had passed with me being in the hospital. I looked back down and picked at the sleeve of my shirt. As soon as I had gotten away from everyone, I had ripped off my hospital gown and stuffed it in the trashcan. Thank goodness I had a spare pair of clothing in the nursery, because I was getting cold standing in there in only my underwear.

It was pretty creepy in the nursery all alone, I had to admit. All of the other times I had Peeta's arms around me in here and the lanterns in the corners gave off a warm light, not a menacing glow. I closed my eyes and imagined this room as if it were two hundred years later, when I am dead and gone, but all of the same stuff was still there. In my mind, cobwebs hung from the long-extinguished lanterns and the beautiful crib creaked and moaned every time a gust of wind blew on it from the ceiling, which was smashed in.

I gave a shutter and reopened my eyes. Thankfully, there were no cobwebs or shattered glass on the floor. Even though the lanterns went out a while back, there was still enough yellow light from the setting sun to illuminate the room in a non-threatening way. The cradle was sitting as motionless as a stone, being as dust-free and as pretty as ever.

I sat down next to it and wrapped myself in the blankets Peeta had set out. They were warm, so I sank down lower on the floor and curled my body around them. Don't ask how, but I actually managed to fall asleep laying there.

In my dream, I was walking down a spooky hallway, that I knew to be the one to the nursery, but something was different somehow. I studied the decaying walls and dragged my hand along the sides. A thick wall of dust sputtered out from my fingertips and ever-so-slowly settled around me. I had absolutely no idea of how blinding dust was when there was a lot of it. My feet slid against the floor as I stumbled around in the white cloud.

Suddenly, my face slammed hard into something. I cried out and scrambled around for something, anything, to hold onto as I fell backwards. My sweaty fingers closed around something very round, and very smooth against the wall. A doorknob? My heart slowed down gradually and I turned the knob.

Thankfully, the dust cloud did not follow me into the room as I ran in and closed the door behind me. Only then, did I have the time to glance around me to see where I was. Several decrepit old items littered the room depressively: A shelf, covered in cobwebs; a dirty old lantern hanging from each corner; a crib, moldy and faded.

I got the feeling back into my feet and found myself running my fingers along all of these things. _My _things. An unrecognizable piece of who-knows-what tipped over and fell from the shelf. As if the sound turned all the way off, the item made no noise as it hit the ground and shattered into a million different shards of glittering sparkles. I watched as they sat still for a moment in the air and then slowly begin to rise. Rising up past my face, shimmering like miniscule fireflies, I stared at them. My head tilted upward as the glitters cascaded into the glass ceiling and everything exploded. The sound came back and along with covering my ears, I ducked and covered up my head with my hands as pieces of the world around me fell in slow motion like snow.

Through all of the whistling and cascading glass, I heard a cry, high-pitched and helpless. I struggled through the broken ceiling, trying to find the source of the crying. Logically, the first place anyone would look was the crib, so I crawled over to the cradle and lifted a larger piece of glass off of the top. Inside was a bundle of white blankets, turned away from me. In desperation, I scooped it up in my arms and searched for an opening of the blankets.

Instead of finding a soft baby face like I thought I would, my shaking fingers closed around a piece of smooth paper. I lowered the bundle and brought the paper up to read. On it, was only four words: **LET THE GAMES BEGIN**

Wind began whistling eerily above me, running over the broken edges of the glass ceiling. The wind caught on the paper in my hand and ripped it from my hands. I flailed my hands in the air, trying to grab the bit of paper back. It was no use; the wind had already blown it out of reach and out the shattered ceiling.

The wind died down as soon as it had begun. I sat still on the broken glass, clutching the limp, empty blankets, staring out at the night sky. A spooky full moon hung directly above me, and what was odd was that it seemed to be getting bigger the more I gazed at it. Sure enough, after some five minutes of trying to decide whether I was going mad or not, the moon was a good five times the size it had been earlier, and growing rapidly.

With the swelling of the moon came a second whistling. Like something large and heavy falling from a great height. It didn't take too long for me to figure out I was just about to get crushed by the moon. There was nowhere to run, and even if I did, it was impossible to escape the increasing air pressure and the sense of dread as you watched Earths' moon come falling onto on you.

The last thing I heard was stillness, and a little tinkle of wind-chimes, then an enormous weight crashed down on me and everything went blank.

My eyes opened and for a second, I thought I was still in the nursery, but I adjusted to the darkness and saw that I wasn't. The dark squares littering the walls suggested that many painting and pictures were hung up, so I guessed the room I was in was Peeta's.

Funnily enough, when I turned my head to look at my left, Peeta was there sleeping soundly. When I was there, watching him sleep so peacefully, it was hard to be angry at him. In fact, I felt horrible that I had screamed at him earlier and wondered dolefully why he kept coming back to me after I had hurt him so many times. Don't get me wrong, I _wanted_ him to forgive me each time I was nasty to him, but I'm sure it wasn't easy sticking up with me 24/7.

I sat up and turned my body to face him, sitting on my knees with my hands in my lap. The blanket was tucked up to Peeta's chin, and his lips were curved into a frown. I wondered if he was having a bad dream or if he fell asleep looking like that. If he did, I knew it was because of me.

"Peeta," I whispered, leaning over to gently shake his shoulder. No response. "Peeta, wake up." Peeta mumbled in his sleep, sinking lower into the covers. I put my hand on his cheek and debated whether to flick his forehead. I knew _that _would wake him up, but it just seemed really mean. "Wakey-wakey."

Peeta's eyelids opened heavily and he blinked. "Are you okay? Is anything wrong?"

"I wanted to apologize for screaming at you yesterday." I sat back and bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't be mad for me waking him up in the middle of the night to tell him that.

"Are you still sleeping?" He raised his eyebrows.

I shook my head. "I had a nightmare and woke up. I assure you, I am not sleeping."

"Oh." Peeta stifled a yawn and struggled to sit up.

"I'm really, really sorry." I began, looking down at my hands. "It seems like you are always getting yelled at by me and you always come back to me."

Peeta blinked again. "Do you not want me to?"

"No, no! That isn't what I meant." I hugged my arms to my chest and discovered that that hurt the cut on my stomach, so I let go. "You just never seem angry at me. I can't keep going on like this, taking all of my anger out on you, and expecting you to forgive me the next day."

"Katniss, there isn't really anything to forgive." Peeta shook his head at me.

"There isn't really anything to forgive?" I snorted. "I scream at you on a daily basis. That right there is something that needs to be forgiven."

"You always have a good reason to scream at me. If anything, you should forgive me. I am just so wound up around keeping you safe and following the rules that I fail to see beyond that point. I will _always_ forgive you if you will forgive me."

I scowled. "This is also what I am talking about. You direct everything towards yourself to make it seem like everything is your fault, which it isn't."

"If it makes you feel any better," Peeta smiled a tiny bit. "I am pretty angry at you for half an hour afterwards. I suggest you come to me during that time, so you won't be disappointed."

I smiled weakly back at him. "If I were in your shoes, I would have left me a long time ago."

"But you aren't in my shoes, so that is what matters."

"I know." Peeta's logic was so utterly stupid and true at the same time that I had to laugh.

Peeta shoved the covers off of him and opened his arms. "Come on, Katniss. Hug-time."

I didn't know whether to frown or to laugh. "Hug-time?"

"Yes." Miraculously, Peeta managed to keep a straight face, and I applauded him for that.

Giving in to his complete inanity, I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. "Just don't call it 'hug-time' ever, ever, _ever_ again, okay?"

"Deal." Peeta rested his chin on the top of my head.

Suddenly, I gasped in pain and jerked away from Peeta. Even though it was not quite as bad as the day-before-yesterdays' pain, it still felt as though I was being stabbed with a small steak knife.

"What is it?" Peeta held onto my shoulders, and then gaped at the red stain spreading slowly across my stomach.

_OOO how scary. Originally, I had chapter 50 end right before Katniss woke up, but then I decided it was too short. Well, here is the real ending, and it seems too long. Oh, well. :3 I hope you guys enjoyed it. I have the next chapter (somewhat) planned out, so I think I am going to download them at the same time so you people won't have to worry about what is going to happen for a week. It is not going to take that long for any chapter to come out, I promise. :D see you guys next chapter! TheSoggyBug_


	52. Chapter 51

_Hehehe I bet you guys are rolling around on the floor drooling by now. Or not. I don't know. Anyways, I am getting off track. Here is chapter fifty-one!_

"What happened?" Peeta said frantically.

I whimpered. It was hurting more and more by the second, and no doubt I would probably be unconscious in a few minutes. "I-I don't know."

Without even worrying about privacy issues and such, Peeta set me down on the bed next to him and tugged up the bottom of my shirt to see what had caused it.

I gritted my teeth, already seeing white dots in obscuring my vision, and laid my head back onto the pillows.

"Why do you have a giant gash in your stomach?" I don't know if Peeta was just talking to himself or asking me, but even if he was, I couldn't answer.

I whimpered and lifted my head to look at what Peeta was talking about. There was a six-inch cut in my stomach that looked about an inch deep and was bleeding profusely all over Peeta's bed. Sorry, Peeta.

"What do I do?" He seemed to be freaking out a lot, not knowing what to do. After a second of looking around at the room hysterically, he seemed to come (sort of) to his senses. "Hospital! Can you walk to the hospital?"

"No!" I cried, and shrank away from him. "Don't make me go there again!" The hospital was my worst enemy, and Peeta knew it.

"But what else can we do? You're bleeding like crazy!" Peeta put his hand to the gash and it came back slick and red. It reminded me of the Games.

"Something! I don't know. Just don't let me go there again. They stole my baby from me and shackled me down on one of their beds more than once. They are going to have to do it again if they want any more needles in me."

"I can't fix this!" Peeta grabbed onto a fistful of his hair, getting blood all over his forehead and in his roots.

I took a deep, painful breath. "If we can get me over to the bathroom, put me in the tub and wash out the cut, and stop the bleeding with towels," My voice broke on the last word and for a second, things went black, but I resurfaced.

"Okay…" Peeta didn't go to all the trouble to hook his arms under my arms and drag me across the room; He just scooped me up and dumped me into the bathtub. I guess having a husband who is use to lifting 150-pound bags of flour had its advantages.

I bit down hard on my tongue to stop myself from screaming. When Peeta turned the faucet on, I didn't even feel the cold water getting me wet all over. All I saw was ribbons of dark red blossoming around me as blood swirled down the drain. Hopefully the water would numb the pain as well, but I didn't really care, seeing as how I passed out for a second, again.

"It is really deep. How the heck could this have possibly happened?" Peeta said as he gently washed away as much blood as he could.

"…Yesterday when they cut the baby out of me." I winced. "The doctors stitched it back up, but we broke the threads open again."

Peeta turned the water off and pulled a towel from the rack, pressing it to my cut. "So it is even deeper than one inch?"

"That is my guess." I had stopped blacking out enough to hold the towel on myself, pushing away the wet material of my shirt.

Peeta sighed and sat on the floor next to the tub, wiping mildly-sweaty hair out of his eyes. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Okay. Guess not." Peeta rested his head back against the wall. "Once the bleeding stops I am going to bandage you up, but if it starts bleeding _again_, I am going to take you to the hospital. And no matter how much you whine, I am still taking you."

I laughed, but winced because it hurt like crazy. "I will try not to bleed too much, then."

"How is it now?" Peeta shifted onto his knees and bent over the bathtub. I gently removed the wadded towel and made a small noise of pain. Blood welled up on the cut and very slowly trickled down my side. It wasn't bleeding as hard as it was a little bit ago, but that didn't classify as "not bleeding".

I signed and put the towel back. "It's still bleeding."

"Does it hurt much? Are you about to pass out again?" Peeta frowned at me and unconsciously rubbed his hands together where the blood was drying.

"I am trying not to think about that too much. I actually did pass out a few times there, but I don't think I am going to do it again." I slumped over and flopped my head onto Peeta's shoulder, which was luckily close enough to do that.

Peeta brushed his fingers along my jaw line sympathetically. "There is a reason they gave you stitches, Katniss. You are probably going to need them again since you only got them a few hours ago, and they broke."

I pouted. "I don't want to go back. I have had mortal wounds in the middle of the wilderness with over twenty people out to kill me, and still survived without good medical help. I don't need doctors. I hate them."

"So do I, believe me. " It's good that he understood what I was feeling. "I just don't want you to bleed to death or something like that based on your dislike for hospitals."

"Shut up." I told him. "You're making too much sense."

Peeta laughed. "Okay. You can just keep moping around in that bathtub all by yourself while you soak through towel after towel with your own blood."

I rolled my eyes. Sure, Peeta understood why I hate doctors and empathized with me, but when it comes to _sympathizing _with me, he doesn't exactly cut the mustard.

"You have soaked through that towel." He pointed out.

I looked down and wrinkled my nose at the squishy wet towel that was stained pink-red. Peeta took it from my hands and went to get another towel while I examined the gash. It was definitely feeling better, and washing it out seemed to do it good. The skin all around it was dirty with both wet and dry blood, but no fresh stuff seemed to be pouring out of me anymore.

Peeta, with a new towel in his hand, bent over me and ran his index finger carefully against the edge of the wound. I winced, but let him do it anyways.

"I can still see the little pieces of broken threads sticking out from the edges." He said, laying the towel down next to him with his other hand. "Those will probably need to come out so they don't grow into your skin."

"I don't want to have to do that in the bathtub, but your bed is sort of covered in blood." I wrinkled my eyebrows into an apologetic look at Peeta.

He didn't seem too fazed. "There are clean sheets and blankets in the closet."

"That's good…" I frowned to myself then looked up at Peeta. "Do you think you can do me a favor?"

"Hm?" He stood up at looked down at me.

"Can you get me an extra pair of clothes from my room?" I pointed to my sopping-wet clothes that were also stained with blood.

"Sure." Peeta grabbed the fresh towel on the floor, draping it over the edge of the bathtub. "Stay there, and if it starts to bleed again, use the towel. But if not, let it dry out as much as you can."

I nodded in agreement.

Peeta gave me a swift kiss on the forehead before ducking out the door and leaving me sitting in the bathtub, fully-clothed, and with a six-inch wound in me. I just love my life.

_If I had just gone on and ended the chapter where I had originally planned to end it, it would have been twice as long. I know, I know. Some of you people wouldn't mind that too much and neither would I, but I would have skipped the chance to have a whole other chapter all but done. Anyways, it was so cute last night. My little sister was trying to scream like Steven Tyler, and it was really funny because no matter how hard you can try, no one can scream like Steven Tyler. For all of you people who don't know who Steven Tyler is, he is the lead singer of Aerosmith. For all of you people who don't know what Aerosmith is, I am so, so sorry._


	53. Chapter 52

_Guess what song I'm listening to? Uprising by Muse! It is so amazing...Thanks to all of you people out there from Belgium and… Let's see….England. England is by far my favorite. No offense to the rest of you. :3_

It only took Peeta about half an hour to put new sheets on the bed and get clothes and bandages. During that time, my wound thankfully didn't start bleeding again, so I just sat there in the bathtub, being cold and wet.

I was just about to go insane (what's new) when Peeta walked in holding a bundle of my clothes and a box of medical supplies.

"How are you holding up?" he asked, setting down the box on the counter.

I shrugged. The gash stopped hurting. Now it just freaked me out, sitting there with dried blood all over it, open to the world so I could see my raw flesh. Personally, I was completely disgusted, so I was glad when Peeta came in and saved me.

"I'm not sure how we're going to do this." He sat down next to the bathtub and picked at the dried blood on his forehead. "If I'm going to patch you up on the bed, you will need to change clothes but that would make the cut just start bleeding again and we would have to toss you back in the bathtub and everything would have just been a waste of time."

I frowned. "Good point. I am just going to have to be extra careful when I get dressed."

Peeta put his arm carefully around my shoulders and helped me to stand up. Sure, it hurt a whole lot, but at least it didn't start bleeding again.

I leaned against the wall, wincing. Even though Peeta had his hands securely on the tops of my arms, I felt as though I might be washed out from vertigo.

"Are you okay to do this?" he asked, looking worried. "I'm sure we can figure out a way to bandage you up and stuff before putting on fresh clothes so you won't start bleeding again."

"I'll be fine." I watched as Peeta turned on the bathroom sink and started scrubbing his hands, but still keeping a wary eye on me. "I can't exactly go naked."

Peeta snorted and dried his hands on a spare towel. "Fair enough. Yell if you need anything."

I watched as he cast me a smile and disappeared through the door, closing it behind him.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to get dressed. I just had to keep my torso as straight as possible, and to not let anything touch my gash. By the time I was cleaned up and clothed in a clean cotton T-shirt and soft, worn trousers (thank goodness I was able to fit into my regular clothes again), my cut was stinging again, but I exited the bathroom and slumped onto my bed next to Peeta.

"Are you alright, Katniss?" Peeta frowned at me. "You look sort of green."

"I'm fine." I said quickly out of habit. "Just patch me up quickly so I can go back to sleep."

Peeta's eyebrows furrowed even more. "You don't seem very tired. Are you _sure _you are fine?"

I twitched and saw little blue dots dance in and out of my vision. They almost consumed my attention, since I was delirious enough to actually have that happen, but Peeta forced me to focus back on him. "I just… feel like I'm going to pass out."

Peeta gave me a sympathetic look and brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "You make yourself comfortable here while I get the medical supplies. I accidentally left them in the bathroom."

I watched as he got up and went into the bathroom. Making myself comfortable was a lot less easy than it looked. Shifting my body so where I was perpendicular with the back of the bed took using my diaphragm muscles, which were currently out of service if I didn't want to start bleeding yet again.

Thankfully, Peeta was speedy at getting the little box of medical supplies and kneeling next to the bed. I wondered to myself when he got all interested with health and such. Though, I knew the baker in him was still there somewhere. It is probably just squished up somewhere near his liver in between a syringe and a paintbrush. That was an extremely weird thought, but hey, I am awake only on my own adrenaline plus leftover drugs from the hospital. No one can blame me.

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice brought me floating lazily back into reality. "Katniss?"

I blinked my eyes and looked at him. "Yes?"

"Nothing." He frowned into the box he brought with him. "Just checking to see if you are still with me."

I laid as still as I could while Peeta used his careful fingers and a pair of tweezers to extract the remaining shreds of thread that hung limply around the edges of my wound. Once that was done, Peeta sat back and sighed heavily. "I am just not sure what to do, Katniss. The best thing we could do is to send you to the hospital, but you refuse to see any more doctors. The next best thing we could do is to get your mother, but it is in the middle of the night and I don't want to wake her up."

I frowned, trying to think hard of solutions. None came to mind except "sew it back" but there was no way I am letting Peeta near me with a needle in his hand. No offense, Peeta. Duct tape might work too, but that was tacky and probably unsanitary.

Peeta shook his head to himself and began lining the edges of a large square of bandages with sticky medical tape. "This is not going to be well done, but if you stay still enough for either the wound to heal, or to agree to go to the hospital, it just might work."

I gritted my teeth hard and whimpered as Peeta an end of the sticky bandage to the side of my wound, and as gently as he could, pulled the pieces of my skin together, and stuck the bandage on the rest of the way. To seal that up nice and tightly, he put on a second layer of tape and more bandages just for good measure.

"It is a good thing you still have some of that strong hospital medicine coursing through you right now or you would have probably been in a lot more pain." Peeta made a face at his sloppy job and closed his medical box back.

I snorted to myself. He acted as though he was a professional doctor who just cured some mortal wound. I'm going to have to tell him what for because if he starts acting too much like a doctor, I just might lock myself in the bathroom and bleed to death instead of having an doctors (real or not) jabbing me with more needles.

"What time is it?" I asked him, when I suddenly lost my previous train of thought.

Peeta shrugged. "It is somewhere around one in the morning."

"Great. I can go back to sleep." I was just about ready to sink down into the covers and lose consciousness from now until Christmas, but the absolute lack of any blankets stopped me.

Peeta noticed me frown. "Sorry about that. I didn't plan to but the blankets on until you were all patched up."

That's perfectly fine with me, Peeta, but the astounding lack of movement on my part just might be a problem if the blankets are all the way across the room

"I'll get them." Peeta cast a sort of amused/exasperated smile at me before crossing the room and pulling several large blankets out of the closet. He spread them out and tucked all four of them under my chin. Even though the spare blankets were different from the usual ones, they were comfortable enough. I snuggled down into them and closed my eyes.

I heard Peeta chuckle above me and I opened my eyes right when he kissed me softly on the forehead.

"I feel like I'm five again." I smiled as Peeta sat down on the bed next to me. "When both Mother and Father would tuck me in and kiss me goodnight at least five times before I actually went to sleep."

"Mm…" Peeta looked wistful. "I never got that. Mother was… well… you know Mother. And Father wasn't a bad man, but he kept to himself and never did anything of that sort."

"That's right…" I frowned sympathetically. "I had forgotten. Whatever happened to them? I see your father around all the time, but never your mom or brothers."

"They, uh…" Peeta made a face. "They didn't exactly make it here. Father only did because he was out making deliveries at the time of the bombing."

I immediately felt horrible and very remorseful. "I'm so sorry, Peeta. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Peeta turned his head more towards me. "I got over it fast. We were never really that close, Mother and I." He put on a brave grimace.

"That's a horrible thing to say! Sure she was abusive and all, but she is still family." I wrapped my fingers around the edge of the blanket and pouted into thin air. "What about your siblings?"

"I never really saw them. Mother treated me differently from all of them. I just stayed locked up in my room when I wasn't slaving away over a hot stove."

"Dangit, Peeta." I attempted to force back hot tears. "You're making me sad. I didn't know you had lost your own family, while I am sitting here worrying about petty little things like doctors."

"Don't worry. I get over thing fast. And besides," Peeta took my hand. "I have a new family now."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes on the blanket. "I hate crying… I'm going to sleep before any more rotten things happen to you." Careful of my bandages, I wrapped my arms securely around Peeta's waist and fell asleep (after about an hour, stupid insomnia) with my face buried in his shirt.

_Haha it was pretty weird. Last night while I was lying awake, the though came to me that where the heck had Peeta's family gone? The decision to kill of the rest of Peeta's family was spur-of-the-moment and I hope it wasn't too rash. That actually took care of quite a bit of other stuff, but I am still working on Finnick, the twins, and what will happen to the little mutt-baby. Still quite literally a work-in-progress, but you guys are seriously helping me a lot. Thank you people and see you next chapter!_


	54. Chapter 53

_He he. This chapter is going to be totally spontaneous because I only have a tiny part of it planned out. That is okay with me, I guess, but that means it might be lame or boring. I hope it isn't!_

My sleep was dreamless and pleasant, despite the horrible pains I got in my abdomen every now and then. Throughout the whole night I was acutely aware of Peeta right next to me, sleeping soundly. Well, I didn't know if he was actually _sleeping_ or lying awake, pretending to be asleep, but I assumed he was because I wasn't conscious of much.

When I woke up, it was my body that was alert first. I sat in bed drooling for a bit before my brain caught up. Finally, I snapped into focus and saw that Peeta was looking down at me with a weird face on. "You're awake. That is good. If you were doing that in your sleep I would be pretty freaked out by now." Peeta grinned at me and snorted back quietly.

"Yeah. Good thing I'm awake." I'll just let him think that. Heaven forbid Peeta freaking out.

"Are you feeling okay this morning?" Peeta blinked his eyes down at me. When I frowned at him, he went on defense. "What? I didn't say 'how are you?' You told me never to say that to you."

"You did a good job patching me up." I patted my stomach and tried to hide my wince. "I feel as fit as a fiddle."

"That is good. Prim stopped by a little bit ago and wanted to talk to you. I said I would get her when you woke up." Peeta tossed the covers off of him, but before he could swing his legs over the side of the bed, my hand on his arm stopped him.

"Peeta," I began, but then I was suddenly unsure what to say. "I want to talk to you. You keep coming back to me no matter what I do, and-and you are so protective, and you give in to easily, and I think I know why."

"Why?" Peeta put on a face that I didn't quite have a name for. Something along the lines of 'it-has-taken-long-enough-for-her-to-get-it' and 'aw-she-is-so-sweet-I-love-her-so-much'.

"I guess I am the only family you have except for your father." I smiled somewhat shyly at him.

"You wouldn't really know what it is like…" he squinted off to some invisible point on the wall. "Not having a family. I won't ever leave you, whether for your benefit or for my complete selfishness."

Early-morning tears welled in my eyes because Peeta was so _un_-selfish it made me look bad. I scrubbed at my eyes with the back of my hand and waved Peeta off. "You should go get Prim so I have time to compose myself. I don't want to be bawling all over myself when she gets here." My eyes were still closed when I felt Peeta's warm hand cup the back of my neck. I looked up just in time when Peeta pressed his lips to mine.

My brain instantly went into its shut-off mode and melted through my ears, but I didn't pause long enough to say goodbye. It was all I could do not to wrap my arms around his neck and accidentally tear my bandages off in the process. I hope Peeta didn't mind my crying too much, because it had to have been wet. It was odd; Peeta sort of tasted like metal, but as far as I was concerned he hadn't been eating metal recently.

Peeta used his thumb to tilt my head up higher. I felt his hands shaking, and my air supply was slowly dwindling, but heck. What did I care?

We finally broke apart, breathing heavily. Peeta laughed. "Sorry about that. You didn't start bleeding again, did you?"

"Who cares?" I laughed airily, and it sounded drunk, but I felt perfectly fine. In fact, I felt better than I had in a long time, but I wasn't about ready to tell him that.

"I should…" Ha-ha. It seemed as though I wasn't the only one who was experiencing brain failure. "…get Prim. Right."

As the door swung shut behind him, I leaned back against my pillows and took deep breaths, attempting to regain sanity, which I had so easily lost. Peeta had a way of doing that to people. Well, me in particular. I don't know how many other girls he's kissed, and I don't really want to.

Some ten minutes later, I heard the door open again. My wound had begun to act up again and if I had my way I would lie there motionless all day, but it was embarrassing enough to have Prim catch me in Peeta's bed. No matter how dirty that sounded, it was true and there wasn't any other way to be straightforward about it.

"Katniss!" Primrose exclaimed, running over to the bed and hoping onto it next to me. "I knew I would find you in here since you just ran out of that room in the hospital like a lunatic and you weren't in your room."

"_Breath_." I suggested to her, putting my hand on Prim's shoulder.

She took several deep breaths and then stared up at me beaming.

"Why are you acting so ecstatic this morning? It's as if you ate a rainbow and its coming back up."

Prim frowned at my metaphor. I guess it was really bad, but no one seemed to care because she smiled again. "It's a surprise!" she giggled. "I can't tell you."

I looked up at Peeta and raised my eyebrows. He shrugged.

"I brought my brush." Prim held up a black plastic hairbrush that I recognized to be the one from District 12. "Do you mind if I do your hair? I looks as if a rat nested in it."

I snorted quietly and looked away as if to hide my blush, remembering Peeta's fingers knotting in the back of my hair pulling me closer to him. Yeah, it probably _did _look like a rats' nest. No kidding.

"Yeah, sure. You can do my hair if you want." With a painful grunt, I sat up and tucked my feet under me.

As Primrose brushed out every tangle (Hehehe) in my hair, she began telling me a story.

"Back in District Twelve I had a really good friend at school. Do you remember me telling you about her, Katniss?"

I shook my head, and Prim made an annoyed sound because I had messed up my hair when I did that.

"Well, she had really long hair, and it was the strangest color. Something like red, except so dark it was almost black. Anyways, it was a very strange hair color. She never spoke unless spoken to, but she had this brilliant mind. Everyone loved her and she was top of the class, but ninety percent of the people in our class didn't even know what her voice sounded like. Her family was pretty much like our family. She lost a parent to a mining accident, and in hard times there was barely enough food to live."

Peeta looked somewhat uncomfortable, but he didn't leave the room. We all knew Peeta had come from a family where starvation was never an issue, and so it would make sense for talking about money—or the lack of it—made him uncomfortable.

"Just four months before the last Hunger Games, she and her baby brother starved to death."

I frowned. Prim had never told me about this, and she would have if I knew my little sister. "That is a horrible story. What was her name?"

"Her name was Alexis." I felt Prim stop brushing my hair and a few moments later she crawled around me to sit on the edge to face Peeta and I. "And that is what I want to name your daughter."

"Alexis?" I smiled and tried to imagine it in my head; the tall glass column holding my beautiful baby, with her pale, unblemished features and her jet-blank hair. Alexis.

"Do you like it?" Prim asked with an anxious look.

I glanced up at Peeta, looking for his approval. He smiled and nodded once. When I turned back to my sister, she was barely containing her excitement. "I really like it."

"You do?"

"I really do."

Prim threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. "There is something I want to show you! Come on." When she tried to take my hand and tug me off the bed I gasped in pain.

"Ouch! Hold on a second, Primrose." I winced and gently pulled up my shirt to reveal the bandage, which had a little strip of blood, tracing the actual cut. I could tell the spot was slowly increasing. "Dangit, Peeta, it started bleeding again."

Peeta frowned and came over to the side of the bed. "Do you want me to redo your bandages?"

Meanwhile, Prim just sat awkwardly beside me with a face on. When I saw her looking at me, I laughed nervously. "See, Prim? This is why I was in Peeta's room. My stitches accidentally got… ripped open and I couldn't bandage myself up because of the weird angle the cut is at, so Peeta did it for me, but if I up and left to go to my room, it would start bleeding again."

It was as if a little light switch in Prim's brain turned on. "Ohh…"

"I think it should be okay, though." I pulled my shirt back down over my patched-up wound. "It looks like it stopped bleeding."

"Can you still come with me to the thing I want to show you?" Prim wasn't quite as excited as before, but her eyes still sparkled eagerly.

I pretended to consider it. "Hmm…. Yeah. Yeah, okay."

She grinned and pulled a strip of cloth from her pocket. "Put this on."

"Umm…" I took it from my sister and held it up, puzzled. "What is it?"

"A blindfold. I have one for you too, Peeta." She pulled a second one from her pocket and put it into Peeta's hands.

After only a second of hesitation, we put the blindfolds on and pulled it taut. I really hated not being able to see, but I had to trust my little sister when she took both mine and Peeta's hands.

"Okay. Follow me."

_Okey-dokey! That chapter wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be, but that is just me. Thanks to all of my loyal reviewers whom I have not named, for one reason or another (I just can't remember them). I will try to post the next chapter soon!_


	55. Chapter 54

_I am glad you guys liked the last few chapters. I don't know… Maybe Katniss __is __overreacting about hospitals and doctors and such, but who could blame her? They stole her baby. Well, sort of stole. Anyways… yeah I suppose you people are right. Everyone does know Aerosmith. I love Steven Tyler's mouth. When he opens it rays of sunshine pour out. :D_

I have to admit it wasn't very fun, stumbling blindly around in hallways, led only by Prim's small hand in mine. I knew Peeta was somewhere close to me, also led by Prim's hand, because the stomping could be heard from a mile away.

"There is going to be a little bump, you might want to step over it." Prim suggested, stopping abruptly.

I felt around on the floor with my foot until I found the little bump, and I stepped over it. The room we entered (I assumed it was a room) was colder than hall we came from. There was a somewhat metallic taste to the air that was so familiar, but there was a tiny part of me in the back of my head that was shouting cuss words. Hm.

"Turn this way…" My little sister positioned me and Peeta facing towards something and then she said, "Oaky, you can take off the blindfolds now."

I wiggled my fingers under the uncomfortable strip of cloth over my eyes and pulled it off. What I saw before me was actually disappointing and sort of depressing.

It was the room I had fled from the night before. Wires and metal equipment were strung from the walls, and they all led to the big glass column in the middle of the room.

I didn't want to go see what was in it, because I knew. "Why did you bring us here, Prim?"

The doctor in the corner of the room that I didn't notice before took a step forward and nodded at my little sister.

Peeta's arm went around me.

Primrose gave us a big smile and skipped over to the glass column. It turns out one side was connected with little metal hinges, and could open. I felt stupid for not knowing that before, but I just stood there and watched as Prim grasped a small handle in one corner and pulled it. That side of the small column swung open, and to my surprise, Prim stuck her hands inside.

I heard a little squeak come from somewhere inside my lungs and my eyelid started twitching when Prim pulled out something wrapped in thin pink blankets. Peeta nudged me forward.

My feet somehow managed to move towards Prim and I held out my arms. I was thankful that Peeta still had one of his arms around my waist because when my little sister placed the blankets in my arms, my legs buckled.

Peeta squeezed me reassuringly and carefully moved aside a layer of the blankets concealing on end of the bundle. Pretty blue eyes stared back at us. I inhaled sharply and let it out slowly.

Laughing quietly through my tears, I said, "She's…She's amazing…" I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek, as for once, it was not a tear of despondency. "Alexis…"

Peeta held his arms out hesitantly, and asked, "Can I hold her?"

I nodded, sniffling quietly. Alexis squirmed a little in her blanket and made a quiet gurgling sound as I gently placed her into Peeta's outstretched arms.

He held her close to him and bent down to kiss her forehead. "It is hard to think she is even part m—"

"Don't even say it." I warned Peeta, scowling at him.

Across the room, Prim beamed at us.

"It's a shame I got all boy clothes." I traced my finger lightly over Alexis' nose, and she went cross-eyed. "You're not a boy at all, are you?"

"Does your mother have any more money saved?" Peeta shifted his arms.

"No…" I hesitated. "But I know where more is."

"Where?"

Alexis made an impatient noise and blew a spit bubble, which made Peeta and I laugh. But then I stopped, realizing what I had to do to get more money. "It's all sort of… back in District Twelve. We would have to go and get it there. Victors Village wasn't touched by the bombing, so I know it is still there."

Peeta could hear the concern and anxiety in my voice, so he patted me reassuringly and said, "We'll see if we can trade the clothes you have for others."

"Prim can come along, too if she wants." I grinned at my little sister, recalling the quiet brown-haired boy that was about her age. Then, something dawned on me and I frowned. Remembering the Victors Village also made me remember my old mentor. "Hey, Peeta? Have you seen Haymitch recently? I haven't seen him since a week after we were rescued."

"No, I haven't." Peeta suddenly broke out in a grin. "Won't he be surprised, eh?"

"Ugh. I can only imagine." Haymitch, our drunken old mentor from the Games, was in on the charade of me being pregnant, but to him it was only a charade. Logically, from the time he last saw me to now, it was impossible to already have a baby, but Peeta and I would fill him in on the details. At least, most of them.

"We should make a day of it." Peeta suggested, handing Alexis back to me lightly. "Finding Haymitch, exchanging the baby clothes, bringing Prim to see whatever you wanted her to see." I had the feeling Peeta knew why I wanted to bring my Prim, but who could blame me?

"Are you up for that, Primrose?" I turned to my little sister, who had suddenly materialized right next to me.

"I have nothing to do anyways, so sure."

I was just about to march happily out of the disgusting medical room, when an upsetting thought came upon me. I turned to the doctor in the corner of the room and said, "I can… bring her home, right?"

He hesitated. "I had just planned on letting you hold her today, but if I am to make an exception, there is something I should show you."

I nearly screamed when he took my baby right out of my arms and took her to a table on the far side. Peeta and I followed.

We watched as the doctor in the usual blue scrub outfit removed the pink blankets from Alexis and set her gently down in the middle of them. Unwrapped and exposed, she looked tiny and vulnerable, and I think she even felt that way as well. What sort of freaked me out though was the thin metal square taped to her chest, which had two thin wires running from the contraption to a small bracelet on her wrist.

"Is something wrong with her?" I asked, eying the strange metal square.

"You see Mrs.….." The doctor frowned and looked at Peeta and back at me. "… Mellark?"

"I go by Everdeen." Peeta had let me use my last name, even though we were married.

"Mrs. Everdeen. See, the doctors here consider your daughter a medical miracle, because of her…condition." The doctor began, motioning to Alexis, who was fidgeting on her pink blanket. "Yesterday her heart had only stopped twice, both within three hours after she was removed, so we disconnected all other fancy machinery this morning and hooked her up with a heart monitor instead. Her average heartbeat is about eighty beats per minute, which is slow for a newborn. The monitor starts to beep if it gets under sixty, and if it gets under forty, and alarm goes off. It hasn't gone off yet, which is a good thing, but we always have to be careful." He offered his finger to Alexis, who grabbed it and put it in her mouth. That was pretty weird, partly because the doctor allowed it, and partly because of the look of satisfaction on my daughters' face. "If the beeping starts, walk her here right away. If the alarm goes off, run."

"Is that it?" I looked over at Alexis, who was now staring intently at me with her big eyes, though she was still sucking on the doctors' finger.

He checked his clipboard. "Yeah, that about sums it up."

I tried to hide my excitement (which didn't work too well) as I scooped Alexis back up with one arm. "Great, let's go." I grabbed onto Peeta's hand and dragged him out of the room, Prim following close behind.

_Awww I am so happy she got to take the baby home. I love babies. Did I ever mention I am going to become an auntie in a month? :3 I am excited! _


	56. Chapter 55

_I don't know where this story is going. I mean- once everything is fixed, what then? I suppose I could just get a whole bunch of different mini-plots to play out for a million chapters until the babies first birthday or something like that. I am not too worried about to be honest, because I have enough stuff to work off of for a dozen chapters or so, and by then I will have more ideas. I just really don't want to story to get boring and me having to quite. That would be absolutely horrible. That is why I love you guys so much. You have given me so many wonderful ideas to work off of. If no one read and reviewed my story, I probably would have given up a while ago. Honestly. Oh, and in response to .mellark's question, I really have no idea why Katniss goes by Everdeen instead of Mellark. Alexis' last name is Mellark, though. I am going to type chapter fifty-five now._

"So where are we going, Katniss?" Prim was bouncing along next to me.

I was cradling Alexis to me with one arm, and holding Peeta's hand with another, just like old time. Except minus the baby. "Our first stop is the nursery, because all of the stupid diapers I bought are still in there."

"You have a nursery?" My little sister was apparently very excited about our little journey through District 13. "Where is it?"

I slowed to a stop and bent down a little closer to Primrose. "Can you keep a secret?"

She nodded.

"No, seriously. This was supposed to be a secret in the first place, but I am letting you in on it. Oh, boy…" I grunted and straightened out stiffly. Having the extra seven pounds added onto me every time I bent down wasn't doing anything for my back.

"I won't tell anyone, I swear." Prim hugged her arms to herself.

I started walking again. "There is an old section of rooms Peeta and I found that was really creepy. It was as if no one had even looked at the place in fifty years. One room was an ancient astronomy lab, with a glass ceiling so you can look at the stars. Peeta surprised me by cleaning it and turning it into a nursery for me." I squeezed Peeta's hand in a second thanks.

"Ooh!" She said in excitement. "I can't wait to see it! Can I hold Alexis for a little bit?"

I hesitated. A little part of me thought that if I let my baby go, she won't ever come back. That was absurd, though, and so I pushed the thought away. "Sure."

My little sister held her arms out to me in a small cradle shape and I placed Alexis gently in them. Prim hugged the bundle of blankets to her chest, talking gently to her.

"She really is beautiful." Peeta let go of my hand and put his arm securely around my waist.

"I can't believe how much she looks like you. Did you look like that when you were a baby? Without black hair, of course," I added, looking up at Peeta as we walked.

"Yeah, something like that I think." Peeta frowned, and then constructed his face back into his usual I-love-everyone-nothing-can-harm-me look. "Maybe."

"You were an adorable baby." We watched as Alexis gabbled and blew more spit bubbles.

"I don't think I was that cute. She has some of your qualities too, you know."

"Only the hair." I said almost defensively. "And that is one."

"No, no, no!" Peeta insisted. "She has your… mouth."

"My mouth?" I looked at Peeta as though he just told me to eat a big, smelly boot.

"Yes." Peeta laughed. "I have seen enough of your mouth to know you passed it on to Alexis."

"You have seen enough of my mouth." I didn't quite know what to make of Peeta and his recognizing similarities between me and my daughter. "I have to hand it to you, Peeta; you don't really hear that every day."

"You know what I mean." Yes, I do Peeta and all I have to say is thank goodness Prim is occupied with letting my daughter chew on her fingers, rather than listening to Peeta and I argue about mouths. Mine in particular. "Alexis has your hair and your mouth. Two great qualities you have that she is lucky to have been passed down."

"You know what?" I didn't know whether to laugh really hard or to snort in annoyance. I settled with snorting really hard, which was weird so I stopped. "Enough about my simply _wonderful _qualities. We are here."

Prim looked up from the baby in her hands with an excited look, but her face dropped when she saw the gloomy hallway we were standing in. "This is the nursery?"

"No, it's in here." I opened the nursery door. Prim put Alexis in Peeta's arms and duck under my mine into the room.

She skidded to the stop in the middle of the room, and tilted her head up towards the ceiling to see the hazy pink sky. "It's beautiful in here! Peeta, you did this?"

Peeta, who was closing the door with his shoulder (seeing as how his arms were preoccupied), looked up and smiled, "Well, Katniss helped clean up the dust and dirt, but yeah. I… decorated it." He straightened out the blanket on the floor and sat down on it. Prim and I sat, too.

"Ooh!" Primrose stared in awe at the hand-crafted cradle next to her. "You didn't… make that, did you?"

I laughed. "No. I bought it. Hey, can you do me a favor, Prim?"

"Sure!" She straightened up and looked eagerly at me.

"On the bottom shelf over there-"I pointed to the tall bookshelf in one corner of the room. "-is two small white bags. Could you get them for me?"

Prim darted over to the shelves, grabbed the bag, and reseated herself next to me in a matter of seconds. "What is in them?"

"Diapers..." I opened the first bag. "And baby clothes."

I had to admit, I haven't changed a babies' diaper since I was six or seven, but the job I did wasn't too bad, if I do say so myself. In the end, Alexis was squirming around on her back, with a nice off-white diaper on.

If I had thought Peeta and Primrose would break out into applause, I was mistaken, but they did look somewhat impressed.

"So are we going to go exchange those clothes or what?" Prim once again got her excited face on, and was almost bouncing up and down.

I sighed. "Let's hope I can remember where it is. I was following someone the last time, so if we end up in a room full of angry chickens, no one blame me."

Peeta carefully wrapped Alexis back up in her pink blanket and hesitated before handing the bundle to me. The bag of baby clothes replaced her in Peeta's arms.

"Thanks." I held onto her tightly with one arm and attempted to stand up with the other. I was grateful when Peeta offered me his hand.

"Let's see…" I stood in the doorway and looked down the hallway left and right. After a few seconds of twitching, wondering which way, I closed my eyes and took a left.

After about half an hour, I started to think I was lost, but then a sign up ahead made me sigh in relief.

**RQ—M**

Prim leaned over to me and whispered, "What does that mean?"

"Rescue Quarters to Market." I shifted Alexis in one arm and took Peeta's hand.

Exactly two minutes later, all three of us stood in the wide doorway of the auditorium. Prim had her mouth open and eyes wide. Peeta just looked confused, but he didn't say anything.

"It's somewhere over here…" I hummed to myself while scanning the stalls.

Where I thought the clothes stall was, was a nearly empty one, run by a very sad looking middle-aged woman. I looked to my right and left, but they were the same as the ones on either side of the clothing stall I visited just a few days ago.

"Is this it?" Prim asked in confusion.

"I-I think so. It should be, anyway." Hesitating, I walked up to the lady at the counter and said, " Excuse me—"

The lady sighed and looked up. "We are clo—"Then her eyes grew wind. "Are you…Katniss Everdeen?"

I winced, because I had that reaction from very few people here, but it was the same nonetheless. Apparently I was famous. "Er… Yes. I was wondering where the young boy running this stall a few days ago had gone."

The lady's eyes grew moist and she took a shaky breath. "Aden passed away two days ago."

_Oooh how mysterious. Kind of sad too. : 3 that's okay. You guys know what? I missed my three month anniversary of starting this story. On June 20__th__ I started writing it on paper and I missed September 20__th__! That's okay. Just wait until October. We'll have a party. So, tell me what you think of this story so far! And to the person who reviewed about Finnick's kid (I can't remember your username, sorry), if I end up doing that I want you to name it 'cause it was your idea. Don't give me its name right now because I am going to forget it. Wait until I mention it, kk? Thanks again to my lovely readers for reading, reviewers for reviewing, enemies for giving me something to do all day, Steven Tyler for being awesome, Gaspard Uliel for being—he he never mind. See you next chapter! TheSoggyBug_


	57. Chapter 56

_I don't know where this story is going. I mean- once everything is fixed, what then? I suppose I could just get a whole bunch of different mini-plots to play out for a million chapters until the babies first birthday or something like that. I am not too worried about to be honest, because I have enough stuff to work off of for a dozen chapters or so, and by then I will have more ideas. I just really don't want to story to get boring and me having to quite. That would be absolutely horrible. That is why I love you guys so much. You have given me so many wonderful ideas to work off of. If no one read and reviewed my story, I probably would have given up a while ago. Honestly. Oh, and in response to .mellark's question, I really have no idea why Katniss goes by Everdeen instead of Mellark. Alexis' last name is Mellark, though. Prim's character is so hard to do! I thought she would be easy, being 13 and all, but she is probably one of the most difficult ones. That is why I don't have her in my story too often. And I really don't know why I did Gaspard. Maybe he is just really good-looking. Has any of you read the Mortal Instrument books? They want him to play Alec. I love Alec! Anyways… I am going to type chapter fifty-five now._

"So where are we going, Katniss?" Prim was bouncing along next to me.

I was cradling Alexis to me with one arm, and holding Peeta's hand with another, just like old time. Except minus the baby. "Our first stop is the nursery, because all of the stupid diapers I bought are still in there."

"You have a nursery?" My little sister was apparently very excited about our little journey through District 13. "Where is it?"

I slowed to a stop and bent down a little closer to Primrose. "Can you keep a secret?"

She nodded.

"No, seriously. This was supposed to be a secret in the first place, but I am letting you in on it. Oh, boy…" I grunted and straightened out stiffly. Having the extra seven pounds added onto me every time I bent down wasn't doing anything for my back.

"I won't tell anyone, I swear." Prim hugged her arms to herself.

I started walking again. "There is an old section of rooms Peeta and I found that was really creepy. It was as if no one had even looked at the place in fifty years. One room was an ancient astronomy lab, with a glass ceiling so you can look at the stars. Peeta surprised me by cleaning it and turning it into a nursery for me." I squeezed Peeta's hand in a second thanks.

"Ooh!" She said in excitement. "I can't wait to see it! Can I hold Alexis for a little bit?"

I hesitated. A little part of me thought that if I let my baby go, she won't ever come back. That was absurd, though, and so I pushed the thought away. "Sure."

My little sister held her arms out to me in a small cradle shape and I placed Alexis gently in them. Prim hugged the bundle of blankets to her chest, talking gently to her.

"She really is beautiful." Peeta let go of my hand and put his arm securely around my waist.

"I can't believe how much she looks like you. Did you look like that when you were a baby? Without black hair, of course," I added, looking up at Peeta as we walked.

"Yeah, something like that I think." Peeta frowned, and then constructed his face back into his usual I-love-everyone-nothing-can-harm-me look. "Maybe."

"You were an adorable baby." We watched as Alexis gabbled and blew more spit bubbles.

"I don't think I was that cute. She has some of your qualities too, you know."

"Only the hair." I said almost defensively. "And that is one."

"No, no, no!" Peeta insisted. "She has your… mouth."

"My mouth?" I looked at Peeta as though he just told me to eat a big, smelly boot.

"Yes." Peeta laughed. "I have seen enough of your mouth to know you passed it on to Alexis."

"You have seen enough of my mouth." I didn't quite know what to make of Peeta and his recognizing similarities between me and my daughter. "I have to hand it to you, Peeta; you don't really hear that every day."

"You know what I mean." Yes, I do Peeta and all I have to say is thank goodness Prim is occupied with letting my daughter chew on her fingers, rather than listening to Peeta and I argue about mouths. Mine in particular. "Alexis has your hair and your mouth. Two great qualities you have that she is lucky to have been passed down."

"You know what?" I didn't know whether to laugh really hard or to snort in annoyance. I settled with snorting really hard, which was weird so I stopped. "Enough about my simply _wonderful _qualities. We are here."

Prim looked up from the baby in her hands with an excited look, but her face dropped when she saw the gloomy hallway we were standing in. "This is the nursery?"

"No, it's in here." I opened the nursery door. Prim put Alexis in Peeta's arms and duck under my mine into the room.

She skidded to the stop in the middle of the room, and tilted her head up towards the ceiling to see the hazy pink sky. "It's beautiful in here! Peeta, you did this?"

Peeta, who was closing the door with his shoulder (seeing as how his arms were preoccupied), looked up and smiled, "Well, Katniss helped clean up the dust and dirt, but yeah. I… decorated it." He straightened out the blanket on the floor and sat down on it. Prim and I sat, too.

"Ooh!" Primrose stared in awe at the hand-crafted cradle next to her. "You didn't… make that, did you?"

I laughed. "No. I bought it. Hey, can you do me a favor, Prim?"

"Sure!" She straightened up and looked eagerly at me.

"On the bottom shelf over there-"I pointed to the tall bookshelf in one corner of the room. "-is two small white bags. Could you get them for me?"

Prim darted over to the shelves, grabbed the bag, and reseated herself next to me in a matter of seconds. "What is in them?"

"Diapers..." I opened the first bag. "And baby clothes."

I had to admit, I haven't changed a babies' diaper since I was six or seven, but the job I did wasn't too bad, if I do say so myself. In the end, Alexis was squirming around on her back, with a nice off-white diaper on.

If I had thought Peeta and Primrose would break out into applause, I was mistaken, but they did look somewhat impressed.

"So are we going to go exchange those clothes or what?" Prim once again got her excited face on, and was almost bouncing up and down.

I sighed. "Let's hope I can remember where it is. I was following someone the last time, so if we end up in a room full of angry chickens, no one blame me."

Peeta carefully wrapped Alexis back up in her pink blanket and hesitated before handing the bundle to me. The bag of baby clothes replaced her in Peeta's arms.

"Thanks." I held onto her tightly with one arm and attempted to stand up with the other. I was grateful when Peeta offered me his hand.

"Let's see…" I stood in the doorway and looked down the hallway left and right. After a few seconds of twitching, wondering which way, I closed my eyes and took a left.

After about half an hour, I started to think I was lost, but then a sign up ahead made me sigh in relief.

**RQ—M**

Prim leaned over to me and whispered, "What does that mean?"

"Rescue Quarters to Market." I shifted Alexis in one arm and took Peeta's hand.

Exactly two minutes later, all three of us stood in the wide doorway of the auditorium. Prim had her mouth open and eyes wide. Peeta just looked confused, but he didn't say anything.

"It's somewhere over here…" I hummed to myself while scanning the stalls.

Where I thought the clothes stall was, was a nearly empty one, run by a very sad looking middle-aged woman. I looked to my right and left, but they were the same as the ones on either side of the clothing stall I visited just a few days ago.

"Is this it?" Prim asked in confusion.

"I-I think so. It should be, anyway." Hesitating, I walked up to the lady at the counter and said, " Excuse me—"

The lady sighed and looked up. "We are clo—"Then her eyes grew wind. "Are you…Katniss Everdeen?"

I winced, because I had that reaction from very few people here, but it was the same nonetheless. Apparently I was famous. "Er… Yes. I was wondering where the young boy running this stall a few days ago had gone."

The lady's eyes grew moist and she took a shaky breath. "Aden passed away two days ago."

_Oooh how mysterious. Kind of sad too. : 3 that's okay. You guys know what? I missed my three month anniversary of starting this story. On June 20__th__ I started writing it on paper and I missed September 20__th__! That's okay. Just wait until October. We'll have a party. So, tell me what you think of this story so far! And to the person who reviewed about Finnick's kid (I can't remember your username, sorry), if I end up doing that I want you to name it 'cause it was your idea. Don't give me its name right now because I am going to forget it. Wait until I mention it, kk? Thanks again to my lovely readers for reading, reviewers for reviewing, enemies for giving me something to do all day, Steven Tyler for being awesome, Gaspard Uliel for being—he he never mind. See you next chapter! TheSoggyBug_


	58. Chapter 57

_I love the Plain White T's. They are an awesome band._

"What?" It felt as though a boulder had been dropped down my throat and is now sitting my stomach. "He's dead?"

The lady hastily wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, as if trying to not let anyone know how much it affected her. "Aden had a heart problem. He was tending the stall when he had a heart attack. He might have…" She sobbed. "He might have lived if I hadn't asked him to watch the stall. I am closing it down."

"I'm so sorry." I didn't know what else to say.

"That morning he told me you came to his stall to buy baby clothes. I hadn't believed him because you're… well… famous." Her face contorted in pain and she hugged his frail arms around herself.

I looked down at Alexis, who had fallen asleep, then back up at the woman. "Would you like to hold her?"

She hesitated, not making eye contact with anyone, as if she was ashamed. "I don't know. Babies are so…delicate and I am old. I might drop him."

I insisted. "Her name is Alexis." I walked close to the woman and set my baby carefully in her arms.

"Alexis…" The old woman wiped off a tear that was sliding down her face and held Alexis so gingerly. "You're famous. Everyone knows you."

"They know Alexis?" I exchanged surprised looks with Peeta, who looked just as shocked as I felt.

"Of course. Katniss Everdeen, the savior of Panem, has a child. Everyone knows that. You announced it before the Quell, didn't you?"

I made a face, and once again cast a glance towards Peeta. He shrugged and nodded almost unnoticeably.

"Oh, that's right." I turned back to the lady and pretended as though I had forgotten. "… It has really gone by fast for me."

"Yes, well…" The woman pursed her lips and handed Alexis back to me. "Is there something you needed?"

It was obvious I had somehow insulted her. "Yes. I had bought..."-with one hand I took the sack of clothes from Peeta and held it out to her. "… some baby clothes from—a… um… few days ago, but they were for a boy. I was hoping to exchange them for girls' clothes."

The woman took a shaky breath and turned her head away from us. "Yes, hold on…" She dragged herself out of the chair and I noticed what state she was in. Pencil-thin and boney, the woman was about 5'4, with very long, scraggly grey hair that hung loosely from a badly done bun. She looked poor and sick.

"I really am sorry about the boy—Aden, wasn't it?" I tried my best to act polite and sympathetic, but it wasn't exactly my thing.

The lady burst out in wet tears and clutched her chest, as if literally falling apart. "He was my little boy. Only fourteen years old! It was my fault, my fault…"

I hastily handed Alexis to Peeta, and put my hand on the lady's shoulder. "It couldn't have been. He was such a gentleman. You couldn't have done anything wrong."

"How do you know?" she cried, attracting attention from the nearby stalls. "I asked him if he could run the stall for the day! If I hadn't, he wouldn't have been so far from the hospital… He would have lived…"

Alexis had woken up, and now she was whimpering in Peeta's arms. He shushed her and tried to calm her down by rocking his arms back and forth slowly.

"It was a medical condition. There was nothing you could have done." It was somewhat exasperating, attempting to convince a loss-driven mother that her son's death wasn't her own fault.

The woman grabbed a box stacked away in the corner and shoved it into my arms. "Take this, as a gift from me. Take it and go away." She sobbed, and dropped onto her knees. "Leave me alone."

I opened my mouth to give thanks to the heartbroken lady, but Prim's hand on my arm stopped me. She shook her head soundlessly and led me away from the stall belonging to the brown-haired boy.

_Guys, I'm really, really, really sorry that this chapter was so very, very incredibly short, but it was the perfect place to end it. I hope you don't hate me. Jeez, there are a lot of reason to hate me, isn't there? At the end of, like, every other chapter I beg you guys not to hate me for one reason or another. Oh, well. Ahh! I had the awesomest idea last night! Okay, you know how you guys liked the twins idea I had? Well, the other baby, the boy, can actually be GALE'S! Oh, that it such an awesome idea, because if it looked identical to Gale, people would be like "holy crud, Katniss you naughty lady, you" because she is married to Peeta and all. Anyways, I am done with my freak-out moment. Tell me if you guys like that idea! TheSoggyBug_


	59. Chapter 58

_I am soo sorry about this chapter being so late! I have had a giant brain fart that lasted, like, a week. I think it is better by now, so as an apology thingy, I will make this chapter longer than my other. Some of you are confused about the twin idea. See, since the baby is made by the Capitol, it wouldn't be considered and actual, natural baby, and so since Gale…well…did stuff, Katniss would also be preggers with his baby. You could think of it as twins, but Alexis was formed by the Capitol. While she was growing inside of Katniss, so was Gale's baby, and so in, like, seven months, Katniss would have 2 babies. Do you guys get it now? Actually, it surprised me because no one liked my idea. In fact, a lot of you hated it. I don't think any of you are mean or something like that. In fact, thank you for telling me that because if you hadn't, I would have done it anyways. I just really wanted a kid named Oliver. I think I will use some of you guys' suggestions of another kid, but Peeta's. :3 I'll think about it. I should say sorry in advance because by brain still isn't working too well, so if the dialog is screwed up or the chapter is boring, I'm sorry. Once I get back on a roll things will be better, I promise. :3 _

We were silent as we walked back to the nursery. Prim was looking at her feet and frowning, clearly in thought. Peeta was staring ahead with a disturbed look in his eyes, while I was holding Alexis to me, as if it was going to help the strange thoughts that were bouncing around in my head. The boy—Aden—had died two days ago. He seemed in perfect health when I had seen him the day before. But he just…died.

"Hey, Katniss?" Prim looked up from the floor and was now looking intently at me, every trace of the jovial girl I had brushing my hair this morning was gone. "Is that why you wanted me to come with you?"

She didn't exactly specify, but I knew exactly what she meant. "I guess I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but yes."

Peeta looked over at me, and seeing my guilt-stricken face, put a comforting arm around my shoulders. "Weren't we going to see if we can find Haymitch today?"

"I sort of just feel like crawling into bed and sleeping for a few weeks." I sighed and leaned lightly against Peeta as we walked. "What I would give to be a normal girl again."

"Should we go back to your room or... the nursery?" Peeta, like always, was worried about me.

"No let's go see if we can find our old drunken mentor." That was part sarcasm, but even though neither of us said it, we both knew it was true.

"Can I still follow you two? Mother is out on an errand with Gale and I have nowhere to be." Prim asked, still right next to me.

"Of course." I smiled at her though my sadness. "I invited you in the first place. Now… if I was Haymitch where would I be…?"

We slowed our walking and pondered this.

"He doesn't sleep here, does he? Here meaning the Refuge Quarters." Peeta asked with a frown.

Alexis made a small noise and I began to rock her. "No I don't think he does. They wouldn't make him stay here when he planned what he did. They probably offered him lodging in Main Quarter."

Peeta made a face. "You mean we have to go there?"

"Yeah." I said, understanding it a little more even as I talked. "We might even be able to find someone 'official' enough to have a roster of the people in that quarter."

He said nothing to this. It was obvious he didn't want to go to the Main Quarter for some reason, but I felt obligated to find my old mentor because if it weren't for him, I would probably be rotting away in the ground by now.

"How are you going to find the Main Quarter?" Prim always had to be the logical one. I hadn't even thought of that.

"Well… We'll just walk around a little, hoping to run into a big sign saying RQ-MQ or something like that." I was frowning.

We walked for about an hour, passing both familiar and unfamiliar landmarks on the way: the big double doors of the cafeteria, a medium-sized room that people called "the lounge", the judge's office, and tightly closed doors that looked frightening. Finally, when I was about to call it quits for the day (because Alexis had begun to fuss), there, in front of us, was the rusty old sign we have been waiting for. RQ-MQ. I had a hard time not falling to my knees before it and kissing the ground.

"This looks somewhat more menacing than the one to the shop place." Primrose looked uneasy.

Peeta frowned, but it disappeared as soon as it had come. "Maybe it is to keep out the refugees. Although I wouldn't know why they would do that."

I shifted the light weight of Alexis in my arms and huddled close to him and Prim. Without any other sign of unease, we began walking down the corridor, and I inwardly thought that if Haymitch wasn't there, I would personally see to his destruction.

This corridor was quite a bit longer than the last one; it took about an hour to walk through swerving halls, only lit by cracked yellow lamps placed on the ceiling every few feet. Alexis seemed to not enjoy the passage as much as the next person. She fussed and squirmed in my arms, and eventually I handed her to Peeta in desperation. Comically enough, Alexis shut her mouth as soon as Peeta began humming to her, and her eyelids began to droop.

"How come she likes you better than me?" I said in a low voice, eying my sleeping baby.

"She likes you, too." He said indignantly. "My voice is just naturally soothing to females."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course it is. Just keep telling yourself—Wait! Someone's coming."

All three of us squinted down the dimly lit passageway, where a dark figure was approaching. Strangely enough, it seemed as though the oncoming shadow was wavering from side to side. Our walking slowed.

"Talk of the devil…" Prim whispered, and I fought the urge to laugh at her strange usage of words.

"…and the devil will appear." Peeta finished as the figure came into view.

Face red and blotchy, holding a skinny bottle of scotch, was my old mentor. He wore grungy clothes, patched and filthy, with a ripped black jacket swung over his shoulders.

Haymitch stopped in front of us and peered at us with his watery eyes. Finally, he pointed a thick finger at me and said, "What are you doing here?"

I awkwardly crossed my arms in front of me and bit my lip. "Actually, we were coming to find you."

Haymitch roared with laughter. "And why do you want to find me, darling?"

"Actually I was hoping to find you a little less drunk." I said a little too sharply.

"You should be use to it by now." For the first time, Haymitch cast his eyes to Peeta, and then down at the bundle of still blankets in his arms. "You two have been busy."

I blushed madly and immediately went on defense. "Believe it or not, _Haymitch,_ that was a result of the Capitol."

Haymitch wouldn't have it. He nudged Peeta's arm and gave him a very indiscreet thumbs-up and wink.

Peeta sighed with annoyance. "Her name is Alexis."

"I suppose you won't let your good old mentor hold her, then?" He completely ignored Prim, who was looking very uncomfortable.

"Your drunk, Haymitch. Maybe when your sober, but no offense, I am not sure I trust you enough."

Haymitch chuckled. "Smart girl."

I frowned at him and slipped my hand around the crook of Peeta's arm. Haymitch was acting weird. "We should be getting back."

"See you, darling." My old mentor wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve, but before turning away, he said, "And good job, by the way."

"For what?" I hope he was not putting out any more innuendos about me and Peeta, because that was pretty embarrassing.

"For saving Panem. It was pretty successful. Anyways, see you later." With no elaboration, Haymitch turned back around began walking away from us.

When he was out of sight, we began walking back the way we came from. Prim, who hadn't said anything since we spotted Haymitch, seemed grateful when I took her hand.

"If he wasn't so drunk all the time, Haymitch might have been a nice person, but those innuendos were uncalled for." I shook my head.

Peeta, who was grinning, said nothing.

I eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you smirking? Did those insinuations make you satisfied or-or proud or something? Because I think they were rude."

He shook his head, but still said nothing.

"Keep your silence if you may, Peeta but I know what you were thinking." And I did. All boys were the same.

"Do you really?" he was subconsciously rocking Alexis in his arms, and seemed to have gotten a kick out of Haymitch's "nudge-and-wink", which always meant, in the language of the exotic creatures known as boys, "score".

The rest of our trip back to the Refuge Quarters was silent, only interrupted by the _slap, slap_ of our shoes. It was almost peaceful, up until there was the frantic sound of running, and a figure nearly collided into me. I let out a noise of surprised and stared at Finnick Odair, who looked frantic and off-balance.

"Finnick! What are you doing here?" I said as he regained balance.

He didn't seem to notice the baby in Peeta's arms. Instead, he turned to me. "It's Gale. You had better come quickly."

_Argh that chapter sucked really bad. Oh well. You know, I feel kind of stupid, because I don't even know what is wrong with Gale. I had only written that part to end the chapter. I think it will all work out, because that would lead to the announcement of Finnick and Annie. :D I love Finnick! _


	60. Chapter 59

_Hehehe you guys crack me up. Anyways, one of my good old buddies helped me come up with the idea for Gale, and so thank you to her. !D I hope you people like this chapter! And yes, Peeta originally wouldn't have been so humored by Haymitch's innuendos, but it just seemed something really funny to do. Hehehe… enjoy this chapter!_

"Finnick, what's wrong?" I asked him frantically as we all (me, Finnick, Peeta holding Alexis, and Prim) ran through the halls, specifically following Finnick. "What about Gale? Has something happened?"

"He was just now found by the Officials!" Finnick panted, slowing his pace only slightly to speak to me. "In abandoned room."

"Is he dead?" My heart was thumping painfully in my heaving chest, and not because of running. "Finnick, tell me!" I almost cried.

"I don't know!" He coughed dryly. "Both of his wrists were slit and he was almost drained of blood. Immediately he was wheeled to the hospital, but I haven't heard anything since."

I let out a noise like a sob. Why did this have to happen now? I felt tears like drops of ice water trickle down my face, and it was all I could to stay on my feet running. Running to Gale. "Who did it?" I growled, almost to myself. "Whoever did it I am going to kill, I swear."

The only reply I got was a high-pitched cry from Alexis. That was the first time I had heard her cry.I slowed down and looked at her, struggling around in Peeta's arms. Through all of the panting and clomping of feet, I could hear a tiny beeping.

"What is-" I was about to ask, but Peeta suddenly got a stricken face on.

"Her heart monitor!" I felt my heart skip a beat and I skidded to a stop next to Peeta. "Get her to the hospital. _Now!"_

"But what about-"Peeta began, but it was a mistake.

"I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ME. GET MY DAUGHTER TO THE HOSPITAL!" I screamed at him, all of the pressure from the moment being released in one blow at Peeta.

For a second he looked hurt, but that was gone quickly as he sprinted off in the direction of the hospital.

"Prim," I turned to my little sister who looked mildly scared. "I'm sorry, but you need to go back. Find Mother or something, but I can't have you with me right now. I'm sorry!"

Prim cast me an apprehensive look before parting, too.

"_Now_ we run like heck." I nodded to Finnick Odair and we tore through the halls once again, not slowed down by a person carrying a baby or a thirteen-year-old. I felt immensely guilty of leaving Peeta to care for Alexis, and more than anything my gut was yelling at me to save her because she was my child, and Gale was only my best friend. Twice I wanted to call this whole thing with Finnick off and follow Peeta, but this was the least I owed to Gale. I hated owing people.

"Why-aren't-we-going-to-the-hospital?" I panted heavily, clutching the stitch in my side.

Finnick, who didn't seem tired at all, turned his head to me and his sweat-dampened bronze hair bounced. "He has a private room in the emergency wards. It's off towards the edge of the hospital."

"Oh." We made a hairpin turn and all of a sudden Finnick skidded to a stop and put his hand on a doorknob, belonging to a door labeled "emergency wards". I panted to a stop and followed him in, dragging my aching feet in.

The waiting room was small, and every surface was polished metal, including the chairs, which made me wince when I sat. My legs were on fire and my lungs ached from running so hard. Finnick insisted on letting me sit while he signed us in on the visitor list.

The brown-haired lady behind the glass screen nodded to him and typed something in on her computer. "Names?"

"Finnick Odair and Katniss…" He cast an odd look back at me that clearly said _which name do you go by, now?_ "Just Katniss."

Then she glanced up at Finnick, trying to hide the glint in her eyes (that all women got when they saw him) and said, "The doctors will be notified. You can have a seat; it will be a few minutes."

Finnick sat down heavily next to me and now all there was to do was wait. After a few moments of silence, Finnick turned to me with a slight frown on. "What _do_ you go by?"

I only hesitated for a split second before replying. "Peeta lets me go by Everdeen because that is what we officially had down on the legal papers."

"That isn't really…fair for him, don't you think?" He had a thoughtful face on.

I blinked.

"Because he has loved you for as long as he could remember, and miraculously a reason popped up for you two to actually get married, but it wasn't good enough for you, since you don't even go by his name. It sort of seems as though…" Finnick rubbed his five-o-clock shadow on his jaw line. "…you don't love him as much as he does you. As if getting married wasn't your first choice and you only did it because it was necessary."

My mouth popped open and I stared, not only because of the casualness in his voice or how observant he was, but because the truth was so devastatingly _true._ Not in the since of me not loving Peeta, but because it wasn't fair. I didn't know why I hadn't seen it before. Everything Peeta was sacrificing—his painting, his cooking, his free time, his family—was for me, and I took it all for granted.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" Finnick was frowning at me, his sea-green eyes looking intently at me.

I groaned and rubbed at my temples. "Yeah, I'm fine; I just realized how selfish I have been. Dangit, I feel bad now, and I hate feeling bad. It is always so easy for Peeta to be good. I never realized what it cost him." The rubbing at my temples started to give me a headache, but I didn't care.

Finnick shrugged. "I didn't mean to make you upset. It was just an observation." He idly tapped his fingers against his blue-jeaned thighs. "I saw Peeta had a kid in his arms. I take it that was yours?"

I heaved a sigh. "It is a long story."

"We have time." Unlike his usual self, Finnick had no trace of arrogance in his voice.

I might as well make myself comfortable for the speech, or whatever you want to call it. "Well, it is longer than it seems, but in essence, while the Victory Tour was going on, at some point the Capitol managed to drug me and make me pregnant without me knowing it until just a month before. They put Peeta's DNA in it so no one would suspect President Snow of anything. She's a—Well, she is only half human, if you want to put it that way."

"That's confusing." He said mildly.

"Imagine being the one having to deal with it all…" I grumbled, sinking into the hard metal chair as best as I could.

"When we were running something started to beep, and you yelled at Peeta to take the kid to the hospital. Is it to personal to ask what the heck that was?"

It was hard to control my bitter anger for the Capitol, who destroyed my child. "Being half man-made by the Capitol has given her heart problems. The beeping starts when he heart does funny things. And it only does funny things before her heart…stops."

"Then why are you here?" Finnick's question was so straightforward it made me pause in surprise.

"I—Gale is almost dead. I can't just abandon him—"

"So you would rather put him first before your own daughter?"

Finnick was starting to annoy me; not because of his questions, but because of the truth behind him. Why _wasn't _I with Alexis instead of Gale?

Thankfully, I was spared the agonizing answer by the same brown-haired nurse popping her heads through a separate door and saying, "The doctor has given his authorization for visitors to come back into Mr. Hawthorne's room." She waited until me and Finnick had stood up and followed her down the brightly lit emergency wards hallways.

As we walked, I noted with dull interest that there were tabs above each of the doors, sporting numbers. We past doors labeled 1-36, and at door number 37, we stopped. My heart was jittering very fast inside my throat as the nurse lady opened the door and led us inside.

The room we entered was large, and more like a very high-tech hotel room. There was a floor-length mirror hanging on the wall opposite the large dresser. Of course, there was many different machines hanging from the walls, and in the middle of the room was a comfortable-looking bed. And on that bed, was the motionless figure of Gale.

I remember at the beginning of the year, when Gale was whipped to shreds, and we had to transport him to our house to fix it, but seeing him like this, even in care of doctors, frightened me. He was laying flat on his back, not moving at all. Even the slow rise and fall of his chest was barely visible, and that lack of movement alone made me scared. Gale's face was, literally, as white as a sheet and a grey tone was tinted on every part of him.

There was an IV bag hanging from a hook in the wall, and the tube from it ran straight from the sack and into a sharp needle in Gale's let arm. Dark red fluid was dripping from the IV and into the tube.

"Gale…" I whispered, horrified.

"He hasn't been conscious or moved at all since we found him." said the nurse. "We have done all we can and now we just have to wait."

I went over to the bed and kneeled next to him. "Gale, it's me. Can you hear me?" I was pretty sure he couldn't, but it was still comforting to talk to him as if he was awake.

Gale coughed and opened his hazy eyes. His lips formed words, but they wouldn't come out. I could tell what he was trying to say. _Katniss._

"Gale, you're-" I blinked moisture out of my eyes. It wouldn't do any good to start crying now. "You're awake."

Through the slow, yet steady beeping of Gale's heart rate, he murmured, "Katniss…"

"Yes, I'm here." I reached over and gently took his hand, being careful of the bandages on his wrists. "Are you okay?"

His law trembled and I saw something flash in the back of his eyes before a flat beeping filled the room and Gale's eyelids dropped.

_I know, I know. You guys are thinking "Why the heck did you kill off Gale?" but I promise you will understand later. It was so hard to write that. I love Gale so bad, even though Peeta is my favorite. Galegalegale…._


	61. Chapter 60

_Happy 60__th__ chapter! Anyways, I know you guys are, like, dying right now, so I'm going to cut to the chase and write._

My body flooded with cold. "Gale?" I choked, taking my hand from his and putting it against his cold cheek. "Gale!" I choked and made a sudden move to wrap my arms around him, but a sudden abundance of doctors rushed into the room and pushed me and Finnick out. I screamed his name, feeling hot tears on my face.

Finnick's arm went around my shoulder to comfort me, but I buckled against him and buried my face in his chest. Of course, I would rather it be Peeta, but the thought didn't concentrate on my mind too much. All I could hear in my head was the last word Gale uttered. My name was all that lingered on his dead lips now.

"Katniss, you need to straighten up, now." Finnick's voice wasn't demanding or rude, but concerned. "Peeta and your daughter need you."

I sobbed again and pulled myself away from Finnick, shaking all over. "But Gale…" I wiped my eyes with the back of my right hand. "Oh, dangit." I burst into tears again and I put my hands up to cover my face.

"Come on," Finnick gently took my arm by right above the elbow and steered back out of the hallway. I followed blindly, stumbling along behind him with a horrible crushing feeling in my chest. It was as though someone had put two super-strength magnets on either side of me and I was slowly imploding. It's a funny feeling, imploding is. My heart was just a dead weight, making it even harder to walk due to the heaviness in my chest.

We walked for some time (I didn't know how long) until I felt Finnick guide me to a stop and I heard talking.

"…Mellark. Yes, Peeta. Next to twenty-four? Thank you…"

I corner and once again set out through a long hallway, my feet trailing unwillingly behind.

_Gale's gone. _My thoughts kept repeating over and over. _Gale's gone forever. _There was a quite buzzing noise in my ears, accompanying the wet tears on my face.

_Don't ever give up Katniss. You fight. _Gale's words before the Hunger Games echoed dully through my head; words of an unwanted memory being repeated for me to cry over._ I don't want to lose you as well…_ My neck snapped up. Those last words were never spoken to me, by Gale or anyone else I knew, but what was strange was that they seemed spoken in my head, loud and clear. I knew I didn't think them, but I didn't dwell on that thought too much.

I took a ragged breath. _I promise, Gale._

"What was that?" Finnick inclined his head towards me, a little line appearing between his eyebrows.

With embarrassment, I realized I had said those words aloud. "Nothing." My voice cracked.

"Oh." He was silent for a few more seconds, but then we came to a stop. "Here we are."

I coughed as another tear forced itself out of my left eye and I blinked through it to see where we were.

I was in a dingy waiting room, only holding one person. A lean body sat hunched over in a corner, blond hair spilling over his hands, which covered his face. When hearing Finnick speak, he glanced up and started. "Katniss." Peeta stood up and came over to me with a fretful look on.

My heart did an uneven thump and I threw myself into him and sobbed on his chest. Peeta's arms went around me and he cupped my head to his shoulder, rocking me gently back and forth as though I were a small child. I could feel his fingers winding through the hair on the back of my head, holding me yet closer to him as I cried.

After a while, my tears started to dry up and be replaced by a horrible case of hiccups. My fingers held tightly to the material of Peeta's shirt because I was afraid I would collapse onto the ground if he let go.

"Its okay, Katniss. You'll be fine…" He pressed his cheek to the top of my head.

"No, it's-it's not." I hiccupped; face still hidden from the view. "I can't believe he just-just-" I bit my tongue and tasted blood in my mouth. I couldn't bring myself to say it, I just couldn't. _Died._ The unspoken word lay still on my trembling lips.

"Here…" Peeta led us over to a nearby couch (which looked like it was made out of stone) and I collapsed onto it, no longer able to shed tears, but to just lay there felling as if I died. The crushing feeling was gone from my chest, but it now felt as though I was completely empty. I couldn't even feel my own heartbeat through the unimpressionable sorrow.

Peeta sat down carefully next to me and pulled my head onto his lap, smoothing back my hair, not saying anything at all.

It was for a while we sat there, unmoving, until I found my voice again. My throat was all dried up and aching from all of the crying. "How is Alexis?"

"She is fine." Peeta continued to stroke my hair as he spoke. "Her heart begun to slow down once we neared the hospital, but I took her in anyways. She is back there-" He pointed to a set of ominous-looking double doors I hadn't noticed before. In big, red letter on it were the words "**AUTHORIZED ENTRANCE ONLY; CARDIOVASCULAR LAB."**

I paused for a second to let that soak in. Then I said, "I take it that we don't get to take her for tonight, then?"

"No, we don't. They won't even let us see her tonight. I was only in here because I was waiting for you."

I sat up with difficultly. "Then there is no need to be here. Let's go back before I have another meltdown."

Peeta frowned at this, confused at my sudden urgency to abandon my daughter and get back to my room. It wasn't abandonment, though. I did not want to waste any more time wishing for something you know you can't get. _Wish in one hand and spit in the other. Which one fills up faster? _Once again, strange words echoed through my head, but this time I recognized them as being some that my best friend had spoken two years after we had met.

My lip began trembling again and I willed myself not to cry. Crying was not only unnecessary and embarrassing, but it was also made things worse. It only made you remember what you were crying for, made you cling onto what you couldn't have and only made you yearn for more. We cannot be sure of having something to live for unless we are willing to die for it. And my life had already been taken the moment Gale said my name.

_*sniff* that chapter made me cry just writing it. Not only because of the sadness of Gale's death, but because Katniss realized that she actually love Gale as well as Peeta. …So sad…. Anyways, please review!_


	62. Chapter 61

_I guess I have to admit I am disappointed. Barely anyone reviews anymore (except junbug, thank you, buddy). If no one reads my story then I won't write it anymore, except I love writing it so bad. Please give me a reason to continue! But anyways, here is this chapter that you all (or not) have been waiting for. Maybe not, but I'm going to shut up and write now._

I was led back by Peeta to his room and allowed me to use his shower to wash away (or try to) the dried tears under my eyes. They say the shower is the best place to cry a whole lot, because you are already wet, the sounds drown out your sobs, and hot water sometimes makes your face red and puffy so no one does a double take if you come out a mess.

Peeta lent me one of his T-shirts and so ten minutes later, in a shirt too big for me and my old pants; I dragged myself out of the bathroom and curled up in a little ball next to Peeta on his bed.

"I'm sorry that…it happened," Peeta put his arm around me. I could tell he was about to say "he died" but changed it for my sanity's sake.

"It was horrible," I whispered, putting my head on his shoulder, trying not to get all choked up again. "I-I got there and the doctors said that he was unconscious, but when I sat down next to him and said his name, he opened his eyes and said mine back. Then he just…" I swallowed past the lump in my throat and left the end of my sentence hanging in the air.

"Just out of curiosity, what happens now?"

I turned to look at him with a puzzled face on. "What?"

"I don't know…" Peeta looked as if he regretted saying anything at all. "He just played a big part in your life, and you were so close to him. I hate to see you so devastated, but from a wound this big, do you think it will ever heal?"

He caught me off guard. "I don't know." I admitted. "As much as I am ashamed to admit it, as I sat there on the floor watching him die, I realized something. I did love him, but it took a tragedy for me to recognize that and so I don't know if I can ever go back."

When I turned my head again to see Peeta's reaction, it was pained. Maybe telling him that wasn't the best idea ever. He blinked and looked away from me.

"Peeta, you don't understand." I wanted him to so badly, it hurt. "You have no idea what we have been through together. I am not saying that I love him more than you and would have chosen him over you. I—"

Peeta shook his head slightly to himself, but I saw him.

"I am not joking, Peeta!" I took his chin and gently turned his head towards me. "How could I possibly live without you? You're acting as though I don't love you, but I do!" My voice started cracking. "I do."

Finally, Peeta met my gaze with his own, slightly awkward one. For a second I thought he would turn away again, but instead he gently swept a lock of my hair behind one of my ears. "…I love you too."

That was when I leaned against him and cried for a third time that day. It wasn't as if I wanted to cry so much. Back before we were in District 13, I had always been afraid of showing what I was feeling. If I cried, I would be labeled as weak. If I laughed, I would be labeled as ditzy. If I got angry, I would be labeled uncontrollable without a second thought. Here in 13, it didn't matter, but crying in front of people I loved wasn't on top of my to-do list. It made me self-conscious.

"Dangit…" I hugged my arms around my chest. "I don't w-want to cry in f-front of you."

"There's nothing wrong with crying, Katniss." Peeta loosened my arms and smoothed my hands out, which had been all balled up under my elbows, and set them down on my lap. "Don't think that you have to stop because I am here."

"Crying d-doesn't achieve anything." I hiccupped and wiped my eyes with the hem of my shirt. "Expect puffy eyes and a red face."

"I'm sorry I made you cry again." He offered me a tissue from the bedside stand next to him.

I accepted the handkerchief and held it in my hand. "You apologize too much."

He shrugged.

"Finnick and I were talking in the waiting room." I said almost to myself, absentmindedly folding the tissue until it was just a little ball of mashed-up fibers.

"About what?" I could tell Peeta was being very careful about what he was saying.

"…I'm changing my last name to Mellark."

Peeta blinked. "Wasn't it already?"

"No. It is legally still Everdeen. That is what I put on the papers."

"Oh, yeah!" It was as if a little switch had gone off in Peeta's head. "I remember that. So you're changing it? What made you want to do that?"

I sniffed and leaned again into his chest. "It might be because I felt guilty…."

Peeta frowned.

"…because I haven't been fair to you." I added that last part half-reluctantly. "And I keep crying over Gale and Finnick helped me realize that I have been using you and I'm really sorry." I made a point not to look Peeta in the eyes.

For a second, he just sat there blinking at me before wrapping his arms around me again and squeezing my close to his body. "…And you say _I_ say sorry too much."

"But I am sorry." My voice was muffled by Peeta's T-shirt. "I want to make it up to you somehow, but I don't know how yet."

"You already have."

I puckered my brow and glanced up at him to see what he meant, but Peeta had already pressed his lips against mine. A noise of surprise bubbled from my throat, and Peeta cupped his hands around the back of my neck and twisting his fingers into my hair.

My body had already started going into shut-off mode. I closed my eyes and knotted my fists into his shirt, pulling him on top of me. Maybe this would distract me from the pain I was feeling, I didn't know.

I could feel one of Peeta's hands leave my hair and curl around my waist. The whole of his body was pressed against mine and I was more aware of it than I had ever been.

His fingers trailed a little farther down and when I felt it brush against the waistband of my pants, I pulled away in surprise.

"I-I'm sorry," Peeta was immediately blushing profusely. He began to roll back off me when I grabbed his arm and held him where he was.

But I wasn't sure what I was going to say. "You—it's-it's okay…" I shook my head as if to clear it from the cobwebs. "It's okay."

Peeta frowned down at me, and when I didn't elaborate right away, he frowned again and began twitching.

"I-I'm sorry that it was Gale…" I wasn't quite sure he got what I was saying.

Sure enough, Peeta looked at me with a funny face on (still half-way in the process of getting off me). "What?"

"What I'm trying to say is that…" I bit my lip and tried to look him in the eyes. "What I'm trying to say is that I am sorry that it was Gale instead of you."

For a second there I could see the little gears in Peeta's head working as he figured out what I meant, and when he did, it was as if a little light bulb lit up above his blond head. "So-"

But the rest of his words were lost against my mouth as I pulled him onto me again, and this time, I didn't stop him.

_I hope that didn't bother you guys too much. Me and my bff decided that it was necessary to have that happened, so no complaining, y'all. By the way, By "I'm sorry it was Gale and not you", Katniss meant she was sorry she *ahem* with Gale instead of with Peeta. Anyways…. pretty please review._


	63. Chapter 62

_Hello, my little fiends. Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter, and even those who just read it. I am dedicating this chapter to my bff junbug. Some people were confused about what Katniss said at the end of the last chapter, and I'm sooo sorry I didn't elaborate. Katniss meant that she was sorry she… well…. She was "with" Gale instead of Peeta. Not that Peeta should have died instead of Gale. Hope you get it now… :D Well, here is this chapter and I hope you all aren't too disappointed. I, for one, am having a bunch of fun writing this story, and in response to a few of people who had reviewed with the question, I don't know how many chapters this is going on. I am writing it until I get bored, and unless you people stop reviewing, I don't have any slight plans to ever end this. So read, review, and reticulate, whatever that means. I think it is a verb…._

With a slight twitch I awoke at six in the morning. At first I thought it was just an average morning, waking up with Peeta just like normal, but then the separate parts of the previous day came crashing down upon me. I peeled open my eyes and absorbed my current situation.

Under normal circumstances, I might have blushed or felt horrible awkward, but as I laid here curled comfortably around Peeta's naked chest, I only felt a smidge of what I should be feeling; Anxiety for my baby daughter being in the hospital, grief for Gale's passing, and frightened about the fact that there are murderers in district 13. But I only felt a tiny bit of each, which made me feel guiltier than all of them put together.

I closed my eyes again and pushed away that thought (which I'll surely be punished for later, being happy under the current circumstances) and adjusted my arm, which was lain carelessly across Peeta's chest. I felt him stir under me.

"You awake?" he whispered.

I felt his fingers gently brushing back my hair. "Almost." I mumbled and pressed my cheek against the bare skin of Peeta's shoulder. As weird as my observation was, my brain quietly noted how smooth his skin was when unclothed. "My brain hasn't started functioning yet, so I'm waiting for that to happen. In the meantime, I'm just going to lay here drooling on you."

I didn't hear it, but I felt the vibration of Peeta's silent laughter through his chest. "Right… So how are you feeling? Your incision didn't reopen did it?"

"No. I feel as healthy as a horse." I yawned. "Considering just a few days ago I nearly bled to death because of it."

Peeta inattentively traced his finger along the ridge of my spine. "Considering…"

"Maybe we should go to breakfast soon…" It was just a thought, which I wasn't necessarily keen to put into action. "…When it starts, sometime…maybe…"

"Are you hungry?"

"Honestly?" I snorted softly, "Not really."

Peeta laughed again.

But that wasn't exactly true, when I said I wasn't hungry. I didn't eat at all yesterday, but I didn't want to move. I was nice and cozy right where I was.

"We should go to the hospital…" Peeta shifted slightly to sit up against the back of the bed.

"Remind me why again?" Like I said before, my brain wasn't fully working. I bunched up the blanket to myself and sat up with Peeta.

He looked at me with a weird face on. "It _just might _be because your baby daughter is in the hospital. Possibly."

I blushed. "Oh. Right." With a big sigh (not because I have to get up in order to see my daughter, but because I have to get up at all), I held the blanket to me and swung my legs over the edge. I could sense Peeta keeping his eyes on me the whole time. "And Peeta…"

"Hm?" I knew he was grinning even though my back was to him.

"If you ever, _ever_, even _think _of drawing me naked I just might have to kill you."

Peeta snorted, but said nothing. I hope that meant an "okay".

I rolled my eyes and stole the top layer of blankets off the bed to wrap myself up in while I went over to the closet and rummaged around in it with one hand, holding the blanket to me with the other. It was heavy and got in the way, but I just didn't _feel _like walking around in the room without any clothes on.

Part of me was thankful I wasn't pregnant anymore so I can fit into my normal clothes. Peeta just sat on his bed while I slipped into the bathroom and changed into a pair of worn jeans and a green tank-top. In there, I examined myself in the mirror.

My hair was a rat's nest, flitting all around my head. I smoothed it down; there wasn't anything to do about my brilliantly red face other than splash it with cold water. Other than my whole body having the slight feeling that it fell asleep, I felt fine.

Adjusting my shirt again, I opened the bathroom door and to my surprise, Peeta was already up and clothed. Well, most of the way. There was still no top covering the pale skin of his chest.

"Good, you're out. I—" but Peeta was interrupted by a loud creaking noise. Frowning, we both turned to face the door, which had opened on its own. Peeta shrugged. "Anyways, I—"

His words were drowned out by my cry.

Into my room stepped a tall man, about 20 or 21. He had evenly tanned skin and a lean body, but my heart got jammed up in my throat when I saw the spill of jet-black and grey eyes.  
"Katniss, what's wrong?" Peeta creased his brows and went over to me.

I sputtered and stared at Gale, who was standing as still as a statue in the middle of my room, no emotion betrayed in his eyes. He raised his head and glanced blankly at Peeta, who didn't seem to have notice Gale at all.

"I-He" I raised a finger and pointed it at Gale, who had a small smile playing on his lips. "You're not supposed to be here." That wasn't exactly what I wanted to say, but it came out that way.

Peeta gave me a peculiar look and glanced behind him to the door. "Who's not supposed to be here, Katniss? So the door opened by itself, but it has done that before. Why are you so freaked out?"

"You don't…?" My heart started to beat faster and faster as I whipped my head back and forth between my dead best friend and Peeta. "Oh, I get it." Something clicked in my head and my body began to relax again. "I'm still asleep. Interesting dream this is... It's no wonder, though." I stood up.

Peeta looked at me with a very skeptical look. "…You're not asleep. You woke up just a little bit ago. And you're being really weird."

Once again, my stomach dropped down to my toes. "I'm not…dreaming?"

"No." He attempted to put his arm around me, but I shook it off.

"I'm going mad…" My eyes flew wide and I began backing up hastily, hitting my shoulder on the edge of the bathroom doorframe, but I ignored the searing pain.

Gale was still standing exactly where he had entered.

"Katniss, what are you talking about?" Peeta took my hand and tried to lead me to the bed, probably to lie down and rest or something.

What could I do in this situation? Run? Close my eyes in hopes that it would go away? Instead of doing either of those, I just stood there, gaping stupidly at Gale.

Peeta shook his head and said, "Well, if you are okay with it, I need a shower."

I said nothing. How he could even think about having a shower when his wife is having a nervous breakdown, I have no clue.

"I'll be out in a bit." He briefly put his lips to mine and then ducked into the bathroom, letting the door swing shut behind him.

I made sure the door was actually closed, and Peeta was actually taking a shower before approaching my supposedly dead best friend. "You can't be here. I know you can't. You-You died." That wasn't exactly a very nice thing to say to your best friend jus the day after he died, but oh, well.

Gale shrugged, for the first time. "That is true. But that doesn't necessarily mean I can't be here."

"What…?" Maybe I was just going insane.

"I can't explain how, but here I am." He smiled sadly and opened his arms in a half-attempted sweeping gesture.

I took that chance to run into them and hug my arms tightly around Gale. "I don't give a crap if you are dead or not. Just don't go." Oh, goodie. My eyes seem to have sprung a leak for the billionth time this week.

Gale lifted me up and hugged me tightly back. Since Peeta hadn't seemed to have been able to see Gale, I was thankful he wasn't watching me now, in this awkward position hugging thin air. "What's going on here, Gale? Why are you here? Did you die or not? Why can't Peeta see you?"

"I can't answer those questions, Katniss." Then he frowned. "Well, most of them anyway. I did die, yes, but that doesn't automatically entitle me to unlimited answers to everything. I don't know how I am here. One moment I was looking down upon my dead body and you being dragged away by the doctors, and the next moment, it was like I'm in some freak dream world. I'm not totally here."

"Can you stay?" I pulled away from him and dried my eyes on the edge of his shirt.

"No." He shook his head. "I'm just asleep. It is almost time for me to wake up as well."

"As well?" I was puzzled. "Does that mean I am asleep still, too? And what do you mean by you being asleep?"

"No matter how hard you try, you cannot fail to wake me. After all," Gale turned towards the door and looked back to smile at me. "Living is just a dream for the dead."

_You guys must be pretty confused right now, but that is the way it is suppose to be. By the way, that last sentence was a quote from lyrics by My Chemical Romance, so I don't own it. I just thought it would be cool in this situation. Anyways, thank you my readers, and if you have the time, please review!_


	64. Chapter 63

_I am finally catching up to my own brain! This is great! Anyhoo, there is something I need you guys to see. Go to YouTube and look up "Let's Not Play Pretend". My best friend showed it to me and we cried together, it is just that touching. Here is a piece from it:_

_**Remember the time,**_

_**I held your hand in mine**_

_**It felt just like solitude**_

_**When in reality, the whole world was listening**_

_**Just pretending**_

_**And entertaining**_

_**The world I hold**_

_**Why it had been like this, **_

_**I guess I will never know**_

_**I would like to fall in love again**_

_**And just start as good friends**_

_**New camera, no lens**_

_**Let's not play pretend**_

I could hear the screams even before I opened my eyes. Thrashing and shrieking, I woke up (again) in a nasty cold sweat. My hands scrabbled around, whipping stray hair around my face as I reached out for Peeta. Just empty bedspreads met my fingers.

Rising hysteria clogged my throat as I jerkily looked around the empty room. What happened? What hadn't happened? I was just about to cry and jump off the bed, running around the room like a madman, but the bathroom door swung open and a very frantic-looking Peeta dashed into the room, dripping wet and in a pair of backwards sweatpants.

"What is it? Are you okay?" He jogged over to the bed and pulled me into his lap. "Was it just your night terrors?"

"Um…" I shook my head to clear it. "I-What happened?"

"Which time?" Peeta frowned at me.

I wrinkled my nose. "Just reassure me that Gale didn't come and visit me from the dead and you didn't just hop into the shower while I was having a nervous breakdown."

"Well… We did just wake up an hour ago, but walking out of the bathroom you tripped over your own feet and knocked yourself out."

I frowned deeply. I don't remember tripping over anything or passing out. It was a slight relief that I only imagined that whole scene. "So Gale didn't come and visit me from the dead?"

"I'm afraid not." He blinked sympathetically at me. It was obvious he thought the experience in my "dream" was nice and pleasant, and that it was a shame it wasn't real. Honestly, the whole thing freaked me out big time. Although, I guess I should admit I was somewhat disappointed that I hadn't gotten to say goodbye one last time. I felt Peeta's hand on my shoulder and I looked up, brought back into reality.

He brushed his thumb across my cheekbone and I realized it was wet. I had been crying without even knowing it.

"I didn't know I was crying," I said half-defensively just because I could, looking away. There wasn't anything I had against it or anything. "I didn't mean to."

There was no response from Peeta, so I looked up again. Before I could say anything else, he took my hand and pulled me into his arms.

The millisecond of my surprise was over, and I pressed my cheek against his, thankful for his comfort. To be honest I was actually _very_ disappointed I didn't get to say goodbye to Gale, because it was my fault he was gone in the first place.

I opened my eyes and found one of them not an inch away from Peeta's and to my amazement the insides of his eyelids were rimmed with wetness. I closed my eyes again and hugged him tighter.

Something cold fell onto our touching cheeks, making them both wet. I couldn't tell if it was him crying or me. A small sob came from somewhere inside of me and I buried my face in the material of Peeta's shirt. Okay, so we were both crying like little babies, but—wait. Babies. The odd word popped up into my head and I was brought back down by remembering our goal in the first place. An hour ago Peeta and I had gotten up for the sole purpose of going to the hospital to see (and hopefully bring back) our baby daughter. Something about saying "our baby daughter" made me a little proud.

I drew away from Peeta and looked up at him, our hands still clasped. His face was indeed just as wet as mine. I lifted up my free hand and wiped the corner of his eye gently. "Whether you're crying because of Gale, or because I'm crying because of Gale, I'm glad I'm not the only one."

He laughed and caught my hand, cupping it to his face. "Maybe it's both."

"Yeah…" I took a deep breath. "We should get ready for the hospital."

After bending down towards him and kissing Peeta gently on the lips, I stood up, but paused. "It's really a big pain having to go back and forth to rooms."

"If you're saying you want to get an actual room together, just say so." The corner of Peeta's mouth twitched as I cleaned the wetness from my face. "It's not as if we aren't _married _or anything."

"I wouldn't ask that of you. Guys need their own space."

Peeta snorted. "Look who's talking. You're a _girl._ Girls need twenty times more privacy than us manly men."

"Then fine!" I threw up my hands in mock exasperation. "I've moving my stuff into your room tonight and there isn't a single thing you can do to change it! You will be stuck with me and my crap for the rest of your life and you're going to _like it._"

After sticking his tongue out at me, Peeta tugged his shirt—which had been on the floor—over his head. "Fine."

I rolled my eyes at his childishness and went into the bathroom. To my relief, there wasn't some big ugly gash on my head where I hit it on the bathroom door. There was just a faint purple bruise on my left temple. My hair was askew, flying out of its braid.

"I'm a mess." I grumble to myself, fishing the band off of the end of my braid and redoing it.

"It isn't that bad." Peeta materialize in the mirror behind me and took the half-done hair from my hands and began—to my surprise—to plait it himself. "It just needs to be redone. You had a rough night; no one can blame you for waking up a little shaken."

"A little shaken?" I mumbled. "You can say that."

Peeta said nothing. Instead, he took the hair band from my hand and twisted it around the end of my braid.

I watched him in the mirror as he used his careful hands. Of course, I always knew they were used to do delicate things like paint detailed pictures and ice tiny cookies, but I would have never imagined him as a hair stylist. The thought made me laugh quietly.

"There you go." Peeta let go of the braid and it bumped lightly against my back.

"Thanks…" Lost in thought, I took advantage of Peeta's position so I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes.

His arms went around me. "If you're done in here, we should go get Alexis."

I cracked open my eyes to complain at him, but he realized this before it happened.

"Or we could stand here like this for a little while longer." Peeta said quickly. Smart guy. "And _then_ go get Alexis."

I smiled a little bit. "You know, it is kind of horrible that we put this first instead of checking to see if she is even alive."

Peeta suddenly turned all serious. "You're right. What awful parent we are." He straightened up and gently removed me from his chest.

The little voice inside my head was very insulted, but the other, slightly louder voice agreed with him. "Yeah…" I sniffled and went back into the bedroom.

"That was a joke." Peeta was right behind me. "It's only seven-something. It isn't necessarily _bad _to not be there the second we wake up."

I said nothing, just cursed myself because I felt my eyes moistening.

"Katniss?"

I hastily wiped my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Peeta tried to pry my hands away from my face.

"I'm not crying." I insisted, turning back away from him.

"Yes you are. You can't hide that from me. What's up?" He crossed his arms and turned his stubborn face towards me.

Well, there goes my sanity. "What do you think?" I snapped. "I am eighteen. _Eighteen,_ Peeta. And I have a kid. That is not making me feel any better."

"Come on." It was obvious he is trying to cheer me up, with his jovial tone of words. "You make a wonderful mother."

"I make a wonderful mother? I have had her for a total of, what, one day? I can't have a kid! I am _not _cut out to be a parent this young." I felt hysteria rising in my voice.

Peeta frowned.

"You are all fine and dandy about being a father because it makes no difference to you!" Now my hysteria was unwillingly becoming anger. "You are fine with it, because-because you had a say in it! Well, I didn't, Peeta. And _I_ am afraid because it isn't just another life in my hands." The adrenaline rush of my rising temper went away as fast as it had come. "I can't do it."

I felt Peeta's hand slip into mine. "What are you saying?"

"I'm so _stupid_, Peeta." I wrenched my hands away from his and hugged my arms tightly to my chest. "I shouldn't have done what I did last night. I'm so _stupid!"_

Peeta wrinkled his eyebrows. If I wasn't so upset, it would have been a cute look for him. "Katniss…"

I wheeled around and pointed a trembling finger at him. "Don't _do _that!"

"Don't do what?"

"You always act as if everything is fine and you say my name as if it is me who has the problem. I'll tell you what my problem is." I was getting pretty pumped up again. "I am eighteen years old with a newborn baby who has serious medical issues, there are murderers that killed my best friend who do no doubt want to kill me, and to top all of that off, it would be just my luck to get pregnant for a _second_ time because of my stupid thoughtlessness last night!"

There was silence for a second. Peeta just stood blinking at me.

I suddenly felt horrible for screaming at him. And I had told him just a day or two ago that I wouldn't do that anymore, but here I was. My throat closed up and stinging tears blurred my vision.

"I'm sorry, Katniss."

I lifted my head to look at Peeta in awe. _He _was apologizing to _me_? How come he always put the blame on himself, when I was the one screaming?

He laughed once without amusement. "You're standing there blaming yourself for last night, when it was me and my—"

"I don't care whose fault it is. The point is, if I am pregnant _again_, there is going to be a very angry pregnant lady with a heavy metal pole terrorizing the helpless people of District 13."

He shook his head sympathetically. "I don't think you will be."

I turned my back to him and sat down in the center of my bed. "Eighteen. _Eighteen_. I can't be a mother."

Before Peeta could make it to the bed next to me, I began crying. If I had a dime for every tear I shed in the past two weeks….

He crawled up onto the side of the bed and put his arms around me. After only a millisecond of hesitating, I bunched my fists into his shirt and huddled against his chest. Thankfully, Peeta didn't say anything at all, which was probably a good thing. If he did, it would have been something like "its okay, Katniss" or "but you're a _great _mother". I would have to get him real good if he did that.

I felt his lips press gently on my forehead. It was as light as a small breeze, but I felt it nonetheless. He bent over a little more and kissed me again lightly on the tops of my cheekbone.

Hands pressed against the small of my back, lifting me up to be at eye-level with Peeta. I could see his blond girl-like eyelashes that framed his lidded eyes as our noses brushed. But I had to draw the line when he pressed my body against the pillows with his.

"Peeta, I can't." I put my hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away. "You know I can't."

"Yes I do. That is why my shirt is staying on." Peeta arched his eyebrows, amused.

I frowned. "Your shirt has nothing to do with this."

He laughed, teasingly twirling a bit of my hair around his finger. "So it doesn't have to stay on?"

"Jeez." I rolled my eyes at him. "You're such a _boy_."

"Be glad I'm not a girl."

_Ugh. It took forever to actually end that chapter. Sorry I didn't update sooner. I left my laptop cord back in my car when I went to Oklahoma. Stupid, huh? I had to get my mom's friend to mail it down here. But anyways, please review this chapter because I put too much time into this for no one to review. :D soo….. look for the next chapter!_


	65. Chapter 64

_Aww… You guys said the most encouraging stuff about my last chapter. This one should be nice and suspenseful, just like you like. And fluffy. You guys like fluffiness, right? Peeta/Katniss moments are my favorite to write, but there has to be a little suspense in there somewhere. Both my friend and I decided Peeta's shirt fetish (or lack of shirt fetish) was definitely weird, but it is too fun to quit. And about the little spelling error thing, all I have to say is I am very surprised I managed to go to the state spelling bee in sixth grade because I SUCK at spelling. Plus spell-check doesn't work too well on this computer. :DD I dedicate this chapter to….michellethebookworm, who was the first person who reviewed. Actually, she was one of the very few that reviewed, so hopefully this chapter is better. :D I'm glad you loved it though! Okay, okay. THE funniest thing in the whole wide world. I will always love you if you go to this link and read the thing put up by this one AMAZING girl. .com/2010/08/27/the-official-mockingjay-teabs-survival-guide-ok-its-a-drinking-game/ I laughed with my buddy for so long after I read it. Trust me, if I am correct, you people will thank me._

Roughly two hours later, I opened my eyes again and sat up. Peeta was snoozing beside me (without his shirt on, of course), his hand stretched carelessly across the covers. _My_ shirt was bunch up at my ribs, and both of our jeans hung low on our hips.

I must have made a noise shifting my position, because the second I did, Peeta's eyes snapped open. He shook his head and frowned. "Did I fall asleep?"

"We both did." I yawned and lied back down, facing Peeta. "The lack of sleep the two of us get is astounding."

"Ah, well." He stifled a yawn as well and casually reached over to tug my shirt down back over my stomach. "How's the wound thingy doing?"

"If it wanted to open again, it would have already." I grinned, and so did Peeta. "Trust me."

"It's nice, you smiling again." He noted, almost to himself. "You never really smiled before."

Just to bring back old memories, I scowled at him, which brought us both laughing quietly.

"It's ten o'clock. We should get going." Peeta flicked me playfully in the arm and began to get up, but I beat him.

"Ten o'clock?" Tossing off the light blanket I had on, I rushed out of bed and threw open my closet door. "It's ten o'clock and I have to go get Alexis. I'm not even wearing a real shirt!" Muttering angrily to myself, I glanced down at my wrinkled green tank-top, and began digging through my wardrobe even more furiously. "… And I wasn't supposed to skip breakfast! Ugh… This morning is so str—"

An arm reached around the front of me and gently turned me away from the mouth of the wardrobe.

"Stop freaking out, Katniss." How come Peeta was always so calm and collected when I was being unreasonable?

I felt my eye twitch, and I refused to look up at Peeta. Maybe I was being childish and silly because he never let me freak out, but that wasn't his problem.

"Katniss." Oh, no. Now he was using his reasonable tone of voice. I just knew the second I looked up he would use his puppy-dog eyes. "We are in no hurry."

Fine. I relaxed my tensed shoulder muscles and to my relief, when I looked up, there was no trace of pleading or puppy-dogness in Peeta's eyes; only slight amusement. I scowled. "You're laughing at me!"

He shook his head. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at your absurdness." From inside the open closet, Peeta pulled out a thin button-up cotton shirt, and helped me put it on over the tank-top I was wearing.

"And _I'm _laughing at your lack of concern for our daughter." I grumbled as Peeta buttoned the last button of my shirt.

He blinked. "You're not laughing at all."

"That was exactly my point." And before Peeta could figure out what I meant by that, I ducked into the bathroom.

There wasn't really a point in closing the door, because all I did was stand in front of the mirror, splashing ice water onto my face. I hate to admit it, but that did absolutely nothing except get me wet. Abandoning the attempt, I decided to instead comb out my straggly hair. If it was just going to keep getting messed up all the time, I might as well not brush it at all… After getting it all smoothed out, I left it down instead of braiding it like normal.

Peeta was waiting for me right outside the door when I came out. Like a gentleman, he offered me his arm and I awkwardly took it at the crook of his elbow.

"Is it too weird when I do this?" Peeta asked, gently nudging me in the ribs with the elbow I was holding.

"Weird? No. Awkward? Yes." For good measure just in case I made him upset or something, I gave him a quick kiss. "But it's okay if you do."

Peeta seemed pleased with himself.

Funnily enough, we were only a minute into our nice walk through the halls, when Peeta and I ran into Finnick. Literally. We strolled around a corner and ran flat into Finnick, who seemed to be strutting.

"Oh, oops. Hey Katniss." He grinned at me.

I narrowed my eyes. "You're not acting like yourself, Finnick. You seem almost… drunk. Have you been hanging out with Haymitch?"

Finnick shook his head and looked confused. "I am? Sorry. No, I just got really, really great news."

"You did?" I put on my most 'happy for you' look. "What happened?"

"Well, I had to take Annie to the—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I interrupted rudely, taking my hand from Peeta's arm and waved it around in front of Finnick's face to stop him. "Annie was rescued? You have Annie? What happened?"

Finnick looked incredibly pleased as he said, "She was rescued about a week and a half ago. I thought she was…you know…dead, but there were rumors that a girl had been rescued from District Four and so I checked out the hospital, and weirdly enough, it was her." He had some type of dazed look in his eyes. "She was under room-arrest, I guess you could say. Two weeks after I found her, she was able to leave the hospital, but she had to stay in her room the whole time. Food was brought to her and, thank God, I was able to be with her whenever I wanted."

"That's great!" Peeta looked genuinely happy for Finnick. Maybe it was because he knew exactly what it felt like to finally be with who he loved. "So, the good news is…?"  
"But yeah, I took her to the doctors today and-and—" I was surprised he hadn't exploded yet. "She's pregnant."

"Really?" Pure surprise blossomed on both mine and Peeta's faces.

Finnick nodded enthusiastically. "It actually really surprised me. I wouldn't have thought—"

But then he slowed down and blushed. "Never mind. But anyways, I am ecstatic."

"Have you thought of a name yet?" I was just as excited as Finnick. Okay, maybe a little less, but I was still happy. "Boy or girl?"

He shook his head. "It's too early to tell the gender, and we just found out about an hour ago, so there hasn't been any time."

"Where were you running to?" Once the plain surprise wore off of Peeta's face, he was trying to act casual.

"Actually I was…"Finnick feebly raised a finger past us and his face grew confused. His finger fell back to his side. "Huh. I don't really remember."

I frowned.

"That's okay." The moment of awkwardness passed smoothly and everyone was back being happy. "It couldn't have been too important if I forgot it that easily."

"Yeah…" I jittered around impatiently, bobbing up and down on the balls of my feet. "What time is it?"

Finnick blinked at me. "Around eleven."

My mood deflated. "Maybe we should pick up Alexis after lunch…" It was a horrible decision, but it made the most sense. To me, anyway.

Sensing my disappointment and anxiety, Peeta put his arm around me and kissed my forehead. "Don't worry. Alexis will be fine there for a little while longer. And who knows? Maybe they needed a little extra time without us constantly bothering them."

I scowled. "Who cares about what the doctors want? _I_ want my daughter and it is going to take more than just lunchtime to stop me from seeing her."

Finnick seemed uncomfortable, standing there in front of us while we talked about somewhat personal matters. "I should probably get back to Annie. Maybe she can tell me what I was going to do." And with his usual arrogant grin, he turned on his heel and walked back the way he came from.

"He seems okay with being a parent…" I grumbled.

"It'll be fine. Trust me." Peeta gave his arm around me a light squeeze. "Come on. Let's get some lunch."

_Sorry that chapter took long to get out. Something is wrong with me, I swear. Way back in one of my earlier chapters one of you readers suggested that Finnick and Annie have a baby, but I can't remember who. I have decided since it was your idea for it in the first place, you get to name the baby. :3 Well, R&R if you want, and tell me if you like my story!_


	66. Chapter 65

_Hey guys! Thanks for reviewing my chapter to those who did, and for reading it to all of you. You know, the first review I got was from Samwise, and I want to say thanks. No, I didn't take offense at all at what you said. I'm going to let all of you in on something I don't really tell anyone about my writing. This story, well, I never intended on publishing it. I mean on fanfic. I started it for the pure sake of writing and to be honest, I wasn't even going to have a plot. Sometimes the story drives me crazy, because you are absolutely right, Samwise. I am winging it. All of the basic outlines I have are for a few chapters at a time, not just one story. My absolute biggest flaw as a writer is I am a perfectionist and I'm afraid of ending things. I have never ever been able to end ANYTHING. I started writing this story in hopes I would always have something to write. That way, my story would never end (theoretically). So, in answer to some of your question; no. I don't plan on ending this story. Notice the word "plan". I will always try to find a way to continue the story. If you get bored with it, fine. I'm not asking you to always read it. By all means if I'm getting boring SAY SOMETHING! But I am only fourteen, and maybe in time I will get to be a better writer and actually be able to end things. :3 Please enjoy this next chapter. (Oh, and I'm sorry about Finnick's behavior in the last one. I haven't read Catching Fire in a while so I am pretty much just winging it)_

The usual crowd that awaited me and Peeta had a horrible, depressing air when we sat down. Primrose had her head down, and was picking dolefully at her food. Mother just had a sad face on, and her arm was curled protectively around her youngest. Peeta's father had a blank look on, but the corners of his mouth were turned down slightly. The only other difference to the sullen group was that half of the people were gone. Ms. Hawthorn, Rory, Vick, and Posy were completely absent from the table along with, of course, their oldest son. Noticing our arrival, everyone left looked up.

"Katniss…" My mother reached her hand across the table and gripped mine. "I'm so sorry."

The moods of the people around me immediately made mine plummet alongside everyone else's. The hard rock that had situated itself inside my stomach yesterday came back.

"I…So am I." I leaned against Peeta's side heavily, still gripping Mother's hand.

Primrose sniffed and a shiny tear slid down her perfect pale cheek. "It shouldn't have been that way."

"Did you know they're holding a ceremony for him in two days?" Mr. Mellark spoke up for the first time. "There was an announcement up."

"No, I didn't…" My appetite abruptly vanished. "I'll make sure to be there."

Peeta gave me an attempted comforting squeeze. "I'm coming with, of course."

"It's just—" My voice cracked and I fought back tears threatening to pour down my face. "This place is supposed to be safe, but he-he…"

Peeta creased his eyebrows and turned to me, saying, "Katniss, we _will _find out come he died. It has—"

"He didn't die, Peeta." I said a little too harshly. He frowned at me. "He was murdered. And I am going to track down whoever did it and kill them. And maybe they had a family. And maybe then their family will know what it feels like when their world comes crashing down around them." Now heads from all around the cafeteria were turned to look at me. The people at my table, however, had funny looks on, past their sadness. "…And maybe I'm taking that a little too far."

"Katniss, you should let the Officials take care of the tracking down and locking up." Mr. Mellark looked concerned.

I scowled and wiped a single tear from my eye. "No, I don't want to lock them up. I want to kill them." The casualness of my tone surprised everyone.

One person at the table in front of us had his body turned all the way around and now his eyebrows shot up and disappeared in his hairline. I glared at him and he hastily turned back around.

"Don't be so violent." Mother scolded me.

"Right." I spat. "'Don't be so violent' Katniss. My best friend for seven years just got murdered in this supposedly safe place underground. It's not very easy to be nice when all I feel like doing is dying." My voice broke again on the last word and, unexpectedly, hot tears began spilling out of my eyes and I dropped my head.

Primrose's lower lip trembled and she ran over to the other side of the table and wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh, Prim." I held her in my lap while we both cried, my face buried in her hair. "I never imagined this would happen. I loved him so much."

Now I was pretty sure about every pair of eyes in the entire room were trained on our table. Everything was quiet except from someone coughing over near the door and almost every table was whispering amongst themselves. I thought I actually heard someone else crying a few tables away.

"Prim, we—" I swallowed past my tears and the lump in my throat, pulling my little sister away from me slightly to see her face. "We have to pull ourselves together. We have to be strong. If we fall apart any more all we're going to be is helpless piles of mush."

She took a shaky breath and wiped her eyes. "You're r-right. No more crying."

"No more falling apart." I corrected her. "There isn't anything wrong with crying." After kissing her on the top of her head, I turned to Peeta's dad again. "Do you know what time the service is, Mr. Mellark?"

"It's at two in the afternoon." He furrowed his eyebrows and stood up. "I should be getting back to the kitchens."

Peeta, who was frowning and looking down, glanced up at his father and mumbled a goodbye.

After a second of an awkward silence, my mother sniffed and looked up at me and Peeta. "You should probably eat, you two. Keep up your strength for little Alexis."

"Ah." My face contorted. For a moment there I had forgotten of Peeta and mine's task for today.

Peeta saved me. "I'll go and get us some food. You stay here." After kissing me on the forehead, he got up and made his way towards the food stands.

Once he was gone, Mother turned her attention back to me. "Are you alright, Katniss? Are you doing okay?"

I closed my eyes and shrugged, knowing I couldn't talk past the lump in my throat or else I would start crying.

"How did the bad news reach you?" She put her hand over mine. "Did someone tell you?"

My mouth fell open. Didn't she know I was _there? _I thought everyone knew that… "You—What?"

"It must have been quite a shock to hear." Mother kept going on. "You have been through so much—"

"Mother, I was there." It was rude of me to interrupt her, but if there was hurt feeling, Mother didn't show them.

"Pardon?" She had a very puzzled face on.

"I was there in the room." I bit my lip, forcing back a sob. "I-I held his hand as he died. The last thing he said—"

Mother came around to the other side of the table to hold me as I cried. Unlike Peeta's strong arms protecting me from the dark when he holds me, my mothers' arms were just as soft and as vulnerable as I feel.

I watched silver tears fall into Primrose's hair. "—was my name."

"What?" Mother lifted her face to look at mine, and I saw her eyes were rimmed with wetness.

"The last thing he said was my name." The last word dissolved into tears again and I buried my face in my little sisters' hair, shielding myself from the staring eyes, the whispered names, the whole world. The Hunger Games are over, and no one will ever be forced to stand up in front of the Capitol crowd and have your heart opened up to the world. We may never have to be tortured, cut open, prostituted, or killed ever again, but how come this feels so much worse? In the safety of District Thirteen, having Gale taken away from me, I have never felt more lifeless and empty.

_Sorry that one was so short. I wanted it to just be in the cafeteria, and no one can stay in there forever, though. Anyways…. I forgot what I was going to say. Ah, that's okay. I have really good ideas for the next few chapters, so it shouldn't take quite as long to get out if all goes well. But yeah… Review if you can! _


	67. Chapter 66

_It seems as though almost everyone is very confused about the prep team. But don't worry: I haven't forgotten about them. After I read some of the reviews, I made an edit to the last chapter saying it, but to those of you who had already read the last chapter before it was edited, I have a very special surprise for you people about the team. Hehehe… This chapter was originally this one plus the next, but I had to cut it into two parts. So brace yourselves, good citizens! But anyways; here is Chapter 66._

Lunch ended and our depressing group parted ways. Mother kissed me on the forehead, and Prim hugged me tightly before they tearfully left. I took a shaky breath and turned to Peeta.

"We should probably go…" I held tightly onto his hand and leaned heavily against his chest, partly out of tiredness, partly out of the energy that was drained from all the crying, but mostly because I really needed someone to hold me. Gale has been permanently wiped out from my life and it was my fault. "Things could have been different." I contorted my face against Peeta's shoulder. "If I hadn't wanted to see Haymitch, we could have gotten there sooner. I could have saved him."

""Katniss E-Mellark!" Peeta scolded, holding me at arm's length. I noted without much interest that he was about to use my maiden name. "Don't you _dare_ even _think_ that what just happened was your fault. Don't you _dare_ blame yourself!"

"Or what?" Salty tears were spilling down my face, obstructing my vision. Hysteria was slowly building in my chest. "Karma will find me and I'll drown in the bathtub? Or I'll get murdered like Gale?" I spat out the word 'murdered'. "There was something I could have done! I could have saved him!" My voice rose to a scream. Tearing from Peeta's arms, I bolted from the cafeteria, leaving people staring after me.

I raced through the hallways, pushing aside the few people that passed me. Rounding a corner, I could see my sector of rooms coming up. From there, no one else was in my way, so I was free to run straight into my room and close the door. Throwing myself down onto my bed, I shoved my head under my fresh white pillow and screamed as loud as I possibly could.

That only lasted about five minutes until my throat grew scratchy and hoarse. Then I just let my tears soak through the sheets that were pressed stiflingly against my face. Though it wasn't at all cold in the room, my whole body shivered violently as the entire weight of the realization crushed down on me. It was as if someone had taken a rusty dagger and cut a ragged circle from my chest. Except what was weird, was that when I should be feeling like an empty shell, it was as if something was in its place; pain, like acid, yet it weighed a million pounds. Something hot and unknown boiled inside of me, stronger than any hate I have felt, fierier than any passion I have ever felt. That feeling inside of me was loathing. Pure loathing, rising up in my throat. My fingers itched to hold my bow again, to draw back an arrow, to feel the blood of my enemy pooling at my feet.

I laid there for a long time, just inhaling and exhaling the scent of my newly washed bed sheets, mingled with the smell of dried salt from my tears. Only the quiet ticking of the clock disturbed my hour of heart wrenching silence. I longed for Peeta's arms to be around me, to have him brush back my hair while I was crying, but I haven't seen him since I screamed at him and ran from the cafeteria like a madman.

With nothing better to do, I peeled myself (literally) from the bed and dragged my numb body into the shower. I turned on the spray and just lay motionless in the tub, fully-clothed, letting the cool water make my skin all soggy.

After only about half an hour of decomposing in the bathtub, there was a gently knock on the bathroom door. "Katniss, love, are you in here?"

I sniffled, breathing in a bit of water in the process. "Yeah. You can come in."

The bathroom door opened noiselessly, and I watched trough blurry, narrowed eyes as Peeta cautiously came in, holding a familiar-looking bundle of pink blankets. He sat down on the tiled floor next to me and said, "I brought you someone to see."

I reached over and turned the shower off. "Great. We can be babies together." Peeta handed me my daughter wrapped in her blankets, and I cradled her to me.

"She's still sleeping, so it might be best not to wake her." Peeta brushed a thin wisp of black hair out of Alexis' perfect face.

I was careful not to let any water dripping from my hair get on my baby. And I whispered, "Sorry, Alexis—" But I stopped, when I saw that her eyes had flown wide. But they weren't her eyes. Black from the pupils had swallowed up the brilliant blue irises, and now there were just heavy black orbs shining in my daughters' eyes.

Everything was still for a moment, and I was about to turn to Peeta with a question both of us wanted to know the answer to, when Alexis began to cry. Okay, "cry" was putting it mildly. Alexis was screaming bloody murder. The scariest thing, though, was that her whole body remained completely still. It was as if she was just dreaming, but I knew better.

"Shh, Alexis, you're alright." Despite the panic rising in my chest, I attempted to remain calm, rocking my screaming child back and forth in an attempt to soothe her. The screaming just got louder.

"What's wrong, Katniss?" Peeta was also panicking, judging by the tone of his voice.

"I-I don't know!" Now I was just scared. Scared for my daughters' life more than I have ever been scared. "What's wrong with her?"

"Is she hungry? Or-or did she go to the bathroom?" Poor Peeta. I bet he didn't feel very much like being a father now.

"Of course she hasn't!" I yelled in frustration, more to myself than to anybody. "Something is wrong with her!"

For a split second more, Peeta just sat there, wild-eyed, but then he stood up and held his hand out to me. "Come on, Katniss."

Together we hastily strode back down the halls, and as we walked, the horrid screams attracted unwanted attention.

"I hope she isn't sick…" I fretted to Peeta on the way, sloshing around in my wet clothes. "Too many people I knew have died from some type of illness…"

"Almost there." He was ignoring me. Instead of reacting to my panic, he gently took Alexis and held her to him, as if reassuring himself that nothing was wrong. But in truth, I knew I was about to learn something that would change my outlook on everything.

In roughly two minutes flat, we made it to the hospital and soon after we were jogging behind a small medical bed holding my baby in it. The nurse pushing the bed knew exactly where she was going, as if they knew something like this would happen. Close by, there was a large room that we were ushered into, and after us came Dr. Longarden.

"Pardon me, Mr. Mellark, Ms. Everdeen." He snapped on his doctor mask professionally and pulled out a needle-syringe from inside his long doctor coat.

"Mrs. Mellark." I said behind gritted teeth, but that was the least of my worries. My baby daughter was just about to be shot with some type of clear liquid that I didn't know what the heck it was.

A minute passed since the doctor shot the liquid into Alexis' arm and she immediately went into her usual quiet-baby mode. With a sigh, Dr. Longarden pulled off his mask and turned to us. "We need to have a little chat, you two and I."

"Heck yeah we do." I said again with clenched teeth.

Both Peeta and Doctor Longarden stared at me.

"But that will have to wait half an hour." He dropped our gaze and went scrub down his hands. "The medicine will need to take full effect on your daughter before we can talk."

"Half an hour?" I snarled. "You owe us an explanation! I don't want to wait half an hour!"

"Katniss." Peeta took my hand. "It's only thirty minutes. And besides," He smiled sadly at me. "You need to get dry clothes on."

My rush of anger fizzled away, leaving me feeling stupid. "Oh, yeah."

"Let's go." Peeta tugged me towards the exit and called over his shoulder, "We'll see you in half an hour, Doctor!"

Back in my room, I stood in front of my open closet, debating on what to wear. I liked my current outfit, but seeing as how it looked like I was just out for a nice swim in the ocean, I couldn't stick with it.

"How come it takes so long for girls to choose their clothing?" Peeta complained in jest.

"How many girls have been put to the test, Peeta?" I joked back dryly. Finally I just had to settle with a normal red T-Shirt and jeans.

"Hey!" He frowned at me. "You know very well that you are the only girl I have ever been with. Dating or for real."

"I know that." With my bundle of dry clothes, I scooted into the bathroom, put my clothes on the counter, and stared at myself in the mirror for the billionth time this week. Like always, I looked like a mess. And, like always, Peeta appeared at my side in the mirror. "It doesn't look all that bad."

"After seeing me all the different ways that you have this week, I would say the same." Rolling my eyes, I picked at the sticky material of my shirt, pasted to my torso.

I was either about to giggle and blush like a lunatic, or snort and shove Peeta off of me. Instead, I just roll my eyes and side-step away from him.

Immediately he was worried. "Did I insult you? I didn't mean anything inappropriate or some…thing…" His words trailed off and I turned my back to him and slipped my soaked shirt off, tank-top and all.

_Boys, _I thought to myself. "Hey, can you hand me my shirt from the countertop?"

Wordlessly, Peeta took my tank-top and handed it to me.

"Thanks." With the clean shirt in one hand, I awkwardly shucked off my undershirt. I was just about to pull the new one over my head, when I felt the hairs on the back of neck gently stand up. I sighed. "Peeta, would you stop staring at my back? You're making me feel self-conscious."

"Oh." I heard the blush in his voice. Then he mumbled, "At least you don't have to worry about size," as if he didn't want me to hear.

"What did you just say?" I tugged the shirt over my stomach and turned to look at Peeta.

"Nothing…" Once again I heard the embarrassment in his voice. "I was just thinking you don't have to worry about size—"

"Well, neither do you, so shut up. I don't feel like talking about that." With a funny look in Peeta's direction, I grabbed the rest of my clothes from the counter. "Now turn around. Or close your eyes or something."

Peeta obeyed, but while he was turned around _and _had his eyes closed, he inquired, "Why don't you just shoo me from the bathroom? I can go out…"

"No!" I frantically stopped attempting to get my sopping pants off and whipped my head towards Peeta, but quickly resumed my previous attitude. "I-I don't want you to leave me. Stay."

Peeta's head cocked from behind. "I'll never leave you. But I just find this odd…. Never mind though."

I finished getting my dry clothes on and then stood up again.

"You done?" Peeta risked a peek behind him and look slightly relived. "Good. Has it been thirty minutes yet?"

"I hesitated, and then admitted bleakly, "Yeah, it has actually been thirty-five."

"You look upset." Peeta took my hand comfortingly.

I bit my lip. "I just have a really bad feeling about what we're about to learn, that's all."

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine." He kissed me on the forehead as if I were small.

_Okay, that might have been a weensy bit more inappropriate than I had intended, but hopefully you all will overlook that. Along with overlooking the whole "enemies' blood pooling at Katniss' feet" and such. That was a bit too much as well. I haven't been getting many reviews lately, it's weird. "Not many" meaning only about three per chapter. So, if it isn't too hard to ask, I am going to request just a tad more. :3 thanks, guys. It really does help. Really. And if the person who had the idea of Finnick's kid kindly let me know, I can post the kid's name up sooner before- oh, but I can't tell you… Hehe I have a really good idea for the next few chapters…But yeah… Read and review! _


	68. Chapter 67

_Ah… I have been waiting for this chapter for so long…and now it is finally here! Oh, yes… I dedicate it to my best friend and fellow author, junbug24. I know, I dedicate plenty of chapters to her, but oh well. :3 This chapter took a lot of brains to actually figure out how to write it, so I hope you aren't too disappointed. And I really hope it makes sense to you people… Read, read, read!_

It didn't take us long to get back to the doctors, and when we did, Dr. Longarden told us that Alexis will be ready to go again once we have had a talk.

"Please follow me." He cast us worriers a smile and promptly began to walk the other direction.

With Peeta's arm secured around my waist, we all walked a short ways to a small conference room not unlike the one we were in previously. A large desk in the middle, with three chairs placed in front of it, and a bed in the back of the space. "The bad news room" the doctor had called it. Peeta and I nervously took a seat next to each other, gripping hands tightly.

"Now…" Dr. Longarden sat in front of us and looked sympathetic. "As you may have guessed, there is more to this than you already knew."

"Well, if there was more why didn't you tell us before, when you told me about Alexis being a mutt?" I had already snapped, glaring at the doctor. Peeta gave my hand a warning squeeze.

"Because you were in shock and I didn't want to stress you out more." His answer was so utterly legit that it made me embarrassed. "I will start where you would like me to and tell you everything we missed."

I nodded stiffly and turned to Peeta, unsure where to start.

"What makes her so much different than a regular infant?" Peeta's question was far better than any I had in mind. "Besides the…thing that happened to her half an hour ago."

After only a second of hesitation, Doctor Longarden looked at me. "You didn't think you were pregnant before I examined you, correct?"

I nodded cautiously.

"No random puking?"

I shook my head.

"No unexplained stomach pains?"

I shook my head.

"Your period was still regular?"

For a second I sat, bewildered, because I realized that it was true. Slowly, I nodded my head.

"See, Katniss," the doctor folded up his small glasses and pocketed them. "You know Alexis was made in the Capitol, correct?"

Peeta and I nodded. So far this was easy, just shaking and nodded our heads when needed.

"Since she wasn't 'made the normal was, measures had to be taken that effected your premarital symptoms. The child wasn't _made _with your egg; therefore they kept coming as if nothing happened. The child was man-made inside of you, so there wasn't anything your body did, really. Everything went on, just like normal, when there was a Capitol-made fetus growing inside of you, feeding off of your nutrients. It didn't demand more food or strength, so you weren't more hungry or tired."

We were intently watching the doctor as he explained. I understood things better, but I still had some questions. "If Alexis really is a muttation, what makes her different from the other babies?" I repeated Peeta's earlier question.

"Are you familiar with the process of hijacking?"

Both Peeta and I shook our heads, but the sound of it did not make either of us happy.

"Do not fret; your daughter has not been hijacked, but what has happened to her is somewhat similar. Her mind has been slightly altered to be repelled at the voice of one person, and one person alone. Can you guess who that person is?"

A sick feeling was starting to form in my gut. It was me, of course. "But she didn't always scream when I said her name."

The doctor shrugged. "It goes on and off."

"Is there anything to fix it?"

He nodded. "The liquid I shot into her was a mild sedative with a different type of medicine in it, which is normally used to supposedly slow down the process of hijacking. So, whenever your daughter has an attack, we insert the medicine into her blood stream."

"So she'll become a drug addict?" I said through gritted teeth. "Lovely. But if she is always going to have something against me, is there any way to stop that? You said the medicine 'supposedly slows the process down'."

"Only time can tell, Ms. Everdeen."

"It's Mellark!" I spat, standing up and facing the doctor. "And my baby girl is not going to be shot with a drug every time she has one of her attacks. I am not going to sedate her, and I am not going to sit by hoping time will erase her repulsion of me."

"What else is there to do?" The helplessness of the doctor's voice made me a little less upset, so I sat back down. "Like I said, only time can tell."

"So she will either grow to be my best friend, or my worst enemy, right? She will either be cured of the whatever-you-called-it or it will get worse, right?"

"Katniss," Peeta patted my hand reassuringly. "We don't know that. Things may turn out all right in the end."

I rolled my eyes, but turned to the doctor instead of responding to him. "Anything else you failed to tell us, Doctor?"

"Well…It might be best for me to mention her growth…"

"What about Alexis' growth?" I was getting really irritated, and it was all I could do not to launch myself across the desk at Dr. Longarden.

"Her mind," The doctor seemed really hesitant now. "is not that of an ordinary human. She was carefully monitored here in 13 and the doctors traced brain waves and found connections that no other new born child should have. At the rate and form that her conscious mind is developing, by the time she is of age, that is, eighteen years old, her brain will be more developed than your average thirty-year-old."

My hand tightened around Peeta's.

"Her thoughts will be so developed and, see," Now the doctor was looking worried and self-conscious. "the doctors found a certain…spark in her." He took a deep breath. "By the time she is eighteen, she will have enough strength, cunning, and willpower to lead an empire, to make it rise. Yet, at the same time, she will have enough of the same to…destroy an empire. And as we examine her brainwaves closer, we-we found that…"

This time it was Peeta who was getting hot. "Found that what?"

"That was her purpose. She was a tool." Dr. Longarden looked sick. "The Capitol implanted her inside of Katniss knowing she would be taken good care of until she was eighteen. Until she made the decision."

"And what would that decision be?" Peeta was returning my shaking, sweaty grip with his own.

"Alexis is meant to determine all of our futures. And when President Snow had her implanted, he meant for that to be the destruction of Panem."


	69. Chapter 68

_I got some of the coolest reviews for the last two chapters! xD Well, I'm not going to keep you people waiting._

It was almost as if a giant ball of cotton was shoved into my brain. I didn't understand any of it, but at the same time, I understood it so well I felt like I was about to throw up. It wasn't as if the news was worse than any other news I have had in my lifetime. It just seemed too unreal and cruel to use a small child as a tool to destroy Panem. It was unthinkable.

"Katniss?" Besides from sounding shocked, Peeta seemed to have his voice. "You look green. Should we go back?"

I clamped my jaw down tight. If I tried opening my mouth now and trying to say something, I was sure to either say some very nasty things to my doctor, or puke all over his desk. I'm not sure which would be worse.

Peeta seemed to be trying hard not to snap as well. He flared his nostrils and stared icily at the doctor. "I take it you saved the best for last, huh? No more bad news?"

Dr. Longarden fidgeted in his chair. "Er…No. You are dismissed."

With clenched teeth, I watched as Peeta stood up and gently helped me out of my chair as well. Actually he more of picked me up from my chair and set me back down on my feet. I didn't quite feel like moving right away. Fragile things around me were in danger of being launched across the room.

Carefully, so I didn't say the wrong thing or throw up, I unclenched my teeth and said, "He is still hiding something from us."

Peeta swallowed down his anger. His hands were visible shaking. "I can tell. And if he doesn't tell us what exactly he is hiding, there will be some serious consequences."

Even though his choice of words weren't very threatening, his voice said otherwise.

I could see the doctor actually quivering. "I don't think…" He started to get up.

Finally, Peeta snapped. He walked briskly around the desk and—to my surprise—pinned the doctor to the wall by the tops of his arms. "We'll talk, and you will tell me everything you didn't say, or you _lied_ about." Still holding the doctors arms, he kicked open the door to a separate little office and pushed the doctor inside.

I have to admit Peeta was overdoing it just a little. But I probably would have done the same thing if the doctor hadn't been a foot taller than me. Even Peeta's 5"8 height looked silly to Dr. Longarden's 6"3.

The door swung shut after them, but instead of closing, it slowed down and just tapped against the wall. After a moment of staring after Peeta and Dr. Longarden, I carefully got up from the chair and leaned close to the miniscule crack in the doorway.

"…Katniss." Peeta's voice whispered.

I held my breath.

"She wouldn't understand! I am not even sure you, Peeta, understand. It has to be destroyed."

"No!" He pounded his fist against some type of surface and I winced. What had to be destroyed? "You don't know what she is like! She gets attached to things! There is no way I am letting you near her!"

"The Capitol wants this!" The doctors' voice was growing harsh. "They knew Katniss would be too maternal to give it up, but you can't win."

"Well, I can try." Peeta sounded desperate now. Desperate and heartbroken. "And I will. She's our only daughter. We can't just… get rid of her because of the Capitol. There is a chance that she won't be the end of Panem or whatever. We have a chance."

My heart seemed to thud to a stop. _It._ They were talking about Alexis. Destroying her? What would that accomplish? My heart started up again, this time raging almost painfully in my chest. If the doctors of District Thirteen want to kill Alexis, I am going to have to get to her before anyone else does.

Before I could catch any other part of Peeta's and the doctors' conversation, I held back a sob and ran from the room, slamming the door behind me. Though we were in a slightly unfamiliar part of the hospital, I knew my way around enough to know in which direction Alexis most likely is: The horrible room with the giant glass cylinder and wire contraptions.

I tore through the hallways, unsure if I was being followed or not. My guess was that Peeta was following closely, one or two corners behind me. Running up to the nastily familiar door of Alexis' testing room, I skidded to a halt, breathing heavily. My hand reached to the doorknob and I jiggled it. Locked.

My aching legs slid out from under me and I buried my head in my hands. Maybe Alexis was in another room. Maybe I was being silly and irrational. Maybe the doctors hadn't already taken her away. And maybe Peeta was a girl.

I heard rapid footsteps just past the corner, but I didn't wait to see who's they were. I stood up, despite my shaky legs, and bolted the opposite direction.

It took an unusually longer time to understand where I was once I got out of the hospital. Mostly because I had never gone that opposite way going in or out. But the other reason was because I was concentrating so hard on not throwing up, my brain was extra-slow. With hopes my follower had gotten lost in the halls of the great hospital, I slowed my pace and headed back to my room, constantly in danger of bursting out in tears.

Peeta and I have gone through this routine often; I run away from him and go hide in my room. He comes in a while later and comforts me.

Once I made it to my room, I just curled up under the blankets and stared dry-eyed up at the ceiling. A few minutes ago I felt like bawling my eyes out, but now I just felt like lying here and feeling sorry for myself. It helped when all you feel like doing is dying.

To my immense surprise, only about thirty seconds after I had collapsed onto the bed, there was a knock on the door. I didn't say anything. Someone knocked again. I knew it was Peeta. He didn't even have to knock, but there wasn't any reason to be chivalrous. He knocked for the third time.

"You don't have to knock, Peeta." I cast my gloomy voice across the room. "It's your room as well as mine."

"Um...It's-it's not Peeta." A distinctly male voice replied.

I frowned. The voice was so utterly familiar, yet I didn't really know any other men besides Peeta and Finnick, but the voice was _not_ Finnick's. Finnick's voice was smooth and semi-deep, but the voice at my door was deep and rough. But something about it triggered some sort of pull. Yet, if it wasn't Peeta I didn't want to see anyone else, being the wreck I am.

"This is a bad time." I sniffled. "Come back tomorrow."

"Katniss…"

My whole body froze rigid. I know where I have heard that voice. For the second time today, my heart thudded to a stop inside my throat.

"Please, Katniss? Can I come in?" He lightly tapped on my door again.

"I—" My throat was too jammed with my heart to speak.

Even though I didn't give permission for him to come in, the door opened and I was once again shocked so much that I nearly wet my pants.

"Hey Catnip." Gale leaned awkwardly against the wall and gave me a shy smile.

For some reason unknown to me, I shrank against my pillows. "What's going on? I need you to tell me. I feel like I'm going crazy. One minute I am staring at your dead body, the next you're holding me, and after that Peeta tells me I'm dreaming. What the heck is going on?"

Gale bit his bottom lip. "Like I said before, I can't tell you. All that I can tell you, though, is that I am lucky to get to see you at all."

Hot tears began to blur my vision and I attempted to fight them away. Crying right now in front of Gale wouldn't help anything. I wiped my eyes and looked back up at my best friend. "Gale?"

"Yeah, Katniss?" He looked at me with a slightly hopeful face on.

"Have—" I paused, unsure, but then I kicked back the blankets over me and smoothed out a spot on the left side of the bed. "Come and sit."

Gale crossed the room and spread out on the bed next to me. He gently reached over and laced his fingers with mine. "I used to think that there might come a time when love would be the only thing standing in between you and I."

Even though I hadn't a clue what he meant, it brought shivers running up and down my spine.

"That was when I would stop wanting you. That was when I would stop needing you." The light in Gale's eyes must have been the brightest I have ever seen them.

"I'm not sure…"

"That is the deal that I made myself." Gale laughed quietly. "The very day I realized I loved you, was the day I knew nothing would stand in between us, except for love itself." The air around us seemed to stop flowing. "And here we are. And I have let you go."

"Gale…" Okay, so what was he saying? Did he love me or not love me? And what was with the whole 'love standing in our way' thing?

"I see how much you love Peeta. I see how much he loves you. And I can't ever beat that." He smiled at me sadly. "Okay, being dead is a slight setback, but even if I wasn't I couldn't be with you in real life, every day and night like Peeta does. I have let you go."

"I don't understand." Great, right now was just the perfect time to start crying. "How come you are giving up?"

"Not giving up." Gale corrected. "Like I said: There will come a time when love will be the only thing standing in between you and me. That is when I will stop wanting you. That is when I will I will stop needing you. I have let go, Katniss."

I understood it more now, but instead of saying something intelligent like, "Ohh, I see…" or "Gale, you're so sweet". Instead I wrapped my arms around Gale's familiar lean chest and allowed myself to be held by him, for what seemed like the last time.

_I didn't quite like the way that chapter planned out. That's okay. All in good time, people. Next chapter will go into detail about reactions from Peeta and Katniss about Alexis' current position. So, please read and review! And thanks again to all of my faithful readers. I would list them but…. Anyways. This chapter was actually sort of helped on by my best friend junbug24, so thank you and I love you! _


	70. Chapter 69

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter! And now…drum roll, please… Chapter Sixty Nine! Also just to let you people know, the beginning of this chapter is right after the end of last, if you know what I mean. Katniss hugged Gale, and now this chapter just starts off from there. __ Thank you!_

"Katniss?" Gale was lightly rubbing my back as I cried into his chest.

As hard as it was, I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. "What?"

"I'm sorry I have caused you so much pain." But before I could argue with him, he put his finger to my lips. "Before…With having to watch you and Peeta in the Games, and when you came home, I was a jerk. You couldn't help it. You were only marrying Peeta to stay alive. And then… Just a week or two after we got here… I was stupid in thinking you didn't really love him. And when you thought the child was mine. And now this." Gale had a pained look on. "No one that makes you so hurt deserves you."

"Shut up." I reburied my face. "You're making me cry more."

"See, this is what I'm talking about!" He looked half-exasperated, half-amused.

"But Gale, I-I really do love you. But even if you were…alive I couldn't have you. You know that." I had no idea why I was telling him that. A year ago, no scratch that, six months ago I wouldn't have even dreamed of having this conversation with Gale.

"I know, Katniss, but—" Gale suddenly cut off. He caught his bottom lip in between his teeth. "Peeta's on his way. I should be going."

For the first time in what seemed like forever, I didn't want Peeta to come. I had Gale. But since I'm in a dream…Gale's presence really shouldn't matter. "But you can stay here until I wake up, right?"

Gale looked confused. "More like…fall asleep."

I didn't quite get it, but went with what he said anyways. "Then stay with me until I fall asleep."

That seemed fine with him. He tucked his legs under the covers and slid down next to me. "Just once ever in my lifetime…"

Maybe he wasn't use to girls snuggling up to him in bed, because when I wrapped my arms around him and put my head on his chest, I felt his body go tense.

"Katniss, you and Peeta… You're kind of married." He was unsure of what to do.

I sighed. "This is only a dream and we are _doing _anything, so it doesn't matter. And besides, you just died so I don't think Peeta would mind."

I felt Gale relax under me and he put his arm around my shoulder. "Is there anything…I can do for you right now? Before I leave?"

"Sing for me."

My request caught Gale off guard. "I don't really sing, Katniss."

"Please?" I lifted my eyes up to his. "Sing me to sleep, Gale. Just once in our lifetime."

With only a shy smile, Gale cleared his throat and began to sing:

_I know a place that we can go to,_

_ A place where no one knows you_

_ They won't know who we are._

_ I know a place that we can run to,_

_ And do those things we want to_

_ They won't know who we are._

_ Let me take you there._

_ I want to take you there._

_ I know a place that we've forgotten,_

_ A place where we won't get caught in_

_ I know a place where we can hide out_

_ And turn our hearts inside out_

_ They won't know who we are._

_ Let me take you there…_

My chest tightened as Gale's strong voice faded away. My eyelids began to droop and I fell asleep there in Gale's arms.

My eyes snapped open what felt like three seconds later. I was still lying in bed, but my brain hurt with a major de-ja-vu. Everything was exactly how it was right before Gale had entered. The door was stuck, almost closed, and the blankets were still tucked around me like no one had been by my side. I shook my head.

Suddenly, I heard familiar footsteps outside my door and it swung open. Peeta looked frantic, but when he saw me sitting casually in bed, his face relaxed. "You worried me there, Katniss."

I said nothing, just avoided his gaze. There was a bit of leftover guilt from Gale's visit, but not as much as there would have been originally.

"What…happened? Why did you run out like that?" He seemed really nervous that I might have heard his and the doctors "talk".

I shrugged nonchalantly. "You and the doctor went into the room, and after a second of self-pitying, I ran from the room."

"You didn't…hear what the doctor and I were talking about?" He looked immensely guilty.

I wanted to play along and pretend I hadn't heard anything, for both of our sakes, but that would only cause trouble, so I told him the truth. "…Yes. I-I did up to the part when you said that there was a chance…"  
Despite the attempt to stay calm, Peeta's face contorted into pain. "I'm sorry you had to listen to that." He dragged himself over to the bed and gingerly sat down next to me. I could tell he was trying hard not to cry.

Seeing him in pain like this hurt, me, and I felt bad. Every time I cry, Peeta holds me and comforts me, as if I am the only one affected by the whole thing. But now I can see the torture in his eyes, the vulnerability finally showing through. And here I was always thinking that I was the only one being affected by Alexis' current position.

I took Peeta's hand and gently pulled his head into my lap, saying words of comfort while tears streamed down both of our faces. This was certainly a switch, but it was one I could live with. Ever so carefully, I bent my face down towards his and kissed him lightly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Peeta closed his eyes. "I've always wanted a daughter."

It was all I could do not to slobber and cry all over him. Instead, I allowed myself a little sob and held his hand tighter. "Don't do this to yourself. It will only make matters worse."

"So you are going to just let them have her?" Peeta's tone wasn't angry, thank goodness. "I use to always want to prove my mother wrong. She was so horrible, and I have always wanted to prove that _I _could be a good parent. I can't just give Alexis to them according to something that might be able to be changed."

"We could—" I hesitated; what I was about to offer was extreme. "If it is a kid you want… We could try. I know we won't be able to replace Alexis, if you think it will help us cope, then let's just try."

Peeta froze. I hoped that I hadn't upset him in any way. He opened his eyes and stared in bewilderment up at me. "…Would you actually do that? Or are you just saying it?"

I shook my head slowly. "No, I am serious. I wouldn't joke about something like that. If you want to, we'll find a way to make it happen, one way or another."

Peeta's bright blue eyes were locked on my grey ones for what seemed like an hour before he said, "I don't want to give up on Alexis quite yet, but when all hope is lost for her, we'll see if you're still up to it." He reached up and ran his thumb along my wet cheekbone.

I smiled just the slightest bit. "We'll see." Tired and exhausted, I feel back into the pillows and closed my eyes.

Peeta lifted his head up off my lap and scooted up next to me. "Do you want dinner before we go to sleep?"

I shook my head sleepily. "Surprisingly enough I have a stunning lack of appetite. Let's wait until breakfast."

"Okay." He kissed my cheek. "Sleep, Katniss."

And I did.

_I must be having an off day, because that wasn't near as emotional as I had hoped it would be. Ah, well. But anyways, the person who had the idea of Finnick's kid hasn't let her presence be known yet, so I am going to ask my faithful readers to send in ideas for names, along with preferred gender. I'll choose from there. Thanks! R&R _


	71. Chapter 70

_Yay! I reached chapter seventy finally! I am quite proud of myself for writing that much. ;) Plenty more to come, too. I have been waiting to write this chapter, though. I have had it planned out for a while, so hopefully it is as good as we all hoped!_

A loud crash made me sit bolt upright. Through the tick darkness of the night, I could see the door was wide open. A figure stood in the doorway.

"Katniss!" Someone whispered urgently. "Katniss, we have to hurry!"  
"What?" I rubbed at my eyes and slid out of bed, leaving Peeta still sleeping soundly behind me. "Gale? What the heck are you doing here? I'm dreaming, right?"

"No time—" He rushed inside, grabbed my hand, and he dragged me out the room. Soon, we were racing down the hallway, but the opposite direction we always go.

The walls and doorways were unfamiliar to me as Gale and I dashed through alien hallways, passing rooms I didn't know existed.

"Gale, what the heck is going on?" I panted to him. This whole thing reminded me too much of when Finnick and I were charging all the way across the refuge quarter to the hospital.

"It's Prim." That was all Gale said. But it frightened me because that was pretty much all Finnick said, too.

"But it's just a dream, right?" Little by little, panic was building in my chest. "Right? Gale?"

He ignored my question and skidded to a halt in front of a closed door. "In here." He beckoned me.

I kicked the door open and raced inside, not knowing what I'll find. When I took a second to look around, I gasped. It was a massive library, filled with hundreds of books, most of which were leather bound. An inch of dust settled on ever book spine I could see. But I know Gale hadn't taken me here to gape at the dusty little books.

"Why did we come here?" My legs were shaking from having just sprinted half a mile in less than ten minutes.

Gale held securely to my hand. "Look-" He pointed to a shape in the corner, hidden amongst shadows.

I squinted really hard at it. "What is…?" But when my eyes finally adjusted to the lighting, the whole room was split in two by my bloodcurdling scream. The figure in the corner was the dead body of my little sister.

"Katniss!" Hands gripped my tightly on the shoulders, shaking me awake. "Katniss, what's wrong?"

My eyes shot open and I was about to let out another scream, when a hand clamped shut over my mouth. Heart beating irregularly fast, I looked over and saw Peeta bent over me, his hand stopping me from screaming.

"What was that, Katniss?" He drew away, only when he was positive I had calmed down.

"Prim!" I scrambled out of bed and was about to run out the door, when Peeta once again stopped me.

"Katniss, what is going on? You are awake. You are safe." He said that in a slow, reassuring voice.

"Prim is in danger, Peeta." I yanked my hand from his. "I might be able to save her." After hastily rummaging around in a drawer for a spare dagger, I dashed out the door.

Peeta followed close behind me. "Where are you taking us? Are you sure Prim is in danger?"

"Be quite and follow me!" Together, we sped down the hallways, but when I stopped at the library door, I whispered. "Now really is the time to shut up. So keep quiet." He wasn't exactly making any noise, but I didn't want to risk it.

Thankfully, the door didn't make any noise when it opened. Peeta and I crept inside, and hid behind a short bookshelf. But what I saw then nearly made me pass out. There, in the same corner she was in my dream, stood Primrose.

She was wearing her lovely white nightdress, and had an old book opened in front of her, curls of blond hair spilling in front of her face. But the exquisiteness of the moment wasn't what made my stomach drop into my feet. It was the fact that only about twenty feet away, hiding behind the nearest bookshelf, were three dark shapes facing my little sister. One was medium-height, and plump in comparison to the thin person next to it. But their leader, obviously, stood behind them both, holding something that glinted dully.

Peeta was about to shrug and say something, but it was my turn to clamp my hand over his mouth. Wordlessly, I pointed to the concealed hiding place where the three figures were. Peeta's brows went from wrinkled together, to shot way up in his hairline. He glanced at me with an obvious question: _What will we do?_ I held up my dagger, which was still in my hand. Peeta looked at me as though I were insane.

"Are you actually thinking of murdering them?" Peeta mouthed. "You don't even know what they plan on doing."

But his unspoken question was answered. At that precise moment, all three of them lunged towards my little sister.

With a cry, I yanked away from Peeta and barreled towards the group of cloaked people. When they heard my yell, everyone, including Prim, turned towards my direction. Primrose automatically screamed and dodged behind a stack of books. The three culprits, however, noticed that I noticed what they had planned, and noticed what I had planned for them, so they ran.

"Get Prim." I hissed at Peeta, and then raced after my targets. Weaving in and out of isles, they finally managed to slip past Peeta and Primrose out the door. I sprinted after them.

Even though I was the fastest girl in my year back in District 12, these people were surprisingly faster. It took every ounce of strength inside of me, plus the mean adrenaline rush, to be the same pace as them. Fear and hate surged through every part of my body. These people were no doubt the ones that had killed Gale. And I was about to kill them.

Abruptly, all three of the cloaked murderers took a sharp left turn. I skidded on the floor, but kept on going after them, slowed down slightly.

The corridor suddenly became familiar. In awe, I stared around at my surroundings, wondering how we managed to get in the recreation hallway where the nursery was.

As if they read my mind, the three culprits broke the nursery door down, and before I could catch up to them, I heard an ear-splitting crash come from the room. With the last bit of energy I had left, I lunged into the room—and stopped.

The beautiful glass ceiling had been shattered completely, shards hanging loosely at the corners. The tall shelf was knocked over and had obviously been used as some sort of stepstool. I climbed up onto the back of it and hauled myself out into the frigid night air. It was very dark out; the only light available was from the sliver of moon visible between the trees. But no sign of my victims were anywhere. My feet pounded against the ground as I still ran.

"Come back here!" I screamed into the shadows. "You stay away from my little sister or I'll kill you!" An unexpected sharp pain in my left shoulder made me scream and fall down onto my knees. I almost didn't want to look to see what it was, but I did anyways. There, sticking out of my armpit was a six-inch blade buried almost all the way up to the hilt. Warm blood was pulsing from around the shiny metal edges, making me nauseous.

Little white dots popped in and out of my vision as I fell over onto my good side, whimpering in agony. Pain was rippling from the point of puncture like I had never felt was a long while before I heard something far away.

"Katniss!" A light voice was calling from a distance.

"Katniss!" A second voice punctured the silence, unmistakably masculine.

"Where are you?"

"Katniss, come towards the voices!"

Now several sets of voices accompanied those of Prims' and Peeta's. I wanted to yell at them to go away; that there were murderers in the woods, but all that came out of my mouth was a low groan and a slight trickle of blood.

"Where are you, Katniss?" This time Peeta's voice was closer, and not five seconds later, a harsh beam of illumination shined directly into my eyes. I heard the voice whisper, "Oh my God…"

Footsteps pounded against the earth as he ran towards me and dropped down at my side.

"Katniss?" Through my slotted eyes, I could see Peeta's horrified face. "Katniss?" He whispered again, and pulled my head onto his lap.

I moaned in pain. I could literally _feel_ the razor-sharp blade graze against one of my upper ribs.

"You're going to be okay, Katniss." I felt something warm get draped over my shoulders. Then Peeta called over his shoulder, "Guys, I found her!"

A few minutes later, multiple footsteps rumbled the ground beneath me and multiple flashlights shone into my eyes. At least half a dozen people could be heard murmuring my name.

"Katniss!" My little sisters' voice came out loud and clear, and I felt her drop onto the ground beside Peeta in front of me. "Katniss, what happened?"

I tried to speak, say her name, anything, but once again, all that came out of my mouth was a noise of pain and a trickle of blood.

Peeta said something to her in an undertone, and I felt the warm blanket get gently pulled away at my injured shoulder. Primrose gasped, and before Peeta could stop her, she wrapped her arms around me tightly and gave me a very painful hug. I cried out.

"Primrose!" Peeta scolded, and I felt him pull my little sister away. "That hurts her! The dagger probably punctured her lung! We have to get her to…"

That is when I blacked out.

_Do I end too many chapters with someone blacking out or dying? It feels like I do… But anyways I have big plans for the next few chapters, so it really shouldn't take all that long for the next… oh I don't know… three or four chapters to come out. I think anyways… I know I kept describing the dagger wound as "in her shoulder", but it is actually more in her armpit than in her shoulder. Think of it as high enough to be classified as the shoulder, and low enough to get the tip top of one of Katniss' lungs. __Hope you understand now! R&R please! Also, I have some new polls up so check those out if you can!_


	72. Chapter 71

_So like five seconds after I got chapter 70 posted, my internet crashed, so as I am writing this, I have absolutely no idea what you thought of the last chapter, so don't think I am ignoring any of you. You know it's interesting… I was talking to my auntie about writing and she says I need an actual pen name. I'm not sure what it will be yet, though._

I woke up to bright yellow lights and sleep-syrup smelling air. My head felt light and fuzzy. Turning it slightly to the right made the room spin violently under me. I groaned.

Immediately, there was an unfamiliar doctor swooping down over me who checked my vital signs.

I opened my mouth to speak, but even though my throat was hoarse and dry, I choked, "Why am I in the hospital?" I attempted to sit up, but two things stopped me: A large metal band around my waist holding both of my arms down, and a severe pain in my shoulder. I gasped and lowered myself back down the inch I managed.

"You need to rest, sweetie." The nurse put a cold washcloth on my forehead. "That was quite a blow you took last night."

"Where's Peeta?" I stared helplessly around the room, searching for my husband. "Is he okay?"

The middle-aged nurse smiled kindly at me and pointed to my left.

I looked. Sleeping soundly in a chair almost out of my line of sight was Peeta. His head was lolled over onto his shoulder and messy blond hair covered his closed eyes.

"Peeta…" I tried to reach my hand out to him, but strangely enough, it wouldn't. I tried again, but it wouldn't budge. It wasn't the kind of "not budging" the iron band would cause. It was the kind of not moving that the lack of an arm would cause. I frowned and looked down at my fingers. They were there alright. I just could feel them, or move them, or… I turned to look at my current nurse. "What happened? Why can't I move my left arm?"

She looked concerned. "I was worried you wouldn't be able to move it… I should get the doctor."

I glared after her. Why won't anyone tell me what happened? I looked back at the sleeping figure of Peeta, and my heart melted. He looked younger, and vulnerable. I am so used to his eyes looking cautious and protective. But now he was breathing lightly, blond eyelashes casting light shadows on his cheekbones. He looked so different from the boy with the bread I knew two years ago. The one that came to school with bruises all over his face, sad and lonely. The one that was so sullen and reclusive up until I found him during the Hunger Games. In a way, I was really glad we both had been chosen for that.

"Peeta…" I whispered, closing my eyes again. "Mm… Goodnight." I was just about to drift off again, when another deeper voice jolted me back awake.

"You're going to have to stay awake for a little longer, Mrs. Mellark." A different doctor than Dr. Longarden hovered above me, holding some type of instrument. "I am Doctor Tyrwhitt. Nurse Swanhart told me that you have no feeling in you left arm, is that correct?"

"Yes, but no one will tell me why." I locked my jaw and stared fixedly up at the doctor.

Instead of refusing, he smiled sympathetically at me. "I am afraid the knife must have cut your central arm nerve."

"What knife?" I hissed, trying to keep my voice low for Peeta's sake.

"According to Peeta, here, you tried to go after some mysterious cloaked people outside, and they threw a dagger at you, which had been lodged into your shoulder."

As soon as the doctor said that, everything came flooding back to me. Especially the horrible pain shooting through my arm and left lung. I said nothing, just kept my silence, absorbing it all.

"It nicked a lung, but that was easy enough to fix. I'm afraid the nerve won't be as easy to fix though." He began to rummaging around in one of the cupboards, and came out with a fresh roll of bandages. "First I would like to confirm my suspicions, and then refresh your bandages."

"What happened to Dr. Longarden?" I winced as the new doctor released my left arm from the metal band, and placed it on a separate table by the medical bed.

"He requested I do it, instead of him. He didn't specify, though." Dr. Tyrwhitt held up the instrument he brought in earlier and showed it to me. "This is going to help me determine the severity of our arm's nerve loss. I am going to press it into certain points in your arm, and you just tell me if you feel it, and if you do, tell me how much you feel it. Okay?"

I nodded, and watched as the doctor rolled his wheelie chair up next to the table my arm was on, and bend over it. The metal wand pressed against the crook of my elbow, but I didn't feel it at all. The doctor looked up at me expectantly, and I shook my head.

"No? How about…" The instrument slid a little higher on my arm and pressed down again. "…That? Did you feel that?"

"A-A little." I admitted. "But just barely."

"And now?" He pressed the wand just an inch lower than my armpit and I cried out in pain. I definitely felt that. "Ah…" The doctor took a pen out from one of his hospital gown pocket and made a little mark at the spot that hurt when pressed.

To my dismay, Peeta woke up to my indignant cry. His head snapped up and automatically looked at me, resuming his usual worried look. "Katniss!" He nearly fell off of his chair, in attempt to see if I was okay. "You're finally awake!"

Dr. Tyrwhitt chuckled. "She wasn't out that long. And… it seems as though her nerve damage is possible to fix."

"Nerve damage?" Peeta looked horrified.

"It's nothing big," I said hastily. "Really."

Peeta smiled sadly at me, but I could still see the pain behind the smile. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better. I appreciate the thought, though."

I wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and have him kiss my forehead, but the iron band around me prevented anything of that sort. I frowned, sidetracked by thinking of other things. "Hey Peeta?"

He looked up again, but this time I could tell his eyes were wet.

"Did you get the dagger?" A thought had occurred to me. It was a slim chance, but just in case I was right...

"Here—" Peeta reached onto the seat next to him and held out something long, wrapped in a soft grey cloth.

I blinked, and turned to the doctor, who was frowning over a clipboard. "Can I have my arm back?"

He set the clipboard down and let my right arm out of the restraint.

I examined the dagger. I didn't realize anything strange until I turned it over to look at the bottom of the hilt. What looked like two little targets connected by a dotted line at an angel decorated it. The Capitol symbol. I gasped.

Peeta looked over my shoulder and puckered his brow. "…What does that mean?"

"It means there are Capitol spies in District Thirteen."

_That chapter was shorter than I wanted it, but I guess that is okay. Well…keep an eye out for the next chapter!_


	73. Chapter 72

_Hehehe… I know some of you are like, "I knew it!" and others are just plain freaking out, but just wait until you figure out who exactly the spies are. Bwahaha!_

In the end, the doctors wanted to do yet another surgery on me in attempt to fix my damaged arm nerve. Peeta was extremely nervous and extra-protective when we found out.

"Any time in particular you want this surgery done, doctor?" I asked in a dry voice.

He blinked. "The sooner the better, Mrs. Mellark. After the operation is complete, you will need slight rehab to restore your arm back to what it used to be. I was thinking… tomorrow afternoon. Of course, you will need to stay tonight, so we should fix you up a better bed now that you are conscious."

I frowned. Something was happening tomorrow that I needed to go to. Something important. I leaned closer to Peeta. "What was happening tomorrow that I had to go to?"

Peeta drooped his shoulders and looked so sympathetic and poignant that I just wanted to put my arms around him. "It's the…um…funeral. You wanted to go to that."

My heart made an uneven, painful thump. "Right. I can't have the surgery then. I have to go."

The doctor, who was listening in on me and Peeta talking, frowned. "You aren't in a very good position to go walking around District 13. You just got stabbed in the shoulder."

"So what?" I mumbled, glaring at Dr. Tyrwhitt. "I don't walk with my shoulders."

"Mrs. Mellark, you are in acute physical condition, and it would be best for you not to go anywhere until you are fully healed." At first I liked Dr. Tyrwhitt more than Dr. Longarden, but just then I realized he was no better that the rest of them.

"Doctor, I got stabbed going after the three people that murdered my best friend and nearly my little sister. Gale funeral is tomorrow afternoon and if you think you can stop me because of some stupid wound I got trying to seek revenge, you are insane." I un-tensed myself and settled back into the pillows, looking over at Peeta. To my pleasure, he looked sort of…proud. "I'm going, and even if you won't help me with that, Peeta will."

After a second of exasperated silence, Dr. Tyrwhitt tucked his reading glasses into his hospital gown pocket. "Very well, but you are coming back here the second it's over."

"Have you no compassion?" I hissed at him, feeling ire bubbling up inside of me. "Do you actually know what it is like to have one of the most important people in your life get murdered right before your eyes?"

The doctor looked uncomfortable and guilty. "No, Mrs. Mellark."

"Then keep your mouth shut." My fit had drained every ounce of energy from my body, so I closed my eyes tiredly. "I'm taking a nap, so no one bother me. Except you, Peeta. You can bother me if you really want…"

A light laugh came from Peeta, followed by a kiss on the cheek for me. "Sleep well, despite the four-inch-deep wound in your shoulder."

"Always the optimist…" I smiled slightly and let the drugs pull me under.

In my dream, I was still out in the woods running, but instead of being in the woods outside Thirteen, I was running in the arena, still after the murderers. A jabberjay was following above me, flapping its broad wings to the thrum of my footsteps.

Suddenly, it wasn't me running after something, it was running from something. My heart pounding madly as I wove around trees, frightened for mine and everyone's life around me. I felt hot breath upon the back of my neck.

The jabberjay above me let out an abrupt cry and swerved right in front of my face. I halted in my footsteps, sending something heavy crashing into me. Thick bands of white-hot metal wrapped round my shoulders and I screamed, falling to the forest floor. Something thick filled my mouth, choking me and clogging my lungs. I thrashed around on the ground as the rope bit deeper into my skin.

Something tugged at my waist and I swung my arm out to hit whatever did. Someone next to me made a small noise of pain. "Hey!"

I screamed again and attempted to worm my way out of the blistering strap, but something lightly pressed my body down and forced me to be still. Slowly, all the pain faded away except for the horrible fire in my shoulder.

I opened my eyes, and found myself staring into Peeta's worried blue ones. Looking around, it was apparent he was lying on top of me, pinning me down so I would stop thrashing. My right wrist was held taut by Peeta's hand.

As soon as it was clear that I was awake and not being burned to death, I started crying. My shoulder hurt, my heart hurt, and it felt like I was just about to explode. Peeta slid off of me and rolled onto his side, still on the bed. "Are you alright? That must have been a pretty bad nightmare."

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the tears. Instead of replying, I just buried my face into Peeta's chest, causing even more excruciating pain in my shoulder.

Peeta's put one of his arms around me awkwardly, avoiding causing any more agony. "It's okay. You're okay."

The door unexpectedly opened and a nurse briskly walked in, high-heels clacking on the tiled floor. When took one look of mine and Peeta's embrace, she blushed. "Sorry for intruding. I heard screaming."

"She had a nightmare." Peeta explained. "It'll be fine."

The nurse nodded understandingly "Well, as long as I'm here, I might as well take her vitals."

I forced myself to stay awake through the small tests I had done, thinking every second how much I hated hospitals. When they were finally done, the nurse patted me sympathetically. "There we are, Mrs. Mellark. Everything seems normal. You may go back to sleep. Keep in mind, however, that the doctors' plan on waking you again in three hours for the day."

I nodded, but before the nurse went out of the room again, something popped up into my mind. "Do you think I can have something done to my arm? It…really hurts." The sentence ended lamely.

"I can get you some morphine and an ice pack." The nurse unlocked and opened a nearby cupboard.

"Thanks." I settled my body back against Peeta's, wincing. Even though the unbearable pain was a minor setback, it was worth it to have Prim alive. It was always worth it. Then something dawned on me. "Peeta, where is my family? And who were those other people there looking for me? What _happened_?"

The doctor came over and Peeta waited to reply until I had a nice ice wrap around my shoulder, and morphine dripping into my IV. "Are you sure you don't want to wait until morning?"

"I'm sure." After the amazing relief gotten from the medicine, I was a little sleepy, but it made it easier to listen while Peeta talked.

"Well, you ran out of the room like a hooligan, chasing after those people. Prim wanted to follow you as well, but I didn't let her. So while you were chasing I knew you had only so much time, and so I took Prim and ran as fast as I could to your mother. When the three of us found out where you had gone, your mother and Primrose started looking for you while I gathered up some more people. In the end there were about seven people looking for you. Your mother, Prim, Me, my father, Finnick, Hazelle, and somehow Johanna just…appeared and offered to help look. So we climbed out of the nursery and began to look. I guess I was pretty lucky to have been in the Games with you because I recognized the trail of someone running very easily. I followed it for a while, until you started to scream. By that time everyone was running in your general direction. I-I have to admit you really scared me there, Katniss." Peeta leaned his forehead against mine. "Finding you lying on the ground, in a pool of blood with a knife sticking out of you is, literally, one of my nightmares."

I offered him my good hand and he put it against his cheek. "But I'm okay now."

Peeta laced his fingers with mine and set our hands down in between us. "You should sleep, Katniss. Tomorrow is going to be hectic and long, so best get as much rest as possible."

"Okay." I obeyed Peeta and closed my eyes.

But as soon as they were closed, he bent down and very gently pressed his lips on mine. "I love you."

A little shiver went up my spine. "I love you, too." And I went off to sleep, knowing I wouldn't have any nightmares because Peeta was by my side.

_Aww I really liked writing that chapter. __So the status on Finnick's kid... I definitely want it to be a boy. I'm not so sure about the names yet, but some of my favorites are: Jay, Baron, Bate, and Jem. Don't think I didn't forget your name if I didn't put it up. It is just that my internet is down (AGAIN) and those are all the names that I can remember. I have a list written in my email, so don't worry. Also, I am going to be changing the name of my story in a few chapters, because last night I thought up a really good name instead of "Lo and Behold". So if you are looking for this story and it isn't coming up as Lo and Behold, just go to my profile and my stories, it'll still be there. I am giving you guys a bit of a heads up, that's all. Argh my mom just compared my "never ending story" to a SOAP OPERA. Thanks, mom... Don't forget to review! ;) _


	74. Chapter 73

…_I have almost been crying all day because I just finish obsessing over THE most Gale song in the world with my friend. Sometimes I wonder if Gale should be with Katniss instead of Peeta….And to top off my sadness I just listened to a PEETA song, and so now I am just exploding all over my carpet… (if you want the links to the music videos for these veryveryvery sad songs, just PM me or something)_

I woke up to curtains being drawn back from small windows, and sunlight poured into my bleary eyes. I groaned quietly and glanced over at Peeta, who was sleeping soundly next to me, his hand still curled protectively around mine. I felt a bit guilty because his absolute lack of sleep seems to always be my fault. Content that he isn't leaving any time soon, I turned my head back to the doctor, who had drawn the curtains back.

"How is your shoulder holding up so far?" He asked, pulling his wheelie chair out from under the desk, and sitting down.

I shrugged. "It feels like I got stabbed. But it could be worse." I was careful to keep my voice low just in case it would wake Peeta. "Can you get Dr. Longarden for me?"

My doctor froze. "Now, why would you want him?"

"A few days ago I learned that he wants to kill my daughter. I would like to speak with him." My jaw clenched and my hand tightened around Peeta's.

Dr. Tyrwhitt's face paled. "…He talked about the child…a girl… I had hoped…"

"Please tell him I would like to see him." I glanced at Peeta and pondered if I should keep Peeta asleep, or wake him up to yell at the doctor. He would wake up anyways because of my yelling, so I decided that he would rather be awakened by my kiss than by my shout.

My kiss did the trick. Peeta's eyes popped open and he stared inquisitively at me. "Well, good morning, sunshine. Look whose feeling better today."

"Better? Not exactly. I just wanted to wake you with something pleasant instead of yelling for once. You deserved it." I avoided looking at my doctor.

Peeta frowned slightly, eyes still sparkling from the leftover kiss. "Now, why would you be yelling?"

"It's time I confronted my doctor. Let's hope he hasn't done anything irrational yet." With a stifled groan, I shifted myself up a little and faced my substitute doc. "You can go get him now."

Dr. Tyrwhitt looked very nervous and hesitant.

"Please."

With a heavy sigh, the doctor nodded unhappily and walked stiffly out of the room. Once the door closed behind him, Peeta turned to me. "I have to admit I am a little surprised, Katniss. You seem to be taking all of this very well."

I forced down the little feeling of sadness creeping up in my throat. "I have gotten past the stage of screaming and falling apart and going into depression. I am more in the stage of the icy-calmness that comes right before, and feels like, death. But…I have been lying to myself." I didn't know why I was telling this to Peeta. Maybe it would feel better once I had gotten it out of my system. "Ever since—ever since Alexis came along…well I thought I would feel more of a connection to her."

Peeta frowned. "Meaning…?"

"I knew from the very start something was wrong. When I imagined having a baby before she was born, I thought I would feel…like a spark or something. Something that would make me love her more than I loved anything in the world." I smiled a little embarrassed. "Actually in my head I was using you as a reference point. People say that when they get a child they loved the child more than they loved their…partner or whatever, but the moment she was born, I knew something was wrong. It was like she wasn't my child. But what was so horrible and made me promise myself never to mention to anyone, was that when she was taken away from me for the first time…I-I didn't mind all that much." I turned my head away from Peeta, hiding my awful shame. "I didn't feel the way I thought I would."

There was a slight pause from Peeta. "Katniss, how much—how do I put this….? How much exactly do you love Alexis? I don't know if that is the right way to put it…"

"I love her, but I don't know if I love her little enough to have her replaced. She is my first baby. It would just seem so unfair to give her away without a second thought. I need to give myself a nice long lecture and find out if it is really worth it or not."

"Then by all means." I looked at Peeta to see if he was actually serious. He was.

In my arms, I grabbed a spare pillow and shoved my face into it. "Would it be so wrong to try and convince myself Alexis could be replaced?"

"That's up to you." His hand brushed gently against my cheekbone.

"But would it really be fair to her? She doesn't even get a say in it. I hold someone's life in my hands, but would it be wise to take advantage of it? Would I really be able to let the doctors—?"

"Mrs. Mellark. Mr. Mellark." said a stiff, formal voice near the doorway. "Is there something you needed?"

It took me several minutes to answer Dr. Longarden. When I did, my voice cracked several times. "Give us a few days to say goodbye."

About an hour after Dr. Longarden left, Dr. Tyrwhitt gave me the go-ahead to get ready for the funeral. Peeta and I were walking down the hallway, nearing my room. The plan was for Peeta to grab his clothes and then we'll head on over to my room to change. That was we would save time because it takes longer for girls to get ready for things to do than boys. Peeta already had his outfit in his arms, reading to change into them when we got to my room. However, we left the topic of Alexis out of it.

In my room, Peeta disappeared into the bathroom whilst I looked for something to wear. Since it was accustom to wear black to a funeral, I was left with only one choice. I don't wear black very often, so my dress in that color had not been used ever. I didn't even know if it fit me.

Shrugging, I folded it up in my arms and walked across the room to where there was a floor length mirror, half-hidden behind an unused coat rack. There, my clothes were quickly removed. I pulled the light dress over my head and tugged it down so it fell into place.

The dress was made from fake silk. Long sleeves ended in a plume of black silk. The collar was decoratively folded up with tiny black ribbons that hung down to my waist. The material hugged my body and stopped with pleats running along the bottom of the dress. The hard part, though, was the back of my dress, which had to be laced up with matching black ribbons from my collar. Besides from my head being a total wreck, I looked like some night goddess.

"You look beautiful."

I saw Peeta looking at me in the mirror, and I turned around. He had on normal black slacks and a tidy, dark button-up shirt. I smiled sadly. "You look pretty handsome yourself." And I turned back around to face the mirror. "Though, from my armpits up I look like the crypt keeper."

Peeta came up from behind me and began to lace up the back of my dress. "And what a beautiful crypt keeper you are."

I laughed once without amusement.

Once Peeta had finished lacing me and had tied a neat bow at the top, I dragged him with me to the bathroom mirror. My hair I could fix up nicely and I could scrub my face raw, but there was nothing I could do with my sallow-looking complexion and circles under my eyes. Funnily enough, Peeta insisted on doing my hair, which I let him. After brushing it out, he took a deep breath, and began dividing it into two braids on either side of my head. Like my first day of kindergarten, that day Peeta noticed me so much.

In the end, I actually managed to look presentable. It was 1:45, and I couldn't find an excuse to stall any longer. Peeta slipped his hand around my smaller one. "You ready?"

"As long as my heart's still beating." But that, I knew, was a lie.

_Oooh! Burnage! I finally got this chapter done! That was…two in one day, right? Or was my last chapter yesterday? I can't remember… Ah well. Review if you like it so far! _


	75. Chapter 74

_This fantastic chapter is dedicated to PureblueSkies, whose reviews are exceedingly entertaining to read. So, thank you, PureblueSkies. Here is the next chapter thingy. Oh, and last chapter I forgot to mention what happened with Katniss' arm whilst she was dressing and such, but I'll fix that in this chapter! Enjoy my good fanficians!_

My grip turned sweaty about halfway to wherever we were going. Peeta seemed to know, but I didn't ask him just in case it brought on unwanted emotions. I felt my dress swish against my feet, and my braid bumping against my back. It was only less than one minute into the walk when I asked Peeta why he put it into a regular braid instead of something else.

"You're still Katniss." he replied simply. "I wanted to keep it that way."

For some odd reason, I was immensely grateful and touched that he did that.

We kept on walking, and as we did so, my legs became more and more like rubber. I was sure I was going to break down in the middle of the service. I was going to blubber and cry. How do you like Panem's savior now?

Peeta held me securely the whole way there, careful not to hurt my arm, which was in a temporary plaster and was hanging in a sling. My arm was also around his waist, too, but whereas Peeta's was lightly curved around my back, my fist was bunched up in the material of his shirt.

` To my surprise, my mother and Prim walked out from a door just ahead of us. Prim was wearing a quaint little black dress that fanned out at her feet, and Mother was in one of her longer dresses. Their hair was put up in buns. When Prim saw me and Peeta, she barreled straight at me. "Katniss!"

I was taken aback. "Primrose?" She threw herself into my arms just as I opened them. My shoulder groaned in pain.

"Why didn't you let us see you?" She buried her face in the torso of my thin dress.

"I—" Confusion filled me, but before I could finish my sentence, Mother wrapped her arms around me too.

"I was so worried. I didn't know whether to expect you there today or not." Mother's fragile face contorted with concern.

"I'm all right, Mother. There were some…minor set-backs, so I will have to go back soon, but for the most part I feel fine." I could tell my mother didn't buy my nonchalant attitude.

She narrowed her eyes and raised a single brow. "And what might those 'minor set-backs' be?"

"Nothing." I said way too hastily. I knew my mother knew I was lying.

"Katniss…" She used her 'or else' look.

Peeta put his arm around me protectively. "The dagger just went a little deeper than we expected. Katniss will need a minor operation to get back to normal, but it's nothing big."

After a second more of Mother's faces, she calmed. "So much is happening lately…" She sniffed and patted my cheek as if I was younger. "The least I can do is walk with you to the-the funeral. If that's okay with Peeta, that is."

"Of course." Peeta smiled kindly. To my puzzlement, he stepped away from me and allowed Prim to take his place holding my hand. Mother held Prim's hand. Once they were all settled, Peeta circled around to me other side and just walked close to me.

I was very surprised when we were led to the very, very edge of the Refuge Quarter where a large set of double doors awaited.

I frowned and leaned my head towards Peeta. "Where are we?"

"I think this is the church. Although I'm not sure…" He cast his gaze all around, finally landing on a desk besides the door. A pleasant-looking man sat at the desk with a clipboard. Several other people stood around the door, all of them wearing black. One of them was crying on their friends' shoulder, but the other people were just looking solemn. I recognized some people, like Madge. But most others I only see around District 13.

"May I help you?" asked the man at the counter. "Are you here for Mr. Hawthorne?"

I already felt my throat clog up. "Yes."

"Names?" He looked down at his clipboard.

Peeta filled him in. After checking off our names, he stood up and opened the tall doors for us. "I am sorry for your loss."

We nodded at him and walked inside. The moment we walked inside, the powerful smell of carnations flooded us, making my nose tingle. Shiny wooden pews sat in rows down the room, most of them occupied. More people wearing black were huddled together. Now there were more people I recognized; all of the Quarter Quell survivors, a few people from back home in District 12, and people from around Thirteen.

I took a second longer to glance around, and my heart began beating painfully when my eyes landed on the large black coffin resting at the feet of the alter. It was unlike anything I have ever seen. Most of the time people in District 12 were just buried naked in the dirt, since most of us couldn't afford coffins, but on the rare occasions when one of the wealthier townsperson dies, the coffin was just regular brown wood. Gale's coffin was about seven feet long and ever corner was filed to a sharp edge, giving the whole casket a look of great importance. Unlike pretty much every other coffin I had seen, this one was closed, but nI could tell it wasn't nailed or anything. You would think that it looked evil being black and sharp-looking, but all I could tell from the box was that Gale was a very special young man who held one of the biggest parts in our survivor. And I knew I was correct.

From one of the closer pews, I saw someone stand up and begin walking to us. He was clothed in all black, which made his bronze hair stand out very vividly. Finnick. A slender, petite figure with dark brown hair from beside him stood up as well and followed him.

"Hey." He stopped in front of us and shoved his hands into his pockets, looking half-mournful, half- excited. Finnick put his arm around the girl beside him. "Katniss, Peeta, Prim, Ms. Everdeen, this is Annie."

We all shook hands and I couldn't help from wondering why people thought Annie was mad. She looked normal enough.

"So, um… How are you getting along?" I asked her semi-awkwardly, waving my good hand in the general direction of her stomach, which seemed ever-so-slightly swollen.

"He is doing great." She looked grateful that I asked for some reason.

"So it's a boy?" I tried to look excited, but really I was kind of dreading what will happen in fifteen minutes when the funeral starts. "Did you find a name?"

Annie smiled sadly. "His-his name is Jace…"

"Why Jace?" Prim blinked up at Annie, not unkindly.

Her eyes began crossing. "My brother died in the bombing."

Finnick took Annie's hand and looked sympathetic. "Her brother's name was Jace."

"Ah…" I was about to say something else, when the ringing notes of a piano sang through the church. A preacher walked up to the alter and cleared his throat into the microphone.

Everyone looked up the front for a brief second before they began sitting down.

"Well, I really am sorry." Finnick once again put his arm around Annie and guided her back to their seats.

Mother, Prim, Peeta, and I found our seats near the back. I sat in between Peeta and Prim; Mother sat on Primrose's other side.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming here today." started the preacher in a powerful voice. "I know that this must be a very emotional time for all of you here." He paused. "We are honoring the loss of a young man whom most of us here today _wouldn't_ be here today because of. Gale Hawthorne was a brave resident of District 12. He grew up in poverty, yet risked his life every day just to feed his family. I may not have known him myself, but the things he has accomplished are much greater than any personal deed. Mr. Hawthorne took part in the rescue of the Quarter Quell survivors, helped construct bombs against the Capitol, and single-handedly led the fleet of hovercrafts that bombed them."

I frowned and glanced at Peeta. He looked just as puzzled as I was. As far as we were concerned, the Capitol did not get defeated by bombs, but by the Capitol citizens rioting. Or so my prep team told us…

"Funerals are not for mourning the deceased, but rejoicing over life. Mr. Hawthorne led a full life, even though it was ended sooner than necessary. However, he will be missed greatly by everyone. I would like a moment of silence for our fallen soldier, Gale Alyxander Hawthorne."

I felt hot tears trickle down my face as I bowed my head towards the front. There was a hollow feeling in the center of my chest. I wanted to reached out and grab Peeta's hand, but this was a road I needed to cross alone. I couldn't be frail any longer.

A minute later, the pastor's head went up again. "Thank you. Now, if anyone would like to file over to the right and say one last goodbye to the departed, now is the time to do it." He motioned to the short flight of stairs leading to the coffin on a raised bit of floor. "If not, refreshments are offered in the next room, or you may sign out at the front desk."

Only about five people got up and shuffled over through the door heading off to the left, and quite a bit more made a line up at the front. Everyone that was waiting to say goodbye to Gale, I knew. Survivors of the Quell, but the rest were people from school back in District 12. Most of them just lowered their heads and mumbled a few words, then shuffled off.

Mother, Prim, and Peeta stood up stiffly and glanced down at me. I was still crying.

"Katniss, would you like to come with us to say one last goodbye?" Mother put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"No, thank you. I would like to wait until everyone has left. Gale and I need our time alone." It may have sounded weird, even to my own ears, but it was somewhat true.

They nodded their heads. Peeta, who gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, followed after Mother and Prim.

The line slowly dwindled until there was no one left in the room. I was finally alone. Taking shaky steps, I managed to drag my body up the steps and knelt down at the side of Gale's coffin. But the words couldn't come. "I—Gale, you-" I sighed. "I'm not good at these things. You were so important to me, no matter how hard it was for me to prove it to you. You told me—twice—that you loved me, and I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. I know you didn't want me to lie, but neither of us can win. But when I sat next to you, watching your heart slow and stop, maybe lying to you wouldn't have been so bad. After you died… I realized something. It is a little late now, but…I didn't just love you. I needed you. Maybe I am going crazy, but when you talked to me and you said that when…when love stood between you and I we would let each other go. We would no longer need each other to live. And what I have realized, Gale was that I loved you. I did, but now that we are both so much stronger and wiser, and in your case gone, I know that if I love something, I would let it free. So I am letting you free, Gale. Don't think I don't love you because I do." I leaned my head on the black surface of the coffin and let salty tears drench it. "I do love you. Please forgive me, Gale. I never meant to hurt you." Sniffling, I sat up and put my hands upon the casket. "Let this be our last goodbye." My fingers found the little latch under the wood and I heaved it open.

Then the deserted room was split in half by my scream; all that was left inside the coffin was a few streaks of still-wet blood and claw marks running the length of the inside. But the dead body of my best friend was gone.

_Okay. I have a few things to say about this chapter. First, it really didn't work out the way I wanted. The preacher's speech was too short, and it wasn't near as emotional as I wanted it to be. But that's okay. Now, I have never, ever been to a funeral so I had no idea what it would be like, but someone helped me a WHOLE lot on this chapter. Without her, it would have ended pretty much in the first three paragraphs. So, thank you Rachel and I love you! Also as some side notes, I made Gale's middle name be Alyxander because that means "protector of all people". And… Oh yeah. Soggybug is going to still be my user name and such, but I have to admit it is a little weird for people to be calling me stuff like "soggy" or "bug", so I would like it if people would just call me Erinn. Please. __ Thank you! (Oh, and by the way, Erinn is just a pen name, and it isn't my real one so no worries) _


	76. Chapter 75

_Sorry about the wait for this chapter, as well as lasts. But wait no longer! _

For some odd reason, the bathtub has always been a good refuge for me when I was in one of my moods. So, once more, I found myself huddled in the tub, clutching my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. I must be going mad, I thought to myself. Staring down at the empty coffin, it was almost as if Gale had somehow managed to claw his way out. But it was impossible. I watched him die with my own two eyes. I suppose there was the slightest chance that he miraculously came alive, but that was about as likely as me wanting to marry Haymitch. I shuddered at the thought.

Last time I hid in the bathtub, I just turned the shower on and sat there drenching myself, and didn't even bother to take my clothes off. Now, I had the sense to take off my lovely black dress and soak in just my underclothes. Well, the soaking part wasn't going so well, seeing as how I was too lazy to turn the water on.

It didn't take Peeta too long to come to me this time. He knocked in the door.

I hastily reached over and turned the water knob. Freezing water sputtered and ran onto me, making me flinch. "I-I'm taking a shower. Go away."

"You're not fooling anyone, Katniss." Peeta seemed to have caught onto my lame plan quicker than I had hoped. "I brought your mother and Prim."

Well, crap.

I sighed and stood up, cold water running the length of me. If he already knew all of my tricks, what was the point of trying to play any of them? Scowling I opened the door and faced Peeta, Mother, and Prim, still in my sopping underclothes.

Mother glanced at Peeta with a look that clearly asked, _does she do this often?_

Peeta smiled sadly. "I'll just leave you three to have some time alone." He rubbed his temples and only left with a quick kiss on the cheek for me.

"Let's get you dried off." Mother motioned for Prim to get some towels and she helped me onto my bed, since I could barely walk.

When Prim came back out, I opened my mouth to speak, but a towel was draped over my shoulders. "You don't have to say anything just yet. First, we need to get you out of these wet clothes."

Without a shred of embarrassment, Primrose and my mother stripped me of my wet clothes, dried me off, and helped me into a fresh gown. It was only when I was sitting on my bed with Primrose combing out my wet hair when Mother cleared her throat.

"What happened, Katniss?" It was a blunt question, but anything but mean or prying. Mother just seemed curious. "Prim, Peeta, and I went outside, and began walking down the hall, but it was only about ten minutes later you came barreling past all three of us with a horrified look in your eyes. You didn't even seem to notice us."

I bit my lip and only allowed a single tear to squeeze its way out. "I'm going mad, Mother. Gale's coffin—I… I opened it."

Both Mother and Prim gasped. Prim stopped combing. "But you're not allowed to do that."

"I know!" I snapped, but I attempted to calm down. "I wanted to say one last goodbye to him, and maybe he would forgive me, since it was my fault he died… I opened it and—" I stifled a sob, and folded my arms across my chest. "He wasn't in there. Blood…and-and claw marks…" I must have sounded even more insane mumbling about blood and such, but my family didn't seem to think I was at all crazier than I normally was. That wasn't really saying anything, though.

"You have been through a lot of stress lately, Katniss." Prim scooted up next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "You just need a good night's sleep and some food in your belly, and peacefulness. So far you life here in Thirteen has just been 'stress, stress, death, babies, more stress'. You need some down time."

"I-I hope you're right." I didn't believe her one bit, but I went along with it to make her feel better. I know what I saw.

"I'll go get you some dinner." Mother took my hand and held it for a second before getting up. "It'll be fine, Katniss. You'll be alright." She took a moment longer to kiss the top of my head and left me and Prim.

Only a few seconds had passed, when Prim snapped out of her daydream. She sighed and looked over at me. "How are you feeling?"

"My arm is killing me, but other than that I'm doing just fine." I shrugged, which brought on a stab of pain. "Case in point."

"I think it's bleeding again." Prim frowned at me, obviously annoyed. "You just had to get yourself stabbed in the shoulder."

"Shame on me." I laughed quietly.

Prim smiled and got up. "I think there is medical stuff in the bathroom, am I correct?"

I nodded sheepishly. "Peeta keeps extra supplies in there just in case I hurt myself. Again."

"Smart boy." Prim went into the bathroom and began rummaging around in the cabinet below the sink.

Just to confirm what my sister had said, I peeked over at the disposable plaster bandages and saw that they were peeling, and a faint pink blotch was visible. I was supposed to be at the doctors right now; Dr. Tyrwhitt instructed me to go directly there as soon as I was done at the funeral, but since when do I listen to doctors?

Primrose, who had come back with her arms full of medical materials, sat down in front of me on my bed. "I am going to have to get that plaster stuff off of you if I am supposed to stop the bleeding. Really, this is a job for doctors."

"I trust you more than any other doctor here." I said, wincing as Prim cut a slit in the old bandages and pried them off my skin. The smell of fresh blood mixed with stale ointment filled my mouth and nearly made me puke. "Although they're going to be pretty ticked at me for letting you fix it up."

Prim tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and kept working without saying anything. After a few minutes, my wounded shoulder was patched up with new supplies, and was feeling a bit better.

"I have to get surgery done on it." I told her. "It chipped my arm nerve and they have to repair it. They said I might need to stay in the hospital for a day or two after the surgery."

Primrose looked automatically worried. "Who will watch over Alexis?"

I froze. Prim didn't know about the deal with Alexis. She didn't know about what was wrong with her, let alone I can't keep her. Should I break the news to my sister now? Or should I keep it from her and wait until I absolutely have to tell her? I made up my mind. "Primrose, I need to talk to you and Mother about that when she gets back."

As if on cue, my bedroom door opened and my mother came in, holding a tray of food for me. Taking one look at both of our faces—obviously dread— Mother frowned as well and set the tray down next to me. "I take it there is something we need to discuss."

She knew me too well. Taking a shaky breath, I repeated the whole entire meeting with Dr. Longarden to them. However, I left out the fact that the doctors wanted to destroy Alexis, saving that for last. "…and all of the doctors are convinced that Alexis will be bomb ending Panem. The Capitol was just the fuse."

Prim stared at me with an open mouth. "Why is that such a bad thing? I have heard of the process of hijacking, and if what Alexis had been put through it should be reversible."

I shook my head. "You don't understand. She wasn't put through a process. She was…She _is _the process. It can't be reversed."

"There has to be a way around it!" Mother seemed devastated by the mere idea.

"That's just the thing. There isn't." Here it comes. The worst news of all. "The doctors want to kill Alexis."

The reaction was immediate. Mother got a horror-struck face on and clutched her chest. Primrose let out a cry and clapped her hands over her mouth.

"And you wonder why I am so stressed out." That was my final breaking point. I covered my face with my hands and my whole body shook with sobs. "I don't know what to do. Help me…"

Both of their arms around me and we were all crying together. I don't think there was anything they could help with.

"There-there isn't any loopholes. Either k-kill her or have the weight of an entire country's life in your hands. I hate it. I hate every bit of it. I am done with being a leader. I am done with being in control of so many lives…"

"Have you…Have you decided what you want to do?" Mother hiccupped slightly, but mostly she was containing herself.

Prim, on the other hand, was crying. A lot. "Don't kill her! Katniss don't kill Alexis. She is just a helpless baby, don't kill her."

"You're not making things any better, Primrose. It has to happen." I was harsh. I didn't need to hear an emotional response. I had to think of what would be best for everyone. And that was saving Panem, no matter how much I wanted to shut myself away.

Prim let out a sob and ran from the room, slamming the door behind her.

"She just needs time." Mother reassured me. "It's a lot to take in."

"Sometimes I just wish that Cato had killed me back in the Games."

"Don't think like that!" She scolded me. "Things may seem hard right now, but you'll get through it, I promise. It will all turn out."

I was tired of all of the lies I was getting. Things will be alright, Katniss. Everything will turn out good. Killing your daughter is the best thing for your country. "If you'll excuse me I have a surgery to get to."

I stood up and briskly walked from the room, leaving my mother sitting on my bed staring after me.

_I really hoped I wouldn't have to pull this card, but last chapter I only got two reviews. I would really appreciate it if I got a wee bit more. Morale booster, you know? Well…read and review!_


	77. Chapter 76

_My mom has grounded me from the internet so I should be able to get something done. __Well, hearing all of your guesses about what the heck is happening is very interesting. Although I'd have to say no one has got it right so far. But there was one guess that was so completely AWESOME that I juuust might go with that instead of my original idea. If that's okay with her, of course. But never mind. Chapter 76!_

I was halfway to the hospital, when Peeta fell in step at my side, startling me. "Where are you going? What happened in there? Katniss…?"

I gritted my teeth and kept walking in the direction of the hospital. "My mother lied to me and Primrose is being overemotional. I'm getting surgery."

Peeta stifled laughter. "And that is going to fix things?"

"Why are you acting so giddy?" I snapped, glaring at him. "This is a very stressful point in my life and you are making cracks at my needed surgery."

"I'm sorry." Peeta amended and wound his fingers through mine. "You told your family what happened and not me."

"You're my family." I mumbled, unsure whether it was a good thing to tell Peeta what happened.

"So what happened?"

Fighting back anger and frustration the whole way, I gave Peeta a rough version of what happened there in my room. Gale's funeral and my family's opinion of Alexis. Peeta kept hold of my hand, gazing in front of him as we walked.

To my disappointment, the end of my rant I began crying. Not exactly horrible emotional crying, but just dry sobs. "I am only going to the hospital to get my mind off things. Maybe the doctors will give me extra-strong drugs for the surgery so I won't have to be worrying about anything."

Peeta stop walking, and surprised me by pulling me into his chest, locking his arms around me gently. After only a second of hesitation, I allowed him to hold me as tightly as my hurt arm would allow it.

Most of the times Peeta has hugged me, it wasn't really personal; it didn't mean anything. He was upset, I was upset, and he put his arms around me. This time, it seemed like more. I was seriously hurting, and Peeta was visibly worried. Not worried like "I think you have a fever" but the kind of worried almost as if…he was worried for my life. And I was right.

"Katniss, no matter how stressful and horrible things get for you, please…" His face contorted against my hair. "Please don't ever think about ending you life. Promise me."

So that was it. Peeta was worried I would commit suicide or something. But the horrible thing was that the thought actually crossed my mind once before. I felt awful. "I promise."

We stood for a second more, my body folded into Peeta's arms. When we broke apart, Peeta took me by the shoulders. "Do you think we should go back and get your mother and Prim? They should be there with you during your surgery."

"Good idea." I wanted to make it up to them, for my puerile behavior. Letting them be with me during my surgery wasn't very good for making up to people, but it was a start.

My mother and Prim seemed to forgive me easier than I forgave myself. Of course, Primrose was still upset about the whole deal with Alexis, but she didn't bring it up at all. We walked together to the hospital in silence.

When we checked in at the front desk, the receptionist frowned at me. "A bit late, aren't you, Ms. Mellark? That's okay. Nurse Baron will escort you to the day surgery ward."

A dark skinned man materialized directly in front of us. "Please follow me." And he spun around, leaving me, Peeta, Mother, and Prim jogging after him.

The last time I had been to the day surgery ward I was on heavy drugs. But now that I was conscious and aware, it was slightly more daunting. After signing in a second time at the desk, we were all led to a room for preparation. My family (including Peeta) jammed into the corner to give more room to me and the nurse.

"You will need to take all of your clothes off, and cover yourself on this bed." Nurse Baron instructed me. "After that is done, we will sterilize your arm put an IV in your arm. We'll wheel you into the operation room. There you will switch beds and have anesthesia put into you and you will sleep." After he was done addressing me, he turned to my Mother, Peeta, and Primrose. "I am afraid you will need to return to the waiting room when she is wheeled off. For sanitary reasons."

They all nodded, and the nurse left.

"We'll just step out of the room to let you change." Peeta smiled at me and slipped through the door, followed by Prim and Mother.

I followed the nurse's instructions and stripped. Once I was in bed and safely covered by three layers of blankets, I called my family back in. My eyes followed each of them separately as I shrank lower into the covers self-consciously. Normally being naked in front of everyone wouldn't have bothered me; I was use to it. I knew I was covered up by numerous amounts of blankets, but for some reason I couldn't pinpoint, this situation was acutely uncomfortable. Shortly after everyone filed into the room, the nurse came in carrying an IV and sterilizing wipes on a small metal tray.

"Which arm?" I asked dully.

Nurse Baron chuckled. "The one that we aren't operating on." He pulled up a chair at my side and held my right arm completely straight.

I was use to needles. I have had so many IV's and shots, and other needle encounters. I knew what to expect when the giant IV slid into one of my veins. Still, I winced. As quick as the pain came, it calmed down.

"Very good, Mrs. Mellark." The nurse praised me. "Now it is time to haul you off to the operating room. I will be back in ten minutes." And he left.

Peeta let my mother and Prim go up to me first. Mother patted my hand. "It will be over as soon as it began, Katniss. It'll go smoothly."

"I'm not worried." It was true. "The only thing I don't like about this situation is that I'll probably have to stay in the hospital after the surgery as well."

"Who knows?" Prim shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not."

With a confident look, Mother bent down and kissed my forehead very mother-like. Then she turned around and looked at Peeta with an expression I didn't really recognize… Trust? I don't know. Something like that.

Prim and Mother backed away from the bed and switched places with Peeta. He stepped up to the bed and leaned against the short metal railings. "Good luck."

It was a bit awkward between us. "Thanks."

Peeta made a thoughtful face before bending down and kissing me gently on the lips. I could see past him to where Mother and Prim looked uncomfortable. Mentally shrugging, I reached up and put my arms briefly around Peeta's neck. He seemed surprised.

"People here, Katniss." He reminded me, gently pulling away. "We're in public."

"I blame it on the drugs." I mumbled and sank back into the blankets.

"You don't have any in you yet." Peeta frowned at me.

I put my index finger to my lips. "Shh…"

With a quick chuckle he kissed my forehead as well and backed up, just in time for the nurse to come back in. "Is everything ready?"

We nodded.

"Excellent. The operation shouldn't take too long, but she has to wake up and have her vitals taken before we can bring her back to the room." He kicked a lever at the bottom of the portable bed I was on and wheeled me a foot across the room before stopping. "The exit to the waiting room is just to your left and you take a second left and there is a big sign. And don't worry," My family must have looked worried. "We'll take good care of her."

With one last glance at them, my surrounding began to move as I got wheeled down the hall.

It only took a few minutes to get to my operation room. There, four doctors awaited my arrival in sterile blue scrubs. When my bed got pulled up right next the one I was being operated on, the doctors expertly slid their gloved hand under my shoulder blades and hoisted me onto the table, a thin sheet still covering me.

"Here you are, Mrs. Mellark…" One of them picked up the short tube of my IV and screwed the end of a syringe into it. "When you awake again, it will be all over…" And he pressed down on the syringe.

Slowly, blackness flooded in front of my eyes and the drugs pulled me under.

_DONE! That took a while. I'm going to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part one in three hours! Can't wait! Ah! But um… review!_


	78. Chapter 77

_Chapters are going to come a bit slower since I started a new story. I'm not too good at doing two things at once, so yeah… but enjoy it while it lasts! Here is chapter 77!_

It felt like only five minutes later when I began to slowly revive consciousness. I was acutely aware of a dull ache in my shoulder and a funny tingling sensation in the crook of my right arm. I must have made some sort of noise, because, as always, a nurse swooped down next to me and began taking my vitals.

I groaned, "Is it done?" My head was very thick and heavy from all of the morphine. "Where is Mother?"

"Your family is waiting in the room, but you can't go back yet." The nurse replied. "We need the medicine to wear off more."

"Mmm…" I mumbled and closed my eyes again.

For a few more minutes I drifted in and out of consciousness. When I finally emerged from sleep, unable to sink back, I once again turned to the nurse side. "I want to see Peeta and Mother and…" My voice slurred the last word and I yawned. "…Primrose."

The nurse smiled. "Yes, Mrs. Mellark."

My bed got wheeled down the hall. I didn't know how long I was being pushed because I was on heavy drugs, but I guessed it was for only ten minutes. We finally began to slow down, and with a slight jolt, my bed turned into a room. Despite what I thought, no one was in the room except for—I gasped. Dr. Longarden was standing at the far end of the room, looking mildly uneasy.

"You!" My voice was really slurred and heavy; I sounded like Haymitch on his bad days. Stupid drugs. "You better have a good explanation."

"Katniss, I do not wish to make this any more stressful than necessary." He took hold of my bed and shooed the nurse from the room.

"You can't have her yet!" I cried, trembling under the covers. "We're not ready! Go away!" Tears ran down my face.

"I'm not taking her yet." Although there was a glint in his small brown eyes that told me he was not being honest. "You and Mr. Mellark still have plenty of time for that."

"You're lying." I hissed.

"Please, Katniss. I am not here to persuade you to give her to me today."

"You have no idea what it is like to love your own child. You don't know how it feels to finally have a baby and be told you have to kill her. And you know what?" I lifted my head defiantly. "You can't have her. Not yet. I still haven't made up my mind." That was probably a lie on my part, but I didn't really care at the moment.

A spark of anger flashed across the doctor's face. "That child is a monster. You can't keep her and think we are all going to live."

I sat up, vertigo swaying me around for a split-second. Thank goodness the surgeons put a gown on me after the operation. "You are not getting my daughter unless I say so. And right now, I say NOT!" I ripped the IV out of my arm and stood up. Taking a moment more to sneer at Dr. Longarden, I sprinted out the room.

My shoulder hurt. The crook of my elbow hurt. My head hurt. I felt dizzy, as if I was going to black out. Not even an hour ago I was undergoing major surgery and now I am rocketing through the hospital at top speed. Luckily I was aware enough to know where I was going and get out. After only a slight pause to rest against the wall, I continued down to my room.

Once I was there, I bolted up my door and sat down on the floor. Even though I was starch naked under the thin gown that only came to my knees, I curled up on the floor and cried. Every part of me ached and I just felt like dying. If it wasn't for the promise I made with Peeta earlier things would be different right now.

"Katniss…" Someone murmured next to me and I felt arms come around me.

"Go away, Peeta." I sobbed, flinching away from him. "I don't want you right now." My shoulder screamed in agony as that same someone pulled me onto his lap.

"It's not Peeta, Katniss."

I froze and glanced up at the mysterious person holding me in his lap. "Gale?"

"I'm here, Katniss." He brushed his hand on the rough material of my bandaged shoulder. The pain vanished.

"You have some s-serious explaining to do." I hiccupped and pulled away from him with a tear-streaked frown. "You saved Prim's life. And there wasn't a body in your coffin, but you come and see me almost every day. I am getting really creeped out right now."

Gale bit his lip and didn't look me in the eyes. "Like I have told you plenty of times before, I don't know any more than you. I saved your little sister's life because she is a life worth saving."

"Yet you didn't save yourself." I trembled from head to toe with quiet sobs. "Why is that, Gale? Why did you have to die and leave me alone?"

He shook his head. "I didn't have any control of that. But I see you now because you want me to."

"I don't _want_ to see dead people. I want my best friend back."

With a pained look, Gale pulled me into his arms and cradled my limp body to him. "I want to help you. Anything you want, Katniss. I can't see you this hurt without hurting myself."

I wanted to remark about how he is dead and can't feel any pain, but I shut my mouth before anything of that sort could come out. But anything I wanted… I wanted the murderers dead. "They killed you, they nearly killed Prim, and they nearly killed me. I want to get them back. What do you know about the spies from the Capitol?"

Gale seemed taken aback by my question, and hesitant to answer. "Are you sure that's the best thing to ask? I don't know if I should tell you…"

"Please." I must have had either a very pitiful or a very persuasive face on, because Gale looked as though he wanted to punch himself.

"The day I died I snuck into a room that turned out to be where they were staying." He said all of this very fast so I had to strain to process it all. "That is where they are now."

"Who are 'they'?" My voice came out in only a whisper.

Gale shook his head and I felt him trembling ever so slightly. "It would only make things worse, Katniss. Don't go after them. Let the officials handle it." He begged me.

"No." I pulled away from his chest and stood up. "I'm going after them, and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, Gale. Where is the room?" I said those four words very slowly and clearly, if not threateningly.

"I don't think I am going to tell you that. You'll get yourself hurt."

Too late. A sudden burst of fury swept through my body. "Well, fine! Go then. Leave me alone so I can get myself killed, for YOU." Furious tears poured out of my eyes and I watched in astonishment as Gale stood up and just…vanished.

After only a second of standing there, crying, I straightened up again and stripped off my gown. No one should interrupt me on my little journey because they all thought I was still in surgery. I took some clothes from my wardrobe and pulled them on.

My hair needed tending to, though. It was in a messy poof all around my head. After combing it out and braiding it back, I looked around my room. If I was going to hunt the murderers down, I needed some type of protection. I had lost my only dagger out in the woods the last time, so the only type of weapon I had was the deadly-looking one I had directly from the murderers. Perfect.

I smiled slyly to myself and tucked the foot-long knife into my belt loops and took three deep breaths. Of course, I would be happier with this mission if I had some type of deadly crossbow, but the Capitol dagger was the next best thing.

Now all I had to worry about now was how do I find them? Gale said that they were in the room where he got killed, but as far as I was concerned, no one knew where that was except for the officials and Finnick…Finnick! I straightened up and prayed to God that he would be up to a little man hunting today. Saying that in my head made me somewhat sick to my stomach, but it had to happen. I've killed a man before, I could do it again. Especially now that I have a good motive.

"No, if I was Finnick where would I be?" I mumbled to myself. Probably with Annie, but who knows where she would be?

I fast-walked down the halls purposefully, regarding my bandaged-up arm sorely. My plan was to ask the first person I ran into the location of Finnick and Annie. My idea wasn't complicated, and actually sounded so simple it was close to stupidity, but it worked.

The first person I came to was an unsuspecting guard.

"Excuse me," I cleared my throat when I came up to him.

The man, seemingly in his early twenties, smiled kindly at me. "What may I do for you, Ms. Everdeen?"

"It's actually Mellark, but I was just wondering if you may know the whereabouts of..." I paused to clear my head. "Finnick Odair."

"Certainly." The man's eyes twinkled, and I grudgingly smiled back. It wasn't every day I was flirted at by a guard. "He just went to dinner with Miss Cresta."

For a second I was overly pleased that my plan was so easy, but then I melted when I realized what that meant. It was the middle of dinner, so many people would be in there, and some of them were bound to think I was in the hospital, and they would either tell Mother or tell the hospital. I would get hunted and strapped down to a hospital bed.

I glanced back up at the friendly guard, who was looking at me in the corner of his eyes. When he caught me looking, he looked away. An idea crept up into my mind. "I'm… not allowed to go to dinner due to…mental health. Do you think you could get Finnick for me?" With that request I added a shy smile.

After only a second of hesitating, he returned my smile. "Sure. Wait here, miss." And he slipped away in the direction of the cafeteria.

Just ten five minutes later, he returned with Finnick Odair at his side. "Here you are, Mrs. Mellark."

I gave a quick goodbye (and a smile) to the guard, who blushed and resumed his official position, and dragged Finnick off with my good arm out of earshot.

Finnick frowned at me. "What's going on, Katniss?"

"I'm sorry I had to interrupt your dinner, Finnick, but this is urgent." I spun around and looked feverishly at him with a slightly wild look on.

"So what is it?"

How would I put this without sounded weird? "Well… When Gale…died, were you there in the room?"

"Not the moment he died, of course." Finnick seemed impatient. "Why do you want to know?"

I ignored his question. "But you know where the room he died in is, correct?"

"Yes."

"Take me there." I attempted to grab his arm and march off, but Finnick backed away.

"Why? Katniss you aren't being yourself."

I clenched my jaw. "There is something there I needed to do. Please, Finnick, if you know what's good for you and the rest of District 13 you would take me there."

"I don't think—" But Finnick's eyes trailed down to the knife stuck in my belt loops. "What's that for?"

I tugged the edge of my shirt down over it hastily. "Nothing."

Then something inside his head seemed to click. "You're going after the people who killed, Gale, aren't you?"

"Finnick, you have to take me there. Please, Finnick." I resorted to the begging stage, which I hoped I didn't have to do.

"Katniss, I—"

"Please!"

"Shut up for a second." Finnick laughed nervously. "I was going to say I wanted to help you."

"Oh." It felt as though the franticness in me deflated. "Well, let's go then."

We ran down the halls together, just like old times. I stuck close next to Finnick just in case he made any sudden turns, but they weren't too sudden.

After a little bit, we skidded to a stop in front of a pair of small double doors. Finnick leaned over close to me. "This was a storage room. Now I don't know what it's being used for."

"I do," I muttered under my breath. "Let's go."

And without any more waiting, I kicked the door open and charged in. At first all I saw was just empty boxes, but a black figure flashed in the corner of my eye. And suddenly the room was in a whirl of chaos.

The door slammed noisily and someone struck out at me from behind. I brandished my dagger and swung it out at the person, who stepped back.

Finnick was busy wrestling weaponless with a similar cloaked figure on the ground. However, all of their hoods stayed up.

My heart pounded as I leapt for the closest figure. The person tried to swerve back, but I managed to catch the material of the sleeve and tore right through it, also cutting its skin. An unmistakable feminine voice cried out, and I could help but feel a de-ja-vu. The person hissed and dove at me.

I was just about to get trampled by that person when Finnick lunged at her and yanked her down to the ground. Brandishing a rope from his pocket, the persons' hands got tied behind her back to her feet. Frustrated screams filled the room. In fact, Finnick had also tied down the other person, who was also writhing around on the ground in anger.

Now all that was left was the one crouched near the wall in front of Finnick. Without a second thought, I flung the dagger in my hand straight towards the person. Before he could move, the knife thumped home and the figure collapsed onto the ground, though he wasn't quite dead.

I knelt down by him. Strange gurgling sounds came from inside the loose hood the man was wearing. I bent my ear down towards him and listened.

Finally I made out a word that I understood. "Katniss…"

I froze. I knew that voice. I knew that voice saying my name. I recognized it so much it hurt.

With trembling hands, I reached down and pulled the hood away. Now I was looking into the dead face of my old stylist, Cinna.

_That chapter was about twice as long as I intended, but it was worth it, wasn't it? Well, I expect to get plenty of reviews 'cause this was a pretty big chapter. __ Thanks for reading! _


	79. Chapter 78

_Your reactions were exactly as I expected. I take it I didn't disappoint you too much, then?_

A sound ripped from my mouth. It wasn't exactly a scream or a gasp. More like…a very loud and frightened whimper.

Cinna's mouth was open slightly, and a thin stream of dark blood was trickling down his cheek. My brain was working slowly, as if my head was full of honey. Finally, I got one thought through. _I just murdered my old friend in cold blood._ He was one of the only people I could trust in the Capitol. I thought he was on my side. But he wasn't. He was a spy, only meant to get on my good side, to be trusted. But I just murdered him!

I couldn't help but feel horrible and guilty inside as I pulled the knife from his chest. I had to go over it many times in my head to convince myself it had to happen. _Cinna is a Capitol spy. He lied to me. He betrayed me. He nearly killed me and my sister. He did kill my best friend. _At that thought I stopped dead. Cinna was the tone who killed Gale. Well, I didn't know that for sure. It could have been one of his accomplices, and I had a pretty good (or bad) feeling about who they were.

Finnick had tied them down pretty good, so they were completely unable to hurt us in any way. I glanced over at Finnick, who looked white with shock. Apparently he recognized my old friend, too. I pinched myself hard to clear my head and knelt by one of the thrashing people. He (or she) tried desperately to keep the hood over his face, to hide from me, but it was no use.

I grabbed hold of the back of the thick hood and yanked down, hard. My stomach dropped down to my feet, as my presumption was confirmed. The head sticking out of the cloak was chubby, frightened, and most certainly recognized. I was looking into the terrified face of Octavia.

Struggling and whimpering, Octavia pleaded with me. "Katniss, Katniss I didn't mean to! Please don't kill me! You have no idea what he threatened if we didn't catch you! I wasn't ever going to hurt you. It was all him! Don't—"

I silenced her by brandishing my stained dagger an inch from her throat. "Shut up!" I snarled. "Finnick, gag her will you?"

Octavia sobbed and whimpered as Finnick ripped off the material of Octavia's hood and tied it tightly around her mouth.

I knelt by the next person, who I had no doubt about her identity. Sure enough, when I ripped the hood off, the bony face of Venia stared apprehensively back. Instead of crying and franticly pleading like Octavia, she just trembled and flinched when I motioned for Finnick to gag her as well.

When both of them were taken care of, Finnick and I stood over them, scowling.

"I really just find it hard to believe that they betrayed you." He was saying. "You were so close. And after all you have been through, the lies they told you." Finnick bent low and put his face close to Venia's. "But of course they couldn't care less."

I was just trembling in rage. I knew I didn't want to kill them like I did Cinna. That sudden bloodlust feeling had passed. Before I turned them into the officials, however, I planned on interrogating them. When I pulled up an empty box in front of Octavia and sat down on it, Finnick shifted.

"Would you like me to leave you to it, Katniss?" He started to take a step towards the door, but I stopped him.

"No. Please stay, Finnick. Just in case I pass out or something. Stay close. Act as a witness or whatever." I took a shaky breath and turned my infuriated face to Octavia, who was getting her gag removed by Finnick. "You are going to answer everything I ask you honestly and quickly, you got me? If you even _think_ about lying again, I just might have Finnick tie you up and do what he wants with you. That might not be the best. So you understand me?"

With tears in her eyes, Octavia nodded.

"Last week my best friend Gale was murdered. Do you know who did it?"

"Of course, she does, Katniss. It was—" Finnick started, but I held up my hand for him to stop and turned back to Octavia.

She nodded slowly, shaking from head to toe.

"Was it you?"

She let out a sob and frantically shook her head.

"Was it Cinna?"

Octavia hesitated, and refused to meet my eyes.

"Tell me!"

She winced at my yell. "Okay! It-It was Venia and Cinna both."

I sucked in a sharp breath. "How?"

Octavia began to cry softly, but kept talking. "He was wandering around, and Cinna s-saw him and came back to us. We were in this room. He told us the best way to get to-to you would be through someone you loved. S-So we jumped him and took him into this room. O-Over there…" She pointed her head towards the back corner. If I wasn't mistaking, there seemed to be a stain on the floor, but I didn't look too hard. "It was Venia who kept him quiet while-while Cinna—" She sobbed even harder and squeezed her eyes shut. "He slit Gale's wrists!"

Now I was crying too. The room was filled with two different types of crying; Octavia's, which was frightened, and mine, which was angry and grief-filled. My breath rasped through in and out of my throat. "So you three are the spies."

She nodded. "And the Capitol. Tell me about the Capitol. You and Venia told me before that it got abandoned and Snow was killed. Now is the time for the truth." I gripped the knife hard in my sweaty hand.

Octavia let out a cry of pure terror. "I can't tell you! I can't, I can't! You have no idea what he would do to me!"

"Who?" Now both Finnick and I were leaned so close to her, with both terrified and eager looks on. "Was it Snow? Is President Snow still alive?"

With only a second of hesitation, Octavia took one look at the blade in my hand and nodded. "He's alive. And he sent us. If he finds out I told you… Oh the things he will do to us…" Octavia groaned in agony and slumped forward.

"He won't find out. You'll be with us the whole time. Now tell me what happened to the Capitol. All of it, and the truth."

Venia gave her accomplice a warning look, but Octavia continued anyways. "It was almost like I told you. The Capitol people went mad! They rioted around everywhere, burning what they could. Snow heard about it and-and summoned hovercrafts. He told everyone that if they wanted to live, they would come with him and start a new nation completely obedient to him. If there was the slightest inkling of disloyalty, they would undergo terrible torture." Her eyes shone painfully at the memory. "Only some people ca—"

"How many?" I snarled.

"Four dozen!" She cried, flinching away again as if I would hurt her if she didn't tell me. "Four dozen followed him into the hovercrafts and the rest of the Capitol people w-were bombed. No one was left alive. Once he made sure everyone was dead, Snow gathered up the bodies and took them away so there wasn't any evidence. Th-then the hovercrafts were flown for a few hours to a place he promised no one would know they were there. He told me, Flavius, Venia, and Cinna to go to Thirteen because we were the most trusted by you. Y-You liked us. Flavius was hesitant though. He told Snow that he didn't f-feel comfortable killing you because he liked you. He was loyal to you Katniss. Take comfort in that. But when dear Flavius told that to the president, Snow tortured him, but Flavius finally died from it. By then I was so scared to disobey him that I agreed and came with Cinna and Venia to here."

"And your mission?" I ran my tongue over my dry lips, feeling the anger rising in my chest again. "What exactly did he tell you to do?"

She trembled, and cast her memory back, closing her eyes. "He-he told us to kill Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, no matter what cost. A-And kill anyone that got in our way or would help us get any closer."

That part made my heart nearly stop dead. They wanted Peeta too? I silently thanked God that he hadn't been touched. "What were Cinna's thoughts? Was he okay with murdering me and Peeta?"

Octavia's face grew pale and almost...eager. "H-He wanted to! He said he had put up with your 'fire crap' long enough and wanted to kill you himself."

Fire crap? I frowned slightly at that, but kept going. "Okay, I understand that part. I understand most of it, actually." I glanced up at Finnick, who was looking angrier by the second. At any moment he would pop. "Do you have anything you would like to ask, Finnick?"

He did pop. Finnick launched himself at Octavia and pinned her down on the floor. She screamed and began thrashing again. "Why did you do that to Annie?" He shouted, eyes gleaming with fury.

"Do what? What did I do?" Octavia was screaming, too.

"Annie's first baby." Finnick was trembling. "You took her and used her for experiments. Don't deny it!" He spat when Octavia was about to speak. "I know you did."

I gaped open-mouthed at Finnick. He had never told me Annie had a first child. And I especially didn't know the kid had been taken and used for experiments.

"I don't know what you're talking about! I didn't know any such thing happened!" Octavia cried, helpless and scared, under the pressure of Finnick's hands pinning her. "Please…"

Finnick took several deep and shaky breaths and got off of her. His eyes looked watery and vulnerable. I didn't know whether to comfort him, or leave him alone. I settled with putting my hand on his arm.

"Right, well," I stood up with Finnick and gazed back down at the two women in disgust. Octavia seemed sorry enough, but it was Venia who I actually hated. She didn't seem sorry at all. The only thing I saw in her eyes was the worry she had for her own life. "We need to get the officials."

"I will." Finnick volunteered eager for a reason to have time alone. With a concerned look at me, he ducked through the door and closed it behind him.

It was an effort to stay standing on my weak legs. The interrogation took every ounce of energy I had left in me, leaving me with only exhaustion and horrible pain in my recently-operated-on shoulder. There was no doubt I would have to go back to the hospital and have further work done on it.

Time passed as slow and thickly as honey. I was actually surprised when the door got kicked open and a flood of Officials poured into the room. Four people grabbed both Venia and Octavia. Two others hoisted Cinna's dead body up onto their shoulders.

One Official came up to me. "Are you okay, Mrs. Mellark? We are dealing with highly dangerous criminals, here."

Dots of white obscured my vision and my legs finally gave way, sending me crashing into the Official. I felt myself swung up in his arms. "Come on, Katniss. Let's get you back home."

If only I knew where that was.

_Hahaha! I was just about to end that chapter with Katniss blacking out again, but I didn't! Aren't you guys proud of me? But Microsoft kind of screwed up and in the middle of the chapter there appeared these black line things. So if they are actually there in real life, I'm sorry. I'll try to fix it…_


	80. Chapter 79

_I did so enjoy the reviews I got for the last chapter… Wonderful! Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, or even just liked my story. I have BIG plans for this chapter! Thanks to PureblueSkies, who gave me the coolest idea! __ (And I apologize beforehand if my writing is a little "high" today. I'm feeling quite giddy for no apparent reason. You can see how your emotions affect your writing)_

I woke up in Peeta's arms. It was lovely to be close to him again. The past few days have been challenging, staying in the hospital, keeping him so upset all the time, and such. At least I couldn't feel my shoulder pain any more.

What surprised me when I opened my eyes was that I actually wasn't in the hospital. I was back in Peeta's room, judging by the countless pictures of me hanging all over the walls. I looked lazily around for a second, when another painting caught my eye. It was brightly colored, with intricate patterns clearly meant for a young child. I recognized it as the one that previously hung on the wall in the old nursery before the ceiling got smashed to bits.

I was just about to swing my legs off the side of the bed and get up, but Peeta stirred next to me.

"Katniss?" I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

My heart dissolve at the sight of my disheveled husband. His blond hair was sticking up in every which way, and there was a faint pink line across his cheek where he had slept on the seam of the pillow. But he was nothing less than perfect.

I don't know what made me so pleased, but it didn't matter why. I settled back down next to Peeta and snuggled into his chest. Little things like this are what make life nice.

Peeta turned his head to look at me. "Are you awake?" He whispered.

"Mmhm..." I smiled serenely. "Wide awake."

The twinkle in Peeta's eyes faded away, and was replaced with distress. "Katniss Everdeen you are in so much trouble."

I frowned, deflated. "What?"

"You left me sitting in the waiting room while you made a daring escape out of the hospital to hunt down three deadly Capitol spies without me. Do you know how worried sick I was?" He moaned. "A doctor came into the waiting room and said you had escaped, but with you running off to God-knows-where I couldn't follow you or help you! What if something had happened to you? What if you had gotten killed?"

"But I didn't." It was a lame argument, but it was all I had. "I'm back here, safe and sound."

"If Finnick hadn't been with you, you would have been dead by now." Peeta looked overcome with worry.

Well, it was obvious we wouldn't agree on anything, so I just let him win to get it over with. I put my good arm around Peeta and kissed his neck. "I'm sorry that I caused you so much worry."

He couldn't argue with me any more over that. "I just don't know what I would have done I you had hurt yourself."

"Stayed with me in the hospital, like always." I shrugged.

"I mean worse than hurt." Peeta brushed his nose against my temple.

"Oh…" I didn't feel like talking about 'what ifs' any more. "Oh well."

Peeta sighed at my stubbornness. But if he was upset or had anything else to say about, his mouth didn't open. He put his lips to my forehead.

It felt good to be alone with Peeta, finally. I didn't realize how much I had missed every gentle touch, every kiss until I got one. Sure, for the past week we have exchanged little ones in public, to get across not-so-important messages such as "see you later" or "I'm sorry". It had been too long since there was an actual "I love you" kiss between us.

He cupped his hand on my neck and just barely kissed my lips. But something boiled up within my chest, and without warning it to burst. I reached up and wound my working arm around Peeta's neck and pulled him on top of me.

I have to admit he looked pretty surprised. But he didn't pull away. Instead, he just went with it and pressed my body down with his, not bothering to be careful. Thankfully the doctors made it so where my arm didn't hurt at all. Sure, there wasn't any feeling in it_ at all_, but nothing was better than bad.

Peeta made it to a record fifteen seconds before his shirt went off. I almost laughed. He's such a boy.

The moment didn't last too long, because Peeta groaned and rolled off of me.

"What?" I frowned, trying to shake all of the cotton out of my head. "What's wrong?"

To my amusement, Peeta was panting quietly. "The doctors told me not to let you…overexert yourself."

I blinked, a smile playing on my lips. "Well, darn it. I guess that means we can't—"

He interrupted me, laughing. "Katniss…" He said warningly.

"Hey!" Now we were both laughing like loonies. "I was actually going to say 'go bowling' but obviously you had something else in mind."

Peeta laughed and poked me in the ribs.

Why were we acting so giddy? It was as if all of the woe and all the crap in our lives are nonexistent. But I know that will only be for today. Just one day off in the rest of our lives where we can be together. No rules or boundaries, no expectations or audiences, no one to tell us if what were are doing was right. For just one day we can be ourselves the way we want.

I went along with the happiness of the moment and giggled. Peeta took that as permission to tickle me some more. I have never been ticklish, so it was new to me. This went on for a while, poking each other back and forth, laughing our butts off. Peeta looked happier than he had in many days. I felt happy, too, which I'll probably be punished for later, ignoring important stuff I should tend to.

Finally, when both of us got too tired to move any more, we just collapsed onto the bed, laughing. Peeta wound his fingers in mine. "So much for not exerting yourself."

"Screw the doctors. That was fun." I giggled quietly once more and sighed. "Does that mean we have to act like adults now?"

"We aren't, though! Well…" He thought about it. "I guess we are, but teenagers don't count. We are not adults yet, so there."

"Then we are not-adults with a baby girl that needs tending to." I sat up and let the last bit of laughter leak out with a weak chuckle.

Peeta's mood seemed to deflate when I said that. "Yeah… Okay." He stood up and offered me his hand, which I accepted.

"The next week is going to be hard." I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes. "But we'll get through it."

"That's the spirit." With his finger, Peeta toyed with my bottom lip, making it hard to think straight. "Just keep telling yourself that."

I found myself subconsciously reaching up on my tippy-toes, but I stopped myself. "Come on, Peeta. Let's go." I took his hand and pulled him out of the room, but not before I saw the grin light up his face.

We walked casually to the hospital together, swinging our hands back and forth. Despite the small feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, things were relatively calm. I knew at one point I would have to face the doctors about Alexis' fate. I had made up my mind, though; I wanted to keep her and do everything possible to let her lead a normal life without the pressure of Panem's future in her hands. The doctors wouldn't be too happy about that, but who gives a crap?

A nice brown-skinned lady was sitting at the front desk. When she saw us coming, she perked up. "How are we today, Mrs. And Mr. Mellark? No trouble with the arm? It should return back to normal in a few days, don't worry." She gave a nice smile to me. "What can I help you with today?"

I stepped up slightly in front of Peeta. "We are here to see our daughter."

The ladies' smile wavered. "Name? Your daughter's, I mean."

"Alexis Primrose Mellark,"

"Let's see…" She shuffled through a pile of papers in a drawer and after a few minutes, she came back up, frowning. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Mellark, but we have no record of an 'Alexis Primrose Mellark' in our files today."

I felt a feeling of fright forming in my gut. "Excuse me?"

"There is no record of her." The secretary did a double check, but there still wasn't any record.

"What exactly does that mean?" Peeta looked worried as well. In fact, I had the small sense that he already figured it out.

"It means that your daughter is no longer using our resources. She is not in this hospital." The nurse looked sympathetic. "Perhaps you would like to speak to someone?"

"Dr. Longarden, please." I clenched my fists. I think I know just what happened to Alexis, and I was on the brink of breaking something valuable.

The secretary called him and in a few short moments, he appeared behind us, looking nervous and sweaty. "May I help you two?"

I faced him with a look of pure loathing. "My baby daughter. Where is she?"

He shifted his feet. "I did what I had to, Katniss. For the better of Panem, I took the liberty in—"

But I didn't hear the rest of his excuse. Grabbing a sharpened pencil on the desk, I launched myself at Dr. Longarden with a shrill screech. When I made contact with him, I clung on tightly to his clothing and swing my fist, still holding the pencil, at his head.

Peeta looked too shocked to move.

The doctor ducked his head, avoiding getting stabbed. "Security!" He cried, ducking again.

Well, the pencil wasn't working so I dropped it and just wrapped my arms tightly around his throat, cutting off air supply. The doctor chocked and gagged, stumbling around blindly. But before any real harm could be done to him, a wave of security guards, doctors, and other such people flooded the room and it was chaos.

I was being yanked away from the doctor's neck by at least three pairs of hands. Another pair jabbed a needle into my arm, sedating me. I screamed and thrashed around, desperate to get a hold of Dr. Longarden again.

"Strap her down and take her to the MI wards."

"Get her arms!"

"Take Mr. Mellark as well."

Voices shouted back and forth across the room as my muscles slowly stopped working. So much for the pleasant time with Peeta. This was just not my day.

_Wooo! Thanks again to PureblueSkies for the awesome idea! Things were going to be different but… never mind. I am expecting at least ten reviews, people. __ Hope you liked it!_


	81. Chapter 80

_Woo that was a lot of reviews! Thanks to everyone who did and for grins I'll name the first three: Peeta-Mellark-Loves-ME, Zelda12343, and PeetaLuvrAlways. From now until who-knows-when it'll be in Peeta's POV. _

**PEETA'S POV**

It was complete chaos. People were yelling, grabbing other people, shoving things out of their way to get to her. To Katniss. I tried desperately to weed my way through the crowd, reaching out for her, but multiple hands grabbed my wrists, twisted them behind my back, and forced me onto my knees. I cried out for Katniss. The last thing I saw was her getting pulled off of Dr. Longarden's neck and having a needle jammed into her arm. Then a needle was forced into my own arm, immediately knocking me out.

I woke up in a hospital bed, completely naked. The sedation drugs were already wearing off, making my head feel heavy. To my left, a nurse was looking at a computer screen and writing something down on a clipboard. Using up most of my energy, I opened my mouth and forced words to come rasping out. "Where is Katniss?"

The nurse eyed me with piercing black eyes. "She is currently under strict examination in the Mental Instability Labs."

"I have to—I have to see her." With shaky arms, I propped myself up on my elbows, but my muscles were so weak, I just fell right back down.

"No, no." The lady put her hand on my shoulder. "She is not to be seen until she is in a more stable condition."

"What do you classify as 'stable'?" I gritted my teeth at her.

"Right now she is in the process of being evaluated for three days. After the three days are up and she shows no sign of declining mental health, we will give her a more permanent room. That is when she is allowed to have visitors."

"I have to see her!" Ignoring the needle in the crook of my elbow and the rush of vertigo, I sat up. "She will think I abandoned her! That's the last thing both of us need."

"Mr. Mellark, please." The nurse forced me to lie back down. "Your test results will come back in an hour, and by that time the drugs should wear off enough for you to be released. Until then, you are to stay in here."

"But, Katniss n—"

"This will be good for Katniss." The lady reassured me. "It'll give her some time away to think, and rest. All of the stress in her life lately must have been bad for her. She has a nice, peaceful place to heal. Be thankful."

My distraught mood wavered. Was this actually helping Katniss? "But she'll think I abandoned her."

"Don't worry." The smile I received wasn't necessarily comforting. "I will make sure Katniss knows that you haven't abandoned her."

I sighed and laid back on my pillow. I suppose that was the best I could ask for since I couldn't see her in person.

Exactly one hour and thirteen minutes later, a little beep came from the computer in front of my nurse. She blinked and I listened to her mouse click a few times.

Then she sat back in her chair, satisfied. "Your test results came in, Mr. Mellark."

"What exactly did you test for?" I asked dryly.

"Mostly different functions of the brain to see if it was working properly. We also did brain wave scans to test mental stability, stress levels, and just the overall condition of your psychological wellbeing."

I blinked. Some of those words just went into one ear and out the other. But I got the gist of it. "So what were the results?"

"They came back fairly positive. There were some minor stress levels indicated, but your general psychological health is good."

"Does that mean I can go?" My heart lifted slightly.

"After signing you out and removing your IV. Not in that particular order." She typed something on the computer and then wheeled her little stool up to the side of the bed. I held out my arm with the IV in it. Even though I was use to getting stuck, needles definitely weren't my thing.

After working the sticky adhesive off, the nurse slid the IV out of my arm with a slight sting. Then she stuck a piece of cotton on the dot of blood and wrapped stretchy green tape around it. "Since you are one of our minor patients, it is possible to sign out by computer, so let me do that real fast." She went back over to her computer.

But before I could be any more relived about getting out, a simple fact halted me; I was not wearing any clothes. At all. I turned, slightly embarrassed, to the nurse. "Do you—Do you have my clothes?"

For a split second she just sat there, but then she smirked. "Yeah, I have them." But she didn't make any move to go and retrieve them.

Well, this was certainly awkward. "Can…I have them?"

With a look (I'm not sure what exactly it was), she reached under the cabinet and threw them at me. "Just crack open the door when you're done changing." And she walked out the room.

I certainly did not like this nurse at all. After hastily pulling on my clothes and opening the door, I got led out of the hospital.

Despite my constant worries and yearnings for Katniss, I had some free time to myself the next three days. Mostly I baked, but I also took some time to paint, clean a little, and spend time with Primrose and Ms. Everdeen. Apparently they weren't allowed to see Katniss either, so we were both left in the dust, waiting to see what will happen.

Ms. Everdeen was in the process of applying for a job in the hospital, so it was mainly me and Prim hanging out. We talked, took short walks around the Refuge Quarter, and I often took her to the kitchens to let her help me bake. It turns out she wasn't too bad at it. The head cook even agreed to let some of her better breads to be used for mealtimes.

In result of the time we spent together, Prim and I grew slowly closer together. I could tell why Katniss loved her so much. Of course I could before, but I had a feeling Prim didn't tell just anyone what we had talked about in the past few days.

On the third day, we were lounging around on our stomachs on Katniss' bed (we had taken to spending a lot of our time there, strangely enough) chatting lightly about home. It didn't seem to affect Primrose as much as I thought it would.

"I just feel bad for helpless Lady, tied up at the back of our old house. She didn't even have the choice to run when the bombs were dropped." She crossed her ankles in the air, looking slightly sad and wistful.

"Don't feel bad, Prim." I comforted her. "You gave her the best life she could have possibly had. I bet she didn't even feel a thing."

She gave me a look. "I suppose you're right, but…"

"At least you still have your cat." That seemed to do the trick.

Primrose perked up immediately. "That's true. Buttercup is such a good kitty." She crooned, almost as if Buttercup was actually there.

But something dawned on me. "I haven't seen him in a while. Have you?"

She frowned as well. "No. Not in a week or so. I hope he is okay…" Primrose looked very worried.

"I'm sure he is just out catching fat mice and eating fine suppers every night with a lovely girl cat he met."

Prim giggled at the thought. "I'm surprised he didn't find a girlfriend back in District Twelve. He is a very handsome cat."

I nodded distractedly and let my mind wander back home. Maybe… District 12 could be rebuilt. The ashes could be cleared and a whole town could blossom from the dust. Katniss and I could go back to our house in the Victor's Village. She would move in with me and we could try again. I would be able to ask her to marry me properly. No foolish excuses this time. We could do it right. We could sit in our little house together by the fire, eating homemade bread and talking about children.

When Katniss brought up the idea of purposefully having kids, I was excited, but I could see it in her eyes that she wasn't ready yet. She just said that for me because she assumed all I ever wanted was just a kid. But I cared what she thought, and I knew she wasn't prepared to raise children. But if our district gets constructed again we could live happily together again, no stress or the pressure that we have now upon us. If we gave it just a year before we started thinking of children again, we would have time to settle in. Katniss deserves a break from being the girl on fire. Everyone is expecting so much out of her. But for just one year, if we could be a normal couple, I think both of us would like that.

I could plant a garden for her, with vegetables and flowers of all sorts. We could sit out in the middle of it together, talking. Just talking. And I could open up a new bakery, which I would support the both of us off of. I closed my eyes and imagined that. Me and her, a beautiful house of our own, with blossoming gardens, and maybe even a pet of some sort. All of us in our own little patch of heaven…

"Peeta? Are you listening to me, Peeta?" Prim waved her hand in front of my face.

"Wh-? Oh, yeah, sorry." I glanced at the look she gave me and amended. "No, sorry I wasn't."

"I was saying that I was actually glad the Games happened that year." Prim looked only the tiniest bit annoyed that I wasn't paying attention to her. "Sure, I didn't like that so many nice people died, but you and Katniss got chosen, and I think that right there was the biggest blessing to everyone in Panem."

I listened closely to her now, intent on not being so rude this time.

"If it was just you, or just Katniss it wouldn't have worked, but every single thing that had happened to you two from since you were kids until then has saved everyone's butts. If Katniss hadn't sung up on that stool in kindergarten, you may not have noticed her, or your dad might not have pointed her out. And-and with the bread when you two were eleven. She says it's always the first gift that is the hardest to repay, but I think that if it wasn't you who threw the bread for her she wouldn't have felt a connection towards you. And so in the Games, Katniss wouldn't have felt so compelled to yell your name and find you when the rules were changed. So if that hadn't happened, you two wouldn't have fallen in love and saved Panem."

I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. For an almost-fourteen-year-old, Prim was extremely intuitive. Sure, everything she said was true and somewhat obvious, but I hadn't really taken time to think of that. Yes, I had an eye for Katniss for a very long time, but it was only when she found me laying half-dead in the mud, when I had fallen in love, hard. But for Prim to say it so casually and matter-of-factly took me off guard because until then, I hadn't realized what solid of facts I held in my hands. What I was facing here wasn't difficult to understand, or even complicated. I was in love with Katniss.

"Peeta?" Prim was frowning slightly at me. "Are you okay?"

"I-I am, Primrose." I slowly rolled off the bed and stood up. "Actually, I think I'm a little better than fine."

Now she had a funny look on. "Right…"

"So," I looked at her with a determined face on. "Let's go to the hospital. I think we have someone to see."

_Looking back and reading that chapter I noticed how…not good I was at writing stuff in Peeta's POV. But don't worry. With a little practice, I'll be as good as new. __ I hoped you guys didn't think this chapter was too boring or long. You'll like the next one better, I promise. Well, there is a big blue "review" button down there just waiting to be pressed!_


	82. Chapter 81

_Awesomeness. I got so many reviews for that last chapter. Thanks to everyone!_

I had to admit I got lost a few times finding my way back to the MI section of the hospital, but eventually we found it. Though the lady at the desk wasn't very happy to see us.

"What do you want?" She said in a bored tone.

I felt Prim take my hand subtly. She seemed as nervous as I was. I cleared my throat. "We came to see—"

"Katniss? Yeah, I know." She pressed little button on her caller and spoke into it. "Is Ms. Everdeen ready?"

I glared at her. How come everyone still thinks Katniss' last name is Everdeen?

"Okay, good." The sour receptionist let go of the button and looked up at us with her bored brown eyes. "Someone will be here shortly to guide you to Katniss' room."

I didn't bother to thank her. We went to sit down in the uncomfortable chairs, not saying anything to each other, but feeling the anxiety roll off of one another in waves. Not ten seconds after we sat, someone appeared next to us. "You two here for Katniss?"

We nodded.

"Please follow me."

Prim stuck close to my side as we followed the nurse guy through the too-shiny halls. I noted the signs on the walls while we walked. When there was one stating the end of the "mental instability labs" and the beginning of the "mental instability long-term wards" I straightened up. Was Katniss really in that bad of shape? The butterflies in my stomach steadily grew into man-eating scorpions from mars when the nurse stopped in front of a door. It was incredibly menacing. The door was made from shiny silver metal, and has so many straps of other metal adorning it, along with a big black keyhole. On the side of the wall next to the doorway was a plastic tablet that read "Katniss Everdeen #721".

The nurse pulled a set of keys and identification cards from his pocket. He had to use one key and one card to open the door.

I was about to nudge Primrose forward into the room, since she was Katniss sister, when she shuffled behind me. "You go first."

Unsure what I would find, I side-stepped into the cold room. Immediately, there was the horrible feeling of claustrophobia. The walls were a horrible off-white, and had visible stitching in crossing patterns, that clearly said "LOOK AT ME! I'M A PADDED WALL FOR MAD PEOPLE!". The strangest looking bed was in the center. It was white also, but instead of looking like a rectangle and such, it was pretty wide, with its edges curving up a foot or two to form a shallow type of half-hollow-cylinder. But that wasn't where Katniss was.

In the very corner of the room, wearing a set of matching white cotton-looking clothes, huddled in a ball, looking half deranged, was Katniss. Just three days could do a lot to a person, I guess. She was visibly shaking as Katniss lifted her head up to look at her visitors. One glance at me was all it took.

She shot up off the ground and barreled towards me at high speed. "Peeta!" And without warning, she flung herself into my arms bawling her eyes out.

I cradled her to my chest. "It's okay, Katniss. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Why are you so sorry?" She sniffed and glanced up at me with sunken gray eyes, as if she hadn't been eating.

I cupped her head in my hands, ignoring the question. "Katniss Mellark, have you stopped eating!"

She only looked slightly guilty. "…Maybe."

"You can't do this to yourself!" I said, my voice suddenly harsh. "I will not let you do this to yourself, Katniss! Do you hear me?"

She cringed and said nothing.

I realized I was acting just a little bit too stern on her, seeing the fragile look in her eyes, the weakness in her arms when she put them around me. I pulled her back into my chest. "You scare the heck out of me sometimes, Katniss. I can't lose you. I can't let you lose yourself."

"I already have." Katniss whispered against my shirt. But then she lifted her head up slightly and her gaze fastened on Prim, who was standing a ways off, looking extremely uncomfortable. Katniss drew away from me and held her arms out for her little sister, who came running into them. "Hey, little duck."

They stood there embracing for a second when it was Prim who drew away. She glanced at Katniss glancing at me, and then glanced at me herself. I frowned at all this glancing. Prim sniffed once and shuffled away from both of us towards the door. "I can see you have a lot on your mind. Maybe it would be best if I came back another time."

Katniss immediately looked guilty and somewhat frantic. "No, it's okay Prim, you can s—"

"Really." She interrupted her older sister. "Honestly. I'll come back tomorrow with Mother, how's that?"

"I-I guess…" Katniss sighed, and pulled her little sister in for one last hug. "Love you, Primrose."

"Love you, too." And with a slightly shrewd look at me, Prim exited the room.

I stood there semi-awkwardly before speaking. "So what are the visiting hours of this place?"

Katniss shrugged weakly. "There is none. It's just like a normal room. Except with padded walls. And video surveillance. And locks from the outside."

We stood there a little more, being uncomfortable, until I motioned for us to sit on the bed. To my surprise, it was way more comfortable than I had imagined. Katniss curled up next to me and I allowed her to cry a bit into my shirt. Once she was all cried-out we just sat there curled around each other in a doleful silence. But I couldn't take the miserable air for much long.

"Hey, Katniss?" I bent my head down to look at her. She said nothing. "Three days ago we woke up happy and for a second there, even _you _forgot our worries. Why-Why can't we do that more often?" It sounded weird even to my own ears, but Katniss knew me well enough to get what I meant.

"Shutting our eyes in front of the firing squad doesn't make them change their mind. We could be laughing and giggling all day long together and ignore everyone and everything, but that would come and bite us in the butt later. There are some things that just can't be ignored."

"Like what?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Our daughter just got killed. That's one." Katniss was trembling, and she didn't meet my eyes. "Plus I just learned that the Capitol _isn't down._ Snow _isn't dead._ I murdered my old stylist, who murdered my best friend. I am in the mental hospital for trying to kill the doctor who killed my daughter. I don't think it is possible for me to have any more down time."

She actually had a point, but I had to keep defending mine. "You can't do anything about any of that. Okay, Snow and his little minions aren't gone forever, but that isn't your problem. You can't be responsible for Panem. There are people who are meant to take care of that kind of stuff. Katniss, you're eighteen. You are not in charge of saving the world, or whatever."

She gave me an obviously skeptical look. "Apparently that's what's expected out of me ever since I became the mockingjay."

"But you didn't choose that! That isn't you! You don't have to be that, Katniss. The only person you have to be is yourself." I had the feeling Katniss was staring to understand what I was saying now. "Let the president of Thirteen take care of it."

Katniss looked defeated. "But…But you can't possibly expect me to stop being upset just because I'm not in charge of it!"

"No, but I want you to stop thinking you're in charge of it." I knew I had won this argument.

Katniss didn't say anything.

"If today is your last chance to be happy, do you think you could smile once, just for me?" I looked at her hopefully.

She scowled down at her hands, not meeting my eyes at all.

"Please?" I ducked my head close to hers and let my nose tickle Katniss' neck. If she wouldn't give in to my words, maybe she would respond to my touch.

She shivered at the contact. "You know that's not fair, Peeta."

"Is it, now?" I murmured, quite amused. My breath tickled the soft skin of Katniss' throat. Pretty soon she would give in, if I knew her at all.

"We were having a serious…talk…" She paused when I kissed her briefly on her jaw line. "But you…That's not fair."

"Who says anyone's playing fair?" Grinning slightly in triumph, I tilted her head up with my thumbs and kissed her again.

That did it. Katniss gave up and nearly crumbled into my arms. "I hate you, you know that?" Her words were slurred against my mouth.

"Of course you do."

If Kat heard the sarcasm in my voice, she didn't respond. I felt her fingertips trail against my neck and into my hair. Me: One. Katniss: Zero.

When she finally pulled away, I could tell her eyes were a bit softer than before, but I couldn't say the same for her hair or lips. "Peeta Mellark, you are a rotten man."

"Oh well." It was obvious Katniss didn't like to lose on things like this, but being happy for once would do her some good. I closed my eyes and sat back on the strange bed, letting Katniss be sulky.

"Cheating is not nice." She rambled. "You know very well I can't think when you do that. I'll get you back, just wait."

"Okay." This was all very amusing for me, since I won both ways. Katniss wasn't being emo about her life any more, plus I got her to cave into my kisses. She is so much fun to play these kinds of games with her.

"Are you listening to me, Peeta?" She was pouting up at me. "I said—Mmf!"

I pinched her lips together with my thumb and forefinger. "Katniss… Shh…"

She scowled at me.

"If you can't be quiet yourself I'm just going to have to keep your lips pinched forever, and you know how bad that would be." I smirked down at her. I hope this wasn't too mean.

Katniss relaxed under my grip and I let her lips go. "Now, sit still and enjoy the moment."

Oh, yes, how fun. We are both locked into a mad-person cell after so many horrible things happened. Let's enjoy that, shall we?

Katniss seemed to think the same thing. She glanced around briefly with a cynical look on.

I amended. "We are safe in this…um…room. And we are together in the peace and quiet. Close your eyes and imagine us sitting at the bank of some peaceful lake, rays of warm sunshine pouring onto your face."

Her eyes closed lazily and I could tell from her serene expression the place she was thinking of was very nice.

"Just you and me…" I touched my thumb to her cheek and pressed my lips to her temple. This moment was so utterly perfect (ignoring the location, of course).

Katniss sighed and a few second passed before she said, "Hey Peeta?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

I felt my heart practically melt at her words. With a finger, I gently swept a piece of her hair back behind her ear. "I love you, too."

_Aawwww… If any of you were like me you'd be grinning so stupidly right now… I really enjoy writing in Peeta's POV. It is sweet because he is more of an emotionally-attached, sympathetic guy who doesn't worry much. It makes fluffiness easier to write. Hope you liked this chapter!_


	83. Chapter 82

_It's weird. For the first time ever, I looked to see what my story looked like with a live preview thing, and I realized my lines before and after each A/N are not there. So, I'll try to do something else that will make it easier to tell the difference between an author's note and the story. So…This chapter is dedicated to one of my best friends, junbug24. She is a lot of help when it comes to my stinking writers block. But someone asked me what team I was on. I have to admit it changes, but almost all of the time I'm on Team Peeta. Most of the time it's 70% Peeta, 30% Gale, but it changes. So in answer to your question, yes. I am very much on Team Peeta. I just love Gale too._

**oOo**

I woke up to her screaming. Sitting bolt upright, I could see her dark form next to me, huddled and twitching. Her eyes were open wide, and she was just about to scream again when I reached out for her.

"Katniss, you're okay…" But before I could put my arms around her, she flinched away from me, chest heaving.

"S-Stay away!" She cried, scrambling as far away from me as possible.

My heart beat irregularly fast. "Katniss, it's me, Peeta! Kat—"

"No, no! G-You're not… Go a-away!" She made frightened whimper.

I reached over, despite her attempts to scramble away from me, and touched her cheek tenderly. Katniss' reaction was automatic. She whimpered and collapsed. Literally. She didn't even aim for my arms or anything.

I scooped her limp body up and held her gently to my body, reassuring her that I was there for her. Katniss' heart rate hadn't gone down much, but her heavy, terrified breathing slowed. Now she just laid across my lap, gray eyes staring up at the ceiling, wet and shiny from the tears that poured from them.

After a few more seconds of not moving at all, she moved her eyes to stare at me. "You—You're Peeta again."

"Of course I am…" My fingers caressed her face gently.

"You were…You were Snow. He was trying to k-kill me." Katniss' chest heaved again and panic rose in her eyes.

"No…" I supported her body, holding her head to my shoulder with one hand, the other wrapped around her waist. "I won't ever let him get you, Katniss, I promise. He won't ever touch you." There was a fierce protectiveness air in my voice, quelled only when Kat put her hand on my cheek.

"I know. It was just really scary." She blinked, and another layer of fresh tears were pressed out of her eyes. Her hand slid around my neck, and I thought it was to support herself of something, but instead she gently lowered my head to hers and kissed me. I could taste the salt of the tears on her lips.

As gently as Katniss would let me, I pressed my body down on top of hers. But it was apparent Katniss wasn't aiming for gentleness. In fact, she kind of surprised me when her hands started to sneak down my torso.

I pulled back and said warningly, "What are you doing?"

Katniss blinked. "Nothing." She said in a too-innocent voice. "Just, um…" When no explanation came to her, she sighed. "Not anything _bad…_" She mumbled, embarrassed.

I let her have the benefit of the doubt. "It's okay. You're not in trouble. But…I do kind of need to talk to you."

Katniss frowned. "Are you sure I'm not in trouble?"

"Nah." I laughed slightly and put my lips to her throat. Then I sighed and rolled off of her. Now down to business.

Both Kat and I sat up, disheveled but alright.

"So what do you need to talk about?" Katniss attempted to smooth back her hair (sucker).

"If…" I bit my lip. I really didn't want her to get her hopes up. "There is a rumor going around that District 13 is rebuilding the districts, and if…If 12 manages to get rebuilt, I would like to start fresh."

Katniss slow nodding turned into shaking her head. "I'm…not following you."

"Our life." I entwined my fingers with hers. "If we ever manage to get out of Thirteen and go back to District Twelve, I would like to start our lives fresh. I was thinking about it with Prim while you were getting tests done. Restart as two normal people, living in two normal houses." I grinned. "And we'll go from there."

"Would we ever be able to be normal?" Katniss sighed as well.

"We could certainly try. So what do you think of the idea?" I put my face near hers teasingly.

Katniss pretended to consider it. Then she sat up on her knees. "I think we could give it a try." And she leaned her body forward onto mine.

What is with this behavior today? I resisted the urge to do more than just kiss her back. And then it clicked in my brain. I pulled gently away from Katniss and smiled. "I know what you're doing, there."

She raised her eyebrows.

"You're getting back at me for yesterday when I wouldn't let you sulk." I laughed to myself. "This is a very interesting way to do it, though."

"How could this be getting back at you?" Katniss actually seemed genuinely confused.

"You're testing me and making me restrain myself from you when you are being seductive."

Katniss blinked once, and then burst into a fit of laughter. It was wonderful hearing her laugh again, even if it was for a weird cause. She bit her lip to keep herself from laughing more. "I'm being seductive? Honestly?" Her voice was amused and a bit incredulous.

"It's killing me, with you acting the way you're acting and me not being able to do anything about it!" I was laughing too.

Katniss' eyes were watering from the laughter. "Then why do you resist?"

That caught me off guard, and my smile faltered a bit. "You know why."

"Actually…I don't."

I sighed. "Katniss, I don't think it would be very smart to because that would put you at risk of getting pregnant, and I'm not sure that we are ready to raise a kid right now. This time, it's our choice, and we need to think before we act."

Silence.

"Katniss?"

She pouted and put her head on my chest. "I hate it when you're right."

I put my arms around her and laced my fingers together on the small of her back. "But if we didn't have to worry about an infestation of babies, I probably wouldn't resist."

We laid there together for a few more minutes, me just gazing at Katniss facial expressions. At first she just looked somewhat wistful, and then the corners of her mouth twitched upwards. I would give anything to know what was going on in her mind right now… When her eyebrows knitted together into a frown, I smoothed it out with my thumb. "What are you thinking of?"

"Nothing, really. Are you just… Never mind." Katniss bit her lip.

I raised my eyebrows at her but said nothing.

After another five minutes or so, she looked up at me. "What's your favorite part about you and me?"

"Huh?" I shook my head and recovered from zoning out.

"What do you like most about us? I mean—that sounds really cheesy, but what do you like the most about being together?"

I cast my eyes around the room, and let them finally settle on her again. "Can I be shallow?"

Katniss grinned. "As shallow as you want."

"I like…" I put my lips right near hers. "…The taste of your breath."

Katniss looked puzzled. "My breath? That's a bit—"

I pinched her mouth closed again. "Sh. I'm not done. I also like…" With my index finger, I traced Katniss spine all the way down to the waistband of her new white pants. I felt her shiver underneath my touch. "…the curve of your back. I like when you blush if either one of us had said something that we shouldn't have."

That, of course, made her blush.

"But my favorite part is when I think back to two or three years ago. Back when I use to stare at you fiddling with your black braid from across the room to where you would sit, alone. How I wanted to get the nerve up to talk to you, to tell you how I felt, but never actually doing it. Then I open my eyes to now and think _'what did I do to deserve you?' _You could have had anyone in the world. You could have let me stay in the mud to die. You could have won and chosen anyone in the whole world to be with. Yet you still choose me. And I think of then and I think of now and pray that this isn't just a dream."

There wasn't a reply. I looked down at Katniss, who had her face buried in my shirt.

"Katniss, love? Are you okay?" I tilted her chin up and saw the wet streaks of tears running down her face. Seeing her weeping like that, I held her to me and said nothing more.

Once Katniss was done crying, she lifted her head and hiccupped quietly. "You're so sweet, Peeta. And you wonder why I chose you…"

I smiled to myself and brushed my lips across her temple. "Your turn."

"Let's see…" She rested back against my chest. "I like…your hair when you first wake up. How it sticks up everywhere and hangs in your eyes." Katniss reached up and ruffled my blond hair endearingly, making me smile. "I like how just unbearably cute and soft-hearted you are. How you help me with things I could do myself, just to be a gentleman, and how you compliment me just to make me smile."

I couldn't help but smile at that as well.

"But my favorite part is this—" She stretched her neck up and kissed me tenderly. It felt as though someone had knocked me flat on my back, leaving my heart beating wildly and a woozy feeling doing summersaults in my head. Katniss drew away and put her hand on my chest. "How I could practically feel your heart skip a beat, and you even sometimes gasp a little bit when I kiss you. That's my favorite part."

I was about to say something to that, ideally something that would make Katniss kiss me again, but a little bell rang somewhere in the room.

Katniss sighed. "Breakfast time." She clumsily crawled around me and off the bed to a mysterious metal panel set into the wall that I hadn't noticed before. She grabbed the edge and opened it. To my surprise, it looked just like a metal safe, yet a steaming meal was sitting right in the middle of the box.

Seeing my look, she shrugged and brought it over to the bed.

"Are you going to eat this time?" I asked Katniss, eyeing her closely.

"Now that you are here. But I'll share."

So we settled down in the bed and began breakfast.

**oOo**

_Hoped you liked this fluffy chapter! _


	84. Chapter 83

_A few hours. I was only gone a few hours since I updated and when I came back there was over ten reviews! Thank you guys so much for supporting me. You have no idea how much I depend on what my readers say! This next chapter goes to all of my beautiful reviewers who have given me in encouraging words. So, here is Chapter 83!_

**oOo**

That day I learned all about how things worked with Katniss' new living situation. Three times a day a meal was delivered through the metal box thing in the wall, along with a clean set of clothes. Doctors only went in her room if there was something concerning them, but most of the time they just watched through the security camera. Visitors were allowed any time of day, and they could stay as long as they wanted, but with the idea of the camera in mind. Pretty basic stuff, but it sounded very dull and boring to Katniss because there wasn't anything for her to do since she was not allowed to leave the room ever until she was released for good.

We were loafing around on her bed talking about random stuff. I brought up the subject of District 12, which made Katniss frown.

"Do you think the rumors of District 13 rebuilding the other districts are true?" She asked, picking at an apple that arrived with her lunch.

"I'm really not sure. I wish there was some type of newspaper this place had. But since there isn't, and since you are not allowed to leave this room, the only information about the outside world you'll get is from me."

She glanced sideways at me. "Well, the next time you go out, I would really like to figure out what's real."

"I'm not sure when that's going to be." I grinned. "I don't know about you, but I'm pretty content right here."

Katniss snuggled into my arms. "It's nice…" Except she trailed off like there was something else she wanted to add.

"…But…?" I nudged her.

"I keep—" She wrinkled up her nose. "You are going to think I'm really weird, but I keep _seeing_ things."

I blinked once in interest. "What kind of things?"

"Weird things. Once last night, I woke up in the night for no apparent reason and saw a little boy standing in the corner," She pointed to the corner adjacent to the end of the bed. "Right over there. He looked like he was only one or two years old. I reached out for him except her vanished."

"Are you sure you weren't dreaming?" I asked skeptically. This _was_ pretty weird.

"I pinched myself, and it hurt. Plus you started talking in your sleep, so I am pretty sure it wasn't a dream." Katniss shrugged casually.

"What?" Well, this was embarrassing, but Katniss seemed to be enjoying it. "I talk in my sleep? What do I say?"

"Nothing much…" Now she was just teasing me. "Just…Some stuff about…" She looked up at my interesting expression and grinned. "Nothing, really."

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Katniss…" I said warningly.

"I can't remember!" She laughed, obviously lying. "That's not even the point I was trying to make!"

I rolled my eyes, dropping the subject but vowing to get the answer out of her some time. "What was the point then?"

"I wasn't sleeping when I saw the little kid in my room."

That was definitely weird, but I didn't have an answer. "On a completely different subject, do you know if your test results came in?"

Katniss thought for a moment. "No, I don't think they have. Well, they could have and I just don't know about it."

"I think I should ask the doctors." I swung my legs off the side of the bed and was about to stand up when Katniss grabbed my arm. I turned my head to her and started to ask her what, when she wrapped her thin arms around my neck and kissed me.

"Don't be gone long." She begged.

I could see the worry and fear in her large gray eyes. I tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear reassuringly. "I promise. Just long enough to find out about your results, then I'll come right back."

But Katniss wasn't ready to let go of me yet. She put her head on my chest.

"Or do you want me to take a little extra time and get your mother and Prim?"

She was trembling slightly. "You have no idea what's it's like in here without you… I-I—" She bit her lip, suddenly unsure whether or not it was a good thing to say what she was about to. "I-I see other things. Like—Okay you are really going to think I'm weird."

"What?" I murmured, continually stroking Katniss hair back.

"Sometimes my head…flickers and things appear on the walls." She was looking extremely uncomfortable now. "Like-Like patches of blood and-and sometimes writing. When you're here they go away."

Maybe it would be best if I got those test results. I kissed the top of her head and stood up. "I won't be gone long, I promise."

"You think I'm crazy!" Katniss' eyes got a panicked look in them. "You think there is something wrong with me!" She started shaking violently when I took a few more steps towards the door. "…Don't leave me."

"Katniss…" I felt so horrible for leaving her in this condition. I walked back over to her and held her fragile body to mine, feeling the thrum of her frantic heartbeat. "If you let me be gone for a little longer, I would be able to get more done so I wouldn't have to be gone for another day or so."

She squeezed her eyes shut against my shirt. "I'm sorry I'm so screwed up, Peeta. Go do what you need to. I'll be brave."

I tilted her head up and gently kissed her lips so she knew I would never leave her. I'll always come back. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Katniss bit her lip, nodded, and stepped back. With one last kiss on the top of her head, I exited the room, leaving her looking frightened after me.

Once I got out of the stuffy room, I made a list of things to do in my head. _Go to my room, take a shower, change clothes, send Prim and Ms. Everdeen to Katniss, steal some cookies from the kitchens, get a copy of test results from the doctors, and go back to the room._ I wanted to spend as little time as possible away from Katniss, so my shower only lasted about five minutes.

I found Prim sitting in her room brushing Buttercup. When she heard me walk in, Prim shot up off the bed and beamed. "Look, Peeta! Buttercup came back!" She scooped up the fluffy cat and held him out to me. I could hear loud, rattling purr noises coming from him.

"That's excellent!" I patted the cat on its head and it hissed.

"How's Katniss?" Primrose set the ugly thing back on the bed and sat down herself.

"She's…good." I sat down too. "A little dependent right now. She wasn't too happy about me leaving."

Prim smiled and little dimples popped up on her cheeks. "Well, I don't blame her. She loves you." She said that so surreptitiously it made me blush.

"Yeah, well… I came to get you to stay with her while I run another errand. She…" I let out a gusty sigh. "…can't really be alone for long."

"Of course!" Primrose jumped up again and looked excited. "I need to tell her Buttercup is back!"

"Would you like me to come with you?"

Prim smile immediately wavered. "I can find it myself. I'm almost fourteen, after all. But…" I didn't blame her for being so nervous. The MI wards were not a place I would like to be caught in.

"I'll walk you there."

_Ugh. That was the worst chapter in the history of chapters. It bored me ever writing it! I'm so very sorry it wasn't good. The next one will be though, I promise!_


	85. Chapter 84

_Hey! Thanks for all the reviews I got for last chapter! I'm glad to hear it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. _

**oOo**

"So," I said as I walked into Katniss's room about an hour or two later. "I asked around and found out some stuff I thought you might want to here."

Primrose and Katniss, who were combing each others' hair, looked up at my arrival. Prim smiled at me, but Katniss looked thoroughly relived I was back.

She smiled shyly, as if ashamed that she was so dependent on me. "So what did you find out?"

"Good news or bad news first?" I adjusted my book bag on my shoulder. Turns out it could hold even more than books. I had gone all around the RQ asking different Officials, and then asked at least half a dozen nurses and secretaries in the hospital before I was content enough to return. From the corner of my eye I could see Prim trying to sneak away as if this was only for mine and Katniss' ears only, but I stopped her. "It's okay, Primrose you can stay."

Prim shrugged slightly and leaned against the wall in front of me.

Katniss got up and leaned with her little sister. "Bad news first."

The news wasn't really bad. "I talked to your main doctor and he couldn't give me the results for your surgery. But—" I added seeing Katniss' disappointed expression. "—he is coming to your room this afternoon to explain it. I thought it would be best if your mother was there with us when he did."

It seemed as though most of the tension in the room exited in one sigh from Primrose and Katniss. Kat smiled weakly. "If that's the bad news…" She let her sentence trail off.

"The good news now?" I was almost bouncing on the balls of my feet. She was going to _love _this!

Prim and Katniss both nodded eagerly.

"Project rebuild was launched a month ago." I held my breath and waited for their reactions, but all I got were confused blinks.

Katniss' slow nodding of her head became shaking. Again. "Meaning…?"

"Don't you get it?" I gripped her shoulders. "District Thirteen started rebuilding the other districts a month ago, and they were starting from 12 down."

It took a few seconds for the news to register. I watched in amused ecstasy as their facial expressions changed. Primrose covered her mouth as her happiness escaped her in the form of manic giggles. Katniss, however, just stood there looking stunned before wrapping her arms tightly around my waist and didn't loosen them.

All three of us laughed and hugged each other for a few moments longer when Katniss surprised me by reaching up and kissing me passionately. My brain went numb and for a little bit I stood there absorbing her, when I realized Primrose was still right next to us. She looked mildly uncomfortable.

Laughing, I pulled away from Katniss's embrace. Then, I held her at arms' length and put a serious face on. "Katniss, love, I don't want you to get your hopes up." I nodded my head in Prim's direction. "You too, Prim. Just because they are rebuilding it doesn't mean we'll be able to live there right away. Especially regarding the situation at hand."

Katniss' smile didn't waver at all. "It's still good to hear that there is still a chance, though. I'd like to hold onto every bit of hope of returning normal."

"Me, too." I hugged her tightly again. "And…" Letting go of her and reaching into my bag slung over my shoulder, I added, "…I brought something to celebrate." My fist got hold of a crumpled paper sack and I held it out to Primrose.

She took it and peered inside. Immediately, her face lit up. Inside were about two dozen cookies, baked and iced by me. It took quite a while, but after making about four dozen, the cook agreed to let me keep half.

Primrose held up a cookie and examined its pattern. "What kind of flower is this?"

"Lupin." I took pride in the intricate purple flower designs, bunched up on one long stem. It was a very hard flower to draw, but beautiful once done.

For a little while all three of us just sat around on Katniss' bed, eating cookies, when Katniss got up and declared that she required a bathroom, and disappeared behind a small curtained room I hadn't noticed before. Boy, was I unobservant today?

The very second Katniss was gone, Prim's jovial smile faded into one of business. She leaned close to me, a half eaten cookie in her hand.

I leaned forward as well. "What is it?"

"I am really concerned about Katniss." Prim whispered.

"What happened?" I frowned at her, not remembering something that I would have been too concerned about.

"When you sent me to keep her company, I-I walked in the door and she was huddled up in the corner with this—" Prim's delicate face scrunched up. "This look on, like she was scared out of her mind. Her eyes were all crazy and when she saw me she started to scream. It took forever to get her to calm down."

I bit my lip and leaned back away from Primrose. Katniss was really starting to worry me, with her behavior. I knew it was honest-to-goodness, but her seeing things that aren't there, and her mistaking me for President Snow? There was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was just about to express my worries to Prim, when the curtains opened again and Katniss came back into the room.

Prim sighed and stood up. "I had better leave." A lock of blond hair was tucked behind her ear as she smiled at both of us. "I will come back later with Mother, okay?"

Katniss pulled her little sister into a gentle hug. "Thanks for staying with me while Peeta was out, Primrose."

"Any time." Prim pulled away from Katniss and went to hug me. "See you, Peeta." And with a barely noticeable smirk to both of us, she walked out. "Have fun."

"Have fun?" Katniss blinked after her. If I wasn't mistaken there was a slight hint of blush on her cheeks. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Probably nothing…" I stretched out my legs and put my arm around Katniss' shoulders. "So now all we have to do is wait until this evening."

"Mm…" She closed her eyes. It was obvious she got very little sleep. "Hey Peeta?"

I stopped halfway in the process of shoving a cookie into my mouth and looked down at Katniss. "Yeah?"

"This morning when we were talking about…about starting over in District 12, what exactly did you mean by that? Did you mean that we wouldn't be a-a couple anymore?" Katniss looked ill at ease.

"Not exactly. I meant… That if we move back to 12, we'll have a chance of a normal life, and we could grasp that chance. I could bake, you could hunt, and we would be two normal people. We could start over again, there in District Twelve, and forget everything that happened here." I was on a roll. "If you want, we could even…even annual our marriage and really start fresh." Wrong thing to say.

Katniss' look turned into one of grief, and she stared straight up into my eyes with a horribly sad face on. "Are you saying you don't want to be married anymore?" She squeaked.

"No, no!" I pulled both my arms around Katniss and held her tightly to my chest. "I was just saying—" I sighed. "Everything we have done here in 13 was practically forced. I made excuses and was not straightforward about it at all. If we had a chance at a new life, I would want to start over the right way. I would want to propose to you properly, when the timing was just perfect, and I would want us to live the life we choose, not one forced upon us. We could wait a year—or however long you want to have kids. We could wait until you are twenty-five if that is necessary. I want to restart things, and do them the right way. Our way." When I ended my speech, I couldn't help but be very proud. I think it went well.

Katniss was silent against my chest. I could feel the light thrumming of her heart through both of our shirts. I had grown so use to it, laying awake at night when I could sleep and just listening to its steady pulse. So this time, like always, I just sat still and felt of her heartbeat slowly lulling me into a numbing sense of security. But when ten minutes passed without Katniss saying anything, I was starting to get puzzled.

"Katniss, love, are you okay?" I swept back a strand of her jet black hair out of her eyes.

She adjusted her position of her body on my chest. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just the thought of being normal again kind of blew me away."

I had to laugh quietly at that. "Well, you can have it again, Katniss. Just you and me in our house in the Victor's Village, having rabbit stew and dill bread for dinner. Going to sleep at night in our own bed, under a window displaying our own backyard. Maybe we'll have a garden."

Katniss' eyes adopted a gleaming quality about them. But that lasted only for a few seconds until she shook her head and looked up at me. "And you're telling me not to get my hopes up."

"Oh yeah…" I had forgotten about that. "I suppose I got wound up in my fantasies as well."

"And your fantasies are…?" Katniss raised her delicate eyebrows at me.

"Just that. Me being back home with you, having a normal life." I tucked her head under my chin. "Getting older and wiser. Our own children growing up and having kids of their own. Grandchildren playing together on our front porch, laughing at the old story of how Katniss, The Girl on Fire, brought down the Capitol. And at the end of it all, looking back at our days in the cave, thinking of how nothing changed. You and me laying quiet next to each other hearing the drum of rain on our roof. And as our adventure began together, it would end just as peacefully. As one."

For a few second Katniss sat there in my arms, and a single shiny tear slid down her cheekbone. She smiled up at me. "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."


	86. Chapter 85

_I am sorry this chapter took a little longer to get out. If you forgive me I promise this chapter will be good! Oh wait… Hehehe never mind. Happy reading to all!_

**oOo**

We laid there in bed for a while, curled around each other, sharing occasional kisses and sometimes words. It was about 5:30 when dinner arrived for Katniss. She picked at the food as usual, without eating much more than a few bites. After the tray was replaced back in the shiny box thing in the wall, we lazily killed time until Primrose and Ms. Everdeen arrived at 6:45. When they did, it was a big, awkward tear-fest. At first Katniss just cried into her mothers' arms, as her mother cried into Kat's hair, and Prim just stood nearby, eyes shining with near-tears.

Once Ms. Everdeen pulled away, she held her daughters' shoulders. "I am so sorry, Katniss, for not being there for you. I feel so terrible for abandoning you at the peak stressful time in your life."

"You shouldn't feel bad, Mother." Katniss wiped her eyes on the hem of her white shirt. "I'm sure there was a perfectly acceptable reason for you not being here the very second I was stuffed into this loony bin." She smiled through the wetness on her face.

"If there is anything, _anything,_ I can do for you…" Ms. Everdeen folded Katniss into her arms once again and beckoned for Prim to join as well. "But we're all here now. And I am going to do everything in my power to have it stay that was as often as possible around my new job."

"Okay… I guess it does get really lonely here without any—" But Katniss's words were interrupted by a brisk knock on the door. All four of us frowned.

Before any one of us could say anything else, the door opened and in came the exact doctor I talked to a few hours ago. He nodded in my direction. Then he shook hands with everyone else in turn. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Everdeen, Miss Everdeen, Mrs. Mellark. I am Katniss' main psychological health practitioner. Or, as you would understand it, the doctor who is in charge of the evaluation of Katniss' mental condition." He held up a professional-looking clipboard. "If I may, can I take this time to discuss with everyone the results of the tests that came in?"

Katniss nodded uncertainly and took my hand discreetly.

"There aren't really chair around here, so…" The doctor laughed awkwardly, but then cleared his throat. "Well, all of her results are in, and I cannot say all of them look good."

Prim, Katniss, Ms. Everdeen, and I all sucked in our breaths.

"There was only one test result that really got me worried." He rubbed his temples. I hated when doctors did that. "See, there is this one tiny little nerve in your brain. 90% of the time it isn't affected by any of your daily activity, and so people go on forgetting about it, but that extra 10% could be very life-changing."

No one spoke, moved or even breathed.

"When the stress level in a persons' brain reaches a point where it affects that little nerve, things go haywire in that persons' body."

Ms. Everdeen took a breath and spoke up. "What are the-the symptoms, if you could call it that?"

The doctor sighed slightly. "In this case 'symptoms' might not be the right word. When stress is at its peak, things are almost certain to happen. Like, for example, pregnant women." Weird example, but okay. "When they are in their third trimester, they throw up, they are grouchy, they get stomach pains, they get hungry, they get more tired, and stuff like that. When the nerve I'm talking about get's too stressed, things like that happen. The person begins to experience some side-effects. Mood swings, noticeable increase or decrease in appetite, or night terrors. But the side-effect we doctors have to watch out for is the severe hallucination. However rare that certain result may be, its effects could be brutally traumatizing, harmful to your mentality, and overall devastating. And judging by the results of our tests, there has been some definite indication of the damaging hallucinations going on."

Both Katniss and I froze where we were sitting. Katniss has been hallucinating a lot lately, and it has been getting worse and worse, so does that mean she is in danger? I pulled her closer to my side. "How…How devastating? Is it fixable? Is there anything we could do right away? I don't want Katniss' brain to be messed up…"

The doctor looked sympathetic. "She would have to undergo treatments back in the lab as soon as possible if we want this to be stopped properly and efficiently. We will have to reverse action in her brain until we get to the peak, when the doctors will re-wire the nerve back to its original state."

"That doesn't sound very safe." Ms. Everdeen looked extremely worried for her eldest daughters' wellbeing. She reached out and gripped Katniss' free hand. "What are the risks of doing that?"

"Well, during the process of annulling, the active part of her mind might reverse with it and not remember anything that happened from the peak of the stressed nerve to now. That would probably be the worst case scenario."

Worst case scenario? He could say that again. I trembled from head to toe just imagining what it would be like if Katniss' memory were to be erased. Some of the most stressful times for us were also the best. I thought of all of the things we have done, have talked about. Tender moments we have shared in the middle of the night when Katniss couldn't sleep. Times when she cried over all that had been lost and I held her in my arms, dreading the moment I had to let go. My mind flashed back to the day Gale has died, when Katniss came out of the shower in my T-shirt and we curled up on the bed.

_ "Just out of curiosity, what happens now?"_

_ Katniss looked at me with a strange puzzled look on. "What?"_

_ "I don't know…" Feeling were welling up inside of me, I wasn't sure which one I should feel. "He just played a big part in your life, and you were so close to him. I hate to see you so devastated, but from a wound this big, do you think it will ever heal?"_

_ She blinked, making a little flicker of shadow dance across her cheekbones. "I don't know. As much as I am ashamed to admit it, as I sat there on the floor watching him die, I realized something. I did love him, but it took a tragedy for me to recognize that and so I don't know if I can ever go back." _

_ Maybe that was true, but did she really have to say it that way? All my life I had envied Gale for being such a big part of Katniss' life, thinking that she would eventually love him like he did her. But every "I love you" we had exchanged in the past year felt so real. Now, I just wondered if my feelings had been taken granted for. I'll always love Katniss, but with a wound to deal with this big, who knows if she could ever love me back as much as I had hoped? I looked away from her, so she wouldn't see me hurt._

_ "Peeta, you don't understand! You have no idea what we have been through together. I am not saying that I love him more than you and would have chosen him over you. I—"_

_ As she talked, I shook my head slightly to myself, hoping she wouldn't see._

_ She did. "I am not joking, Peeta!" I felt her fingers slide under my chin and force me to look at her. "How could I possibly live without you? You're acting as though I don't love you, but I do!" Her voice cracked. "I do."_

_ I finally met my own eyes with her shining silver ones, the very same pair I had fallen in love with. They were full of devotion and misunderstanding, but something else stirred deep inside those fathomless gray eyes of hers. Katniss was looking at me with pure love and need, so tender I couldn't help but sigh. With one hand I tucked a piece of black hair that had falling charmingly over one of her eyes. "…I love you, too."_

I curled my arm even more securely around Katniss' waist and looked at the doctor. "Is there another way? Could you possibly reverse the damage without putting Katniss at risk?"

He shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not, Mr. Mellark. But I can assure you that actually damaging her mind would be very rare, and she would be in amazingly good hands."

No, no, no. I couldn't let her go through this. She's _my _Katniss, and I can't risk her getting hurt like this. If something happened to her it would be my entire fault…

"Peeta," Katniss' soft voice broke through my enraged silence. I looked down at her. "I want to do the tests."

"No!" My reaction was immediate. "Katniss, I won't let you take that risk! More than just a few months of our lives are at stake here!"

But the doctor cleared his throat, interrupting us. "If it would be best, I could give you a few days to work it out and come up with an answer."

Katniss looked as if she was going to hiss and arch her back. "The last time someone said that my baby daughter got kidnapped and murdered. How do I know you won't do the tests on me anyways just because you want to?"

"Mrs. Mellark, Dr. Longarden is currently in a high grade prison along with the Capitol spies for the next twenty years because of what he had done. No other doctors were involved with that. I can give you my solemn word no one will lay a single finger on you unless you wish them to, drugged up or not." The doctor smiled benevolently. "If time is what you desire, we have a lot of that. No one is in any rush."

Katniss hesitated, and I resisted the urge to butt in. This was Katniss decision, not mine.

Finally, she nodded her head. "I am going to need a while to decide, doctor. If…that's okay with you."

"Of course." He straightened up and proceeded to shake Ms. Everdeens' hand again. "It was a pleasure meeting all of you today. Just let me know when you are ready, Katniss." And with that final word, he walked out.

It seemed as though all of the breath that had been held was let out in one long, gusty sigh. I let go of Katniss' hand just in time for her mother and Prim to wrap their arms around her again.

Ms. Everdeen stroked her daughters' hair. "I am so sorry you are going through all of this, Katniss. If I had a choice I would take it all away from you and put it on me instead."

"No, Mother." Katniss drew away. "This entire ordeal is meant to make me stronger, and when it is over I'll be able to lead a normal life. Don't feel sorry for me." She cast a short glance over at me and I knew both of us were thinking about our 'normal life fantasy'.

Catching our exchanged fleeting looks, Katniss' mother smiled sadly. "You two want to be alone, I can tell."

"No, no!" Katniss blushed and waved her hands around as if to stop her mother and Prim from leaving. "It's all right. We can wait—really!"

Ms. Everdeen smiled. "It's all right. But…If I could talk to Peeta for a moment, would that be alright?" She looked at me for my permission.

I nodded. "Um…Sure." After casting a quick glance at Katniss, who looked confused, I followed her mother out the door.

While Primrose kept on walking through the halls, Ms. Everdeen and I paused right outside Katniss' door.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, already feeling immensely awkward.

"Nothing is wrong, Peeta, it's just…" She hesitated. "Ever since Katniss was born, I had always been the one she most depended on. Not just for food, obviously, but for other things. I always tucked her in bed at night, kissed her bruises when she feel down to make them feel better, hugged her when she woke up with a nightmare. But things have changed now."

I didn't interrupt, to see where things were going.

"It is no longer me whom she depends on. It's you." I could see the slight admiration in her soft blue eyes.

"Me?" I was momentarily baffled.

"Yes, you. Now it is you whom she is reliant on. Katniss has grown out of the stage where a little kiss from her mother can make a rainy day grow brighter. I see the way she looks at you, as if she is looking for something in your eyes that she has yet to find. There is a connection that is so subtle, yet obvious at the same time. When she is frightened she holds onto your hand. Not mine. I know this may be an odd way of putting it, but I am putting you in charge of her now."

I blinked. On some far away level I understood what she was saying, but it still puzzled me slightly.

"This may be in the wrong order, or not even the right way of putting it, but I am going to give you two my blessing on a new, happier life together. I am grateful you are there for her where I can't be, Peeta. I will always consider you a son to me." Ms. Everdeen sniffed once, and then put her arms around me.

After hesitating slightly, I hugged her back. "Thank you."

"Make her happy, Peeta." She pulled away and began walking in the opposite direction. "Now I better go before I start crying." And she briskly walked off.

I didn't waste time standing outside Katniss' room. I opened her door and walked up to her, my body still slightly awkward from the hug her mother and I shared.

"What did she want to t—" But her words were lost against my mouth as I kissed her. When we broke apart, Katniss blinked dizzily. "Now, why did you do that?" Her voice wasn't demanding or rude at all. Just curious and wavering a bit.

"Because you're all mine."


	87. Chapter 86

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter! They were quite entertaining ;) _

**oOo**

After filling Katniss in on what her mother had said to me, she just blinked, no emotion displayed clearly on her face. "But I was already all yours, wasn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but now I have your mothers' permission. For real." I grinned at her. "She didn't really have a choice but agree a year ago."

Katniss nodded, a smile playing on her lips. "That is true… But you seem oddly ecstatic about it."

"Because I don't have to feel guilty every time I touch you just because we are still teenagers. I have your mom's permission, and that is all I need."

She raised an eyebrow. "All you need to do what?"

I shrugged in an attempt to be nonchalant, but I think both of us knew what I was thinking.

"Uh, huh…" Katniss tried to conceal her smile as she turned around to straighten out the sheets on her interesting curved bed. "There is a shower in there," She pointed to the curtained bathroom. "if you want to use it. But be warned, it only limits you to two minutes of hot water before it turns ice cold."

"Thanks." I placed a kiss on the top of her head before ducking into the bathroom. It was small and cramped and, like everything else in the MI wards, every surface was a polished white color. But there didn't seem to be anything wrong with the shower.

It turns out Katniss wasn't joking about the ice water part. I was just about to turn the knob off, but my action was cut off by a sudden sputtering of the shower head and a horrible spray of numbing-cold water gushed out over my head, leaving me cursing silently to myself, running around the small bathroom naked. I only had time to pull on my jeans when I heard Katniss call from the room.

"Peeta? You okay in there? Why are you cursing like that?" She asked.

So my cursing wasn't silent after all… "I'm fine, Katniss. It turns out you weren't lying about the water. _Whew_, it's freezing!"

She laughed. "Well, are you done in there? It's time for bed, and I'm exhausted."

"Yeah," I finished drying off my hair and grabbed my shirt off the hanger. Not wearing a shirt (hehe…), I threw aside the curtain and stepped back into the room.

Katniss, who was just sitting cross-legged on her bed, eyed my bare chest with a slightly amused look. "I see you are getting comfortable with my new living arrangements."

"Yeah, yeah…" I rubbed my eyes, grinning. "Shirts are overrated. Hadn't I already told you that once?"

She just rolled her eyes and began crawling under the covers.

I immediately became worried. Did I insult her or…or something? "It's okay with you, right? To sleep shirtless?"

Seeing my face, Katniss laughed quietly. "It's really cute when you frown like that, but no, I don't mind. If I had I would have stopped you long ago."

"Good." I tossed my shirt into the corner of the room and walked over to the bed, where Katniss was already snuggled under the covers. Smiling softly at her, I pulled the blankets up to Katniss' chin and kissed her cheek. "Get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow."

Katniss, still blushing a little from the kiss, frowned. "Really?"

"No." I grinned and crawled under the bedspreads next to her. "I should make some more cookies to pass the time for us."

"You should bring your painting stuff in here so I can watch you paint." Katniss suggested, leaning her body against mine.

"Whatever you say." My words were interrupted by a yawn.

We both closed our eyes and I felt Katniss press her lips to my shoulder. "'Night, Peeta…"

"Good night…" And listening to the steady rhythm of her heart, blackness washed over me and I fell into a deep sleep.

I'm not sure what woke me, but at around 2:00 in the morning, my eyes opened. The first thing I noticed was that my arm only curled around nothingness at my side; Katniss wasn't here. I was just about to freak out, when I heard hushed whispering from across the room, which was really weird.

The room was nearly pitch-black, but the yellow light peeking from around the bathroom curtains lit the room enough to illuminate a figure in the corner. She was seated on the ground, leaning against some type of invisible something, whispering. I couldn't catch any of it, but personally I was extremely creeped out.

She paused her whispering for a second, then whisper-yelled, "But it would be the only—!"

"Katniss?" I groaned, lifting up my head off of the cushy pillow.

Kat's head whipped upward towards me and she actually fell sideways. Not in fright or anything. She just seemed mildly surprised. "Peeta! I-I didn't mean to wake you…" Katniss cast a worried glance to her left, and back at me.

I squinted in the darkness, but nothing was next to her. "What are you doing up so early?"

She kept glancing to her left. "Er…Nothing, Peeta. I—" She paused. "I'll come back to bed." And with one last apologetic glance to her side, Katniss got up and crept back into bed.

I pulled her closely to my side with an arm and once again tucked the blankets up to her chin. "Now stay in bed this time, okay, Katniss?"

"Okay." She whispered, looked at me with really wide, sparkly grey eyes.

The softly-lit moment was so serene and beautiful, I just had to cup my hand on Katniss' face and kiss her softly. When I pulled away, she was looking at me again.

"What?" I asked her, lying back down on my back, trying to hide my self-conscious smile. "What is that look for?"

"Nothing." Katniss pulled her arm around me and rested her head on my chest. "I just can't wait until District 12 is rebuilt. Normal life is sounding pretty good right now."

"Me kissing you isn't normal?" I was confused, but mostly too tired to care. "Right…"

""Good night. Again." She closed her eyes, and we both fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. Again.

For the first time in quite a while, Katniss had a peaceful night. I woke up in the morning to the sound of the bell, announcing the arrival of breakfast. Looking over at my side, Katniss was still curled up on my chest, her cheek on her hand, dark eyelashes casting shadows on the tops of her cheekbones. Black hair spilled out across her shoulders, falling onto me. Gazing at her sleeping face, I knew I wasn't going to get up any time soon.

At first I tried going back to sleep, but I had gotten enough for now. So until Katniss woke up, I just contented myself with stroking her hair back behind her ear, over and over. It was very comforting, seeing her gently rise and fall with every breath I took.

The moment only lasted for a few moments, though. Katniss stirred slightly and opened her eyes. It took a few second to focus them, but Katniss blinked again and her gaze landed on my face. Our eyes met, but she closed hers again. "Hey, Peeta."

"Hey." I put my arms around her and laced my fingers together on the small of her back. "No nightmares?"

"No nightmares." She confirmed. "But I had the strangest dream…"

"Dream?" For a second I was confused, but silently concluded to myself that Katniss was merely sleepwalking last night and was dreaming about something else then. "What was it about?"

"I woke up in the middle of the night, and-and Gale was in the room. Just sitting in the corner. I got up out of bed and sat by him, and we talked. Then you woke up and told me to get back in bed. It might seem boring, but—"

"Katniss," I interrupted her, with a frown on my face. "That wasn't your first dream about Gale visiting you and me not being able to see him, right?"

She hesitated. "Yeah…why?"

"Those weren't dreams. You did wake up in the night and I caught you whispering to yourself. And the day after Gale died. That same thing happened." I creased my eyebrows and stared down at Katniss in concern.

She seemed slightly embarrassed and worried as well. "You know, yesterday, when the doctor was telling us about major hallucinations?"

"You think those two times you were just hallucinating?" I was already a step ahead of her.

"Peeta, he has visited me more." Finally, the truth gets out. "The day after he died, the day we found out Alexis'…purpose, the day I got stabbed, and-and the day I killed Cinna."

All of the air came out of my in one, long, sharp breath. "What did he say? Each time. Was it meaningful? Or did you two…"

"The first two times—" Katniss looked slightly pained, but she kept going. "We just talked. I got to apologize to him, and say real goodbye's."

So it was only the first two they just 'talked'. What about the other two? There was a dull sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Don't look that way, Peeta. We never did anything. He was only a hallucination after all."

I felt foolish as a flood of relief washed over me. "Right. Keep going."

It genuinely looked as if Katniss was almost about to cry, but she kept plowing on bravely. "But the night after the second visit, I woke up and he was there. He-he grabbed my hand and we were barreling through the hallways together, and-and he led me to the library. Prim was in there." Her chin was trembling and she took a very shaky breath. "She was dead. I kind of passed out, and remember when we woke up?"

It was impossible to forget that. "Yes, I do. So…It was Gale who told you Prim was in danger?"

"Yes." A small tear trickled down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away. "I owe him my life, but it's too late for that. And-And the next time he came, I—" She looked so guilty, and was barely able to talk any more from crying.

I held her closely to me. "It's okay, Katniss. You don't have to tell me.

She put her face in her hands. "I forced him to tell me he room where he was murdered in because that was where my prep team was hiding out. I forced him to tell me and-and he did."

Something was bubbling up inside of me, but I wasn't sure what it was until I tasted blood in my mouth. I had bitten down so hard on my tongue it bled. Pure anger was boiling up to my throat and threatened to burst. So it was Gale. It is his fault Katniss got stabbed. It is his fault she nearly got killed by Cinna. If he had just kept out of this she would have been safe back in my arms, none the wiser.

But my good side forced the rage down. He saved Primrose, and for that I should be grateful. He didn't tell Katniss to go running after the murderers and get stabbed. But he told Katniss where the murderers were hiding out! If Finnick hadn't been there with her, she would have been very, very dead by now. It should be Finnick who I should be eternally grateful for.

"Don't be angry, Peeta." I felt Katniss' hand on my cheek. "It's my fault. He was only a figment of my imagination, so it was all my doing."

"Don't blame yourself, dangit!" I was so enraged at stupid Gale. I knew I had a reason to hate him ever since he kissed her. But I forced the anger down a second time and gently got off the bed, leaving Katniss behind. There was no reason to take it out on her.

I stood there fuming for a few minutes, until my resentment was snuffed. Then I turned back to Katniss, who had shining tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" But I stopped when I saw her getting up as well.

Tears streaked down her face and she leaned into my chest. Our arms went around each other and I buried my face into her messy black hair. Times were hard, but I still had to control myself and take care of Katniss. There was no reason to let my emotions explode out of me and hurt everyone around.

Out of the blue, Katniss reached up and let her arms twine around my neck. I knew what came after that, of course, but it didn't come. Instead, Katniss put her lips barely an inch from mine and took a breath.

I was prepared for her saying something deep; about the both of us, but when she opened her mouth, the complete opposite words came out in a low voice.

"Breakfast time." She breathed and let go of my neck. I had no idea how she kept a straight face saying that so seductively. Of course it didn't last too long. We both cracked up and kept laughing.

My side hurt, my throat hurt, my eyes were streaming as I gasped for breath. Laughing this hard was nearly impossible in District 13, but somehow, Katniss managed it.

Blame the crazy girl.

**oOo**

_You guys have no idea how hard it was to end that chapter! It was near impossible! So I apologize if it was boring or badly written. I am having an off day, no surprise there. __There is a big blue review button down there with your name on it!_


	88. Chapter 87

_Aaah I am on a serious good-music high… I have been giggling for quite some time now… But anyways, enjoy this next chapter!_

**oOo**

I actually managed to convince Katniss to finish her breakfast this time. Once she was done and put the silver tray back into the box, she laid down tiredly and put her head in my lap.

"You should get breakfast, too, you know." Katniss smiled weakly up at me and closed her eyes. "I can wait here."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I can wait."

"Wait to eat?" She scoffed and lifted her head off me. "No, go have breakfast, Peeta. I'll be fine. I don't feel hallucinate-y today."

"It's not whether or not you _feel_ it, Katniss." I did my best explaining. "It's still there, and if I can do anything to prevent you seeing those awful things, I will."

"Gale's not awful…" Katniss mumbled, obviously not meaning to have me hear.

"Gale's not the person who tries to kill you in your hallucinations."

She couldn't argue with that, but she didn't give up. "So you are going to stay here in the same old pair of smelly clothes with me until I am released?"

"No…" Katniss really caught me off guard, there. She had a point. "Okay, fine!" I threw up my hands in defeat. "I am going to go!"

I stood up and began walking to the door, when Katniss' small voice reached me. "I didn't _want _you to go."

I wasn't sure whether to feel agitated or what, but I went over to her and gently kissed Katniss' forehead. "I won't be gone long. Stay together for me, will you?"

"Okay…" She pouted, but didn't say anything.

**Katniss' POV**

I watched him leave with a small sick feeling in the bottom of my gut. The second he left I knew this would be just like all the other times he has left. I didn't want to see those things I saw. I didn't want to try and hurt Peeta when he came. It's just that sometimes I let my hallucinations get the better of me and I feel like I'm not even myself. Something deep inside of me was threatening to burst out and take control of my every being, which wasn't exactly my cup of tea.

I closed my eyes and shark underneath the covers, trying to imagine Peeta was still there with me. But he wasn't. The other side of the bed was cold and empty. A slow hysteria was building in my chest. He left me. Peeta would never leave me; he always stays if I want him to. Why did he leave me this time? What if he doesn't come back? I bit my lip down hard and forced the sobs back into my throat. I hated every second of this, being in this room, having the ill feeling of dread always inside of me, taunting my every decision.

My whole body began trembling. This feeling of cold was so overwhelming and painful. I missed Peeta. I missed his arms around me. I missed him keeping away all of the things I have seen and heard without him. My hands scrabbled around on the blankets next to me and I began crying. He wasn't there, I _needed _him, and I had to have him.

"Peeta!" I screamed, launching myself from the bed, hitting the floor painfully. "Come back! Don't—" Ripping sounds of terror shot from my mouth as I struggled to back into the corner. My vision was already flickering painfully, sending shots of red across my eyes. A flash of white, and there was a fan of scarlet blood along the wall and the crumpled body of Peeta lay under it.

I closed my eyes tight, screaming my head off, trying to make myself realize it wasn't real. _He's not dead, he's not dead, he's taking a shower, he's not dead. _But my body wouldn't listen to me.

Another flash of white—his body was gone but there was a horrible grating sound coming from the door. Yells and whispers echoed in my head, undistinguishing but horrible. I tried slamming my head on the wall to get the visions to go away, but the doctors choose a good room to put me in; the cushy walls prevented it from hurting.

A third flash of white and an explosion erupted from all around me. Metal shards raked up and down my body, sending pain and blood splashing every which way. Flickers of hallucinations danced around my head. Another explosion sound rang out and a splash of back fell over me, accompanied by my scream. But as soon as it had begun, it was all over.

I opened my eyes, and it was over. I was back in my normal room of insanity, huddled in my corner, drenched in horrible sticky sweat. But there was no blood, on me or the walls, nothing was exploded to bits, and no one was screaming. I took a deep, shaky breath and stood up. Even though my legs threatened to give way under me, I managed to stand and haul myself over to the bathroom.

I splashed cold water onto my face and drank as much as my stomach would hold. Now I was feeling much saner. Though, when I went back into the room, I didn't sit back in the bed. Instead, I went back to my corner and curled up into a little ball. Now that the hallucinations were over, the room was quiet enough to hear my frantically beating heart, and my deep, frightened breathing.

I sat there for half an hour, just concentrating on breathing in and out. In the very middle of an "in" breath, I heard the door open. Oh, thank God, Peeta was back. I was just about to breathe a sigh of relief, when he came in.

Dried blood was caked all over his face, and visible lines of still-wet blood circled his wrists and throat. More splotches of blood stuck his shirt to his chest, and rips adorned his filthy clothes.

I knew it was a hallucination. I knew it wasn't real, but still, something squeezed inside my chest and I shrank away from him, whimpering. My brain was screaming _it's him! He isn't bleeding, he is just Peeta! Close your eyes and let the hallucinations pass, don't be afraid! He won't hurt you! _But my body was screaming _AAHH!HOLY CRAP PEETA'S DEAD AND BLEEDING AND HE'S COMING AFTER ME TO KILL ME TOO! AAHH!_

A white flashed burst in front of my eyes again, and he was President Snow, with pale white hair and lipless mouth, opened in a smile. The coppery smell of blood washed over me and I screamed. Another flash—Rue with a spear in her gut. _Flash! _Mags' skin boiling in the poison fog. _Flash!_ Glimmer covered in blood-stained tracker jacker stings. _Flash! _It was Peeta again. No blood or rips in his freshly changed-into clothes, no horrible gashes on his wrists or throat. Just Peeta. He looked a bit frantic too, if I'm correct.

I swallowed and wiped a sweat-dampened lock of hair out of my eyes. "Peeta, I-I…" What could I say to that?

He looked pained and reached his hand out for me. But he didn't step any closer.

"What…?" I asked, puzzled.

But Peeta opened his mouth and a trickle of blood crept down his chin. I was about to scream when a violent shudder shot up his body and he fell forward onto his face. This time, I did scream. A dark red hilt of a dagger could be seen protruding from in between his shoulder blades.

And for the last time, a flash of white obscured my vision and a wave of stabbed black pain washed over me, plunging me into stillness.

**Peeta's POV**

I watched her as she writhed around on the floor screaming. Every time I reached my hand out to her she would scream again and her eyes rolled back into her head. It frightened me so much, seeing the wild panic on her face, the sweat sticking to her skin, knowing she needed me but every time I reached out for her it happened again.

Katniss' body suddenly arched on the floor, and a gurgle rose up from her throat, but no scream. I took this chance to fall down onto my knees and scoop Katniss up into my lap. She didn't protest. Instead, she grew stiller and stiller, which scared me more than anything. Finally, I pressed my lips to her forehead but it was no use.

Her dark gray irises rolled up, exposing the shiny whites of her eyes and she shuddered once more. Then stillness.

"Katniss?" I said weakly. "Katniss?" As gently as I could, I gripped her shoulders and shook her. Katniss' head just rolled onto the other shoulder.

Now I was really starting to freak out. Frantically, I put my two fingers to the side of her throat and tried to be still, but I got nothing under my fingertips. _No._

I dropped her body back onto the floor and raced back towards the metal door. I needed to get a doctor. Heart pounding, I shot out of the room in search for help.

**oOo**

_Ooh, buuurrn. I guess I should apologize for the wait on this chapter, but I know that isn't what you guys will be thinking about when reading this chapter…. Hehehe…. Well, keep on reading and reviewing!_


	89. Chapter 88

_I send my warmest thanks to everyone who read or reviewed my last chapter! Hehehehe I got the stupidest knock knock joke for you. Okay, okay._

_Knock knock_

_Who's there?_

_Dwayne_

_Dwayne who?_

_Dwayne de baftub I'm dwowning._

_Hehehe wasn't that so stupid? Hehehe I'm still giggling from it… _

**oOo**

I bounced up and down nervously on the balls of my feet, waiting impatiently outside her room. As soon as I told the first doctor I came to what had happened, 20 of them came flooding out of nowhere and lock me out of Katniss' room. They have been in there for two hours, while I stood outside practically dying from anxiety.

Another half an hour had to pass before the door opened and the doctor who gave us the test results walked out. I didn't even get to say anything before he opened his mouth. "Don't worry, son. Kantiss'll be just fine."

A wave of relief washed over me and I leaned heavily against the wall, closing my eyes. She was okay. She was going to make it.

His hand clamped onto my shoulder, not unfriendly. "That was quite a scare she gave us all, but it wasn't anything major. She'll be fine."

"When can I see her?" My throat was all dry from the anxiety.

"Actually," The doctor raised his eyebrows comically and glanced at the door behind him. "I think it would be okay now, if you want."

"Yes!" Maybe I said that a little too quickly. "I mean—that would be great."

He laughed and reopened the door. "Katniss is still asleep from the drugs, but that should wear off soon."

I followed him inside. To my relief, they had the decency to finally put some chairs n the room next to the bed, so I went and sat on one of those.

Katniss was sleeping peacefully, her black hair fanning out around her head. The slow rise and fall of her chest reassured me that she was, indeed, just sleeping and not something else.

I took Katniss' hand gently in mine, wrapping my fingers around hers. They seemed so cold...

"Come and get me if you need anything else." The nice doctor was about to step back out the door when I stopped him.

"There actually is something I would like to ask you. About the brain operation." I let go of Katniss' hand and stood back up.

The physician looked pleasantly interested. "Ask away."

"Well… Since Katniss had that attack thing with the hallucinations, I have been giving more thought about getting the operation done. But before I tell that to Katniss, I want to know what we're signing up for. Can you tell me about the basic procedure during and after?"

He looked thoughtful and pulled up a chair. "Well the risk for having a memory lapse is extremely uncommon, but I am not sure how much that is saying, seeing as how the doctors here in Thirteen have only done the procedure three times. Four if you count the...Ahem…autopsy we did a few years back. But anyways," The doctor shook his head. "Well, once we are done with the procedure, Katniss would be allowed to go back to her room immediately if preferred, but she has to have someone at her side at all times. Her psychological health will be very unstable. The side effects would include occasional blurred vision, difficulty speaking, weakness of the limbs, and sometimes fainting. That is why you cannot leave her side. If she decides she wants up out of bed for a drink of water she could pass out and hit her head. She can't be alone for one minute."

There seemed to be a lot of risks that came with the operation. I bit my lip, weighing the consequences on each side.

"You don't have to decide right now, Peeta." The doctor stood up. "We have plenty of time, but judging by what happened today, the sooner the better."

Well, that made me feel no pressure at all, thanks. I stood up and shook the doctors' hand. "Thank you. I will have a talk with Katniss when she wakes up, doctor."

"That would be excellent." He shook my hand back. "Remember; just push that little red button on the side of the bed if anything else happens." And the doctor left the room.

I looked back down at Katniss, who was still sleeping soundly. She scared me so much; I thought I lost her. There were several times in the past year or so when I thought she had left me. And I couldn't even count the times she had just scared the crap out of me, not including near-death-experiences. But every time we have managed to pull through I hadn't realized how lucky I was. And every time I felt that, the feeling got stronger and stronger until when Gale died, and Katniss was on the brink of a near-fatal depression, I was pretty sure it wouldn't be possible to live without her. Before that I might have managed to stay alive, in some type of half-dead state, but now I knew if she died, I would go with her. The thought didn't comfort me much.

I sat there for an hour next to Katniss, holding her hand. I watched the flutter of her eyes behind her eyelids and hoped that the dreams she was having were good. Maybe even about me.

It was about 2:35 when Katniss stirred, and I watched as she slowly began to revive consciousness. Katniss mumbled something unintelligible and her eyes peeled open. At first her irises just wheeled around, not fixing on one specific thing, but after a while she shook her head and looked at me.

"Hey." I stroked the back of Katniss' hand with my thumb, acting casual. Not like she almost died a few hours ago, no. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I hallucinated your violent death and got knocked over the head with a metal pole and stuck with a syringe full of kool-aide." She blinked tiredly. "But other than that, just peachy."

Laughing, I put her hand to my cheek. "You really freaked all of us out there, Katniss."

"I'm sorry." She looked guilty for a second, but then her face went back to normal. "You seem to be taking it better than I would have imagined."

"I was going to wait until you were a little more awake before I exploded."

Katniss' eyebrows twitched upwards. "And what does exploding entitle?"

"The usual." I shrugged. "Telling you to never, ever do that to me again, how worried sick I was, holding you tight and try not to cry like a baby. Things like that."

For a few seconds Katniss just sat there, staring at me with an unfathomable look in her gray eyes. Then she took her hand back from mine and used it to try and scoot over. "Well, come on." And she patted the area next to her on the bed.

I smiled softly and crawled into bed next to her and put my arms around her shoulders, just like the good old times. 'Good old times' meaning yesterday.

"Peeta, I need to talk to you." Katniss was using her serious voice, which was never good, especially after a near-death experience.

"What?" Kissing her forehead normally made these types of situations less tense, but this time she just looked sad.

"Peeta, I'm serious. I want to go through with the operation." Katniss looked me straight in the eyes.

"I—" I really didn't feel like talking about it right now, but if it was absolutely necessary… "I know you feel that way."

"And I know you don't. Because of what might happen."

"Do you even know what would happen if your memory lapsed while the surgery? Have you even thought about the consequences?"

Katniss' voice only came out in a whisper. "Yes."

"Then you realize what would happen?"

"I have to take that chance, Peeta!" She looked half-frightened. "You didn't see what I did."

"Katniss, I am not denying what you have seen was horrible, I am not saying that having this wrong with you isn't awful and I am so sorry! I hate seeing you like this, this hurt and afraid all the time. I hate every part of it, Katniss, but at least I am there to help you through it in every way possible." I didn't want to let how upset I was show through, but there I was, with wetness in my eyes.

It must have been a pretty emotional time for both of us, because Katniss looked like she was going to cry, too. "I know, Peeta, I know you are and thank you so much. And I know the worst thing that could happen. I don't want that to happen either, Peeta. You have been so important, so special to me. I don't want to start over. But I can't spend the rest of my life in this mental incapacitation, even if it is with you." She looked slightly apologetic.

I was about to defend my side, when I stopped myself. As much as I hated to admit it, Katniss' point was somewhat better than mine. Starting her life over again without me, and spending the rest of it with a completely different person on a completely different path, but still healthy as a horse, seemed better than spending the rest of her life in a negative mental state with me. She would never be happy. Only nightmares and hallucinations would corrupt her everyday life. But if it got fixed and she went her own way, there was a chance she could be happy. Katniss would get another chance.

I couldn't be so selfish, favoring the option where I am the only one being happy. And even then, I wouldn't really be happy seeing her like that all the time.

"It's okay." Katniss put her hand on my arm. "You don't have to say anything to that if you don't want. Just…understand it from my point of view."

"But, Katniss, I do understand it. And—and…" I took a shaky breath, not meaning for it to be so…weak. "I'm sorry that I have been so selfish lately. If you want to have the procedure done, go ahead and have it done."

"Peeta…" Katniss seemed to have registered the pain on my face. "Don't agree with this for me."

"The best thing for me right now is for you to be happy, no matter the cost." I pressed my cheek to the top of her head. "It is for me as much as for you."

A tear fell unevenly from each of Katniss' gray eyes. "So… Is this you giving me your permission? I can have the surgery done?"

"Like you ever needed my permission to do anything." I gave a pathetic chuckle. "But, yes. I am."

Katniss reached over and put her arms around my waist. "Then there is a slight possibility this would be our last day together. Slight, but nonetheless there."

"I try not to think about the possibilities."

"But if this really was our last day, shouldn't we do something different? Something that we _didn't _do every day together?"

I wasn't quite getting what Katniss was saying. "What don't we do every day?"

"You're so slow, Peeta." Katniss grinned. "But never mind. It was a stupid idea anyways."

"What? Tell me, Katniss!" I was smiling, too.

"No, no…" She shifted her position in my arms. "It doesn't matter."

"You _will_ tell me one of these days, you know." I tucked the sheets securely under Katniss' chin.

Sighing, she snuggled up against me. "Sure, sure…"

**oOo**

_Sorry about the horrible ending. It took me forever to think of how to end it, nevertheless begin it. :DD hoped you liked this chapter!_


	90. Chapter 89

_I dedicate this chapter to one of my good friends and reviewer, Peeta-Mellark-Loves-ME. To everyone else, I would put all your names up, but it is pretty much impossible to cram all of them into one little A/N. So sit back, and enjoy this chapter. But Before I go I should also give special thanks to my friend Rachel because in the very middle of this chapter I had the worst writers block ever, and Rachel helped me overcome that, so thanks soo much to Rachel and Sophie!_

**oOo**

It was just like one of our normal days together. Katniss was curled up on my chest, napping lightly while I sat awake, worrying. I know I shouldn't be. But all the best moments we spent together ran through my mind. Yet, every time I smile remembering every kiss we shared, the feeling gets washed away by anxiety. If Katniss' memory fails and goes back to before the Games, all of those special memories would just be dreams. Merely false memories that didn't mean anything to her. She would look at me with her usual scowl, trying to think of why I looked so memorable. But then she would shrug the feeling off and be on her way, leaving me dying slowly on the inside.

"Peeta?"

My mind suddenly jolted back to reality and I glanced down at Katniss, not aware that my face was contorted painfully. "What?"

She reached up at used her finger to smooth out my eyebrows, which were practically smashed together into one, worried line. "You shouldn't be spending all your time fretting. It's not healthy."

"I know." Sighing, I pulled her closer to me. "But I can't help it. Bad things just keep stirring in my mind. What if you actually _do_ lose all your memory starting from the Games? Would you want me to try and make you remember me and go back to normal? Or would you want me to leave you alone and let you go on a different path, content with not knowing every horrible thing that happened in the past year?"

Katniss looked troubled. "I don't know… On some far away level my mind likes the idea of peaceful oblivion," She winced at my look of hurt. "But on the other hand my life won't ever be complete. The things that have happened in the past year have made me who I am. You have made me who I am. If I go back to things, sure I'll be able to lead a normal life, but normal isn't all as it's cracked up to be. I would rather be completely anomalous and be with you, rather than spend the rest of my life being normal, without you."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. All I knew is that Katniss seemed certain her memory would be lost, but wanted to spend every moment of her life with me, in whatever way possible. It was heartbreaking, thinking this could be our last moment together. I bent down and gave her a kiss, but it seemed almost…painful.

But when we pulled away, I kept my lips hear hers. I thought of the things we could possibly do in this wretched place, how we could possibly enjoy this last day... But I can't see what I could do to show her how much I love her when she already owns my heart. Every day I try and let her know how much she means to me, that she is the very air I breathe. But how could today be any different? How could I tell her more today than I have since I've known her?

"What are you thinking about, Peeta?" Katniss murmured, tightening her hand around mine.

I decided I wasn't quite ready to share those thoughts with her and maybe change the subject from exactly what was going through my mind. "Your family."

She frowned. "What about them?"

"Well, they'll want to spend time with you before your operation, too. Not just me." I rubbed my eyes. It was getting late.

"Well, yeah, but they wouldn't have to start over if I lose my memory. Before the Games I still knew them and loved them, but things are different with you." Katniss did have a point there.

"Hm…" Now it was my turn to furrow my brows. "If you think you could wait _two _days before the procedure, then Prim and your mother could have one day and I could have the other. And we would find some way to make sure you weren't alone at all between."

"I'm not sure…" She bit her lip and looked away. I couldn't help but think it was cute. "Being away from you one whole day…"

I just had to laugh. "It's only a day. And besides, I'm sure you won't miss me when you are with your family."

Katniss shook her head, but smiled a little too. "I miss you right now and you are here with me. I guess I'll just have to cope…"

"But if I could make a request,"

"What?"

"I get the final day." It may have been a trivial demand, but I wanted it nonetheless. "Just you and me, for what may be the last time."

After a short silence between us, Katniss nodded her head. "Of course, Peeta."

But something about her expression made me want to hold onto her tight and comfort her. So I did. Though her look didn't change. I pressed my cheek to the top of her head. "A penny for your thoughts."

Katniss quickly changed her expression into a better one. "Nothing." She said, almost too fast. "I was just thinking that it was late and—" then she laughed. "Never mind. Sometimes my thoughts aren't supposed to be shared with other people."

Darn it, Katniss! That only made me more curious. "Please tell me?"

She seemed to be holding in her amusement, which was making her snort. "I-I really shouldn't."

"Please?" Just to be funny, I stuck my lower lip out as far as it would go.

"Well…" Katniss finally gave in. "Do you ever… Have the insane urge to just…Not wear clothes?"

That made me crack up. I wheezed, clutching my side, tears pouring down my face. Where the _heck _did that come from? Still crying from laughter, I turned my streaming eyes towards Katniss, who was also giggling quietly. "I can't lie to you and say I haven't but…. _Seriously, _Katniss? Seriously?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She sighed, still grinning. "I told you I shouldn't say it!"

"Its fine, Katniss." I patted her fondly on the head. "But you do have a point. It _is _kind of late. We should get some sleep."

Katniss rolled her eyes, still visibly amused by her strange thoughts. "After a shower." And she literally rolled out of bed and dragged herself into the bathroom.

A little humor is just what we need in this desolate underground captivity. Still chuckling to myself, I got out of bed as well and stood next to the curtained-off wall of the bathroom. Over the noise of the shower water, I called to Katniss, "Hey, about that not-wearing-clothes thing, Katniss…"

But in response, there was the squeak of the nozzle and the water stopped. "Sorry, Peeta, what did you say?"

"About that not-wearing-clothes-thing…" I hoped she would understand I was just trying to be funny, not perverted or anything, but girls usually tended towards that angle when boys made jokes like that.

Katniss was silent for a few seconds. "I am not going naked to bed, if that's what you mean, Peeta."

"No, no!" I laughed. "That was a joke. Really."

She was quite for another few seconds. "Though I wouldn't mind going in my underclothes for a change. These disgusting white ones are making my itch all over."

Though, Katniss didn't give me any time to reply before she just waltzed out of the bathroom in nothing but her underwear and tank-top.

"I didn't think you were serious…" I mumbled, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.

Something funny was up with Katniss, today, I had to admit. She just laughed and crawled right into bed. "You don't mind, do you?"

I got into bed as well, propping myself up against the wall next to Katniss. "Not at all, but I just think you are acting a bit peculiar, that's all."

She frowned ever so slightly, a hint of worry betrayed in her otherwise cheery face. "I was just thinking… If these really are my last few days before I go back to being who I was before the Games, maybe I should treat it differently. Spend the last few days being happier and less anxious all the time. Maybe that would make the chance of something going wrong be slimmer."

I put my arm around her, feeling locks of wet black hair tickle my collarbone. "If that's all I might as well enjoy it while I can…"

Katniss the scooted away from the wall and instead put her head in my lap and closed her eyes. "Mmhm…"

We just laid very still, just like that, enjoying the moment. Until Katniss sleepily opened her eyes and looked up at me again. "Sing to me, Peeta…"

Sing to her? I don't really sing… I paint and bake, but nooo. She had to ask me to do the one thing I _don't _do. But if that was what she wanted… I cleared my throat. This was going to give poor Katniss nightmares; I had such a horrible singing voice.

"_My arms tied behind your back_

_I'm hopeless in your hands_

_Why should life be difficult _

_When we do all we can?_

_To love_

_To be life for one another_

_And never be afraid for tomorrow_

_When today is all we have together._

_If there is one thing left on Earth_

_After everything else ends_

_Should it be the way you smiled_

_Or the first night when we were friends?_

_And loved_

_To be life for one another_

_We should never be afraid for tomorrow_

_When today is all we have together_

_Something soft and barely broken_

_Something we know is there_

_Something fragile, still unspoken_

_The last thing left to bear_

_And could I bear to see you sleeping_

_If I knew I couldn't too?_

_Could I bear to wake up in the morning_

_If I knew you couldn't too?_

_Every day you give me_

_All that you have had_

_Show me something I can lean on and I'll always know_

_To love_

_To be life for one another_

_And never be afraid for tomorrow_

_When today is all we have together."_

When I finished the last note of the song, I was then able to hear Katniss' low breathing. Her hand was curled under her cheek and her other rested only a few inches from mine.

I laced out fingers together and kissed the tips of hers. "Goodnight, Katniss. Sweet dreams, my angel."

**oOo**

_ I never really had Peeta call Katniss "my angel" before. I thought it was sweet. But before I do anything else, I want to thank my amazing sister Morgan for the lyrics of her song that she composed titled "Lullaby". :D so anyone who liked that super-beautiful song written by my sister, just review me saying so and I'll make sure she knows. But I also give you permission to like the chapter itself, too. Hehehe… _


	91. Chapter 90

_I would like to tell all of you guys that I have started a blog for my fanfiction. You can find it at .com. I am posting the chapters starting from the beginning as well as news about where I am in the next chapter and—as a thanks to everyone who reads it—spoilers or next chapters or ideas once I post up to the chapter I'm on. :D But thank you to everyone who reviewed the last one (my sister was quite proud)! And so here is chapter 90!_

**oOo**

When I woke up in the morning to the breakfast bell, I didn't get up right away. It was as if my mind was wide awake but my body was still unconscious. Katniss was missing from my side, but I didn't worry because the faint hissing of the shower announced the bathroom was in use. It was apparent Katniss heard the bell through the sound of the spray, because the water shut off and a few second later I heard the bathroom curtain being opened. I inwardly wondered why Katniss choose to take a shower before the arrival of her clothes that came with breakfast.

Footsteps neared the bed but before I could open my eyes, I felt Katniss' lips press against mine. "Morning, Peeta."

That certainly woke me up the rest of the way. My eyes popped open and I found them staring into familiar gray ones. "Good morning. Took a shower, I see." I jokingly tugged on a lock of wet hair dangling in front of Katniss face.

"I didn't want to wake you." She crawled up onto the edge of the bed while I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

But when I brought my hand down and looked again at Katniss, she was smiling slightly and gazing up at my hair. "What are you looking at?" I asked self-consciously.

"Your hair." Katniss reached up and lightly ran the tips of her fingers through it. "It looks amazing."

"Was that sarcasm I detected in your voice?" I swung my legs off of the side of the bed and stood up, joints popping. When I looked back at Katniss, I felt the corners of my lips turn up in amusement. Of course, since Katniss didn't have her new clothes for the day yet she was still in just her underclothes. Thank goodness the clothes are here now, though.

I opened up the metal hinges and tossed the roll of fresh white garments over to Katniss, who caught them and didn't even bother to go into the bathroom to change. Laughing quietly to myself, I turned back around to remove the breakfast tray.

As we ate, Katniss and I planned how today was going to go.

"We can just press the little red button thing and when the doctor comes we can ask him to bring my family down here." Katniss stirred around her oatmeal, not eating it at all.

"That button is for emergency, though." I debated. "I could just stick my head out the door and yell really hard."

"Oh, and like that would be completely normal." She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, and she put down her bowl. I had a feeling she wasn't going to eat much today. "I'll probably be fine for a few minutes while you just go and find someone to get my Mother and Prim."

I gave her my best 'oh really' look. "That didn't work so well the last time you said you would be fine. No, I am determined for you to not be alone one minute at all from now until your operation."

"Then what do we—?" Katniss started, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sighing, she got up and opened it. I hope Katniss didn't press the red button without telling me and it was the doctor at the door…

It was Primrose. As soon as Katniss opened the door she threw her arms around Kat's waist. "Morning Katniss! I was worried you would still be sleeping." And she peered behind her big sister and smiled at me. "Morning, Peeta!"

I smiled back. "Hey, Prim. We were just talking about you."

Prim blinked. "I know. I heard."

"You know it isn't polite to eavesdrop, Primrose." Katniss lightly scolded her sister and stepped aside.

"I wasn't eavesdropping. Your door is just not soundproof at all." Shrugging nonchalantly, Prim skipped into the room and sat cross-legged on the blankets in front of me, followed by Katniss. "I just wanted to pop in and see how things were going."

Katniss leaned back on the curved edge of the bed and twined her fingers casually with mine. "We came to a conclusion. I would do the operation with the risk of a memory lapse, and spend today with you and Mother, tomorrow with Peeta, and the day after would be the surgery."

Prim smiled as if she thought the idea was good. "Okay, but what about everyone else?"

"What everyone else?" An endearing little crease appeared between Katniss' eyebrows.

"There are other people you have gotten to be friends with in the past year. Haymitch. Finnick. Annie with her baby. People that you wouldn't be alive without."

Katniss' face visibly fell. "Oh…" She bit her lip. "I'm not sure how well inviting those people into this room would go. Maybe… Maybe the doctors could make an exception and let me out to say goodbye."

That wasn't a half-bad idea, but judging how the doctors have acted for everything else, I wasn't so sure they would be very lenient on Katniss.

"Peeta could ask them." Prim volunteered me for the errand with a sweet smile.

I didn't really have anything against going instead of the fourteen-year-old, so I nodded in agreement. "I could do that."

But I saw Katniss face falter. It was evident she didn't want me to go. I didn't know how she was going to deal with spending a whole day without me, but I pushed the worry aside. She sighed. "Okay. So…Just come back soon."

"I will." And as if proving to her I would, I gave Katniss a quick kiss. "Stay safe." And I turned my back upon the two delicate faces of my family, and walked out.

It wasn't too hard to find Katniss' doctor again. He was talking to the secretary at the front desk and looking down at his clipboard. I approached him and cleared my throat. "Excuse me, doctor."

The physician stopped his subdued discussion and glanced up at me. "Well, hello, Mr. Mellark. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, sir, but I would like to talk to you." In order to ask his permission for Katniss' temporary dismissal, I needed to explain our decision about the operation.

"Excuse me for one moment," The doctor nodded towards the secretary and then motioned for me to come into his office, which was conveniently located only a few feet away from the front desk. He took a seat in his swivel chair in front of me. "What is on your mind, Mr. Mellark?"

I cut to the chase. "Katniss and I have reached an agreement about the operation."

The doctor looked pleased. "Excellent. And what might that be?"

"We want to go through with the procedure, but after a few days of…well…just in case something goes wrong and Katniss loses the past year of her memory she wanted to...say a rough goodbye to everyone."

"Okay…" He nodded and began rummaging around in one of his desk drawers. "Would you like the information about the surgery now, or…?"

"Well, I actually came to ask you something, doctor." I leaned forward in my uncomfortable plastic chair. "Like I said, Katniss is taking the last few days before the operation to spend with everyone. Her family and I would be easy saying goodbye to, but she couldn't just let everyone else into her cramped little room. I came to ask your permission if Katniss could maybe be allowed to leave her room for a day to say farewell to everyone she came to know in the past year."

The doctor laced his fingers under his chin in thought. "What did you have in mind, Mr. Mellark? That she would go around District Thirteen looking for and saying goodbye to every single person? Or something else?" Did I detect a hint of disapproving-ness in his voice?

"Er…" I frowned slightly. How _would _that work? Then I had an idea. "I'd gather them up and we'd meet…somewhere. Katniss wouldn't have to go very far from her room."

"Hm." The doctor looked mildly impressed. "I suppose that would be okay. After all, Katniss mental condition isn't _that _severe other than her reaction to being alone. So, theoretically, if she wasn't ever alone, she wouldn't have an attack."

I nodded, suddenly getting the urge to leave and maybe get some time to myself. I got up and shook the doctors' wide hand. "Thank you, doctor. I will let you know when we are ready."

"Have a good day, Mr. Mellark." And he watched as I left the small office.

**oOo**

_I hope you guys loooooved that chapter! We get to spend a little more time with those much-missed people in a few chapters such as Haymitch, Finnick, Annie, and… um… Actually those are all the one I want to say goodbye to Katniss, so ha. Meh… Anyways, review review review! Oh, and by the way I have a new poll up so if anyone wants to check that out...  
_


	92. Chapter 91

_Not having internet 24/7 has done some good for me. Instead of laughing my butt off IMing my friends all the time (thank you, Rachel and Sophie) and attempting to talk French to others and failing miserably (Michelle) I am actually typing. Hehehe… But anyways here is Chapter 91. :DD Read and review! Oh, and I almost forgot. To Ali, whose birthday I missed. Happy birthday, and this chapter is dedicated to you! Sorry it couldn't be out a few days ago. !D Hope it was awesome! _

**oOo**

I flopped on my stomach onto my bed after showering. Not an hour before, I had found Katniss' mother and brought her back to the room, and left them. So now I was just lying in my room thinking of what to do. Maybe Katniss would appreciate fresh-baked cookies. Or maybe I could paint her something for her new room.

I sighed heavily. Things were boring when nothing life-threatening was happening. But then I nearly slapped myself. It's not good to ever say that, or even think it, because you never know what might happen. I was just very thankful Katniss was alive and knew what she had to do. Dead and uncertain is never a good thing.

Subconsciously shaking my wet hair, I got up and opened the bottom drawer of my wardrobe. Inside was where I kept all of my art supplies: a foldable easel, canvas, paints, a few trays, jars, and pencils, and some half-used sketchbooks. I pulled out the easel, a blank canvas, a few pots of paint, and a tray. After setting up the easel, I sat down on my bed and began mixing a variety of thick paint onto the tray.

But what should I paint? The first image that popped into my mind was obviously Katniss. She was always the first thing that came to me when I thought. But I had so many paintings of her; I was almost convinced there wasn't any more ways to draw her. I had sleeping, hunting, climbing trees, running down the hallway with a frightened look on her face, and some of her just standing in a field of whiteness. I also had a very special one of her holding little Alexis, but I never showed that one to her, and never plan to.

I stuck the end of my brush in between my teeth and thought. Every painting I had done, I had some sort of idea, a picture in my mind that didn't move. Every picture captured a moment that I wanted to remember forever, or just one I wanted to have down out of my head. That was where I went wrong.

Closing my eyes, I let memories flood over me the way they want to. Whatever they were, however they planned. And with those reminiscences floating around in my head, I began to draw, eyes still closed.

A wry smile stretching across her face, twinkling eyes, small fingers encased with mine, a smear of blood on the cave floor, the upstairs of Katniss' house in the Victors' Village, screams filling the night air. All of these recollections bubbled inside of me, alive and flourishing. Now images flashed faster across my mind and my brush danced on the surface of my canvas. Black hair fanned out on the pillow as she slept, a bubbling pot of homemade stew in the arena, lips pressed against mine, hearts pounding, heads whirling, breath quickening as we faced the unknown, muffled cries, and—Silence.

I lowered the wooden brush and slowly opened my eyes. But the painting—if I could even call it that—was awful. All of that raw emotion and time I spent pouring pretty much my whole soul onto the canvas, and all I got was a piece of paper covered with rough globs of dripping paint, smeared with other splatters. Even if I squinted, searching deep within the colors, all I saw was a mess unworthy of my wall.

In utter revulsion, I ripped the picture from the easel and shoved it into my closet, getting little drops of blue and green on the floor. If painting wasn't going to turn out the way I wanted it to, maybe baking would, but I seriously doubted it.

Checking the clock, I found out it was ten 'till noon. If I wanted to go to lunch at all, now was the time. But I really wasn't _hungry. _But Katniss would want me to not starve myself. But then she would be such a hypocrite, since she rarely ate herself. I sighed, nearly laughing at the war that was going on in my brain. Maybe lunch would make me get a hold of myself, but I inwardly doubted it. Taking a quick peek in the lopsided mirror to make sure I didn't look like a troll (I did), I ambled on out my room and to the cafeteria.

It wasn't very crowed today, which surprised me. Normally 12:00 was the peak time when everyone would come back from their jobs outside to eat. Their first stop, of course, would be the Office. There, Hunters would drop their catches off; Gatherers would deposit the right types of plants into the edible or non-edible bins; and Scavengers would report their finding there as well. But since the lunch bell for them rang at about 11:15, so the workers should have been to lunch by now. Instead, the cafeteria was eerily quiet. I only recognized a scarce few people eating. Thankfully, Finnick was one of them, sitting next to a pregnant Annie.

Finnick and I really never had any time to "bond" during the Quell. We knew each other, he saved my life, we spoke occasionally, but with the weight of each others' imminent death kept us from knowing one another very well. But now that we know it is relatively safe to assume no one is going to die any time soon, we have been getting to know each other better. If there was anyone in this clandestine district to talk to about concerns for Katniss, it would probably be Finnick. Either him or Primrose, but no offense to her, it is harder to connect to a fourteen-year-old girl than a 20-something year old guy.

I shuffled across the room awkwardly, trying to avoid the numerous stares I was getting from the crowd around me. It was obvious the news of Katniss condition had gotten out some way or another. Even Finnick and Annie seemed to have noticed me coming and were watching intently as I sat in front of them.

"Mind if I join you?" Maybe it was a bit rude of me to interrupt his and Annie's time alone…Okay _a lot _rude, but there was not exactly going back now, was there? "Sorry if I'm-I'm butting in or anything."

"It's fine." Finnick stood up straight and shook his slightly-overgrown copper hair out of his eyes. "How is Katniss?"

Should I explain the whole operation ordeal to them or should I just keep it short and sweet? "Er…"

Finnick must have taken my hesitation wrong or something because he bent close to Annie and whispered something in her ear. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, stood up, and walked off. After she was mildly out of ear shot, he turned back to me and resumed his usual haughty air. It must be something about Annie that numbs the arrogance in him… "So what is it?"

There was something about this 'man-to-man' time with Finnick Odair talking about Katniss' health issues that I found slightly disturbing, but I shrugged it off. "The attack she had a bit ago scared the living crap out of all of us, and the doctors came into her room and said she needed an operation to fix it." My voice was a little too fast to be construed as casual.

Finnick arched an eyebrow. "Uh huh… Care telling us what the operation is supposed to fix?"

I didn't want to know who 'us' was. Maybe he was storing a little two-inch-tall man named José who had a toupee and a French Accent in his front pocket. Again, I shrugged it off. "There is a certain wacky nerve-thing in Katniss' brain that has supposedly gone haywire. That nerve was triggered by extreme stress or something. I am not sure I get it, but we have decided to get the operation, which is hypothetically going to reverse the trauma and make her all better again."

I watched as Finnick chewed on his lip, looking infuriatingly thoughtful. How anyone lived with his is a wonder to me. Finally, he looked curiously back at me. "That doesn't sound completely catch-free."

I hadn't wanted to think about the possibility, but I guess that's what it came to… "The doctor said that there was a chance part of Katniss life would be wiped from her memory. Starting from when her stress levels began to escalate."

"And…" For someone life Finnick, it would surprise me that he wasn't the quickest thinker. "When exactly do you think that would that be?"

I rolled my eyes and said sarcastically, "Let me think. Maybe when she volunteered herself for the Games in the place of her little sister. That would be a place to start."

"If the doctors accidentally erased her memories from then, she would still be completely oblivious to all that has happened with the Capitol, and-and the Games and…." The look of pure understanding when he got it was priceless. Finnick's' eyebrows came from being scrunched together to shooting up into his hair line. "Oh."

I _really_ didn't want to linger on that particular thing too long, so I swallowed my pain down and attempted to look normal. "So we have a few days until the operation. Today is for Katniss to be with her Mother and Prim, tomorrow would be with everyone she has gotten to know in the past year, and the last day would just be me and her."

"So it sounds as though you two have pretty much given up all hope that her memory _won't _be obliterated. Nice to see everyone is being optimistic in these times."

It was hard not to be annoyed at him. I sighed. "It isn't that we have given up hope, Finnick. In fact the chance of that memory lapse actually happening is very slim. But we are assuming the worst just in case it does happen, we would already have said our goodbyes."

"I see…" I could see a cheek muscle of Finnicks' twitch. "So what is happening tomorrow?"

"I haven't exactly got all of that worked out." I frowned slightly. "We got the doctors' permission to have Katniss in a different room for then, but I still don't know what time or where or even how."

"Well, let me know when you do, okay?" Finnick stood, scooping up his empty tray while he was at it. His tone wasn't exactly final, though.

I stood up with him, only a tiny bit discomfited. "Is Annie doing okay? With Jace and all?"

"Yeah. He's growing nicely. We got an estimate birth date." To my surprise, almost all of Finnick's superior manner melted away and his sea-green eyes shone with pride. "Big, strong baby boy just like his father."

Of course. I resisted the urge to snort. Instead, I tried to look happy for him. "Well, congratulations. I am sure he will turn out just fine."

"Yes…" Something about the topic of babies triggered something far away in Finnick's mind. "Have you heard the news of Project Rebuild?"

That boosted my mood a bit. "Yes, I have! They started on 12, I think."

"They're almost done, too. Maybe another few weeks to a month. Then they will start moving people by hovercraft there according by rankings."

Where did he find out all this stuff? "A month? That soon?" The awe was obvious on my face.

"Yup." His attention was somewhere else though, eyes raking the room. "That's what I heard."

"Thank you, Finnick." I stood up a little straighter and nodded my head towards him. "I will let you know the details of Katniss' thing as soon as I can. Tell Annie I said 'hi' for me!" And I began walking out of the cafeteria. I had something to tell Katniss when I got back.

**oOo**

_I am so very sorry (don't hurt me) for the wait on that chapter. Like I said, lack of internet is apparent in my house. :D Review, review, review!_


	93. Chapter 92

_**Allo! We are getting closer to the 100 chapter mark, in which I think which might set a record, I'm not sure. But I do know in all of the 3,400-something stories everyone has written for the HG series, I have the third longest. Out of over 3,000! So this chapter goes out to everyone who has read and reviewed my story, and encouraging me to not stop. Without you guys I would have quit a long, long time ago. So thank you, and enjoy chapter 92! **_

**oOo**

I got back to the room at about 9:00 in the night. After I had left the cafeteria, I had scoured all of the Refuge Quarter a second time for more information on Project Rebuild, but they all seemed to have just as much information as Finnick did; District Twelve was currently under construction and would be done in a few weeks. Though, when I was exiting the Judges office after asking him about it, I caught something from the next room. People were talking. About the Capitol.

I know, eavesdropping is considered rude in most civilized countries, but I stood there in the doorway listening.

"…Alaska." said an older female's voice.

"All the way up there?" A man responded. "Any word on how they are doing with rebuilding their empire in all that ice?"

"No. Just that they have, indeed, relocated there and they're working on a plan to attack."

"How is Thyme doing?" the man named someone I had never heard of. "No one is getting suspicious there, right?"

"He reported Snow has been keeping an eye out for him more than the others, but that is all the suspicion so far told." A pause. "Hold on a second."

Chairs scraped the floor and I heard footsteps near the door. Thankfully, I high-tailed it out of there before they caught me listening in. So the Capitol was thriving up in Alaska, and Thirteen had a spy up there feeding us information. That was more than enough.

I gave a quick knock on Katniss' room door and walked in. To my surprise, Ms. Everdeen was the only one awake. She was sitting in a chair next to the bed where Katniss was fast asleep, curled close to her little sister, who held her hand. Both of their hair was done up in two thin braids on either side of their heads. I smiled softly and turned, apologetic, towards their mother.

She smiled back at me and whispered, "Sorry; Primrose took your spot, there, Peeta."

"It's alright." I pulled up a chair close to the bed as well, and felt my lips twitch up in another smile. "I'll figure something out."

Ms. Everdeen let out a quiet laugh.

Things were quite for a few minutes while we just sat there watching Prim and her sister sleep. Thinking of it like that sounded stalker-ish… After about ten more minutes of being creepy, I stood up silently.

Katniss' mom blinked sympathetically. "I could wake up Primrose, if you would like. We could leave and let you get some rest."

"No, no, it's fine." I watched as Katniss mumbled something in her sleep. "I can sleep in my room. I am just concerned because of her night terrors."

Ms. Everdeen looked contemplative. "She used to have those back in District 12. Except they weren't very bad and we just stayed by her until she had it out and woke up."

The split-second feeling of stupidity vanished. I shook my head slightly to myself. "Well, almost every night I have spent with her in the past year they are horrible. It takes a while for me to calm her down and realize she isn't being eaten alive by muttations and such."

Katniss' mothers' eyes widened a few degrees and there was a long silence between us before she un-tensed herself again. "She really does need you, Peeta."

For some odd reason these talks with Ms. Everdeen made me uncomfortable. It could be the unnerving fact that someone knew just how much Katniss and I loved each other. Or it could be how casually she said it all. I wasn't sure, so I didn't respond.

"You give her so much that I can't." She looked fondly up at me, like maybe a real mother would. "Maybe I should wake up Primrose after all."

"It's really alright," I was about to stop her when a pair of sparkling blue eyes opened and looked at me.

"I'm awake." Prim whispered. "But I don't want to wake Katniss' up."

"Come on…" Ms. Everdeen pulled the thin blankets off of the two and helped her daughter off the bed carefully so Katniss' wouldn't wake up. "It's late, Primrose. We should be getting off to bed. Peeta and Katniss need their rest."

So true.

Prim flicked her braids behind her shoulders and looked at me. "I guess we'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Sure." I attempted an easy smile. "See you."

But after a second of hesitating, she wrapped her arms around me. "Hey, Peeta?"

"What?" I hugged the 14-year-old back.

Primrose looked a bit shy. "If-if something _does _go wrong with Katniss surgery and she doesn't remember you, would you still be my friend?"

It felt as though a watermelon was lodged in my throat, making it hard to swallow. Maybe Finnick was right and everyone _had _given up hope, even though no one would admit it. I pulled away from Prim and nodded. "Of course I will."

"You and I are going to fix her back, right?" She whispered, smiling sweetly. "We are going to help her remember?"

"You betcha." And I completely surprised myself by giving Prim a fond kiss on the head. We may not be related by blood, but she was special to me like a sister I never had. "Goodnight, Prim."

"'Night, Peeta!" And with a second smile, she took her mother's hand and they left.

Now silence had completely befallen the room once they were gone. Katniss' steady breathing paced mine and I slipped under the covers with her. I'll just have to tell Katniss' the news tomorrow morning. And then…somehow we are going to gather up everyone that we have come to know through the Games. Finnick, Annie, Johanna, Haymitch, and…. I frowned slightly to myself. Was that it? That wasn't a lot for a whole years worth of rebellion and Games. But I'll just have to worry about that tomorrow.

As gently as possible, I tucked my arm around Katniss' shoulders, propping her head up on my shoulder.

"Hmmm…." Katniss murmured and peeled her bleary grey eyes open. "Peeta?" Her words we very slurred from sleep. "Wusshappenin?"

"Nothing, love." I pressed my lips to her temple and pulled the blankets under her chin. "Go back to sleep. It's late."

"Mm…" She yawned and glanced around. "Are Prim and Mother gone?"

"Yeah. They left a few minutes ago. It's just me."

Katniss mumbled something else and scooted slid further onto my chest, curling up. "Mm-kay… Night…"

"Goodnight, Katniss." Shifting my position, I wound my arms around her again and laced my fingers together on the small of her back. Little things like this are what made Katniss' and my relationship so unique. Unlike every other 'couple' I knew at school who thought it was a game to get the 'hottest chick' in school and be able to hold hands with her, we are _real._ And if things go exactly as I plan, I will spend the rest of my life with Katniss.

Softly, as not to wake her, I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

I didn't know what time it was, but some point in the middle of the night, I woke up to screaming. Frantically sitting up and looking over, I saw Katniss lying sprawled out on the bed next to me, back arched. Her whole body was trembling, especially her arms. Another tremor raked her, and Katniss' mouth opened again. But before she could let out another scream, I scooped her up and gently shook her shoulders.

"Katniss, wake up! You're okay." I whispered, holding her tightly against me. "Wake up, Katniss."

Another shudder ran the length of Katniss' body and instead of screaming, horrified cries escaped her mouth, along with jerky movements. I didn't know if she was still sleeping or hallucinating, but whatever it was scared the crap out of me.

"Katniss, _please _wake up!" I held on tightly to her shoulders despite her thrashing.

Her whole entire body stopped dead. For a millisecond I thought that it was a good thing, but as soon as I thought that, she let out a spine-chilling screetch and jerked away. That seemed to knock her awake, but when she did, horrible, despairing sobs ripped from her chest and she curled up into a little ball away from me.

I put my hand on her shoulder but she flinched away, still weeping. I ignored that and instead, I propped myself up on my elbow, put my arm around Katniss, who still had her back to me, and pressed her to my chest. Well, she couldn't fight that, now, could she?

Katniss pretty much dissolved against me, if you could put it that way. When her sobs didn't stop, I just held her tighter, arms wound around her waist, back still to me.

"Shh, shh, Katniss' it's okay. I'm here. You're fine…" We were both lying on our left side, so I unwound my right arm and smoothed her hair back comfortingly, again and again. "You're okay…"

Ever so slowly, Katniss' sobs grew hushed and she shivered.

Our bodies were perfectly aligned against one another. I could feel Katniss' rough heartbeat in my chest, as though it were my own. Her head was against my collarbone and her toes just brushed my ankles. Every part of our bodies were touching, which I was more aware of than I have ever been. I am sure Katniss could feel my own heart pounding as well.

For a moment there was silence, the aftershock of whatever Katniss' nightmare was. Then I lowered my hand from her hair and encircled it back around her thin body. "You're okay, Katniss. I'm here."

She took a ragged breath and her voice was just barely a whisper. "Thanks."

I didn't say anything in response, just pulled her closer to me and kissed right under her jaw line. Remember what I said about feeling each others' heartbeats? Well, Katniss' went mad at my touch. I nearly laughed.

Katniss stopped gripping her elbows to her chest feverishly. Instead, I felt her arms lower and hold mine closer to her. But her heart didn't calm down.

My fingers wound with hers. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…" Her muscles began to slowly relax, one-by-one. "I am now. With you." And Katniss snuggled deeper into my chest.

"Glad to hear it." I leaned forward and brushed my lips against her neck, sending shivers down her body. "It seemed like a pretty bad nightmare."

"Meh…" Katniss twisted her body around to look at me. "The usual. Running for my life but ending up being eaten by people I love."

Maybe it was the adrenaline from Katniss screaming attack, but I wasn't in the least tired. "I see…" A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and I buried my face in her neck.

" Peeta!" she half-gasped, half-laughed. "What's with you?"

I pulled away long enough for her to see the light in my eyes. "Honestly? I haven't the slightest clue. You tell me." But then I broke our gaze and pulled her close to me again. Funnily enough, I think I found Katniss' ticklish spot, because when I nestled my face in the nape of her neck, she giggled. And trust me when I say it, Katniss doesn't giggle often.

"I swear, Peeta I—" She stifled laughter. "Something's up with you…"

"Do you want me to stop?" I pulled away and widened my eyes innocently. "Sorry if I went too far… I guess I just got carried away…" Like I expected, it worked.

Katniss looked slightly guilty. "I-I didn't mean for you to _stop _exactly. I was just pointing out you don't do that often."

"No, no, it's okay." I rolled around onto my other side, back to her. Of course, we both knew I wasn't actually upset at her. "Really, it's fine."

"Peeta." Katniss put her hand on my shoulder to turn me around. But when I didn't budge, she flopped her body over mine. "Don't be angry. You know I didn't mean it." she groaned.

Hehehe… I turned my head slightly towards hers so she could see my grin.

Katniss' face turned from her fake 'oh, I'm so sorry' look, to her 'you are in big trouble' look. I loved when she used that face. "Peeta Mellark, I hate you so much."

"No you don't, you love me." I was so used to this by now, it was almost routine. I rolled back around, bring a limp and no-quite-offended Katniss with me. "I knew what you meant."

"Good." Katniss expression changed back to normal and she rested her head on my chest. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Er…" I looked around the room and my eyes feel on the tiny dialog clock hanging in the corner, illuminated by the light from the bathroom. "Four thirty in the morning."

"That isn't _too_ early." She scoffed. "We can go with only seven hours of sleep, right?"

I shrugged and propped myself up on my elbows behind me. "If you want. We can gather everyone up at…one? Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's good." Katniss scooted off of me and sat cross-legged at my side. "We get nine hours to ourselves."

"That's a lot." I couldn't hide my grin. "But what could we do with all of that time if we aren't going to go back to sleep?"

It was obvious Katniss could hear the slight sarcasm and shrewdness in my voice. "I don't know you tell me."

We both grinned, but I was the one who pulled her closer for a kiss.

**oOo**

_Hehehe… I guess this chapter wasn't very meaningful. But, in the words of my best friend, as long as the pointless-ness is full of fluff, it doesn't matter. But I want to ask your opinion on something. As you know this story is super long, and I was talking to my buddy about it and she thinks that it should end when Katniss wakes up from the surgery. What do you guys think? Should I stop it there and write a sequel? Or should I just keep on going with this story and let it be 500 chapters long? (That was probably exaggerating don't worry) Well, there is a big blue 'review' button down there screaming your name! ;D_


	94. Chapter 93

_Merry Christmas to everyone! So, I still don't know the upshot of the little poll thing I did last chapter about whether or not I should end the story and make a sequel, so just wait a little bit while I make up my mind. __ This chapter is going to be dedicated to my friend Michelle for teaching me other phrases that mean "make out", some of which include tonsil hockey. I was laughing for hours after that, so thank you. Oh, and just to warn you guys this chapter is going to be probably as pointless as the last, and five times as fluffy. But tell me if you guys don't like that. I don't know about you people, but it is nice to just sit back sometimes and take a break from big important things in your story. __ Enjoy this chapter!_

**oOo**

"Your turn." Katniss said, absentmindedly twisting the stem of her apple.

We were sitting on her bed, side by side, taking turns thinking of absurd, non-important things we would get when we get back home. Of course, both of us knew we wouldn't get any of the stuff, but it was just a game after all. And it passed the time during breakfast.

"Let's see…" I propped my chin up on my fist in false contemplation. "A puppy."

"A puppy? Are you serious?" The disgust on Katniss' face was obvious. "There is no way I would let you get a dog, Peeta. They are smelly, take a lot of feeding, a lot of cleaning up after, and a lot of time training, something we don't have."

"No one said you had to like my ideas." I playfully flicked her forehead. "I didn't like the idea of a candle-chandelier, but I didn't say anything, did I?"

She immediately went into defense. "This game is supposed to be about completely pointless crap we would live with! A candle chandelier would not only be pretty, but it would light the room and allow us to use less electricity."

"Since when do you care about prettiness?"

"Oh, shut up." Katniss stuck her tongue out at me.

After breakfast was over, I shoved the empty tray into the metal box and sat back down next to Katniss. She blinked once at me before crawling into my lap. It wasn't as if she weighed a whole lot; I've lifted up sacks of flour heavier than her. So all I did was bend my knees on either side of her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Six whole hours to ourselves…" Katniss leaned back into my chest. "I think I may die of boredom until one o'clock."

"Was that sarcasm I detected?" I took one of my arms away from her torso and with it I swept all of her silky black hair over one of her shoulders.

"Well, duh." Katniss twisted halfway around, but since she couldn't reach my cheek from all the way behind her, she kissed my shoulder. "Being bored is something I try to avoid. And being with you makes it ten times easier."

Lips pressed against her neck, I mumbled, "Is that so?"

She didn't respond. Instead, she just flipped her whole body around so instead of her back being against my chest, both of ours were pressed together. Katniss reached up and put her hands around my neck. "Guess what?"

"Hm?" I could already feel my heart rate escalating.

"I got the use of my left arm back." As if to prove her point, she wrapped it around my neck.

When I pulled away from the kiss, I grinned. "So I've noticed."

Ah, Katniss; a girl of many words. Not. Again, she didn't respond to me with words. Her lips found mine and it felt as though something lassoed my heart and pulled the rope taut. Katniss just had that effect on me.

I put both of my hands on her lower waist, pulling her closer to me, if that was even possible. I could feel the back of her shirt riding up, the tips of my fingers brushing the skin of her back. Shivers ran the length of her body.

As if that triggered something, Katniss took a ragged breath and the world began to spin under both of us. Just being in her presence, kissing her like this was its own special type of drug. Every part of me was numb, except for a buzzing sensation in my fingertips and throat.

When I felt Katniss' fingers curl around the bottom edge of my shirt, I nearly pulled back. This was kind of unlike her, but I didn't really pause to question it. _Go with the flow _I told myself. Unless, of course, the flow involved punch-dancing senior citizens or Katniss getting pregnant. Then I would have to question my mental stability.

My thin blue shirt slid over my shoulder and was tossed to the ground next to the bed. But before it could go any further, I pulled away gently and looked her in the eye. "Katniss…" I said warningly.

She blinked, a blush visibly creeping up in her cheeks.

"Imagine if you really did lose your memory," I began. "And you woke up one day, thinking it was some time a year ago, and you were pregnant. That wouldn't go very well, would it?"

"Er," Okay, now her cheeks were a bright, flaming pink. "I-I didn't mean I wanted to go _all _the way…" she said sheepishly. "Just-just… I know it would be bad if I got pregnant. I just thought maybe since this was one of our last days together…"

"Might be." I corrected, and when Katniss looked away from me, I slipped two of my fingers under her chin and turned her face back towards me. "Have faith, love. Things could turn out okay in the end."

"I know…" She seemed acutely humiliated and didn't look me in the eye. Instead, she kept her gaze down at her hands, which were currently placed on my bare chest. "Sorry…"

"Don't be." I sat up and cradled her against me with both arms around her waist. "I'm not."

That seemed to cheer her up slightly. Katniss smiled and rested her head against my unclothed shoulder. "I hate to break it to you, Peeta, but that only killed thirty minutes."

I half-scoffed half-laughed. "That's um…that's…okay..."

After another vaguely awkward second of silence, she looked up at me. "Do we-we have to stop? If I promise to keep your clothes on…" For the second time today, she blushed, a pink haze across her olive-tones skin.

"You're impossible, you know that?" With a quiet chuckle, I leaned back down to press my lips against her crimson cheek.

"You've told it to me, like, twenty times." Of course Katniss was exaggerating, but it might have seemed that way to her. "But yes. I do know."

This time, it was me who didn't respond with words. I pulled the blankets up to our ribs and tucked a piece of Kat's hair behind her ear. "How are you feeling?"

The corners of her mouth twitched downwards in a slight frown. "I'm fine. Do I not look it?"

"No, no you look all right. I was just wondering." And I tucked her head under my chin.

We sat there in silence for a while, bodies pressed together under the white coverlet. Katniss was curled up contentedly against my naked torso, head on my collarbone, and hands on my chest. I had my chin on the top of her head and my arms thrown loosely around her.

"Hey Peeta?" Katniss' gentle voice drew me back down to Earth and I looked down.

The second I did, though, she had her mouth locked onto mine in fiery passion. This was almost new to me, Katniss behaving like this. Even though her hands did not stray any lower than they should, that didn't stop them from winding themselves into my hair. I felt a low moan escape my lips (didn't mean for that to happen) and without much self-control, I rolled my body on top of hers. As long as we didn't _do _anything it would be okay, right? It was our second-to-last day together, after all. But if I _did_ happen to go farther, would Katniss stop and pull away? Or would she allow it, knowing it we would break before it got too far?

Suddenly, without much warning, a little something twisted inside my gut, not painfully, but something was wrong. When I broke away, panting, Katniss looked worried.

"What is it, Peeta? What is that look for?" She bit her swollen lip.

"I—" Swallowing uncertainly, I slowly shifted myself off of Katniss' thin body and sat next to her, defeated. "I'm not even sure I know myself."

A feeling was stirring inside of me, becoming clearer the more time I focused, but still I could not place it. Out of the blue came a voice in my head, a voice I did not know. _This is the girl you have loved practically all your life. After years of thinking she'll never love you, you got her. And after one year of crap from the Games and the Capitol, you still have her despite everything. In two days she will go into surgery not knowing she'll come out just like she was. And yet, all you are doing is abusing the fact you two share a bed. Is this really how you are showing Katniss you love her? By making out with her every chance you get? Some soul-mate you are._

My facial expression must have been really peculiar for Katniss to have not tried to comfort me yet. Normally she would have had her arms around me by now, coaxing me into being okay with her kisses. But this time she just laid a few inches away from me with an apprehensive look on.

I held up a finger. "Hold on, Katniss." After a few seconds of fuzzy brain-work, I understood.

At school back in District Twelve, boys would make dating a contest. Whoever got the prettiest girl wins. Dating, in their book, meant the rights to hold hands, kiss, tell the girl her loved her. Of course, they never really did. But what makes me different from any of them? Katniss knew I loved her, but something deep inside of my chest said that if I keep it up, those special feelings we shared would crumble into dust. Making out isn't how you showed someone you loved them.

I slowly swung my legs off the side of the bed and stood up. This confused the living heck out of me. _Okay, voice, _I thought to myself, _if you're so smart then what do I do? You said it yourself, that's no way to tell a girl you love her. I was no better than the other prats at school…_

"Peeta, what's wrong?" A thin, reassuring hand slipped into mine. I turned to see Katniss standing up next to me, disheveled but otherwise strong. How would I explain this to her?

I squeezed her hand back. "I guess I should be the one apologizing now."

An endearing crease appeared between Katniss' eyebrows. "What for?"

This was going to be tricky… "I-I'm no better than the rest of them. The guys at school."

She shook her head, still clueless. "Still not following you."

"Dating to them is just rights to fondle a pretty girl. They say they love her, but do any of them actually do?" I gently took my hand away from her and balled both into fists. "I have gotten too carried away with you, Katniss. Lately it seems like I'm in it just for the-the physical stuff. It makes me want to vomit."

Now Katniss just looked frightened and wary. "What are you trying to say, Peeta?" Her voice was shaky.

"How am I supposed to tell you I love you when the words don't mean anything anymore?" I then took both of her hands and rested my forehead against hers. "How am I supposed to let you know how much I care without every kiss being worth less and less in these times? If everything I do to show you I love you is used back at home for nothing, then how am I supposed to keep you?"

Katniss' mouth opened, but nothing came out. Her eyes were shining.

"Is this how I show you I care for you?" Now I was just disgusted in myself. "Abusing the right to share a bed with you? Running my hands up and down you every chance I get?" I jerked my hands back away from her and stalked to the other side of the room. Anger and self-loathing was rising up in my chest, burning like fire. "Loving someone isn't meant to be like this. I'm supposed to get it right, dang it!" Those words were shouted, to no one in particular and I slid down the wall, ending up in a fuming pile of Peeta-ness. I hadn't meant to raise my voice. But somehow screwing up like that made me so mad at myself. I couldn't afford mistakes like that. Especially when they could cost me the thing I value most in the world.

A pair of bare feet appeared in my vision and Katniss knelt down next to me. I felt her hand on my arm and I resisted the urge to shrug it off. "You did get it right."

I looked up and found myself staring into beautiful gray eyes that only lived in my dreams a lot. I gave her my best 'oh really' look.

"Because I _know _you love me, and I love you back. We may not be perfect in every way, Peeta, but you know and I know, and that's good enough." She didn't drop her gaze.

"This isn't the way it should go, though. It's all wrong, Katniss. I am supposed to be good for you and know how to say 'I love you' in all the right ways but I keep messing it up."

"Then we're both screwed up." Now her voice was loud and determined. Personally it kind of frightened me when she went into her 'I-am-Katniss-Everdeen-and-I-hate-everyone-that-proves-me-wrong' mood. "We are both screwed up in the head because if you have been messing up so have I. When I look at you I see the scarred boy who was sitting in the cave with me those many moons ago. I see the boy who held my hand and made so much friggin noise out walking in the woods. I see the boy who I have survived with. And you know what, Peeta?"

She tilted my chin up and her gaze softened. "I'm looking at you now and I still see the same clumsy, sweet boy I fell in love with." Not only had Katniss eyes softened, but they were actually wet. A silver tear fell down her cheek, but she didn't reach up to wipe it away. "Every day I wake up and even though you may not know it, you let me know you love me. Every time I catch you staring at me with that look in your eyes. The way you're so careful with your hands behind my neck. And each time I wake up screaming from a nightmare, you are always there with your arms around me, holding me and telling me you'll always be there. And I know you will. Now with what I just said, try again and tell me I don't think you love me. Just try."

The air around us seemed to freeze, holding its breath, waiting for me to answer.

Finally, I took a ragged breath. "I don't think I can."

A sob ripped from Katniss' throat and she all but melted into my arms. Tears poured down both of our faces as I held her tightly, not daring to let go. All of that vulnerability left me feeling weak, yet stronger than I've felt in a long time.

"Hey, Katniss?" I cupper her wet face in my hand.

She still couldn't speak past the lump in her throat, but managed a, "Huh?"

"You know I love you, right?" We have exchanged those words so many times in the past year, it should have felt normal. But saying it now, after what had happened, the way I did, it was as though something fresh and alive was born inside of me.

Katniss cupped my hand to her cheek with her own, trembling one. "I know. And I love you too."

**oOo**

_I hope it hadn't gotten too cheesy there at the end. You know, "I'm looking at you now and I still see the same clumsy, sweet boy I fell in love with." That wasn't too…lame? Anyways, if you liked this chapter or wanted to tell me it sucked, there is a pretty button down there specifically for you. No, really. Oh, and P.S: I think I am quitting that blog thing because I can't keep up with it. Sorry, and have a wonderful New Years!_


	95. Chapter 94

_I just learned what "spooning" was today. Hehehe…_

**oOo**

Twelve o'clock rolled around and after lunch, Katniss decided to get ready. She hadn't changed into this day's clothes, so I waited by while she showered and changed. I planned to slip out while she was talking to Haymitch and Finnick and such, so I could change and shower as well.

I heard the water putter to a stop, and a few minutes later Katniss came out of the bathroom with dripping wet hair and her new white clothes, that stuck to her neck with water from her head. She tossed the old towel into the metal box to be washed, and cast me a glance before going back into the bathroom to brush her teeth. The curtains didn't close after her, so I translated that as "you can come in, Peeta, I don't care." So I peeled myself off the wall and leaned on the door frame, though the door was replaced by curtains.

Katniss looked at me, pausing mid-brush, and her mouth practically dripping with foamy toothpaste. "Almost done, Peeta."

"I'll help make it go faster." And I walked over behind Katniss. Her eyes followed me in the mirror. I glimpsed in front of her at the sink counter, and my eyes fell upon what I was looking for: Katniss' hairbrush.

Shrugging, Kat went back to brushing her teeth, though she couldn't hide the strange look she was giving me. I didn't blame her. I was the boy who baked and painted, not the one who did girls' hair.

"Stop giving me that look, Katniss. I'm assisting you in your getting ready." I gathered up all her sodden hair and began brushing it out, splattering the floor with drops. Even when the brush bristles caught a snarl in her hair, Katniss didn't wince. Such a good girl. Once it was all smooth and shiny, I laced my fingers under her hair, dividing it into three.

Maybe being handy and careful with my fingers was a good thing after all. I subconsciously thought the way to braid in my head. _Left in the middle, right in the middle, left in the middle, right in the middle. _When my fingers got down to the very end of her hair, I snapped a rubber band in place. "There you go." I let the braid fall in place on her back and kissed her head.

Katniss finished rinsing her mouth out. "Thanks." And she turned around to face me. "Who knew you could do hair?"

I grinned.

"We should probably be going." She said after returning my smile. "But um…Did you happen to find out what room we'd be using?"

"Nope!" I said cheerfully. "But maybe there is a button on the side of the bed."

"That one is for emergency." Katniss seemed to question my absurd joviality. In fact, I didn't even know why I was feeling like that. I know I shouldn't be… "The red one?"

I took her hand and after returning to the room, we both knelt by the bed. Indeed, there was an unfriendly-looking red button with the words 'press for immediate aid' under it in big bold letters.

"Nope, not that one." Katniss bit her lip and searched the metal bar the button was on, for maybe another one.

"This looks promising." Not a foot to the left of the red button was a second one. It was white, and next to it was something that looked like a speaker. Under the speaker was yet another button. But there weren't any words under it. "Maybe it's room service. I _am _kinda hungry."

"Stop fooling around." Katniss crawled back over to me and pressed the button.

"…Says the person who just pressed the mysterious white button." I smirked at Katniss, who scowled. Ah, how I missed that look.

Suddenly, a static-y sound filled the room, coming from the little speaker. We held our breaths. After another second of static, it cleared and this time a voice came from it.

"Is there something you need?" It was the voice of the grumpy receptionist lady at the front.

Blinking in surprise, I gave a sideways glance to Katniss. "I take it this is something like the thing at the Justice Building, you know at the front. You talk through the speaker."

She raised her eyebrows at the speaker and nodded. "Yeah, that is probably what it is." Then she brightened. "Just what we need."

"Hello?" The receptionist was getting annoyed. "If you two are pulling a prank I could always send somewhere over there."

I hastily pressed the little button below the speakers. "Hi? Yeah, sorry we—"

But before I could really say anything else, Katniss gave me a slightly exasperated look and put her finger on the button instead. "We need Dr. Tyrwhitt."

A sigh. "Okay I'll send him over." Then the static filled the speakers again and it went quiet.

"Well, that was easy." I stood up and offered my hand down to Katniss.

She accepted it.

"Now we just have to wait for the doctor to come and get us." Despite my efforts to be strong, there was a lump in the base of my throat that just wouldn't go away. It wasn't as if this was my last day to see her unless the surgery goes all hunky-dory. That was tomorrow. And the chance of a memory lapse was so very slim, yet everyone was acting as though it was 4-out-of-5 probability.

I looked down at Katniss' undaunted expression as she gazed lazily towards the door, obviously occupying her with other thoughts than mine. Of course, things were different for her. It wouldn't hurt. If she woke up in the hospital thinking she was back at home in District 12, it wouldn't be too hard for her to get back into the flow of things, to not be too miffed by District 13. She would go along with things. She had everyone she needed, excluding Gale (which would be fun explaining. Not.). She would have her mother and Primrose, which is all she ever really needed in the first place. Okay, "needed" wasn't really the right word, but I didn't know what was. Ms. Everdeen, Prim, and Gale were the only people she had ever loved. Losing me wouldn't bother her. In fact, "me" didn't exist in the world where poor Katniss Everdeen woke up in a supposedly non-existed district, and learned that her best friend had died. She wouldn't even be haunted by the Games. She would get over Gale's death quickly.

It was easy to imagine what it would be like if that were the case. We might pass by each other in the hall. Her mesmerizing gray eyes would slide over me without a second glance.

_Him. _She would think. _Why is he here? He just makes things worse. The boy with the bread needs the leave my life, for the better of everyone. _Just thinking of Katniss thinking that made me depressed. _He's just another person to be in debt with. He doesn't owe me anything, so why is he even here? _How untrue and understated that thought was. I owed her my life, times ten. Anything, everything. Just to have her in my arms at night cost me all I had and more, but it was worth it. It always was.

"Peeta?"

A gentle voice brought me back down to earth, hard. The landing almost felt painful, actually. I forced myself to lock gazes with familiar silver eyes, which looked mournful. Not as sad as I felt, obviously, but close.

Katniss cupped her hand to my check, and with she wiped her thumb under one of my eyes. To my immense surprise, it came back wet. Katniss' eyes were shining too. "I'm sorry…"

Even though she was roughly half a foot shorter than me, Katniss wrapped her arms around my shoulders and put my head on her shoulder. I put my arms around her, too. But she didn't say anything else but my name. Just my name.

For a while we just stood there, embracing each other while silent tears made tracks on our cheeks. Our bodies pressed together, not in crazy teenage lust (shut up), but in friendship. We held one another tightly, and spoke without words. "I'm sorry." "I love you." "Thank you for being in my life." Shallow phrases that only meant something when not spoken at all.

Her hand stroked my hair gently, switching things around. Normally it was me who had Katniss in my arms, trailing my fingers across her head, whispering words of comfort. Even though it was odd being cared for instead of being the one who cared, I liked it. This truly meant everything in the world to me. Though, the precious moment was too brief before a knock was delivered on our door.

We leaned back away from one another and wiped our eyes. Since it was utterly pointless trying to make it look as though we haven't been crying, I just took a deep breath, put on a hopefully bored face, and opened the door.

Like we expected, Dr. Tyrwhitt was standing in the doorway. His inquisitive light eyes darted to my face and behind me o Katniss'. After giving her a succinct nod, he looked at me again. "Is everything going well?"

No we called you because we wanted you to stand there and stare at us while we cried like babies. Of _course._ I blinked and stepped aside for him to come in. "Katniss is ready to get transferred to a different room to…er…say goodbye. Just in case it really is goodbye." _No isn't the time for pessimism, Peeta._ I had to remind myself when I added that last sentence.

"Ah, yes." He stepped into the room and put on his, proud-professional-doctor-with-an-important-patient look when his gaze fastened on my uncertain wife at the other end of the room. "The room is ready, though I should remind you two again that the likelihood of something that extreme actually happening is very, _very _slim. I would say nonexistent, but anything's possible."

If that was supposed to make us feel better, Dr. Tyrwhitt failed miserably.

Katniss straightened out her plain-Jane white cotton shirt and turned to me to straighten out mine, purely a nervous habit. "Ready, Peeta?"

I took her hand from where it was at my collarbone, and wound it comfortingly in mine. "Don't be nervous, love. It'll be fine."

I could just tell she was about to say, "Look who's talking." But she didn't. Instead, Katniss squeezed my hand back and we both followed the doctor out the door.

Though no words were exchanged between Katniss and I, a reassuring pressure could be felt through our laced fingers. Kat stood close by my side as the doctor led us through the halls.

"I had forgotten what the real world was like." She joked, motioning to the place outside her madman cell. "Being cooped up in that room for days at a time made me realize what I was missing."

I couldn't help but smile. "If this hospital is the 'real world', I feel for you. When you get released, you and I will go outside and get some fresh air. _Real _air."

Katniss made a noise of longing, but didn't say anything because we both noticed that the doctors' head turned a fraction in our direction. Not a lot, but enough to see the look in his eye. Too bad we didn't understand what it meant before he turned his head back away.

A few more minutes passed before Dr. Tyrwhitt stopped at a door. "Here we are…" And he opened it, beckoning us in.

This room was—thankfully-different than Katniss'. It had an array of white couches and plastic chairs, around a small coffee table. In the very corner shoved behind a long white curtain was yet another hospital bed. Maybe it was a good thing that was there, just in case.

I stopped in front of one of the couches and bent down to give Katniss a gentle kiss on the forehead. "I'm going to go find Haymitch and them, now, Katniss. Try not to freak out, okay?"

"Okay…" She smiled weakly up at me and after returning my light kiss, she sat down.

"See you in a few." I promised her, and walked out, intrusting the doctor with my life.

**oOo**

"_My life" meaning Katniss, of course. __ well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter everyone! Hehehe….spooning…._


	96. Chapter 95

_How many of you out there sit on a couch at home, listening to your mom and older sister having a phlegm snorting contest? I am doing that right now. *sigh* _

oOo

**KATNISS' POV**

As soon as Peeta left I felt insecure. The nice doctor was on the other side of the room, looking at me through the corner of his eye. Since he was here with me, I knew I wasn't going to completely flip out and start hallucinating, but nothing ever felt right without Peeta. Even if I was with Primrose and Mother. I never stopped fidgeting as I sat down on the long white couch. To my immense surprise, it was comfortable. Maybe even relaxing.

Peeta was going to take a while; I knew this for a fact. Finding Finnick shouldn't be too hard, but it would be Haymitch that will be sneaky and near impossible to track down. Not to mention anyone else he wanted to come.

I fretted. Things were going to be really awkward. What would I say? "Yeah, I am a pessimistic little child and I think that I'll lose my memory in two days so I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone I knew." No… I shook my head a little to myself.

"Katniss, I wanted to talk to you about the operation." Dr. Tyrwhitt detached himself from the wall and sat on one of the chairs in front of me.

"And you couldn't do it with Peeta here?" For some odd reason, the fact that anyone had something I should know that Peeta shouldn't bothered me.

"The circumstances will be different for both of you either way the operation will turn out." What he said was true, so I let him continue. "I just wanted to explain the schedule for the day of the operation."

"It's not tomorrow is it?" I said, immediately worried. Tomorrow belonged to Peeta, though I didn't say that. "The day after?"

"Right." He reassured me, and I immediately calmed down. "The day after. I have arranged everything already. We will need all of it."

I nodded.

Dr. Tyrwhitt took out a small yellow notepad from the front pocket of his shirt. "Today I need to give you some emulsion to wash your hair with the night before. It is supposed to sanitize and temporarily stop any greasing of the scalp or dandruff since we will be working in that area." He paused to let me understand that. But before starting up again he flipped to a new page in his notebook and began writing as he spoke. "The next day at 9:45 in the morning you are to sign in at the front office for your pre-op. There we will again disinfect your scalp and get your room situated. Anything you would need after the operation would be then placed in there and the room would be locked up until the following night. Then, at…" He flipped back to his first page and after glancing at it, flicked back to the second and scribbled something down. "…8:30 that night you are going to come in again and cleanse for a third time, and get situated in your room. You will have to be there until the sign-in process is done. After that you will be wheeled into the operation room. Up until then visitors are allowed to be with you. Not in the operation room, though." He added.

I thought about all this, and how the last surgery I had, things weren't nearly this complicated. "How come everything is so busy, and the last several times I went into surgery we didn't have to do any of that?"

"None of those were quite big and…" I could tell he was going to say 'life-threatening' but he didn't. "…in the central part of your body. If your brain gets messed up, nothing else would work. Your nerve operation was only a matter of repairing it. Not reversing its actions from the past year and then fixing it when it is raw and vulnerable. This is a risky procedure, but I know me and the other good doctors here will take care of you."

I stopped scowling subconsciously at my feet and looked up. My doctor was looking at me with a sincere, concerned look. A sudden rush of guilt flooded me, bringing back painful memories. The brown eyes of Dr. Longarden pierced me in my minds eyes. Once full of worry for my health, but it turned hostile fast. It was hard to think just a few months ago we used to have a very good doctor-patient relationship. Yet he turned his back on me, and what was best for me, and took one of the most special things in my life. My baby. Even thinking about the steely look on my former doctors' face when he told me he had killed my sweet baby daughter. Swallowing hard past the lump in my throat, I couldn't bring myself to think of her name. Even imagining her tiny pale face, the perfect duplicate of Peeta, felt as though I got stabbed. No, I've got stabbed before. This was like I was being burned alive.

"Er… Here," Dr. Tyrwhitt broke the awkward, painful silence by ripping of that page in his notebook and handing it to me.

Looking at it with very little interest, I noticed that on it were times and instructions written in extremely sloppy handwriting, which relived me. Dr. Longarden's was abnormally trim, unlike normal doctors'. Unable to tuck it into a pocket, I folded it up and placed it next to me, making a mental note not to forget it. "Thank you."

As if on cue, a brisk knock sounded on the door and it opened. I stood up a little straighter in the comfy sofa as Peeta walked in. He gave me a modest smile before stepping aside to let in Finnick, Annie, and may old mentor, Haymitch. Finnick led Annie over to the couch perpendicular to mine and sat down. Their hands laced discreetly in between them. I nearly sighed. The air around them was so soothing. Even Finnick didn't seem his usual overconfident self around her.

Haymitch was more sober than I had ever seen him. In fact he was dressed well, too. Instead of the normal grunge flannel shirt that hung over a disgusting, unidentifiably dirty one. Now he was in a clean (wow) button-down shirt with jeans (wow again). I wondered if there was some fancy something-or-other going on that I failed to know about, being in the madhouse for so long. Haymitch smirked at me and sat down on a plastic chair next to the little coffee table.

After my gusts took a seat my eyes wandered back up to Peeta, who hadn't. "Are you staying, Peeta?" I asked him.

He shook his fair-haired head and smiled. "No, I have some stuff to do. I'll be back at…" He thought hard and looked at the small clock hanging on the wall above me. It read 2:21. "I'll be back at four o'clock. Is that okay? Or is that too little time?"

"No, it's fine." I accepted his kiss on the cheek, knowing full well everyone was watching me. But their eyes followed Peeta out the door instead lingering on me.

Okay, it was _really _awkward when silence fell on the room. The doctor kept low in the corner, trying to stay out of the way but close by just in case I flip out or something. I really don't like talking much and being open, and goodbyes were the worst. But I guess it was me they were here for, so it was rude for me sitting by waiting for someone else to break the discomfited silence.

I cleared my throat and forced a smile onto my face when I turned to the small girl sitting next to Finnick, a bump visible on the abdomen. "So, um, Annie. How is your…uh…" I motioned vaguely to her stomach. "How's Jace?" It was probably not very nice of me to choose the one person in this room as talkative as I was.

She gave me a timid smile back. "He's doing great, thanks for asking." But nothing else was said. Whew, talk about uncomfortable.

"So Peeta told me about your wacked-out surgery thing. That's not too good, is it?" Finnick blinked his sea-green eyes at me.

Thank you Finnick! _Thank you, thank you._ I silently showed appreciation to my fellow Quell survivor. "Er, right. No, it isn't good at all. Even though the doctor reassures me the likelihood of my memory lapsing was slim, Peeta and I have kind of been treating it like we know it'll happen."

He shrugged, though I knew he thought we were being too pessimistic. "Hope for the best expect the worst, right?"

"Right…" I chewed the inside of my cheek, racking my brains for other subjects to keep the conversation going, though I knew Annie and Haymitch probably wouldn't join in. "So if things were to go wrong though this would be the last day I would remember anyone I met in the past year."

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Finnick suddenly ginned. "And I have done you so much good. What you wouldn't gain from having me out of your life."

I blinked, unsure what he meant. "You've been plenty of help." If he was being sarcastic, I was going to die of humiliation. "Without you Cinna would have killed me. Either that or the-the other two."

Apparently the topic of the Capitol spy assassins—aka: my beloved prep team— made people around here a little tense because when my gaze flickered briefly over to my old mentor his jaw clenched visibly. Even Annie took in a sharp, almost unnoticeable breath.

"Yeah, well…" Finnick obviously wanted to get off the topic of him saving me. "I wouldn't have let them hurt anyone if I could have helped it." Of course, we all were thinking of Gale.

I wanted to let him know how much he has helped me, though. Even if I don't like being open, he needs to know. "And back in the Quell," Boy I was hitting them all right where it hurt, wasn't I? "You brought Peeta back from the dead pretty much, when he ran into the force field."

"I only did what I was instructed to. Keep you alive. Everyone knew that if Peeta died, you wouldn't be any use to us." But as soon as that passed his lips, Finnick's eyes went wide and his gaze flickered fearfully to Haymitch, who looked murderous.

But when Haymitch saw me looking at him, he swallowed and said gruffly. "Never mind, about that, sweetheart."

If I get out of that surgery with my memory intact, I was going to get it out of him if it was the last thing I do. But instead of pressing the subject right then I turned back to Finnick. "Even if—though—you were instructed to do that, thank you. I probably wouldn't have gotten out of the Quell alive if you hadn't decided to be my ally."

"Oh, you wouldn't have." He grinned arrogantly. "You would have gotten speared by that freak kid behind you at the cornucopia, remember?"

I blinked. Would I want to? "Yeah, sure. I remember. But my point is you've helped me and, uh…" This was turning into an all-out awkward farewell fest. Pretty soon we would all be weeping in each other's arms and telling them how much we loved one another. Ugh. "And…I owe you one. Seriously."

Finnick nodded, visibly chewing on his lip. "I owe you, too."

"No," I snorted, confused. "You don't."

"For being the spark of rebellion. For helping us all stay alive, fighting against the Capitol. Some horrible things have happened to pretty much all of us there, and you pulled us away from that."

This was odd for Finnick. _Really _odd. He wouldn't normally thank me for doing something I never even signed up for and wanted to do. It wasn't my fault. Why was he giving me the benefit of the doubt when horrible things have happened because of me as well? I shook my head. "But you heard Octavia. The Capitol isn't dead. I don't know where it is or what it's doing, but Snow isn't gone. He's still out there plotting for everyone's violent deaths."

"We can go against them." He seemed to be getting worked up. "And we know h—"

But Haymitch stopped him. "That's enough, boy." He said gruffly. "Don't you have a doctor's appointment to go to?"

So Finnick spilt something he shouldn't have. He glanced at the clock. "It isn't until 3:30." But something tells me he knew just what Haymitch meant. "I still have fifteen minutes."

Annie made a small face and wound her hand protectively around her swollen stomach. She turned to her young husband and put her head on his shoulder. Finnick put his arm around Annie's small body.

Things were awkward for me. "You can-can go early if you don't want to be late…"

For a split second Finnick blinked but then he looked grateful. "Thanks, Katniss." He stood up, helping Annie up with him. I felt it was only polite to stand up, too, so I did. Finnick brought his right arm down from the shoulders of the girl next to him and held his hand out. "It's been nice knowing you, Fire Girl." He grinned. "Do us all a favor and try _not _to lose your memory, okay?"

I laughed shakily. "Sure thing." And after returning the kind handshake of his, I turned to Annie. She looked small and timid next to Finnick. "Well…" Sure, she was older than me by a while, but without hesitating, I brought her into my arms. She was about my height, but her small demeanor made her seem smaller. "Good luck with Jace."

She nodded. "Good luck to you too." Her light eyes seemed to do this little jerky thing to her right. After a second it was over and she was normal again. "Thanks for all you have done for us."

I gave her a smile. "Any time." Though I didn't add any of the negative things I've brought upon them. Then I addressed both of them. "Take care of each other."

After giving me a slightly overconfident salute on his forehead, Finnick's arm circled Annie again and they left.

Now it was just me and Haymitch. Oh, and don't forget the doctor in the corner trying to be invisible. I don't see why he didn't just hide behind the curtain around the spare bed.

My old mentor stiffly got up from the plastic chair he was sitting in and went to take Finnick's seat closer by me. After examining me with his watery eyes, Haymitch rubbed the five o'clock shadow on his jaw line. "It's been a long year. A long, life-changing year."

I shrugged and nodded. "Plenty has happened…"

"You're still the Mockingjay, Katniss, whether you don't want to admit it or not."

"Yeah, I guess it would be pointless to ask you what you and Finnick were giggling about that I apparently didn't need to know." I couldn't help but be annoyed. Peeta wasn't the only one who felt left out in plans made by Haymitch. Sometimes I couldn't help feel decived by him. He was my mentor. He was supposed to help keep me alive. But if he never told me anything, how could that happen?

Haymitch looked mildly upset, though he knew he couldn't keep it from me. I was too stubborn. "You know the Capitol isn't down. You know they're relocated in Alaska."

"No I don't." I interrupted, frowning. The prep team never told me _that._

"Don't you? Rumor has it your charming little man had been caught eavesdropping on a meeting about it. He didn't tell you?"

There was a sudden hint of betrayal settled into my chest. Peeta knew? And he didn't tell me? It wasn't like it was that big of piece of information. I just felt as if he should have told me.

Haymitch scratched his head, which wasn't as greasy as usual. "I suppose he didn't tell you. But they're in Alaska. And eventually they'll be coming for you, Katniss."

That wasn't ominous and creepy at all…

"And when they do, you have to be ready. Whether you and Peeta have fifteen little kids squirming around in your house in the Victor's Village. You have to be prepared to face them as The Mockingjay. Sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but it'll never be over. Even when District 12 gets rebuilt and you move in. Even if you're old and fat, with ninety cats. It'll always come back to haunt you."

Wasn't he supposed to make me feel better? All his words were doing was making me nervous and upset. I didn't want to be nervous and upset. "Why are you telling me this now? If I lose my memory day after tomorrow things would change anyway. Tell me then."

"That is the main reason I agreed to come today." Haymitch leaned towards me. I could see a little mole on his neck. Gross. "That surgery is a very high risk. You will be weak and vulnerable, and if the Capitol is, indeed, as strong as they claim to be, right after your operation would be the ideal time to attack. When the Mockingjay is down."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, annoyed. He was frightening me. "Not get the surgery? I have to, Haymitch, whether you want me to or not. I'll just keep getting worse and worse. Pretty soon I'll be thinking you were President Snow and attempt to murder you. How well do you think that would go through with your little group, huh?" I hoped my point was a good one. Good enough to go against Haymitch's.

He snorted in disgust. "You're hopeless. Go on and get the surgery. Abandon your country. Let thousands, maybe millions die. After all, you're only one little girl. What difference could you make in the world?" And with his usual sour look at me, Haymitch stood up and left.

I didn't know whether to cry or to be furious or to be appalled. I'm never escaping the horror of my past. Peeta kept something important from me. All Haymitch wanted was to make me his Mockingjay again. Everyone expects me to be strong, to be unbreakable and save their future. But how am I supposed to be unbreakable when I am just a kid? A frightened kid, only wanting to protect the people I love. I am only human, after all. I am no Mockingjay.

**oOo**

_Awesomeness. That ending was rather cool, if I do say so myself. Anyways, please review telling me what you think! Opinions are always appreciated. _


	97. Chapter 96

_Thanks to one of my amazing reviewers (sorry I forgot your name. Something like Gorgoto, I'm not sure), I now have an amazing idea. It would be in a really long time, really REALLY long time, but it is nonetheless and amazing idea, so thank you bunches. __ This chapter is still in Kat's POV, just to let you know._

**oOo**

Like he said, Peeta came for me at 4:00. I was completely silent, face emotionless as we walked back to the room. Peeta had his hand around mine, but I didn't return the pressure. Part of me was still mad at him for not telling me what he knew about the Capitol's relocation. The other part of my mind was full to the brim with worry. But not worry for myself.

Peeta had always been used as a pawn by the Capitol to get through to me. He was second best against the Fire Girl. If Snow couldn't get me, he would use Peeta to get to me for him. They would hurt him, torture him, and maybe even kill him. He was only in the question because I cared for him, and he cared for me. I couldn't hurt him anymore. Loving him only made things more dangerous. If I could—I winced at the thought—maybe let him go, he wouldn't get hurt. They would leave him alone.

But I knew letting Peeta go would hurt him a thousand times more than being tortured. And I knew that's what it would come to. If you really, truly thought about it, he was being somewhat selfish. He would rather die than being out of my life. What about me? If he died loving me, sure that may be worth it for him, but what about me? I wouldn't be able to live anymore. It would be my entire fault.

Horrid pressure was building in my head from all the thinking. So do I break up with Peeta, to stop from hurting him any further? Or do I love him as much as possible for as long as possible knowing full well the consequences for both of us? Never mind the fact that despite his previous promises of having a normal life, it would never be. Never.

We got to my room and I curled up on the bed, stressful tears threatening to pour from the corners of my eyes.

Peeta laid down next to me and pulled my head onto his chest. He didn't ask what was wrong or anything. I swallowed hard, hot tears squeezing their stubborn way out. How could I abandon him? I loved Peeta so much, but would this love end up worse for us than not loving? I couldn't leave him. I couldn't spend every night after, cold and alone. It would feel like a giant piece of me was ripped out, leaving my chest feeling painful and empty. Peeta had become a part of me.

My hands covered my face and I wept loudly into them. I trembled on Peeta. Excruciating sobs ripped up and down my whole body, and white noise filled my head. Is this what being alone felt like? I knew Peeta's arms were around me, his hands in my hair. But for some reason, I've never felt more abandoned.

Was I going to tell all this to Peeta? It would hurt him, hurt both of us. It would always hurt. But I couldn't keep it from him, could I? Could I just go on like normal, ignoring the fact that one day I would have to stand up straight and face the world alone.

The answer is no. No, I'll never be alone. Peeta would always be at my side, holding my hand, helping me through it. He would always be there with me, whether it felt like it or not. He would always be part of me, making me stronger. Because love was ten times more powerful than any bomb or Capitol spy. That was the difference between me and President Snow. I have something to live for.

Peeta's hand stroked my hair over and over, his lips whispering words of comfort.

Wiping my eyes, I made a decision. I sat up and told Peeta. I told him all that Haymitch said, and everything that was going through my mind. As I talked, the look on Peeta's face grew more and more horrified. Especially when I told him I was thinking about breaking up with him so he could be safe. When I had finally finished my grand speech, he looked as though he were going to vomit.

"Katniss, I—" His breathing was rough. "I-I need you. You can't just…leave me thinking you know what's best for me because you don't." Tears pricked his eyes as well. But they were twice as sad on him because he was a man. "You're what's best for me."

"I know." It was then I decided to add that last little part I was thinking. The exact words.

A millisecond passed before Peeta's arms went around me a second time and his hands gripped me to him. "God, Katniss." He pressed him face into my hair. I felt him crying. "God, you're just…"

But when he didn't say anything else, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you, Peeta. I love you so much and I'll never leave you. I promise."

It felt as though Peeta's whole body tensed up and exploded, because just then his lips found mine and he was kissing me like he had never kissed me before. A live wire, a lit fuse, maybe even lighting shot out from where our lips met. Fire built up inside me, fueled by the mere thought of Peeta. Or was it his hands clutching my back? Or maybe the way my fingers had knotted into his fine hair?

I didn't know, and didn't care. All I felt was the scorching fervor racing through my head. It was completely new to me. There were always firsts to me, I had come to know. Firsts' when I thought that was the best it got. The first time I had actually wanted to sleep with Peeta (wrong move, there). The first time it felt as though a fire were inside of me, caused by Peeta's touch. The first time I yearned for his body to be closer, always closer to mine. These were new to me but this—this was beyond new. This was so alien to me it was almost frightening. I liked it.

It's too bad Peeta was always the 'good one', the one who was always so rational. Stopping things before they got out of hand, being responsible. How come we had to be though? If for just once in our lives could things not have a consequence? Could we do what we wanted, when we wanted, without thinking of the cost? But no, I thought to myself. We would have plenty of time for that in District Twelve. Now, I had to let Peeta be accountable and mature. But for some reason, I always had the urge to have fun with it… Taking off his shirt just to see that glint in his eyes when he told me off. Letting my hands travel a little lower than they should just to feel him tense on top of me. It was just those little things I wanted, and not the whole thing. Thinking of it like that made me sound like a pervert, but really I wasn't. Every time I do that the only thing running through my mind was '_This is my Peeta.' _The one who starts it and has to end it because of me, the more rash of the two. My Peeta, who wants to always say the right things, but never realizes how much I love it when he stutters.

As I suspected, Peeta pulled away all too soon. My head was spinning round and round from lack of oxygen. I had forgotten how to breathe. Ah, there we go. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs, while my eyes never left Peeta. He looked exhilarated and lightheaded, beaming at me. Sure, there were wet tears streaking both of our faces, but that was okay. We were okay.

No other words were traded between us. We got our point across just fine without them. Still unstable and giddy, I took a second breath and rolled onto my back, next to Peeta. The past five minutes seemed to affect him just as it did me. There was the horror of reality setting in, then the literally life-changing decision knocking our breath away. And, of course, there might have been the part where he kissed me. It was that part that left my ears buzzing and the feeling of restlessness. I could jog three miles and back with adrenaline to spare.

Peeta ran his hand through his freshly-washed blond hair and exhaled. "Wow…"

I was planning to say something to that. It was supposed to be smart and logical. Or maybe it would just make him laugh. I wouldn't know, of course, because all that escaped my mouth was a small giggle. Oops. My eyes flickered up to Peeta's and I saw he was grinning, I think at me. It was then I noticed I was smiling like crazy, too. I forced my mouth into a semi-neutral expression. "What are you grinning at?"

He laughed. "You. Your face. Your giggle. You don't giggle often." Peeta pointed out. "It's funny."

"It's hard to keep scowling when your head feels like popping off your shoulders and floating away."

"True…" Peeta slip his right arm around me so where my head was resting on his shoulder. I could feel his heart beating madly from what little contact I had with him. No one's heart could beat quite like his. "So how did the, um, thingy go?"

"Thingy?" I resisted the urge to snort at Peeta's word usage. "It went alright besides Haymitch being angry at me for not wanting to give up my whole entire self to be the Mockingjay and sacrifice myself to the Capitol. I am already regretting my decision."

"Don't." With the arm around me, I could feel Peeta's hand rub my shoulder comfortingly. "You are your own person. Things happen when they happen. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. They can't force you."

"But, it's my—" I wrinkled my nose. "It's my responsibility. I lit the fuse; I need to put out the fire."

"You are just one person." Peeta wasn't doing anything to make me feel better, though he raised a good argument. "You can leave it to actual people with weapons and such to rage a war. You are entitled to a life of your own, Katniss. You don't have to lead a life you don't want to."

What could I say to that? 'Yes, I do'? Instead I closed my eyes and turned my body on its side, pressing against Peeta. I could feel a little strand of my hair tickling my nose.

Peeta took the hint I didn't want to talk about it anymore, so he just tightened his arms around me and settled into the pillows. So the rest of today and all of tomorrow were ours. It was going to be hard saying goodbye to him. I tried not to think of it, though.

I felt Peeta's lips press against the side of my neck. A tiny shiver ran down my body, almost unnoticeable except by the raised hairs on my arms. Things were so quiet and perfect, I wanted to live in this moment forever, but nothing is ever like I wanted it. Just then, the short _ding_ of the dinner bell rang through the room and despite the coziness of the situation, I had to let Peeta get up and get it. Shivering, I noted how cold the bed is without him.

So, when Peeta got back with dinner, he sat down and I forced myself to eat. But things would turn out. We had today and tomorrow all too ourselves. Just thinking about it gave me goosebumps.

**oOo**

_Hoped that chapter wasn't too pointless. Well, not pointless exactly but non-productive. Ah well. I managed to squeeze some fluff in there so hope you guys liked it! As always, please review if you liked this chapter or just wanted to say it sucked really , and by the way I put a new song written by me on my profile if anyone wants to check that out. :)  
_


	98. Chapter 97

_Okay, as your faithful updater talking to my faithful reviewers, I want to ask you people something. Okay, I have only read Mockingjay once, and I haven't even opened up the freaking book since. Literally. It made me so sad and depressed, except now it's like months later and I find myself wanting to read it again. In your opinion, should I read it again? Is it not as bad the second way through? Or should I never read it again because I would spend the rest of my life crying like the week after I read MJ? I really need you guy's opinions because you people are awesome. _

**oOo**

** Still Kat's POV**

It was after dinner, and Peeta and I rested on my strange bed, my head on his lap. All was quiet. Neither of us spoke often, and when we did it was brief. We wanted to savor the rest of today, because who knows what tomorrow would be like? Maybe Peeta had something planned, I didn't know.

He was braiding little strands of my hair all over my head, unbraiding, and re-braiding. I didn't worry about it getting tangled. I just liked the feeling of his fingers working in my hair, gently tugging, then unraveling and choosing a different strand of hair to play with. Every now and then he bent down and pressed his lips to different parts of my head. Sometimes my forehead, the top of my head, my neck.

At one point I felt his hands leave my hair. Opening my eyes, I glanced up at him. "Are you okay, Peeta?"

He swallowed and nodded wordlessly. To someone else his face might have been casual, neutral maybe. But I could see through his mask and decided he really wasn't okay. Maybe he just needs time to think it out, though.

I slipped my hand around his. "You sure?" I didn't want to press it though.

"Yeah. I'm alright, Katniss." He offered me a small smile. "Just thinking. Moping silently to myself. The usual."

I could tell his tone was meant to be joking, but I knew him. Something was really hurting him. Never mind the 'not pushing him' thing. "But that's not the usual. Peeta, tell me what's wrong." I sat up and wrapped my other hand around the one of his I was already holding.

"I'm saving it for tomorrow. Don't worry about me." He gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead. It was sweet, but it clearly stated 'I don't want to talk about it right now, please drop the subject.'

So I did.

When there wasn't anything said back to him, Peeta lay back down again and relaxed his tensed muscles. He seemed so vulnerable the past few days. Like he could be broken so easily. I know he didn't want that to stop me from acting as though he _weren't _defenseless, but I couldn't help but feel a little easier towards him. I try my best not to scowl as often and be more carefree than usual for his sake, if no one else's.

Peeta's hands didn't go back to my hair. Instead, his hand curled around the back of my neck and his thumb subconsciously rubbed my upper back. It was calming, yet depressing at the same time. I could feel his hurt through the careful fingers on my skin.

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at Peeta. His eyes were politely inquisitive. But I didn't reply with words in the form of a simple, meaningless answer. Instead, I cupped my hand on the side of his face, and kissed him tenderly. His lips were warm and soft under mine, and tasted like salt. I didn't mind, of course. All that really registered in my mind was how sweet the moment was. If only I could capture it and live in it forever. But we both knew that couldn't happen, no matter how much we wanted it to.

I pulled away gently, but kept my face close to his to see the light in his eyes I loved so much.

I could see dark blue flecks in the brilliant cerulean of his eyes. His hand rubbed slow, comforting circles on the back of my neck, and his face shone with adoration.

"Now, what was that for?" he murmured softly, face still shining.

We both knew we didn't want to have pulled away.

I smiled, feeling my heart beating inside my throat. "I don't know. You tell me."

He didn't, though. But I take it that was because he pulled me down on top of him again for a second kiss. His arms cradled me to him and it was unlike most of our other kisses. Instead of fire that was building up inside of me, begging for more, it was something different. Softer. Kind of like a placid spring breeze, except it was so sweet it almost hurt.

Peeta's hands were cupping my face, except mine were on either side of his torso so I didn't collapse completely on him and make it so where he couldn't breathe. I'm sure he didn't mind at all, but breathing is kind of important so I kept my body from crushing his.

When Peeta broke away our embrace, he looked sad. I was about to ask him what was wrong when the hand that was cupping my face trailed onto my cheekbones, he brought it back for me to see. His fingertips were wet. Honestly, I hadn't realized I was crying. I didn't even feel very upset, yet the warm tears on Peeta's fingers told all.

"Katniss, love, don't be sad…" He bent forward and brushed his lips against the corners of my eyes. "I hate when you cry." I felt the vibration of his voice through his lips on my face.

"I didn't know I was." I said honestly, taking one hand away from the mattress to brush my hand through Peeta's soft hair. "I feel normal. Happy even."

His lips trailed from the corner of my eye across to the bridge of my nose. Then down to my jaw line.

Ever place he touched my face little shivers ran the length of my body. How in the world someone could make me feel the way he made me feel, I had no clue.

Peeta's mouth brushed the tip of my nose. But never, I noticed, my lips. How rude. I could only take so much, but for now I was okay with it. In about, oh I don't know, thirty seconds I would break down and bring his lips to mine myself.

For a moment we just laid there together, bodies aligned exactly, our forehead touching. Then Peeta's hands left the sides of my face and laced together a little lower than the small of my back. I could feel his a-little-too-cold fingers brushing my bare skin just above the waistband of my annoying white pants. Gah…

The something occurred to me and I was abruptly aware that none of my weight was supported on anything except Peeta's body. I pulled away slightly so I could see his eyes. "Should I move? I'm not squishing you, am I? I'm not too heavy?"

"Are you kidding me?" He laughed lightly, a flash of dull white from his teeth when he grinned in the shadow. "You barely weigh over 100 pounds. But even if you weighed four hundred, I wouldn't want you to get off." He gave me a fond kiss on the nape of my neck. "So, no. Please don't move."

Fair enough. I relaxed against him, enjoying the slow rise and fall of Peeta's chest with every breath he took, the steady thrum of his heartbeat through my shirt as well.

But it was late, and I knew this precious moment wouldn't last long before I got tired enough to fall asleep on him. Of course, both of us would be perfectly fine with that, but if I wasn't awake with him, I didn't count that as 'with him' at all. I'm not saying I wouldn't mind falling asleep on him, just every second counts, really… I groaned, realizing how unhealthy mentally rambling is.

Peeta noticed. He took his lips away from my neck and glanced into my eyes. "Is anything wrong?"

"No." I said quickly. "Nothing. I'm fine. Keep going." Maybe those weren't the best words to use, but he knew what I meant. Peeta nuzzled his lips right under my jaw, making me gasp slightly. When our eyes met a second time, I stifled a giggle. "You're teasing me."

"What's new?" He said lightheartedly.

"I don't like it." Sighing as if I didn't like taking the matter into my own hands, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth.

Peeta's reaction was immediate. His hands tightened on my back and a moan bubbled from his throat. My fingers knotted into the front of his shirt. Somewhere deep inside of me I hoped that it wouldn't permanently wrinkle it, with how tight I was holding it because I really liked how it looked on him. But at the current moment I didn't care too much. I was too focused on the electric feeling emanating from where Peeta's hands were clutching my lower back.

Hm… Say, if I took off his shirt again, would he make us stop because I was behaving badly? Or would he know that I honestly didn't mean to do anything more? As an experiment, I unknotted my fingers from the front of his shirt and subtly tugged the edge up. Wait—did I say subtly?

Peeta's hands immediately un-tightened from the back of my top and, like I expected, he pulled away enough to see my eyes. But hopefully my 'innocent' look would tell him that I didn't want to sleep with him. He would believe me, right? I was suddenly worried of what he thought of me right now. While I was just joking around, was he thinking I was just going way too far.

But, thank goodness, his face wasn't absolutely disgusted or annoyed. Instead, he looked slightly weary and amused at the same time. "Katniss…" He laughed quietly.

I didn't reply.

But he didn't really do or say anything else against it. Instead, Peeta surprised me by sliding his fingers around mine and his shirt came up over his head and he tossed it nonchalantly down next to the bed. Then he gave me a look, azure eyes glinting. "Happy now, Katniss? Satisfied?"

I couldn't really say anything back to him, because I was laughing. It was quiet and light, but nonetheless felt good. "You're…" I turned my face away, sure that my snickering made my face contort into one of unattractiveness. "Yes, okay? You are seriously insane, but yes. I am satisfied." Still grinning like mad, I slid off of Peeta's chest and curled up at his bare side. And he said _I _was impossible…

Silently, he brushed a strand of hair off my neck. But he let his finger trail across my shoulders and down my spine. When he was done, Peeta curled his arm protectively around my body and pressed his lips to my temple. "It's late. Maybe you should get some sleep."

"Hmm… Sleep is for losers." I was enjoying myself too much. Sleeping would mean being away from Peeta, inside my head alone for _hours._ And trust me when I say my head is not a pretty place to be alone. "I don't want to go to bed."

Peeta didn't say anything. His other hand just brushed lightly against my hair, again and again. I was starting to feel a little sleepy, but then tried to shove it back. _No sleeping_, I scolded myself. But Peeta made it so hard when he began to hum. The semi-deep purr in his throat was so soothing. But I couldn't sleep. I…couldn't…. Despite my resistance, I drifted off listening to Peeta hum me to sleep.

**oOo**

_Gaaww I thought that was really sweet. I enjoyed writing that chapter. Fluff is like my specialty. Aside from medical stuff. But there is a difference between those two specialties. Sadly enough, I have had negative-three experience in the fluff in real life. But the medical stuff… But anyways I shouldn't ramble. It probably annoys you people. If you reviewed my story I would love you forever. Really. _


	99. Chapter 98

_I really enjoyed reading reviews for the last two chapters, which I posted at the same time. I am glad no one objects to pointless chapters. That takes a load off my shoulders. Hehehe well, I hope the next few are okay, with Katniss' surgery and all! But I'm not going to give anything away, so I'm gonna shut up and get on with the chapter. Love you guys! (btw things are going to be in Katniss' point of view until further notice so I'm not going to keep say it.) _

_Soggybug_

**oOo**

Waking up took longer than usual today. When I first revived consciousness, the only thing I was very aware of was my back pressed against Peeta's chest, his arms around me. I couldn't quite open my eyes yet; they felt like they were glued shut. But that was okay with me, honestly. Peeta's arms were all that I really wanted right now. Who needs sight anyways?

He stirred in his sleep, arms tightening around my waist. I felt him subconsciously bury his face in my neck, but he kept on sleeping, breath tickling my hair. While he slept, I was thinking.

So, today was the day before my surgery. The important, life-changing operation would be tomorrow afternoon. Suddenly, I remembered that I had to scrub that weird disinfectant soap into my hair before tomorrow. I should do that now.

As gently as I could, I slid out of Peeta's arms and tiptoed into the bathroom. After stripping off my dirty clothes, I stood naked in front of the mirror. The days in the loony bin had taken their toll on me; all of my ribs could be seen and my once-flawless, olive skin had gotten lighter (from the florescent lighting, probably), resulting in a weird off-olive color. Looking away from the mirror, I shook out my braid and stepped into the shower.

On the ledge of the shower was a small, white bottle that I immediately assumed was the mixture of shampoo I was supposed to cleanse with. I dumped the whole three-ounce bottle of sticky clear stuff into my hair and scrubbed. It smelled like hospitals. Yuck.

Once my two minutes was up, I dried myself off with a towel. But my clothes were already stuck in the hamper, so I couldn't even did out my underclothes to wear them until the new ones came. Signing, I poked my head out of the curtain to check the time. Still fifteen minutes to go until the breakfast bell sounded. Hopefully Peeta would stay asleep until then.

Fifteen minutes went by sluggishly, and I was grateful when I heard the 'ding' announcing the arrival of food and clothing. Quietly so I didn't wake Peeta, I snuck across the room and opened the box. But unfortunately, it wasn't exactly as silent as I hoped.

"Katniss?" Peeta's slurred voice came from the bed. "Izzat breakfast?"

Letting out a muffled shriek, I spun around, nearly dropping the towel I had around me. He was sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes which had a hard time focusing on me.

"Don't look. Close your eyes. Go back to bed." I ordered frantically, self-consciously gripping the material to my chest. It wasn't really as if Peeta and I haven't seen each other naked before. It's just that when we did, that was a horribly stupid decision on my part and I regretted it too this day. No more of that kind of stuff until I was ready. Or thirty. Whichever one.

"Sorry." He mumbled, closing his eyes and laying back down. But I could tell he was snickering, judging by the noiseless shaking of his shoulders.

Content that he was no longer looking, I dropped the towel and dressed in the new clothes as quickly as possible. Once I had my shirt tugged into place, I picked up the breakfast tray (the things on it looked excruciatingly unappetizing) and crawled onto bed with it.

Peeta peeked open one eye. "You good now? Can I open my eyes?"

I took a little nibble of my grain mush. "Yeah. Sorry about that."

"Don't be." He grinned lopsidedly. "Your reaction was priceless."

"I'm glad I amuse you." I couldn't help but smiling as well.

I got done with breakfast, and when the silver tray was back in the box, I settled myself next to Peeta, as always. But when his arms went around me, his thoughts seemed elsewhere.

"What are you thinking about?" I was very curious to know, and judging by that intense look, it must be important.

"Nothing of importance."

Psshht. Yeah right. But since it was our day together, I didn't push it. Instead, I reached up and kissed his cheek. "Okay. If you insist."

Peeta looked mildly surprised I gave up that fast. "You aren't going to force me to tell you?"

I shrugged, and then nodded.

Smiling slightly, he brought his lips down on my forehead. "Okay. I'll take that."

But while his lips were still on my temple, I reached up a little farther until we were kissing. It wasn't anything special, really. Since we practically do it every day, I don't really remember each and every time we have kissed. Unless it was genuinely memorable. Recalling yesterday, I smiled a bit against Peeta's mouth.

He drew back. "What?"

"Nothing at all." My fingers trailed against the skin of Peeta's bare shoulder, letting myself get absorbed by the memory.

Some time when I was back in yesterday, I heard muted laughter. Hmm? Even though it was hard to bring myself back into reality, I managed. Peeta was holding me in his arms, laughing. I noted silently that when he did, his nose wrinkled up. It was really cute.

I frowned at Peeta, though it was hard to frown when the person next to you was having hysterics. "You're laughing. Why are you laughing?"

"Your-your body just went kind of-kind of floppy and unresponsive, and-and when I pulled back to look at you," he was having trouble talking in between his chuckles, which he attempted to keep quiet. "your eyes were crossed. All the way to the middle." He pointed his finger at the bridge of his nose to show me.

Okay, I had to admit that was pretty funny.

He grinned, seeing my laugh as well. "What were you thinking of?"

I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling and pretended to give his question some consideration. Should I answer honestly? Telling him the truth would just make him laugh more. "Well… I was kind of thinking about yesterday. Meaning I wasn't here. At all."

Peeta snorted and trailed a finger under the edge of my jaw gently. "Typical Katniss. Always in another dimension, trying to escape reality. I don't blame you at all. But sometimes you just get so involved with your other world I can't find you at all. I wish you'd take me with you…" He trailed off with a slight wistful quality to his voice.

"But I do take you." I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. I could feel his warm breath on my face. "You're always in my head."

Our lips just barely brushed; so soft I almost didn't feel it. Peeta smiled against my mouth. "Too bad I'm not really there."

"Mm…" But to be perfectly honest, I wasn't exactly listening to him. All I could hear was a distant humming noise. "Wait—What?"

Peeta laughed, and I felt it vibrate through him. "That's exactly what I mean."

Oh well. I didn't linger on Peeta's odd behavior long. Shrugging slightly to myself, I let my hands slide down the length of Peeta's back. His unblemished golden skin was smooth under my fingertips.

His hands curled around my hips and pressed my body to the bedspread. Both of our hearts could be felt pounding irregularly through both our tops.

"Remember what I was saying a while ago about having our marriage annulled and us starting over again in District 12?" Peeta said between kisses.

I paused. "What about it?"

"Well, once we marry again we could consider ourselves officially grown-up. You are always saying how we are just adolescents and such, but when we get married again I want it to be when you are ready. I don't want anything in our way when we live together. No more using our age as an excuse."

This was unusual, Peeta asking this. "Well, of course, but why would you bring this up now? What does it have to do with anything?"

A faint streak of crimson crept onto his face.

"Oh…" After feeling slightly stupid and unperceptive, I kissed Peeta's cheek to make him feel better. "Don't worry. Once we're in District 12 we'll be thinking straight again. I promise you that when I actually agree to marry you is when I'm ready. I won't hurt you again by agreeing before."

Now it was Peeta's turn to be confused. "You didn't hurt me."

"Yeah. I did." But instead of clarifying for him, I just pulled him on top of me again and drown out all previous thoughts with kisses.

Three hours went by in a flash, and before we knew it, it was eleven o'clock. I was dozing lightly on Peeta's chest, both our eyes closed in contentment. The next time they were opened, is when Peeta twitched and began to get up.

"Mmm… No don't go." I tightened my arms around his undressed waist, preventing him from getting up any further. "Stay here." I commanded.

Peeta seemed to be fighting with himself over something. Finally, after a few more minutes of having his eyebrows scrunched into near oblivion, he seemed to have made up his mind and laid back down. "Okay. I won't leave you."

"Good…" I mumbled and closed my eyes, aware of how worn-out I was. Going to sleep at ten and waking up at 6:30 in the morning. You would think that eight-and-a-half hours of sleep would be enough to get through your day, but with the stuff going on in my life it wasn't at all sufficient. I felt so tired; I could just fall asleep in Peeta's arms…

In fact, Peeta seemed intent on making that a reality. His finger brushed in my hair, over and over, and soft as a light summers' breeze. Lie last night; he was humming, low and soothing. How could I possibly stay awake if he was doing this? No, I would have to have fifty cups of coffee to resist Peeta's tranquility. He was just so…

My head began to not work at all and for a moment I just felt Peeta's fingertips brushing against my hair, and his lips to my throat, but once the blackness set over my eyes, all hope was lost. I drifted off to sleep.

**oOo**

_I will give a prize to anyone who counted the times I ended a chapter with falling asleep, passing out, or saying 'I love you'. Well, glad you people have been reading my story! Love you all so much. Keep posted 'cause I'm going to have a party at the 100 mark!_


	100. Chapter 99

_Alas, I have nothing to say right now, so go ahead and read._

**oOo**

I woke up an hour later, fuming when I realized what time it was. Peeta seemed to be thinking hard, either that or dozing too, because his eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell slowly with every breath.

"Why the heck did you let me sleep?" I hissed, not necessarily angry at him, but angry at the fact I slept.

Peeta opened his eyes and he stared curiously at me. "You needed the rest. Are you mad at me?"

"I—" I sighed. "No, I'm not. But that was an hour we could have spent doing other things, not sleeping. You do realize this might as well be our last day together."

He looked sympathetic as he brushed his lips across my temple. "Lunch arrived not ten minutes ago. Do you want to eat?"

"Want? No, but I'll eat anyways." Pulling away from Peeta, I sat up and let him get off the bed. But before he could turn his back to me and get the tray, I saw something; a glint in his eyes. It looked sort of apologetic, and excited at the same time. Weird.

When he returned with my food and sat back down next to me, I inspected today's menu; leg of lamb, a roll with some jelly, and a little pot of what looked like mashed berries. After offering him half my roll, I began eating. The meat here wasn't near as good as my freshly-caught wild squirrel, but it was meat. After I was done eating that and the half-roll, I started slurping up the berries, when I caught Peeta's eye. He was staring at me with the same look. But when I caught him looking intently at me, his gaze changed and he looked away.

It was then I noticed a peculiar aftertaste of the berries; some type of unnaturally-sweet something or other. I shrugged, sure it was just another weird District 13 plant. But when I scraped the plastic cup clean, I turned to Peeta, smacking my lips. The trace of sugariness still in my mouth, but along with the feeling of a full stomach came fatigue. "Those mashed berries were quite odd. I don't think I've ever had them before."

"Haven't you?" His voice was soft. "Their sugar berries."

I froze, realizing what just happened. Oh, crap. Crap, crap, crap. Peeta just drugged me. I could already feel the heavy sensation in my head and forced my eyes to stay open long enough to give Peeta a look of resentment. I lost consciousness to his soft lips on mine, telling me it'll be all right. I'll get him for this.

Dreams flickered on and off in my head, never lasting more than a few minutes. I saw that boy again… Sweet dark-honey-colored curls bouncing on his ears, except there was something odd about him. Not quite right. He started to cry the moment my vision sputtered again and there was Primrose, huddled against a broken bit of wall that was charred at the edges, looking frightened. A flash of red streaked across my mind and I was standing in a familiar forest. I had hunted there several times, but it wasn't as serene as it had been then. There was a tense atmosphere around me, like right before a hovercraft came.

Suddenly, a patch of the ground next to me erupted with golden sunlight and I was tossed backwards as shards of gold pierced my skin. But no matter how hard I tried, no sound would come from my mouth, or movement from my limbs. Thankfully, that dream flashed to a different one soon.

I was sitting under a tree, not far from where my last vision was. A sweet call of a mockingjay rattled from the treetops above me. Looking up, I saw not a small black-and-white bird sitting on one of the branches, but a young girl. What's with all these children popping up in my head?

The little girl sprung from the branch and landed lightly on her feet right next to me, straight black hair swinging around her pale face. This little girl was so utterly familiar, yet I've never seen her in my life.

She looked at me inquisitively with her big blue eyes and sat down at my side. Something inside of me gave a small tug and I put my arm around the child. She seemed about four years old, yet… so helpless and small. Just when I was about to lean down and press my lips to her forehead, a wind sprang up, rustling the dry autumn leaves around us. And before I knew it, the sweet toddler was crumbling into the wind like sand.

I yelled out for her and scrabbled around in the dust, desperate to cling to what little connection I had with her. But all that was left in the pile of sooty powder was a single, tiny white feather with a black tip.

But as soon as the blackness washed over me, it was done. Groaning quietly, I opened my eyes and found myself staring up at the puffy white ceiling of my madroom. The first feeling I had was irritation. Peeta had drugged me and he was going to pay.

I looked around, the last traces of the sleep syrup wearing off. Peeta was sitting next to the bed, back against it. All I could see was the top of his fair head as he hummed under his breath.

"Peeta Mellark." I said, voice only a bit garbled from sleep. "You drugged me."

He peeked his head over the side at me and smiled, apologetic. "You drugged me first. How are you feeling?"

I didn't really answer, just gave a small snort.

"I had to do it." Peeta sat up on his knees and leaned over onto the bed close to me. "I have a surprise for you."

"Since when do surprises make up for drugging someone?" I snapped, a little harsher than I intended.

"Since I got us a picnic." His eyes shone.

A jolt ran through me, so abrupt it was almost painful. Those eyes… I stared in bewilderment into Peeta's, casting my memory back to when I was asleep. They were the same eyes of the tiny girl snuggled up next to me under the oak tree. Was that…?

"Are you okay, Katniss?" Peeta's gentle voice brought me slamming back down to Earth. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

"I did…" That sounded really peculiar, even to my own ears.

He gave me a worried look.

"In my dream…" I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest, shaking slightly. And I told him what I had seen of the girl in the tree.

As I talked, Peeta sat there, a crease becoming more and more evident between his eyebrows. When I stopped, all was silent. A minute passed, then two, before he said anything. When he did, it was just barely a breath. "Alexis…"

Hearing the name was like a bull just plowed into my chest, knocking the breath clean out of me in a loud _whoosh. _With a strangled cry, I doubled over, hot tears spilling from my face. But she wasn't mine any more. It's not fair to have her constantly come up in my mind when she won't ever come up in real life. Like Gale. Hearing his name in my head hurt as well.

Without another word, Peeta crawled up onto the curved white bed and pulled me into his arms, a familiar act we were both accustom to. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, Katniss."

I scrubbed furiously at my eyes, but the tears didn't stop flowing. "It's-it's okay." But I couldn't say anything after that because my teeth began chattering madly. I didn't even feel cold, really.

Peeta wrapped the thick white blanket around my shoulders and laughed once without amusement. "I guess that means my picnic is going to have to be postponed."

"No, no." I shivered. "I want to do it. Honestly."

His hands stroked my hair. "We can wait a little while until things are a little less… miserable."

That's one way to put it, I guess. My head felt like it was going to burst, but every second I sat huddled against Peeta's chest, the tight feeling was diminishing. He was like my own special sleeping gas.

Taking a shaky breath, I pressed myself closer to Peeta, breathing in his warm scent. Since he had barely baked at all in a while, there wasn't the smell of bread or icing on him. But uncovered there was a nice clean scent of freshly washed cotton.

Peeta kept stroking my hair, and at one point tilted my head up towards his. This was so routine, I didn't think twice about leaning upwards and pressing my lips to his. A hand cupped my neck, and fingers trailed on my jaw and neck.

For a second we were locked together in a fiery embrace, but it ended abruptly when Peeta drew back, panting quietly from lack of oxygen. "So-So are you okay enough to do the picnic with me? Or are you still mourning?"

To be honest I never wanted to think of that girl again. It may sound really callous, but thinking of what would never happen hurt too much, and ignoring it altogether was much easier. "I want to have the picnic."

The corners of Peeta's fine mouth twitched upward in a crooked, striking smile. "Come on." And he slid sideways off the bed, pulling me down with him.

The floors of this mad-cell weren't quite as padded as the walls, but it didn't hurt tumbling off to the left onto it. Partly because Peeta broke my fall, poor guy.

We sat up right away, and never breaking off our gaze, Peeta reached over and pulled a woven basket from under the bed. "I'm sorry I drugged you Katniss." He said quietly, and sounded truly contrite. "I wanted to surprise you with a nice picnic on our supposedly-last day. But to do that without anyone else in it or without you having an attack, this was probably my only option."

That sweet, puppy-dog look in his blue eyes, accompanied by the strands of golden hair falling in front of his face made it hard to respond the way I had wanted to a few minutes ago. "It's no problem. I did it first to you."

"Yes, but that was life or death." Peeta pointed out, removing two cheese rolls from the basket. My mouth started to water. "When you woke up and were so affronted, I immediately regretted it. Would you have rather me not done it at all?"

"No." I accepted one of the buns from him and bit into it. The tasty cheese melted on my tongue, bread still warm from the oven. "This is wonderful. Thank you, Peeta. Honestly." If my mouth wasn't so completely full with food, I probably would have kissed him on the cheek. But I really didn't think Peeta would appreciate bits of cheesy-bread-spit on his face.

His eyes twinkled.

The next food pulled out of the magic basket of his was an actual wild groosling. The salty taste of the meat flooded my senses. "Where the heck did you _get_ this stuff?" I wanted to know. Mostly the only poultry that I knew of growing here in District 13 was goose, duck, and chicken. But tasting this wild bird, clearly caught from outside nearly made me moan in longing for home.

"I bought it. Some Hunter had just brought in his day's catch and I managed to sneakily buy his last item off him." Peeta looked triumphant.

"But how come the only thing we ever eat is the stuff from the Livestock Quarters? I haven't eaten a wild animal in _months._"

This question seemed to bring both of us up short. Peeta looked confused. "You know, I'm not really sure. I've seen plenty people bring in wild stuff back when I baked daily at the kitchens, but I know what squirrel tastes like." He wrinkled his nose. "That stuff we're eating is _not _squirrel."

"Maybe all the Officials eat it." I put my bone in the basket and tore a hunk of the groosling's breast meat off and started gnawing on it like an animal. Thank goodness Peeta didn't seem to mind. "Give the refugees all the farmed animals and the Officials the good stuff."

"Don't worry." He smiled at me slightly and picked at his meat. "When we get back home, you'll hunt for us every day, and we'll eat rabbit stew for dinner, and fill ourselves with berries and goat cheese for breakfast." Peeta's eyes closed, absorbed in the thought. "And I'll teach you how to make bread, though you'll be terrible at it. And for lunch we will have your half-burnt bread that tastes like cardboard along with some goat cheese." His eyes peeked open. "The cheese will be better than the bread."

I snorted lightly. "No trust, whatsoever. No wild squirrel for you, mister, until you eat your bread."

The subject was dropped, though Peeta still had that amused glint in his eyes. He reached into the basket and pulled out a jar full to the brim with juicy blackberries. "I got these with you in mind."

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor. "I suppose you illegally got these as well? Depriving doctors of their daily dose of fresh food?" Taking the lid off, I breathed in deeply, savoring the scent of the forest.

"Bought them as well. Apparently the Hunters and Foragers don't get paid enough for their finds." Peeta popped a dark berry into his mouth and chewed. "So is this an okay last day?"

Pausing from inhaling half the entire jar, I looked up, juice all but dripping down my chin. "You have no idea how much this means to me. It's just like home."

After a few seconds of sneaking fond glances at me, Peeta stood up and offered me his hand. "You remember how to dance, right?"

Dancing? "Pardon?" I frowned. "Dancing? There isn't even music. I can't even dance!"

"You did at the Victory Tour."

As if that made everything so much better. "That was just swaying back and forth and turning in the occasional circle with sappy looks on our faces."

"Than why not do it again? Here, with me?" His eyes met mine and they looked sad, despite the charming smile stretched across his lips.

I suppose there wasn't anything wrong with it…it just seemed odd. "Okay." I took his hand and was pulled into his strong arms.

There was about one minute of the swaying back-and-forth stuff, but after that we just stood in one place holding each other. Peeta's steady heartbeat lulled me into a sense of security here in his arms, and I glanced up to see his face. To my surprise, it was slightly confused, blond eyebrows wrinkled together.

"Are you okay, Peeta?" I asked softly, pulling away a few inches to see his face better.

"I—" He seemed a tad bit reluctant to tell me, but he did anyway. "I'm confused, that's all. Just tomorrow you will be going into surgery and I don't know if you'll come out the same person. Barely a few months ago everything we felt wasn't our own feelings, and just like this on the Victory Tour we danced, aware of dozens of eyes upon us. Now we dance like this and all I'm asking myself is 'do I even know who Peeta Mellark is anymore?'"

"I may not know much, Peeta," I brushed my thumb against his cheekbone reassuringly. "But I know who you are. Who I am. That much, I do know."

I've noticed over the time we've been together the color of Peeta's eyes change depending on his mood. Right now they were a slate blue, shining sadly against his pale skin. His gaze didn't break apart from mine. "Who are you?"

A while ago I would have shrugged and said I didn't know. A while ago I would have said my life wasn't decided yet and the answer to that question was a mystery. But being chosen for the Games shaped me, whether in a good way or bad way I didn't know. The Capitol made sure to influence my future so heavily there was no backing out. So yes, I knew who I was even if Peeta didn't. "I am Katniss Everdeen, and while being a tribute in the 74th Hunger Games, I fell in love with the bakers' son. And together we are saving the world."

In a sentence it summed up pretty much my whole life, excluding nearly starving to death for the first fifteen years of my life. Though 'saving the world' might have been a bit of an exaggeration.

Peeta was silent for a second while his face slowly morphed from melancholy to bewilderment. He looked down at me with an expression of total wonder.

Surely this wasn't new to him?

I was just about to become uncomfortable when Peeta twined his arms around me and began kissing me with such zeal I was shocked, and didn't have any time to react. But thankfully he didn't pull away, so I had time to twine my fingers in his hair and pull him closer.

Every part of our bodies was touching; shoulders to shoulders, hips to hips, even one of my legs was curled around his. Probably not too appropriate, but since my mind wasn't quite working at the moment, I didn't care of the suitability of the situation. No one was watching, right? Besides all the doctors in the observation/computer room, of course.

Peeta's hand slid down my back and wrapped around my hip and inched gradually back upward. I realized with a shock that the edge of my shirt was going up with it. What the heck?

My brain was going into overdrive, freaking out, screaming at me while white noise filled my ear. _Stop him, stop him! No, he'll stop himself. How do you know! Stop him before he goes all the way! Ahhhh, no stop him now before it's too late! What the heck is he doing? _

But just then the strangest thing happened, and was also very painful, I noted.

A brilliant flash of white light flooded my vision and a feeling like an explosion erupted in my head. Stumbling back, I cried out, the pain intensifying. Flickers of color danced across my mind, each color bringing on a new, but utterly agonizing, experience.

Gold daggers flashed, waves of icy blue sent ripples of anguish up and down my spine, deep red was my own blood splattered on my chest, but finally, at the end, was black. It fired a surge of electricity into my skull and vibrated down to my toes, sending screams of torture ripping from my lungs.

It was all over me, inside of me, burning my every being. _Why wasn't this pain ending?_ I thrashed around, trying to tear the fire from my chest, but it just kept getting hotter and hotter.

I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I couldn't feel. All I knew was I had to get this pain out of me or I would die. And dying didn't seem too bad at this point.

**oOo**

_Hope that wasn't too AWESOME for you people. Oh, and by the way, I forgot to say it but this chapter was dedicated to my friend Michelle. __ Love you guys!_


	101. Chapter 100

_Aaargh I feel so so so so bad for doing that! At first I had one really long chapter that included the first half of this chapter, except I wasn't done with it, and my friend wanted another update, so I cut the end off and posted that part, but I feel so bad for doing that! It put the main focus of this chapter on Katniss' attack and I didn't want that to happen! So while your head is still full of my constant groveling, know that the last chapter and this one used to be one, and Kat's attack is NOT the main focus. Thank you._

**oOo**

As soon as it had began, it stopped. Like a wave of arctic water over white fire, my pain was doused but the cold brought on a second sense of burning, though this was going away faster.

When the freeze-burn feeling in my head was numbed, I was shivering violently. I was cold…so cold… But getting my senses back just then might not have been the best thing. I could hear several noises, but I couldn't identify whose were whose. The world was shaking around me so brutally I couldn't see where I was; streaks of colors flashed back and forth. I could feel prickles of pain on my fingertips, which were bloody from tearing around on the floor.

Once the world stopped shaking enough for me to see clearly across the room I saw Peeta pressed against the wall, completely flipping out. He looked horrified.

"C-Come," I ordered, the chattering of my teeth warping my speech. I could tell he was hesitating, eyes still wide. "P-Please."

I dipped in and out of consciousness, and watched as the blurry figure of Peeta walked cautiously over to me and knelt down. When I didn't scream or thrash around anymore, he put his arms around me and gently picked my body up.

Vertigo washed over me and for a few second I blacked out, resurfacing shivering even more. Peeta laid me down on the bed and tucked all of the blankets around me tightly. Warmth was slowly, ever so slowly, returning to me, starting at my toes.

Peeta crawled up on the bed next to me and pulled me into his chest, trying to warm me with body heat. It would work better if he was in the blankets, too, but I didn't try to say this. Blood was in my mouth from where my chattering teeth bit through my tongue and insides of my cheeks.

Blackness started fading my vision until it was all black. Except I could still hear and feel slightly. It was like a freak coma, or maybe I just lost my sight entirely.

"No, no, Katniss!" Peeta's voice was frantic. "Don't close your eyes!" He ordered, shaking my shoulders.

"'M so t-tired…" I murmured, a tremor of cold raking my body.

Peeta said nothing to this, just cradled me like a baby to him, my head flopped over onto his shoulder.

Relaxing in the blackness like this made me feel a little better. It gave me time to breathe and warm up. The convulsions stopped and I just laid there completely still with Peeta. But what was heartbreaking was that I could hear his nearly silent sobs from above me. I wanted to reassure him, to put my arms around him and smooth out his crazy hair. But my voice wasn't working well.

"It's all my fault… I'm sorry Katniss. I won't do it again." He said quietly, voice breaking from tears.

"N-Not your f-fault." I mumbled, using up all my energy to reach my hand out. I didn't know how far it had went, or even if his hand was where I was reaching. I felt Peeta's hands slip around mine and try to rub some warmth into them.

"It is." He didn't elaborate or anything like I wanted him to. He just leaned forward and put his forehead on my shoulder.

We sat like that for a moment, feeling each others' warmth through the pressure of our hands. After about ten minutes, the feeling returned in my limbs, and I was able to move them again. Another thing I realized was that the darkness pressing in on me was only the backs of my eyelids. Taking a shaky breath, I peeled them open and stared through hazy eyes at Peeta.

His face was contorted, streaks of dried tears staining his cheekbones. Peeta's mouth was pressed into a thin line of self-hatred. When he realized I was looking at him, he took a sharp breath and his wet blue eyes were full of remorse. "Katniss…" Voice barely audible, it cracked in the middle of my name.

Though I hadn't quite regained full use of my lungs and extremities, I managed to say his name back.

"I-I…" Peeta had trouble finding the right words. "That was awful. I am so sorry. Are you…are you okay?"

"Peachy." My throat was dry and hoarse from all the screaming, so saying that hurt. "Okay, I lied, but I am feeling better. How about you?" My eyebrows twitched upwards at him. "You look terrible."

"It was my fault, Katniss. All my fault. God, I'm so stupid." He pressed his eyes together and looked away from me. His arms still cradled around my shoulders, but they were stiff, unyielding. "I can't—" Suddenly, he set me back down against the pillows, moved a few inches away, and buried his face in his hands.

"Peeta?" I stretched my fingertips across the covers and put them on his shoulder, but he flinched away.

"I'm bad for you." Peeta whispered. "You could die because of me."

Instead of feeling horrified or sad or anything, I felt slightly annoyed. Boy, did he have things wrong. "The odds would be against your argument. If you weren't with me I would probably end up killing myself." But seeing his horrified look, I added, "By accident, of course."

"I saw the look on your face." Taking a breath, he stood up and paced the room restlessly. I noted that while he did noiseless tears poured down his cheeks. "When I kissed you… It was like an electric jolt shot up your body and you were screaming. It was my fault; don't try to tell me any different."

I bit my lip. I wasn't sure I could tell him any different. "Okay, fine, you win. But don't feel bad. You didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. And, Peeta?" I wanted to go over to him and comfort him, but I couldn't seem to get rid of the swooping feeling in my head. "This will be fixed tomorrow. After tomorrow, we won't have to worry about that ever again."

"If you don't lose your memory." Peeta pointed out sourly, refusing to make eye contact. He pressed his back to the wall and slid down to the ground, face in hands.

Forcing the vertigo feeling out of my head, I stood up. Okay, I might have stumbled a little bit, but I made it over to where he was sitting, and managed to sit down myself, though I didn't put my arm around him. "But mutually agreed that we'll except the worst until the best happens. So if we go by that, this is a pretty lousy last day."

Judging by Peeta's face, he probably thought I was blaming him. "I guess I'll stop touching you, then. Because it seems like every time I do, something bad occurs."

"No!" I said quickly. "No, that's not what I meant. I-I don't want spend my last day being unable to be with you."

Things were silence for a while. Peeta apparently decided there wasn't anything to say to that. We sat side-by-side each other, not linked in any way. His hands were clutching the sides of his head, elbows resting on knees. My legs were crossed, arms crossed awkwardly on my chest.

Finally, just when I was about to get up and go take a shower, Peeta took his hands away from his face and sighed. "I don't think I can do this, Katniss."

Even though he didn't clarify at all, there was an unmistakable sinking feeling in my stomach. What did he mean? My voice was a whisper. "Do what?" Though I knew.

He looked slightly mortified at his own thoughts, but he forced himself to say it, which seemed painful. "You and me this early."

_That _wasn't confusing at all.

"We are so young, Katniss. I can't stand being with you and hurting you so much." Seems to me like he was the one getting hurt so much; Peeta's face was distorted in emotional pain. "Maybe it would… Maybe it would be best if you lived with your Mother and Prim until we're older."

I blinked as the full weight of what he was saying landed on me. He didn't…want to be together?

"Katniss, don't look at me like that." He moaned, burying his face in his hands. "I want to be with you. I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms back in District 12. But… If this is how things are going to be, I want you ready. I want you ready to have your entire self committed to the consequences. And don't say you already are." He added quickly. "You never know what might happen. I want us to be…mature enough to know what we're signing up for."

What he said made sense, but my brain didn't want to focus on that. Peeta was all I knew. I can't try to make things normal before I be with him because I already am. Every day, when things like this happen to me it makes me realize exactly what he is saying. But every time it happens it makes me only surer. "When you said 'start over' a few days ago, I didn't understand you meant starting over all the way."

"We are just kids." Peeta repeated in an unsteady voice. "I want us to have a shot at a normal life to grow up a little more before we plunge our hearts into it."

"But I don't know normal." I surprised myself with saying that. 'Open' and 'honest' wasn't quite my cup of tea, and I realize that the past few weeks, or months even, I have been more open to him than I have ever been to anyone in my life. So since I already had that out, it wouldn't hurt to clarify for him. "Ever since my name was drawn from the reaping ball, I have been except from any kind of 'normal'. There has been only three ways I have lived my life. I was normal once, but that was thrown away when I became the Mockingjay. So, that's two: normal and Mockingjay." I counted in my head, feeling proud I at least had my counting talent still. "And now, the only thing I've known since 'normal', as you put it, is you." I had to admit I was getting a little teary, too. Wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I continued. "If you want me to go back to normal, okay. Fine."

Peeta looked surprised. "B—"

I interrupted him and finished my lecture. "But if you want me to go back in time to 'normal', I need to be the Mockingjay. The war isn't done, Peeta, and until it is, nothing will ever be normal. And who knows?" I shrugged. "Maybe nothing ever will be, even after the war."

Silence.

"Agreed."

My mouth nearly fell open in shock. Peeta agreed with me? I didn't realize that I had actually given him something to agree with. I was proud because my speech wasn't supposed to make him agree with something even _I_ hadn't agreed with.

"Be the Fire Girl, and the whole time I'll be with you by your side. But at home we'll be doing things normal. If the war is over and won, we'll live together like you want."

It was a few seconds before the lump in my throat was past swallowing point. "Agreed."

"Now, come here." Peeta opened his arms.

Relief flooding me, and I practically feel onto Peeta's chest. Strong, familiar arms held me to him, not stroking my hair or anything like that. Just formed something like a protective cage, telling me without words that he meant it.

I pressed my cheek to his shoulder and tightened my grip on him. I never wanted to let go. Sitting here on the floor entwined forever was fine with me. I knew what I had sworn to when I agreed with Peeta. And if everything went just the way we wanted them to, at the end of this things would go back to 'normal'.

I would be tucked in by Mother every night, and would meet up with Peeta in the daytime to have a walk through town. Talk about bread, home life, and shallow things like that. And at night we would say goodnight to each other and go into separate houses, filled with the smell of fresh bread and a dizzy feeling. Then Peeta would decide when he thought we were both ready to grow up and move further.

It's a good thing I trusted his judgment, or for years I would be biting my lips, wondering if he would ever propose to me. But I knew Peeta, and the Peeta I knew would spend very little time dawdling around.

"I should pack up the food we left out." Peeta said, breaking my thoughts in half, forcing me back down to now.

Very reluctantly, I let go of him and stood up. For a split-second, dizziness stopped me where I was standing, making me lean on the wall for support. But Peeta's arm was around me, breaking my fall. And that's how I liked it.

His lips pressed against my temple. "I'll always be here, Katniss, whether it seems so or not."

And I knew he was telling the truth.

**oOo**

_Do you know what I just realized? It is the 100 chapter! I know the last one seemed like it cause that's what it said, but one of those chapters was actually a half-chapter, remember? So this is the actual 100__th__ chapter. Woo! I know I promised a party, but that is kind of…not exactly possible, so best wishes to everyone out there who has read or reviewed this story! _

_Soggybug, signing off._


	102. Chapter 101

_This chapter goes to my friend Sophie who helped me so much on figuring out where this story is going, and thanks to her, I have the best idea in the whole entire world. So thank you so much Sophie and I love you! But also, thank you to all of the…something like 20 people who reviewed last chapter. :DD_

**oOo**

"We should probably be getting to bed." Peeta sighed, looking at the miniscule clock hanging on the wall.

Both of us were laying on the floor belly-down next to each other, talking about shallow, easy topics. Neither one of us strayed towards the subject of memory loss or children, though we talked for a while about our deal that I so willingly agreed to. We go back to District 12, try to be normal, and when the time comes, fight in the war. Winning apparently classifies us as 'mature enough to handle the consequences', or so Peeta puts it, so we would be able to live with each other land live like normal adults for the rest of our lives.

He was proud of his side of the argument, but when I pointed out that losing the war means death, so either we die or we live together. Meaning I ultimately win. After I made that point, he dropped the subject of our agreement abruptly.

"Mm, yeah." I nearly groaned. I didn't want this day to end. Ending it meant that I would have to get surgery. And as much as I've denied it, I am scared to death of what might happen. Dr. Tyrwhitt says the chance of losing my memory is slim, but my past experiences with doctors had told me never, ever trust what they say. Ever. I scooted my knees under me and sat up, Peeta doing the same. "I _really _don't want to do the surgery tomorrow. It's not enough time."

Peeta laced his fingers with mine and kissed me on the top of the head sympathetically. "I know, love. But pretty soon, you'll open your eyes and it'll be all over."

"Yeah, but—Crap!" I put my head in my hands. "Crap, crap, crap!"

"What is it?" Peeta couldn't hide the panic in his voice.

"My pre-op was this morning. Crap! And I missed it." This was just not my day.

He couldn't help but looked relived, since I wasn't having another attack or anything. "Oh. If that's just it… Maybe we can go in late and apologize. Maybe they'd still do it."

"I don't know…" I said skeptically. "If it is too late they would have a cow for being out of my room unsupervised."

"You're supervised." Peeta leaned forward so the tip of his nose grazed mine. "I don't count as supervision?"

"Er…" Giving a shaky laugh, I returned his gaze with my own. "No. Sorry, Peeta, but I don't think so."

"Oh." He blinked and leaned away. "But still, maybe they'll let you in."

But before I could really object, he took my hand and we were walking down the hospital corridor. I whispered, "Peeta, it's 11:00, I seriously doubt I could do the pre-op now."

"It's okay." Peeta looked smug. "They'll have to. They can't just send you back to your room."

When we approached the front desk, the tired-looking secretary lady eyed us threateningly. "You missed your pre-operation appointment, Ms. Everdeen."

I gritted my teeth. "It's Mrs. Mellark."

"Whatever. I seriously doubt you'd be able to do it now. The doctor probably already went home."

"She has to do it now." Peeta gripped my hand. "Her surgery is tomorrow."

"We'll have to postpone it then. Pre-ops are important."

My mouth popped open, half in anger, half disbelief. "Get someone else to do it then."

The secretary sighed in annoyance. "I can see if there's anyone available, but don't be surprised when—"

"You can do it." Said a voice behind me.

Spinning around, Peeta and I saw Dr. Tyrwhitt standing there in his usual blue scrubs, far from looking as though he were going home.

"Come, Mrs. Mellark." He waved a big hand towards the hallways in front of him and Peeta and I followed him with weird looks on our faces. As we walked, the doctor spoke. "You had skipped your pre-op this morning, but it really isn't that big of a deal since the only thing we're doing is getting your scalp disinfected and your room situated. Which I have already done."

Stopping at an average-looking wooden door, he put his hand in his pocket and drew out two items. The first one he handed to me was identical to the one I used last night for my hair.

"You will wash your scalp with this just like you did yesterday. You _did _use it yesterday, right?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"Yeah." I said quickly.

"And this one…" He handed me a small white tube with no writing one it. "Is for after washing your hair. You will let it dry on the operation site overnight and wash it off right before the surgery."

I nodded.

:"You can use this bathroom." Dr. Tyrwhitt motioned to the door beside us. "There is a special hair-washing sink in there for you to use."

I didn't say anything to that, my only thought that it was strange. I could have done this in my room just as well as in this bathroom. Shrugging, I walked into the bathroom and glanced around. In the corner, there was indeed a basin tucked on the wall with a mini shower-nozzle above it.

After scrubbing the life out of my hair with the clear soap, I wrung the water from it and walked out of the bathroom, smelling of hospitals.

Peeta and Dr. Tyrwhitt were leaning against the wall waiting for me. I held up the tube awkwardly. "You wanted me to put this on the operation site. Where is that?"

"Ah." The doctor smiled and took the tube from me. "Here you are, Mrs. Mellark." And when Dr. Tyrwhitt squeezed a glob of thick, colorless paste, he began smearing it on a 2-by-5 square inch of my skin on the hairline above my right ear. After applying all of the tube, he threw it into a nearby trashcan. "There you go. Let that dry and make an effort to not mess with it too much."

I nodded, wanting to go back to my room. Fatigue was already weighing my eyes down. "And…My room? You already did it?"

"Yes, I did." The doctor began walking in the direction we came, and Peeta and I followed. "Now, do you still have the paper I gave you yesterday?"

"Er…" I frowned sheepishly. "No. I don't. Sorry."

"That's okay. Just… Be here tomorrow at 8:30 to sign in." He stopped at the front desk. "And, it _is _okay to come without an escort. As long as Mr. Mellark is with you, you should be fine." Dr. Tyrwhitt smiled at Peeta and turned around. "See you tomorrow."

Once the doctor turned the corner, Peeta put his arm around me and let me lean on him. "Let's get you to bed. It's late."

I didn't object. I was about to pass out.

We got to the room in one piece, and I managed to stay upright before collapsing onto the bed. Peeta straightened me out on the bed and pulled the covers up to my chin.

"Mmm… thanks, Peeta." I mumbled, eyes closed.

He gave me a soft goodnight kiss. "Any time." The half-cylindrical bed tilted slightly sideways as Peeta crawled in next to me and slid his feet in next to mine. "Sleep well, Katniss. I'll be here next to you through all of it."

As the blackness began enveloping me, I slipped my hand around his and felt the returned pressure. Then I dropped off.

"Katniss." A soft voice roused me from my restless sleep. "Wake up, Katniss. Breakfast is here."

I murmured something unintelligible and was just about to drift off again when I felt warm, salty pressure on my lips, accompanied by a melting sensation in my brain. Darn Peeta. I forced my eyes open and found myself staring into brilliant blue ones. Sighing, I said, "Not fair. Not fair at all."

"I do what I have to." He gave me a small smile and his head left my line of sight, compelling me to sit up.

Peeta was sitting casually on the other end of the bed, sparkly clean, without any shirt. The breakfast tray was sitting on his lap and I could see his eyebrows were raised at me, as if saying, _you aren't going to try to go back to sleep? Weird…_

After I scooted myself into a supportive sitting position, I accepted the tray from him even though I had no appetite. "Thanks." I picked at my apple with a fingernail, trying not to think of later today.

Peeta frowned concernedly at me. "You should eat, Katniss. Really."

I pushed the tray away from me and hugged my arms to my chest. "You're not supposed to eat before a surgery."

He looked dubious. "Dr. Tyrwhitt never told you that." When I still said nothing, he set the tray to the left of us and scooted his body next to mine. "Don't be afraid, Katniss." Peeta slid his arm around my waist and brushed a stray hair from my braid behind my ear. "I'll be with you."

"I know." I debated whether to admit how frightened I was. "It's just….really hard to imagine what would happen if I didn't remember you. Or the Games." I tried to direct my sadness to something else besides him. "Haymitch said that if I lost my memory I would still have to be the Mockingjay."

Peeta put on a face. "That horrible. How the heck are you supposed to do that?"

I shrugged, feeling a small lump beginning to grow in my throat. "He'll find a way."

"I want to help you. I want you to be happy." Still looking upset, Peeta pulled my head onto his shoulder.

"You have." My throat-lump had gotten bigger. So much that my voice cracked and I had to inhale deeply before continuing. "More than you think."

"Is that why you scowl so much?"

I scowled.

The corners of his mouth twitched up into an apologetic smile. "Sorry."

I looked away, brows still furrowed in offense. "I was trying to tell you something, Peeta."

"I'm sorry, love." Peeta put his face close to mine and held me gently to him. "Truly. Please continue."

"I—" Of course, I immediately forgave him. But I tried to find a way how to tell him this without sounded corny and 'too open'. "I guess I need to say thank you, that's one thing."

"For what?" Peeta murmured distractingly, lips nearly two inches from mine.

"For-For being so… supportive and sturdy. After all the crap that's happened, you're still here. When after the first Games, when I said I didn't love you after all, you shook it off and wanted to stay with me, just as friends, despite me breaking your heart into pieces."

"There wasn't really a choice, Katniss." His blue eyes met mine. "I couldn't mope forever, especially with the Quell coming up."

"But you stayed with me even in my private life away from the cameras. And if you hadn't done that, you wouldn't have grown on me. You taught me how to love, and unfortunately you were the victim."

"Unfortunately?" Peeta laughed quietly, brows raised. "Victim?"

"Yes." Though I was 100% serious, I couldn't help but smiling, too. "Because all sorts of drama follow me everywhere I go. And you had no choice but to accept my baggage along with me."

Quietly, so I barely heard it, he said, "It was worth it."

"Now that I am positive that I love you, all of my problems become yours. Bad things happen to you, yet, you stuck with me. I am not good at loving, but I'm learning."

"You aren't bad at loving." He insisted. "I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"Just barely." I felt a smile slowly spread across my face. "And I intend to keep you that way."

Peeta then wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me into a sideways hug. "I'm sure you'll do a fantastic job."

"Not necessarily…" Now that I poured my heart out all over Peeta, I could feel my angst creeping up on me when the truth began setting in again. "Now that the Capitol isn't down, they'll be coming after me. But in order to completely get rid of the Fire Girl, they're going to have to get all of me."

"What do you mean?" Peeta frowned.

"They're targeting you, too, Peeta."

"What does that have to do with killing all of you?"

I swallowed. "You have my heart."

There was an awkward pause after that, when I realized what I had just said. That was _so_ cheesy.

"I'm sorry." I said, resisting the urge to giggle. "That was shallow."

But the look on Peeta's face was not silly, or looked as though he thought I was. Instead, affection, confusion, and hurt painted his expression.

"Peeta?" I said softly, smile fading from my lips. I gently pulled away from him and put my hand on his cheek. "What's wrong?"

For another split-second, he didn't say anything, but then our eyes met. "I don't think… I'd be able to live if you lost your memory."

I blinked, utterly puzzled. "Well, why?"

He folded his hand on top of mine, which was still on his face. "You hold my heart as well."

My heart seemed to do the exact opposite of skipping a beat. The thud it was on seemed to have slowed down and made a heavy, painful _glug _noise. Trying not to cry, I wound my arms around Peeta's middle and pressed him to me.

Peeta embraced me as well, hands spreading out, one in between my shoulder blades and the other in the middle of my spine. He rubbed my back comfortingly, breathing softly into my hair.

Taking advantage of the moment, I gently pressed my lips to the base of Peeta's neck. "I won't lose my memory, Peeta."

He pulled away just enough to lock his watery eyes with mine. "How can you be so sure, Katniss?"

"Because I have something to live for."

**oOo**

_Alright, bad news everybody. My poor computer has broken down and so I need to take it into the shop. Yep, you guessed it. I won't be able to type for as long as they have it, which will be about a week if all goes well. Plus the time it takes to actually type the next chapter, so there will be a delay on updating. I'm sorry! It just gives you something to look forward to. _


	103. Chapter 102

_Okay, I have been searching for a good theme-song for this story, and it came down to two. I can't choose between them, so I'm going to give you guys your homework early. Which song do you think is better: Your Surrender by Neon Trees, or Gimme a Chance by Plain White T's? If you guys have to time, please look up the lyrics and give me your input! I'll give you a little snippet of each at the ending A/N. _

**oOo**

**PEETA'S POV**

It was awful, the last few hours before 8:30. We hadn't talked much after Katniss poured her heart out to me. We just sat there in bed, wrapped in each others' arms. Occasionally there would be exchanged kisses, but everything we did was subdued. At 6:50, Katniss sighed.

"I'd better take a shower before the-the appointment." Her voice was strong, but we both knew she was scared. I was, too.

"Okay." I got up with her, though my arm never left her waist.

There was a moment when we both just stood by the bed, silent and unmoving. Then, Katniss reached up and kissed the very corner of my mouth. But, without saying anything, she turned around and disappeared into the bathroom.

I wanted to say something to her, though. I wanted some last connection, if any at all. "Don't get the paste stuff on your head wet." I shut my mouth after that. I shouldn't speak without thinking.

Katniss voice came, amused, from the bathroom. "I won't, Peeta."

Sighing slightly, I sat down on the edge of the bed, my brain just about to explode, when the rustling of the curtain made me look up. A hand was sticking out from the bathroom and dropped clothes into the hamper right outside the door. Nothing too special. I went back to exploding.

My eyes raked the sparse items around the room I had come to know; the tiny clock on the wall telling me that it was, indeed, 6:58 in the afternoon; the few plastic chairs shoved into an empty corner; this curious white bed I've spent nights with Katniss in; the metal box lodged into the wall that brings food and clothes.

Sure, I miss my 'old life' here in District 13. I would bake and paint during the day, and after Katniss' family was gone, I would go into her room and we'd lie awake talking. In the morning we would go to breakfast together. I remember that feeling that has sort of haunted me. Whenever we were out walking in the halls and my arm was around her shoulder…I was almost too afraid to let go. The feeling of complete emptiness after the Quell made me a little paranoid, I admit. I didn't like being alone.

I felt guilty about the little arguments between me and Katniss that have been happening over the past few days. She wanted the surgery, I didn't. She wanted to try and skip a very important part of growing up, but I don't want her to. Sometimes…we need to know the meanings of 'normal' and 'childhood' before we become supposed 'adults'. I wanted Katniss to be able to enjoy that last bit of being a kid I guess she never had before accepting the responsibility.

Maybe she just doesn't fully grasp it. Before, it was fine sharing a bed and a house. The concept of children weren't quite as daunting as they would be. There would have always been people around telling how to raise children, what to teach them, how to live through it all until they grow up. But once we are on our own, with no one standing over us, things won't seem quite as easy. We don't know how to raise a kid on our own.

To be honest, I didn't like our other agreement much, either. We would go back to living like we had when we go back to District 12, but only when the Capitol was defeated we'd start our life together, in the means of adults. But what when we go to war, there is no certainty we'll win. If one of us dies, our plans of living together go down the drain. So it was pretty much "die or live together". It was harsh, yes, but it provided somewhat stability for Katniss. Something to look forward to. Something she can rely on when other things go bad.

The sound of a bell rang through the room and my thoughts immediately fizzled away. Sighing slightly, I walked over to the metal box in the wall and opened it, planning to have dinner on the bed for when Katniss got out. But when I peered inside the container, the dinner tray wasn't the only thing in there. Next to it, tied with the usual gray string, was a fresh bundle of clothes. Frowning, I took them out and stood next to the closed curtain.

"Hey, Katniss?" I cast my voice louder to be heard over the sound of the shower spray.

A squeak, then the water shut off. Katniss voice responded. "What?"

"You didn't happen to leave you new clothes in the metal box thing, did you?"

A pause. "No, why?" Katniss peered from around the plastic drape, frowning.

I held out the clothes.

"Maybe…" She reached out a bare arm and took the clothes from me. "They were sent deliberately to me for the surgery."

"Probably."

Katniss shrugged. "Well, it couldn't hurt to have fresh clothes. I'll be out in a bit."

"Okay, but—wait, wait!" I said as she began pulling the curtain back closed. "Before you disappear again,"

Katniss tilted her head up, waiting for whatever I was going to tell her.

But she never got the chance to hear because I reached over and brushed my mouth gently across hers. It was over in a second, and I pulled back away. "You can get dressed now. I'm good."

Katniss said nothing, only shook her head slightly to get water out of her ear. Gaping slightly at me through the corner of her eyes, she reluctantly pulled the curtain back closed.

When she was concealed by the plastic drape, I felt a smile spread across my lips. Not just because I kissed Katniss when she wasn't exactly wearing anything except for a towel (I try not to think about that), but the look on her face. If this really was our last day, that expression would be in my mind forever.

A few minutes later she came back out, except she didn't put on her usual shirt. So she was just in her pants and undershirt. When I gave her a look, she shrugged. "It's just one of those days, you know?"

"When you don't feel like wearing clothes? Yeah I know." I laughed and put my arms around her. Feeling the measured thrumming of Katniss heart in my own chest was one of the best feelings in the world.

"Um, no." She was giving me a weird look (what's new?), but nevertheless accepted my hug and twined her arms around my waist as well. "I was thinking when you just don't care if you are wearing all your clothes or not. But I guess the other works, too." She leaned her head on my chest and blew a gusty sigh. "So what do you want to do in the hour and a half we have left?"

She didn't specify on 'have left', but we both knew what she meant.

I tucked her head under my chin in thought. "I don't know… This right here is okay with me for now."

"Yeah…" Silence followed that word, leaving it ringing in the air. It was only when I kissed the top of her hair she looked up.

Still keeping the silence, I rested my forehead against hers and just breathed in her clean scent. Though, I missed the fresh forest scent that lingered in her hair every time she would come home from hunting.

I felt Katniss blink against my eyelashes and a silver tear fell down her cheek. Something about the moment reminded me of a while ago, right after when we found out she was pregnant with a mutt. She was crying nearly every night…

"I'm scared, Peeta." Her grey eyes opened and stared dolefully into mine.

Her confession nearly surprised me. It wasn't really like Katniss to admit to something like that. We both were trying to be strong for one another. But you can't always be strong. You need to learn to be flexible sometimes, or you'll break. And trust me when I say this, we've broken a lot.

I gently kissed Katniss' cheekbone, feeling the perfectly round droplet dissolve against my lips. It tasted like salt. "I know. So am I."

Katniss unlocked her arms from around my torso and just draped them onto my shoulders. "Maybe this surgery isn't such a good idea." She mumbled, voice muffled since her face was pressed against my shirt. I was about to protest, but thought better of it. "I want to stay like this forever. Forget about the stupid operation. I just…want…" A shaky breath cut off her words and I knew she was trying, hard, not to cry.

"It's okay, love." I cupped one hand to the back of her head and rocked her close to me, back and forth like a small child. "It's okay." Again and again, I threaded my fingers through the ends of her hair, holding her tight. "What do you want, Katniss? Anything…" I murmured against her hair. All I wanted was her last few hours before the operation to be the best she's ever had.

"I want…" She hiccupped quietly and pulled a little bit away from me so I could see her eyes. Out of the blue I felt her hands reach up and bend my head down towards her. "I want you."

There wasn't any time to frown before the gentle pressure of her mouth on mine making it feel like my brain was melting out my ears. It wasn't like some of the times Katniss' has kissed me; fiery, unstoppable. Whenever she did that, I felt so out of control, it nearly scared me. But this kiss, sweet and gentle, just made me want to shut out the rest of the world and just float around in space, just me and Katniss. To fly away with wings we just sprouted, and live forever.

When Katniss' lips left mine, I tried hard not to let the little sigh in my throat come out. But it did, in the form of a hushed "Wow…"

"How about—" Even though she was doing her best not to cry, tears were falling down Katniss' cheeks and she hiccupped occasionally. "How about we pretend I'm _not _going to lose my memory? How about we pretend tonight will be just like any other."

"Okay." My voice was just barely a whisper, but I knew it wasn't the end of our so-called 'goodbyes'.

I pulled her back onto my chest and continued to rock Katniss' petite body gently. I could feel the sobs shaking her shoulders, the tears falling onto my shirt.

"Its okay, Katniss…" I said automatically, but stopped myself. Feeding her lies is the last thing I wanted to do.

But she didn't say anything, which surprised me. I expected her to pull away and tell me how everyone says that, and maybe it won't be okay, and to stop lying to her. Instead, she just wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and said nothing.

I took that as a sign of encouragement, so I bent my lips closer to her ear. "It'll all be over soon, and when you wake up, you'll be back in your room, with me at your side."

She seemed to like that idea, judging by the sad smile that crept onto her face. "That may be true, Peeta, but what if I don't remember you? What if…I wake up and you are just the boy with the bread, and-and nothing more. What then, Peeta?"

My hands brushed a long strand of black hair back over Katniss shoulder and I pressed my cheek to the top of her head. "That's for you to decide."

**oOo**

_Well, as you may have noticed, my computer isn't in the shop quite yet. My mum has to 'get around to it', which is mother-language for "not any time soon". So, until that happens, I will continue to update, blah blah blah. So on and so forth. __ The surgery is next chapter! I hope everyone is as excited as I am. Like I promised in the beginning A/N, I will put little snippets of the songs up for you people to vote on or whatever, and if you really feel like it, go to youtube and listen to it. Here is a piece of Gimme a Chance by the Plain White T's:_

Why don't you open up your eyes?

These are more than passing glances.

Why don't you say what's on your mind?

'Cause I'm taking all the chances.

If I'm not everything you wanted,

If I'm not everything you need,

Then you can walk right out,

And you can block that out,

But you're never gonna see

Just how good it's gonna be

Until you

Gimme a chance,

Gimme a chance.

_I could have put more of that song up, but I didn't want to bore you guys absolutely to tears if you didn't want to hear the songs. So, um…here is Your Surrender by Neon Trees:_

I become

Your shadow

I've loved

But don't know how to.

I'm always lost for words.

You look like

A thousand suns,

I wanna be the only one,

Left when your day is done.

Ooh, how long 'till your surrender?

How long 'till your surrender?

It's a long way

For heartbreak

Let your heart wait and bleed.

Ooh, ooh,

How long 'till your surrender to me?

_Alright, I know you guys are now thinking "I wish she wouldn't put so much crap in her A/N's because no one really cares what she listens to." So, okay. That's okay with me. I just hope the chapter was worth it. _


	104. Chapter 103

_This is the chapter you all have been waiting for! Well, sort of. But anyways, it's the chapter of the surgery, so everyone buckle up and try not to hurt anyone around you. __ Here we go! But seriously, though. No iron clubs, or two-by-fours, or anything like that, okay?_

**oOo**

It was all over too fast. Before we knew it, it was 8:15 and Katniss was having a mental breakdown. She wouldn't stay still; pacing the room, sitting down, a minute later standing up and pacing some more. Though she denied it at all, I knew she would pop soon.

"I'm fine, Peeta. It's just…nerves." She would say, and go back to pacing.

Five minutes later, though, I stood up from the bed where I was watching her. "We should go, now."

Katniss halted her footsteps, and blinked at me, visible dread in her wide gray eyes. "I—" She swallowed. "Alright." But she made no move towards the door.

When I saw her trembling, I went over and enfolded her small body in my arms. "You're going to be alright, Katniss. I promise. Please don't cry, love. It's all going to turn out in the end."

Her tears didn't subside, but she tried to speak through them. "Y-You don't know th-that. I can't…"

With a finger, I tilted her chin up and forced her to look me in the eyes. "Whatever happened to 'let's pretend I won't lose my memory'?"

She returned my gaze with her own, upset one. "I d-don't know…"

Shaking my head slightly, I took her shoulders and spun her around, so her back was towards me. "It'll be okay. I'll be with you until you fall asleep." And, like I'd done so many times before, I parted her hair into three and began to braid it away from her face.

"What about when I wake up?" She sulked, which wasn't like her.

We've been through this argument several times, but I didn't mind defending my side more than once. I snapped the band in place at the end of her braid and turned her back around. "If you didn't lose your memory, I'll be there, like always. If you did, then it wouldn't matter, would it? You wouldn't remember there was a Peeta to mourn." I had to admit my voice broke in that last sentence, but I didn't give in and cry like my body was telling me to.

Katniss noticeably winced away from me, and she stared at me reproachfully. "That's awful, Peeta." She whispered.

I didn't say anything.

She didn't either for a while, just stared at the floor. After a minute or two, she looked back up and took a deep breath. "We had better get going."

I didn't know if my words inspired her or something, but I just opened the door and offered Katniss my hand. She wrapped it in hers and we left her room, without as much as a glance behind.

We walked slowly at first, almost as if we procrastinated long enough, the doctor would be like "oh, you took too long, you can't do the surgery now". But we both knew in our hearts there was no chance of that happening.

When the front desk was in sight, Katniss stopped dead, uncertainty and apprehension painting her unusually-pale face. "I'm suddenly unsure about the surgery, Peeta." Her small hand tightened around mine and she made no further move towards the front desk.

Even though we were going to be late in approximately two-and-a-half minutes, I stopped with her and pulled her into a comforting hug. "I know." I whispered into her hair.

"Why do you always say that?" She pulled back and looked away from me, going back to the Katniss I knew. "You couldn't possibly know, Peeta. In just an hour or so I will be going into surgery, not knowing if I will come back out the same as I am now. You say that it wouldn't matter we would be apart because I wouldn't even know you. But that only makes it worse. Knowing is better than not knowing, every time. You couldn't possibly understand how I am feeling."

I was silent for a few seconds, wanting to wrap my arms around her and hold her to my chest. I didn't. "You're right, Katniss." I gave her that much, but I didn't stop trying to catch her gaze. "I don't quite know what you're feeling. This whole ordeal, the stress it's putting on you. But while you are feeling something different, I have my own torture I'm putting up with." Finally, her grey eyes locked onto mine, scared. "But while we're feeling, perhaps, two different pains, I want you to know I'm still there with you. No matter how unalike we are."

A minutes passed (though it felt like hours), when Katniss leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around me, as though it were me needing the comfort. I buried my face in her hair and held her as tight as she would allow, without squeezing the life out of her. Katniss' hands were locked together against my back, and I could feel them trembling through my shirt.

Katniss loosened her grip on me and her hands slid around me and onto my chest, though we stayed close. "Promise me, Peeta, that if I _do _lose my memory, you'll do everything in your power to make me…back to normal, I guess. I don't want you to give up on me just because I don't remember. I want you to be a part of my life. Peeta, don't give up on me."

The sorrow in her voice nearly made me break down as well. Reaching up, my fingers gently trailed across her jawbone. "Never," I murmured, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "I'll never give up on you."

If I was hoping she would break down crying, and bury her face in my chest again, I was disappointed. Katniss took a deep breath and drew away. "Good." But she said nothing else.

"Are you ready?" I tried to form an encouraging smile on my face, but I felt it twist up my features. Instead, I leaned over and gave her a small kiss on the tip of her nose.

"As I'll ever be." Katniss reached down and once again laced her fingers with mine.

Thankfully, it was a different person at the front desk than our usual crabby secretary. It was a thin, pretty lady who looked in her early twenties. Her skin was a very dark, rich brown, which stood out against her tidy white shirt.

She blinked her wide black eyes at us. "Are you the 8:30 surgery with Dr. Tyrwhitt?"

Katniss' hand slipped reluctantly out of mine as she stepped forward. "Katniss Everdeen. Sorry if I'm late." She added as an afterthought, though it sounded like she didn't put much heart into it.

"It's not a problem." The secretary turned her gaze to her computer and typed something in. "Nurse Baron will escort you to your room."

The name sounded vaguely familiar to me, but I pushed the stray thought away. It didn't matter, anyway.

A nurse appeared at our side and beckoned to us without saying anything. After taking Katniss' hand again, we followed him through the halls.

My eyes dully followed the signs hanging from the ceiling, reading them as we went. The last sign I read was "Day Surgery Check-In", and we went through the door.

The waiting room we found ourselves in was small. On one wall was a desk, with a glass top where we checked in, a tall wooden door next to it. After that, Katniss and I sat down on one of the only couches in the room, facing a tiny TV. We didn't watch it, though. Tension was running high; Katniss' body didn't relax, even when I pulled her head onto my shoulder.

Thankfully, we didn't have to sit for very long before Dr. Tyrwhitt appeared in the doorway.

Both Katniss' and my heads snapped up to look at him when he rapped on the door to get our attention.

"Mrs. Mellark, are you ready?" Dr. Tyrwhitt asked politely as we stood up.

Katniss' blew out a gusty sigh. "No, but I don't really have any choice, do I?"

I tightened my hand around hers reassuringly. She returned the pressure gratefully.

The room Dr. Tyrwhitt led us to was small, but cozy. It had a large wheelie-bed in the middle, equipped with all sorts of fancy-looking buttons on the rail. Like most all rooms in the hospital, metal instruments of all kind were scattered all along the walls and ceiling, but most of them were out of the way.

On one wall, next to several delicate-looking metal wands, was a hook driven deep into the paint. Slung onto the hook was a human-sized, black bag that was unzipped and empty.

The doctor took a pale gray hospital gown from one of the cupboards. After handing it to Katniss, he motioned to the unzipped bag. "You are to remove everything on yourself and put this gown on. All personal belongings, clothes, and shoes go into the bag." And he ducked back out the door, closing it behind him.

I was about to follow the doctor out to let Katniss get dressed, but her hand on my arm stopped me. I turned to see her with a look on I was accustom.

"Um, you can… You can stay if you want. Just, um… close your eyes." She took my shoulders and spun me around so my back was to her.

Blinking, I said nothing, just waited with my hands in my pockets as Katniss changed into her gown. I knew when she was done because I felt her hand wrap in mine, and tugged me over to the bed, where she crawled under the thin white blankets.

Ironically enough, as soon as I sat down in the chair next to the bed, the door opened again and Dr. Tyrwhitt strolled in. I didn't even want to know how he knew Katniss was done dressing.

"Okay." The doctor rubbed his papery hands together and looked at us. "Katniss, you will remain in this room while your paperwork is being filled out, and the operation room is being prepared. I will come get you when we're ready." He started towards the door again, but paused and turned back around briefly. "Do you two need anything? Food? Extra blankets?"

I glanced at Katniss, who shook her head,

Dr. Tyrwhitt nodded. "Okay, then. See you in a little bit." And he left.

When the door shut behind him, and I made sure no one else was nearby, I turned back to Katniss. She has a sad, cloudy look to her eyes that told me she was back in her own little world, thinking about other things besides the present.

I subconsciously rubbed her hand in between mine with my thumbs, just staring at her trance-like face. But when I put her hand to my lips, she seemed to snap out of it.

Katniss blinked twice and shook her head, as if startled. Her shining gray eyes locked onto mine. "Are you okay, Peeta? You're taking this almost too well. You make me seem like a baby compared to your semi-calmness."

I was honest with her. "No, I'm not exactly okay, but I'm trying to be strong, for you if not for myself."

For a second I watched as she bit her lip, then Katniss drew her other hand out from under the blanket and put it on mine. But she didn't say anything.

The silence was welcome, though it made me think of depressing things.

I set our intertwined hands down on Katniss' stomach and leaned on the bed railing. Some people might have thought it weird that all we were doing was staring into one another's eyes, but for me, it was different. Maybe, I was trying to find something in the dark gray flacks of Katniss' irises. Maybe, once I found what I was looking for I would finally be at ease. But as I sat there, never breaking our gaze, I wondered myself what it was I was looking for. No answer came.

"Hey, Peeta?" Katniss whispered.

Suddenly aware of my eyes glazing over, I shook my head and smiled sadly at her. "Hm?"

She bit her slightly-chapped lip and looked up at me uncertainly. "I'm sorry. And…And I love you."

Is it possible for your heart to actually melt? Because I think mine just did. And it hurt really, really badly. I swallowed hard and untangled one of my hands to cup the side of her face. I wanted to tell her I loved her back, but that doesn't mean anything. I wished she could just pop into my mind really quick and know what I am feeling, because words don't work in this case. I've worn them out.

Instead of saying anything back, I drew my hand away and instead, reached into my pocket. Yesterday, when I had drugged her, I had two goals. One was to get the picnic ready, and the other was sitting, cold and unmoving in my pocket. I curled my fingers around it and pulled it out.

Katniss, still a little teary-eyed, frowned. When I held my hand out to her, she opened hers under it.

_This was it…_ I gulped and let the item slide out of my fingers and into Katniss' tan palm.

She held it close to her nose, examining it. The item was no larger than her pinky nail, gleaming white, smooth, and round. The recognition in Katniss' eyes nearly made me laugh. Or cry like a baby, I wasn't sure which.

"Is this…?" Katniss bit back tears and looked at me with shining eyes.

"The very same."

It was the peal I had given her in the Quarter Quell. I had popped it out of an oyster and given it to her. We joked about it, then, but I noticed she carried it with her everywhere, tucked safely in her belt. It meant something to both of us. So maybe, it could speak the words I couldn't to Katniss.

"Peeta…" Tears slid down her cheekbones, and she reached up towards me.

I knew what was going to happen before it happened. But it was no use trying to prepare for it when she twined her arms around my neck and pulled me down on top of her.

My heart beat furiously, but the kiss only lasted about five minutes. It was rudely cut off by a rapping at the door.

Dr. Tyrwhitt strode in, and seeing our embrace, flushed. "Sorry if-if I'm interrupting anything…" He mumbled, avoiding our gazes, pretending to be immersed the paperwork in his hands.

Katniss, trying to hide her panting, cleared her throat. "Er, no it's okay."

The doctor looked up from his papers. "Well, we are ready for you. So, if you please…" He walked over behind the bed and kicked a lever.

I wasn't ready, though! It was only 10:30! I thought maybe we could have until 11, but nooo.

My heart didn't seem to slow down as I stood up, preparing to stop the doctor in his tracks, when Katniss grabbed my hand. I looked down to see her staring into my eyes. She shook her head.

The words that had nearly came spilling out before, choked my throat and clogged my lungs again. With a finger, I stroked the line of her bottom lip. "Love you, Katniss."

"Love you, too." She whispered, and I watched as the doctor wheeled her bed away.

And lingering on my lips was the remainder of what might have well have been my last kiss with Katniss Everdeen.

**oOo**

_I had that last sentence planned out for AGES. I'm expecting tons of reviews, so don't disappoint me, now! I love all of you people out there right now reading this chapter. So, have a great whatever-the-holiday-is, and don't forget to kiss babies and…finish your homework…and…such…_


	105. Chapter 104

_Thanks everyone for your amazing support and flip-outs! Hehehe This chapter is dedicated to..PureAtHeart for being the first to review the last chapter! :D Enjoy this one.  
_

**oOo**

The second I made it out of the hospital walls, I lost it. My head felt like it was about to burst into a thousand tiny pieces. Without even bothering watching where I was going, I sprinted down the halls, frustrated tears threatening to pour down my face. Several times I ran into something, banging my elbows, or sometimes knees on things I didn't see approaching. Most of the times it was open door or walls, but the occasional person was victim to my stampede.

When I opened my eyes next, I was in a secluded hallway I knew only too much. Though I hadn't been there in quite a while, I recognized the metal door in front of me. The last time I had seen it, it was mostly clean, but this time, a thin layer of dust coated it. With a shaky hand, I gripped the doorknob and pushed.

A waft of fresh air swept over me, nearly making me double over.

The room I was in was the nursery Katniss and I made back when she was pregnant with Alexis. The last time I had been in it was when stress was running high, and me along with a group of other adults, ran after Katniss when she decided to chase down the Capitol spies, who nearly killed Prim.

But the room seemed like no one had touched it since. The pure glass ceiling was still smashed to bits, spider web fissures decorating what was left of the glass. Outside, it was black. Brilliant stars winked down at me. I nearly cursed. They shouldn't be that happy and beautiful at a time like this.

Looking down, I saw the remnants of Katniss' life with Alexis; Scattered cloth diapers, a box of overturned baby clothes, a teensy pink blanket. But when my gaze landed on the perfect little crib, it felt as though something erupted in my chest. A rush of fury hit me so hard, it hurt.

I was grabbing things, throwing them against the wall, angry tears pouring down my face. Wooden splinters cascaded all around me as I grabbed another item from the floor. I was blind, vision blurred to the point of loss of sight. I didn't know what my hands were gripping, throwing on the hard concrete of the nursery wall.

Frustrated yells echoed in the small room, accompanied by the crashes of items breaking against one another.

My fingers tightened around another wooden object and I was about to smash it against the ground in rage, when my vision just happened to clear up and I was staring down at it. The cradle. Holding back another sob, my memory cast back to the day Katniss found it.

She couldn't stop smiling, grey eyes lit up when I asked what she got. I had wanted to show her how I transformed the beat-up astronomy lab, but she seemed like she was about to pass out on her own two feet. Of course, once we got back to her room, she was fine. Typical Katniss. She took it out of the wardrobe and showed it to me. The lady she had gotten it from…Willow, I think was her name. All of her kids had used this crib and she had sold it to Katniss in hopes it would continue to be loved. Katniss couldn't stop smiling.

I fell down onto my knees, and the wooden cradle slipped from my hands, and thudded onto the blanket. Horrified sobs ripped from my chest, and I couldn't stop them.

Normally, I would refrain from crying at all, but no one was here to watch me be a baby. I could cry all I wanted know. There wasn't anyone here. No one to put their arm around me and tell me things were going to be okay. No Katniss.

I cursed out loud to myself. I was sounding juvenile and pathetic, even to my own head. I was going to have to deal with my loss like a man. A man who wanted nothing more to fall asleep with Katniss' head on his shoulder and never wake up.

Sniffing slightly, I looked up and surveyed the damage I did to the room. The big bookcase I had dragged in from one of the other abandoned rooms was completely obliterated. I could hardly tell it was a bookcase any more. The things that use to reside on its dusty shelves were now strewn all over the messy floor, some torn to bits. The little oil lamps I had hung up with such care were ripped from the hooks and shattered along the floor.

How could I do this?

Self-loathing bubbled up in my throat, except this time (instead of wrecking everything around me), I stood up. This would not do. I was Peeta Mellark, who survived the Hunger Games and the Quarter Quell, and I had just thrown a major fit. I needed to deal with the facts and be realistic. Okay, Katniss might not come back. But the probability of that actually happening was so small. And if she really did lose her memory, it would give her a second chance. A second chance to live a normal life without me constantly being in her way.

Another memory popped into my mind.

We were in the Games, and I was healing from the thigh wound Cato had given me. Katniss didn't want to leave me alone, so she brought me with her to hunt. For her it didn't seem like such a big deal. But after years of practically stalking Katniss Everdeen, I had come to realize hunting with her was a big deal. Gale was the only one she's ever been with, out hunting in the woods, and they were really close. To be with the huntress during the hunt was an honor, though she treated it like a necessity.

But I wasn't use to being silent, so not to scare away the woodland creatures. Katniss looked back at me and told me that I was being loud. Right then was probably when I should have gotten the clue that we weren't meant to be. Great couples push and pull each other's existence. Not get in the way.

Katniss was the hunter, lean and slick, with an eye like a hawk. Okay, maybe she had slight issues with trust, but she was so utterly independent and determined. She didn't need anyone to live.

Me, on the other hand… I was the baker, meant to live in the life of kneading bread. But when I look at Katniss, all I can think is that she's changed me so much. In a good way, I mean. She's taught me that it's not a bad thing to want to be my own person, and want more than what I have. Not like "I have two ponies and I want three", but things can always get better. Things can always be improved, and you're in charge of that improvement. You want something to happen, make it happen. She's taught me to be flexible, but to be my own person.

But there is a chance she won't be coming back, so I'll have to fend for myself, living off of what she taught me. I know I had promised her that I wouldn't give up. She wanted me to teach her how to love me again. I know I promised, but it wasn't the same the second time. It never would be. If she lost her memory, I had a feeling the closest we would ever get would be friends. But me, being selfish and all, wanted more.

I swallowed and stood up from my place on the floor. It was a mess in here, yes. I had made it and it was my job to clean it up.

I worked for an hour, sweeping up the bits of wood and glass I had scattered. The salvageable stuff went into a miraculously not-ruined box on the floor. When all the trash was disposed of and the rescued stuff was packed into the corner, I took a good look at the room, feeling somewhat proud.

The floor and walls were, once again, spotless—if not empty. The ceiling needed something done about it, though. Making up my mind, I grabbed a half-used plastic bag.

Around the edges of the ceiling were broken bits of glass, some the approximate size of Prim. Squaring my shoulders, I got to work snapping off the glass. It was tedious work, and sometimes painful when I cut myself, but I pursued.

At last, I had filled one-and-a-half bags full of broken glass, and the ceiling was finally rid of it. The whole top of the room was completely open to the night, letting the autumns' breeze engulf me. Now this room was the perfect room to defy District 13. Not like they are all against us, but our freedom was limited while we're here. No one was allowed outside except for the adult men, who are only allowed to go out for benefit of 13 itself.

As long as no one finds this room, we would be able to go in and out as we please. Except… My eyes trailed upwards and I wondered how the heck we were supposed to get in and out. Katniss and the Capitol spies were running off pure adrenaline when they used the bookcase as a ladder and vaulted the spare five to the outside.

Shrugging lightly, I vowed that eventually I'll find a ladder or something. There wasn't really any rush now that Katniss might not come back. Even though thinking of that topic hurt me, I felt better, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It's not like I'm relieved that Katniss might not come back, but that everything she taught me finally kicked in. I am now living on my own two feet and taking initiative of that by taking care of my own problems.

Right, well, now that that was taken care of, I needed a shower. Badly. I took one last look at the bare room before heading off towards my own.

In my room, I scrubbed myself clean. When I was picking the glass off the ceiling, shards had sliced my skin. So along with all the sweat and splinters, I also had to wash blood off my hands. The coppery scent filled my senses and I shuddered.

Being able to use the shower in Katniss' room was easy and convenient, but I had to admit nothing could beat normal showers. I stood under the warm spray for 45 minutes, luxuriating in the fact that I didn't only have two minutes of hot water.

When I stepped out onto the bathmat, the scent of lemon soap still hung in the air. I toweled off as good as I could and dressed in normal trousers and a T-shirt. After that I examined myself in the mirror.

It turns out Katniss was right; I did need a haircut. Sighing to myself, I turned my gaze away from the mirror.

Up until then, I hadn't realized how boring it was without Katniss. I couldn't pick up some cookies for her at the kitchens, I didn't need to run a small errand for her, and I didn't to take a second shower.

I let my feet wander where they wanted to, nothing in particular coloring my mind. The next time I looked up, however, I was standing in front of Katniss' old room door. I looked disapprovingly down at my feet; they didn't have permission to take me here. My feet said nothing in defense.

A second later, I was standing inside Katniss' room.

It was just like we had left it, I guess. Her bedside stand had a half-drank glass of water, along with an empty money satchel. The wardrobe hung open, the clothes inside airing out. As if on impulse, I walked over to the closet and ran my fingers along the colored material that hung.

My gaze wandered from the garments to her bed, where the covers were still tossed aside, as if waiting for someone to come back again. Out of curiosity more than anything, I went over to it and picked up the pillow. It still smelled like her.

After remaking the blankets up, I lay down on her bed and just stared up at the ceiling, mind drifting aimlessly. Until, of course, a few minutes later when I heard someone clear their throat at the doorway. I sat straight up, abruptly cursing myself for not closing the door.

Primrose was standing there, her face neutral, waiting for me to realize she was there.

"Er…" I hastily stood up and replaced the pillow back to the head of the bed. I cleared my throat. "Sorry. Did you…um… Did you go see Katniss before she left?"

"Yes, actually." Prim invited herself in and after closing the door behind her, sat at the end of the bed. I sat, too. "Mother and I made it right before she was wheeled into the operation room. We only had a few minutes to talk, but Katniss wanted me to give you this." She held out her hand.

For a second my heart skipped a beat and I thought it was something really important, like a note, but when I opened my hand to receive whatever "it" was, I was disappointed. The small, shiny pearl tumbled into my fingers and for a second I just sat staring down at it.

"The doctors wouldn't let her have it in the operation room because it was unsanitary." Prim explained. "So Katniss gave it to me and told me to tell you that she wants it back as soon as she's done."

I nodded, understanding but a little deflated. "Thanks." But I couldn't say anything other than that simple word; the lump in my throat came back. No matter how much I enjoyed those few minutes of not being depressed, it came back, this time nearly as bad.

Primrose smiled sympathetically at me. "I'm sorry, you know. About Katniss needing the surgery. I wish she didn't need it."

Swallowing down my unhappiness, I tried to return her smile. "Yeah, me too." Then I frowned. "I wish—"

"Primrose?" A voice came from outside the door. "Are you in there?"

The wooden door opened noiselessly and Ms. Everdeen peered inside with an inquisitive look on. When her wrinkled blue eyes fell upon me and her sitting on the bed together, she ducked her head. "Sorry if I'm butting in, but Primrose, it's late. You should come to bed."

Prim sighed and looked at me apologetically before turning back to Ms. Everdeen. "Yes, Mother."

"'Night, Prim." I made no move to get up when she did, only raised my hand in a half-hearted wave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"'Night, Peeta." For a second she looked as though she wanted to say something else to me, but her eyes flicked over to her mother standing in the doorway, and thought better of it.

"Goodnight." Ms. Everdeen smiled supportively at me and led her daughter back to their own rooms.

Those few minutes seemed to lift my heart a little bit. Primrose and her mother would still be there, even if Katniss wasn't all the way. They would help us.

I peeled back the newly-done covers and slipped my feet into them. Though it felt wrong without Katniss at my side, I wrapped my arms around the fluffy white pillow and pressed my face into it. And slowly, with Katniss' woodsy aroma all around me, I managed to drift off to an uneasy sleep.

**oOo**

_Okay, I know how you guys are always telling me "no, your chapters don't suck. They're always so great" I can literally prove you wrong. This chapter was so shoddy, I felt bad even posting it at all. I feel like I'm letting you down. Peeta was so utterly out of character it made me want to retch. I really should switch back to Katniss' POV and fast, or else there are more sucky chapters to come. But anyways, please review, whatever your opinions are. Love each and every one of you!_


	106. Chapter 105

_I have been waiting so long for this chapter! BWAHAHAHA! Wait—no, not this chapter. Well, sort of but… never mind. So this one is dedicated to my very amazing, beautiful friend Rachel and her insane obsession with grape juice. Love you Rachel! Hehehe…I'm going to be quite and let you people read. *sigh* Wait! One more thing—Peeta's nightmare scene will be important later on, so keep that stored in the back of your brain for later usage, okay?_

**oOo**

I dreamt for the first time in quite a while. I was back in District 12, and everything was back to the way it was. Brilliant golden stars twinkled at me from their seats in the sky, illuminating the treetops surrounding the Victors Village. Everything was quiet, so I assumed Katniss was just inside, sleeping.

The electric fence that used to line the perimeter of 12 was gone. Now, our little town was open to the black forest. My dream self blinked into the woods and began walking in that direction. Something pulled me to it, though I didn't know what.

As I walked, I could see a shape, about a hundred feet in. It was big, too big to be anything alive. Inching closer in, I could tell it as something like a metal bunker. No signs of activity were anywhere, and judging by the vines creeping up the edges, I'd say no one has been here for a long time.

Suddenly, through the dark of the night, an eerie cry echoed off the undergrowth. It was long, pained, and definitely human. I began walking cautiously towards the sound, hoping I was just imagining it. My feet shuffled loudly in the leaves as I inched closer towards thee sound. But unfortunately, my toe got caught on something, and I stumbled, cursing silently.

_Click._

I froze, knowing that sound. Very slowly I turned back around to the bunker and saw, to my surprise, Katniss standing there with her bow in her hands, drawn back and aiming at something I couldn't see. The tip of her arrow was crackling with white flame. She was still wearing a clean white nightdress, as if she had gotten up out of bed to come here.

"Katniss?" I reached forwards, and tried to call her name, but no sound came out. She ignored me.

There was a sound, kind of like a distant gunshot, and Katniss' eyes flew wide. She snapped her fingers open and released the arrow into the woods behind the bunker.

Then, everything happened in slow motion. At first, it was just fire that erupted from the target area, sending licks of heat stretching the night sky. But there was a second _click, _and a series of clicks getting louder, than the world exploded.

Flames burst forth 50 feet, a hundred, stretching all directions as pieces of _things _rained down upon my shoulders.

I was yelling, though no sound came out still.

The earth rumbled for a few more minutes, then stillness. I opened my eyes. The woods around me was scorched, tree stumps blacked with soot lay shattered on the ground, still on fire. Everything around within a 150 foot radius was destroyed. Miraculously, I was still standing exactly where I was when I watched Katniss release the arrow.

Katniss.

I ran around in the wreckage, feet catching on bits of burnt wood, looking for Katniss. My eyes flicked back and forth from trees, to the singed bunker, to the black sky, hoping to find her. No answer came.

I was just about to get frantic, when something caught my eye; a splash of red on white, laying a ways away, unmoving on the rubble. With a small cry, I tripped over my feet, running for her.

My heart jammed up into my throat when I came to a stop next to the motionless body of Katniss. Her body was black from the soot, and in several places, burns adored her skin, along with part where her skin was peeled off completely, exposing bone.

Fighting off the urge to pass out, I dropped to my knees next to Katniss. Blood soaked through her white nightgown like an apron, filling the air with a stench like copper and ash. I swallowed down the bile that rose up in my throat. How could this happen? What did she shoot? Why did it explode?

I pulled Katniss onto my lap and cradled her head to me, getting my clothes soaked with her still-running blood. No, no, no….

"Peeta Mellark."

A voice from behind me rang through the silence, startling me. With tears still streaking down my face, I flicked my eyes towards the visitor. And let out a yell.

President Snow, dressed in a clean white dress suit was standing not five feet behind me, holding a gun. He smiled, pale lips stretching over his face like a snake. He pointed the tip of the rifle at me. "I'm sorry, Peeta. I wish it didn't have to end this way. Honestly. But sometimes, you just can't win. Sometimes," He cocked the gun. "there are no happy endings."

And when the bang sounded all around me, white filled the insides of my eyelids and I woke up.

My eyes shot open and I sat straight up, frantic. I had slept. I was sleeping, curled up under the covers while Katniss was in surgery. I scrabbled around on the bad hysterically, trying to sit up with vertigo gripping my head. When I finally managed to sit straight and look at the clock, I sighed with relief. It was only 4:00 in the morning. It was never too early to get up and go to the hospital.

Heart pounding from the leftover nightmare, I got up and breathed a little sigh of relief. Katniss wasn't dead. But I had to go to the hospital and see her just to make sure…

After a 30 second shower, I quickly pulled on a pair of pants. As I was tugging a T-shirt over my still-wet hair, I opened the door and received a shock. Primrose was standing not a foot away, in a set of casual garments. I knew she hadn't just woken up.

She looked slightly guilty, and stepped away. "I-I'm sorry if this is too early, Peeta. I just woke up an hour ago and thought maybe we could go check on Katniss together."

Was her knocking on the door what woke me up? I frowned, and then my face went back to normal. "No, it's fine. Honestly. Is your mother awake?" I peered curiously down the hall to the closed door of Ms. Everdeens' room.

Primrose shook her head, making blond waves bounce around her head. "Nope. Just me. Do you have the…pearl thingy?"

Oops. No, I had forgotten. I held my finger up to Primrose, signaling for her to wait while I went and got the treasure from my bedside table. A second later, I skidded back to a halt in front of Prim, clutching the pearl in my fist. "I'm ready now."

Prim cocked her head slightly to the left and without even hesitation, she took the hand not holding the pearl and we began walking. Honestly I was glad to have her at my side, gripping my hand. If she wasn't there, I probably would have tipped over sideways and needed a crane to get me back upright.

Adrenaline was still pulsing through my veins like blood, and my stomach felt sick. It was an odd combination of feelings. I wondered if the surgery was done. Maybe Katniss was sleeping soundly in her cozy little hospital bed. Maybe her head was already taped up, and she was back to normal. Well, mostly normal.

My heart thudded even fiercely at the mere thought of it already being over. Now all it came to was when she opened her eyes. Would she be like, "Oh, yeah, I remember everything. Awesome."? Or would she opened her eyes and completely go mad? Will the doctors have to pin her down onto the bed and pump fluid into her arms to make her sedated like a dog? Would we have to sit at her bedside and tell her everything?

"Peeta?" Primrose's soft voice made me look down at her and realized we had stopped. And it was my feet that were glued to the floor.

With an apologetic duck of my head, I made them to go again. It was slow, but nonetheless progress.

Miraculously, I made it to the hospital's front desk without passing out. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head high, and forced myself to be the adult that I was.

The mean secretary lady was back. She raised her penciled-in eyebrows at us. "May I help you?"

I wasn't quite sure what to say. I was pretty much a regular here with Katniss and all, but I couldn't exactly just waltz right past the desk and invite myself into Katniss' room. That would be highly rude. I cleared my throat. "We're here for Katniss, of course."

"Do you know where the room is?" The lady looked down her thin nose at the papers on her desk.

"Yes." My palms were getting sweaty, and I inwardly apologized to Primrose for her having to hold a clammy hand.

Without saying anything, the secretary waved us on, and went back to typing unusually fast on her computer.

Prim and I exchanged nervous glances, and I tugged her gently towards the wing of the hospital where I knew Katniss' room was.

We walked slowly; inescapably afraid of what will happen when Katniss opens her eyes. Primrose didn't let go of my hand the whole way, and when we got to the door of her newly prepared hospital room, neither one of us made a move to turn the handle.

We stood there for about two minutes, until I cleared my throat. "I'll get it." Letting go of Prim's hand, I reached out and turned the doorknob. I braced myself for some type of giant man-eating monster to come out and gobble us down. Instead, the door swung open to a room that was clean, bright, and most certainly unoccupied.

Primrose breathed a sigh of relief. "She isn't back yet."

"Ms. Everdeen just got out of surgery." The deep voice of Dr. Tyrwhitt announced behind us. "She is getting fixed up in a separate room before being transferred to this one."

I couldn't help but sigh with relief as well. We still had a little time.

"You two are up awful early." The doctor blinked at us, not accusingly. "Here to catch the first rays of dawn, eh?" He chuckled, which sounded an octave higher than his voice.

What's with his jovial attitude? I eyed him suspiciously. "Katniss hasn't woken up yet, has she?"

"Not yet. " He caught on to what I was saying. "We don't know if her memory is normal or not, Mr. Mellark. We will have to wait until she is conscious to do that."

I nodded, lips tightening. The anticipation was killing me. Clenching a fist around the pearl in my left hand, I looked back up at the doctor. "Can we wait in her room?" We, meaning Primrose and I, of course.

For a second Dr. Tyrwhitt stared at us unnervingly, and smiled comfortingly. "Fine with me. We should be done in about thirty minutes, so make sure you are out of the way so there is room to wheel her bed back." And with a friendly little wave, he was off walking in the opposite direction, ruffling through some papers in his hand.

After glancing quickly at Prim, who shrugged, we went into Katniss' clean hospital room. Sure enough, there wasn't a bed in there. They probably used it for transporting her or something.

Primrose and I sat down in the two available seats in the corner, waiting for Katniss. Anxiety and adrenaline ran between us like waves, bouncing off the ceiling and delicate instruments.

Finally, the fourteen-year-old broke the silence by mumbling, "Mother promised to be there when Katniss got back."

I tried to reassure her, when I didn't feel so reassured myself. "I'm sure it isn't intentional. She works here now, right? I'm sure she just had a stressful day yesterday and needs sleep."

Prim looked better after that.

It was fifteen minutes later when I heard a sharp rap on the door, accompanied by a few muffled voices. MY heart sped up to five-hundred beats a minute. They were fast. They still had ten minutes to go! I was still freaking out when Prim let go of my hand, letting me stand up to answer the door.

The second I turned the knob, the door was pushed gently open and the bed wheeled in. Three doctors accompanied it, one on the front, one on the back, and one on the side. They were talking quietly amongst themselves. Above the metal railing of the hospital bed, I saw a spill of black hair.

Once the bed was locked into its place in the middle of the room, two of the doctor left, leaving only Dr. Tyrwhitt behind in his blue scrubs. He was busy with adjusting a tube of clear liquid into the needle in Katniss' arm.

I let my eyes wander down to Katniss, sleeping peacefully in the bed. Her black hair was held back by a stretchy plastic band, and there was a large patch of bandages on the head, covering from her hairline, to her cheekbone, to her ear. The flicker of her eyelids suggested she was dreaming. I hoped it wasn't bad.

When the IV was screwed securely in, Dr. Tyrwhitt turned to Primrose and I. "We'll be monitoring her vitals from the computer room, so just in case anything bad happens. When she wakes up, call the nurse." And with a quick glance at the screen, he began to leave.

I stopped him, confused. "Katniss just got out of a major surgery, and you're just going to…leave?"

Dr. Tyrwhitt stood patiently and explained. "When nurses stay, they do it to observe how the patient is fairing, and if they need any further treatment. This room is part of the most-monitored section in the hospital. Unless something major happens, like her pulse going haywire or her oxygen levels going down, there is no need for nurses to be here constantly."

I didn't like the way this doctor thought; Katniss should get the best possible medical treatment. Not be watched through cameras directly after a vital operation. But I didn't have time to be any more annoyed because Dr. Tyrwhitt nodded politely to us and left.

Right as the door swung closed, there were voices outside and it reopened.

Ms. Everdeen walked briskly in, looked concerned. When she saw us, her face melted into an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for being late." She said, coming up to Prim to hug her. "She just got here, I take it?"

Prim hugged her mother back and nodded. "Just a few seconds. She hasn't…woken up or anything."

"Ah." Ms. Everdeen let go of her youngest daughter and bent over Katniss with a tender look on. "I hope it went well… I'm so worried." She smiled sadly, but her eyes were anxious like the rest of us.

I went to stand on the other side of the bed, gazing down at the sleeping figure of Katniss. "We all are…"

The soft blue eyes of Prim's mother met mine. "Prim and I could go if you want, Peeta."

I could tell she was only asking that to be nice. The worry in her eyes clearly stated that she wanted to be right next to Katniss when she woke up. I shook my head. "No, it's fine. It's probably better if you stay just in case…" I trailed off, trying not to be sad.

"Okay." Ms. Everdeen didn't seem to notice my look of anxiety. She slipped her hand into Katniss' free one, and looked at her forlornly.

We stood there for a while, gazing down at Katniss' sleeping form, and the ticking of the clock was the only sound in the room. It was about 7:00, when I began to notice the hollow ach in my stomach. I had barely eaten a dinner last night, and I had no breakfast.

Primrose (who had Katniss' other hand in hers) looked up at me. "You can go and ha—" But her words were immediately cut off by a surprised squeal.

My heart thumped loudly, once, and I stared at Primrose. "What?"

Prim held her breath for a second, and let it out slowly. "She just moved. Her hand tightened."

We all bent over further on the bed, standing as still as stone. Then I could see it. The muscles on Katniss' left hand tightened almost invisibly. Her chest rose once with a deep breath and she exhaled.

"Katniss?" Ms. Everdeen cupped her creased hand on her daughters' cheek. "Katniss, can you hear us?"

She stayed still, but mumbled something we couldn't understand. Everyone bit closer. Our faces seemed only a foot from the covers stretching over Katniss.

She mumbled something else, and we could tell they were words, but couldn't understand which ones.

"Katniss, speak up, hon. We can't understand you." Ms. Everdeen used a quiet voice.

To my surprise, Katniss' head actually rolled onto her other shoulder and her eyes opened. I could tell it took a lot of effort, but I didn't care right then. My heart was slamming its way out of my chest and the lump was back in my throat.

Katniss blinked once, slowly, and mumbled something again, but this time, we understood. "Peeta…"


	107. Chapter 106

_Flip-out time! WOO! Katniss didn't lose her memory! The world isn't going to explode! Peeta is beautiful! Oh wait…You guys already knew that. This chapter is dedicated most sincerely to one of my reviewers who reviewed anonymously, but went by Buzzkill17. Thank you so much for what you said. That is honestly an amazing complement when you said I was as good if not better than Suzanne Collins herself. That really blew me away. Thank you really truly for your amazing support! Love ya! _

**oOo**

All of the air went _woosh_ing out of my lungs at that precise moment, making little spots appear in my eyes. My legs kind of failed under me and I slid down to my knees, forehead resting against the metal railing. No matter how hard I tried, my brain just wouldn't comprehend the fact that Katniss was okay. She hadn't lost her memory.

Katniss had stopped trying to speak now, and her eyelids slid back over the hazy gray of her irises, but that was okay with me. As long as I knew she was okay…

Prim was grinning happily at me, and back down at her older sister, tears in her sparkly slate-blue eyes. Ms. Everdeen had pretty much the exact same look on, and it was then I could see the similarity between the two Everdeens.

"Come one, Primrose." She sniffed. "Let's go to breakfast."

Prim, still smiling ear-to-ear, allowed her mother to put her arm around her, and guide the fourteen-year-old out.

I knew their motives. All they wanted when they stood at the bedside was that Katniss would be all right. They had fulfilled their purpose and now they wanted to leave me and her alone. That was fine. I wanted no one to witness my breakdown.

I didn't even watch as they left. My eyes, wide and unblinking, were trained on the perfect shape of Katniss' face. Curved cheekbones, long black eyelashes, familiar rosy lips opened slightly as she slept.

Not daring to take my eyes away from her face, I used my free hand to slip her fingers into mine. They were unresponsive, but were encouragingly warm; a pulse could be felt in my fingertips. We had done it. We had gotten past one more obstacle meant to get in our way. I took this as a positive sign; maybe we were meant to be, after all. The forces that work against us are losing.

Katniss mumbled something incomprehensible. Judging by her unmoving face and hands, I would have originally thought she was talking in her sleep. But this time I only leaned in closer to hear what she was trying to say. My ear was barely an inch from her lips when I could understand her more clearly. Though, what she seemed to be saying didn't make any sense.

Katniss took a small breath in between words. "Stew…whimsy…"

Stew whimsy? I frowned, drawing back. I didn't ask her to repeat herself though, because she opened her mouth to speak again.

"Ham…meat…pearl…"

I was even more confused than before. I'm pretty sure I heard the last word right; pearl. I rolled the shiny bead in my fingers and gave Katniss a funny look, hoping she was too out to notice.

But her eyes were narrowed finely, not in a look of annoyance, but in exhaustion. She took more effort and energy this time to speak. "Hamme…pearl." Her voice was slurred.

"Oooh…" I couldn't help but feel stupid. Then my expression changed into a contrite look. I bent down carefully over her and wrapped my hand around hers, the pearl sliding between our fingers. Then I lowered my face near hers and, careful not to bother her bandages, kissed her cheek. "There you go. Your pearl." My voice was no louder than a whisper.

The corners of her mouth twitch up into a tired smile.

Keeping my hand around hers, I pulled back slightly and looked at her worn-out face. "What did you mean by 'stew whimsy'?"

Katniss slowly blinked her eyes and even though she was still half out of it, her expression was a familiar 'Katniss' expression. "Stew whimsy?" She mumbled.

"Yeah, what did you mean by—?"

She murmured something, and I bent closer, a sign to repeat.

"Stay with me." Her voice made it sound as if every breath took all the energy in her. Katniss closed her eyes again, but not before muttering, "Smarty…"

My face split into a grin. That was the Katniss I was looking for.

The rush of the past few hours, mixed in with the ecstasy of Katniss being back to normal created a feeling of stupidity. My head was slow, and I couldn't stop smiling. Though tears of joy streamed down my face. Things were okay. I didn't feel like dying any more.

Katniss slept some more, thin fingers still wrapped around the pearl. I stayed right at her side, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest. It was oddly comforting, feeling the steady pulse in her hand, the uniform breaths whistling in and out of her mouth.

At one point, about maybe 7:50, there was a quick knock on the door. It opened and the doctor strolled in.

I looked up and nodded my head as a greeting.

"Hello, Mr. Mellark." The doctor gave me a small smile and took a seat in his little plastic wheelie chair. "It seems as though Katniss is doing well."

I nodded a second time. "Yeah. She's good." I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Dr. Tyrwhitt was the one that kept telling us that the odds of Katniss losing her memory were slim, but we didn't listen.

If the doctor wanted to do the whole 'I told you so' scene, he didn't show it. His head bent over a clipboard full of yellow record papers. He flipped the top one over the edge and scanned the second. "Her vital signs were perfectly normal. Her average heartbeat was 125 beats per minute. Oxygen levels perfectly average…" He mumbled slightly to himself, checking the rest of the records. "Everything is normal. Now," He looked up and assumed his professional discussing position, crossing his legs and leaning forwards on them. "Let's discuss her temporary living arrangements. Were you two okay with the room we gave you in the MI wards? Or was it too…" The doctor paused, an amused look on his creased face. "…extreme for her conditions?"

It was. It was very extreme. I tried to make it seem as though I only agreed with him a little bit, so I shrugged. "No much, but now that we don't have to worry about her 'mental health' anymore…" I put emphasis in 'mental health', hoping the doctor knew what I meant.

If he did, he didn't show it. This doctor was very good at hiding emotions. "I'll reassign her to a different room adjacent to the MI wards."

He stood up and began fiddling with the empty bag hanging on a hook, which use to drip clear liquid into Katniss' IV. He unscrewed one in and taped it against her skin, and went to go sit back down. "Her current condition, however, is without a doubt fragile."

I subconsciously rubbed my thumb along the back of Katniss still hand, not looking at the doctor, but still listening.

"Her head bandages were only precaution, covering the wound so the glue could dry. It would be fine if the bandages were removed." Dr. Tyrwhitt inspected the very back paper. "But she is not to be left alone standing for _one second._ Are you listening to me, Mr. Mellark?"

I glanced up, startled by the change of volume. "Yes, sorry doctor. I'm listening." I actually made an attempt to pay attention, though there were other things on my mind.

"She cannot be left alone for _one second._ She could black out—which isn't unusual in her case—and hit her head, causing series damage to her newly tender nerve. Not one second is she to be out of your sight." The doctor used a tone that impersonated one of a mother and young child. "Shower, walking, brushing her teeth. Any place she has to stand up. For the next week or so she will be extremely unstable and will be susceptible to blacking out, speech slurred, and failure of walking. She can be alone when she's lying down, but only that. Do you understand, Mr. Mellark? This is important."

I nodded my head at him to show him I heard him that time. In the very back of my head there remained the issue of showering, but I ignored it for now. "Yes, sir. I understand."

"That's good…" Dr. Tyrwhitt rubbed his temples as if the discussion wore him out. "The room she will be relocated to will be more independent than your last. It is just like a normal room, except meant for the specific use of room-arrest. There will be the metal box in the wall meals and clothes will come in. There will be a fully-equip bathroom, a closet, and a queen-sized bed."

When I frowned at the word "closet" the doctor clarified.

"Clothes for her will be 'ordered' from a provided catalog." He stood up and checked Katniss vital signs a third time. "We only sent the white ones last time because they were especially assigned for the MI wards patrons."

I nodded, wanting to be alone again. The doctor's presence was growing old.

He knew this. "Her morphling drip ran out, so she should be good to go." He swiftly pulled out the needle in Katniss' arm and dropped it into a little orange box on the wall. "And instead of wheeling her entire bed into the new room, she will use a wheelchair."

This might be a little hard, seeing as how Katniss looked to be out cold. "Once she wakes up?"

The doctor gave her sleeping body a small glance. "No, she should be okay to sit upright."

I nodded, and helped him with getting Katniss into the mobile chair. It was hard to ignore the places where her skin made my nerves feel like live wires.

"Mr. Mellark, if you would like to grab Katniss' belongings," The doctor motioned to the large zippy bag hanging on the wall, and grabbed the handles of the wheelchair.

I really wanted to push it myself; to have something to lean onto, making sure Katniss wasn't just an illusion. I wanted to be closer to her. But I did what the doctor told me and slug Katniss' bag of personal items over my shoulder and followed them out the door.

It was a lovely walk through the hospital, passing numerous signs and wards. That was sarcasm, of course. I was itching to get this all done with, to be alone finally. To give my poor brain a break from meltdowns.

We walked past the Mental Instability Wards, until we passed a sign that read: "Long-Term". It was there we made a shallow turn and we were the first door on the left. Like the doctor had promised, it was as average as you could get.

When the doctor parked the wheelchair right next to the sizeable bed, I made my way over to the front of the wheelchair to help Katniss get out.

I laid her gently down on top of the covers, minding her injured head. She groaned slightly when I did, and her head flopped onto the opposite shoulder like a loose-jointed doll.

The doctor folded up the wheelchair, and went over the metal box in the wall that was crammed into the corner. Above that were two familiar-looking buttons. Dr. Tyrwhitt pointed to them. "You recognize these?"

I nodded, bored.

"Red one is for emergency, white one and speaker is for service." He rubbed his hands together in finality. "Anything else you need before I leave?"

I exchanged a glance with Katniss, who was still dead to the world—no surprise there. I contemplated his offer. Then answered, "If I am going to be staying here as long as Katniss does, I'll need food and clothing as well."

"Of course!" The doctor looked pleased. "Food and clothes will be sent to you as well. Is that all?"

I nodded, _really_ wanting for him to go.

"Call if you need anything, Mr. Mellark." He nodded politely to Katniss, and left.

Sighing in relief, my eyes slid away from the closed door to Katniss, where she was dozing lightly, still in her flimsy hospital gown. My heart was knotted up so tightly in my chest; I wasn't sure what to do. Katniss was too out-of-it and drugged up fully realize the extent of what happened. She had made it. My mockingjay had made it.

I walked over by the bed and knelt down next to her. I didn't want to get in bed yet, just stay by her and be close, breathing the air she breaths. My lips brushed against every part of her I could reach; her forehead, her wrist, her shoulder, her neck. I needed to be sure she wasn't going to vanish right before my eyes.

When Katniss didn't wake up for another thirty minutes, I decided to sit next to her on the bed. She didn't wake up when the bed tipped; she remained motionless and quiet. I yearned to wrap my arms around her, but the thought of her head wound stopped me from doing anything.

Over the stretch of an hour, I grew tired. But I couldn't fall asleep. Not when Katniss was here with me. Yawning quietly, I leaned back on the bed and brushed a strand of black hair away from her shoulder. She looked so beautiful when she slept. You would have never guessed all the crap she had just been through. Without much thought, I leaned over and pressed my lips tenderly on hers.

With a small breath, Katniss' eyes fluttered open and she stared at me. It was obvious she was much more awake than she was before.

Her gaze didn't break from mine; she just kept gazing at me as if for the first time, without saying anything at all.

The way she looked at me, the little wrinkle in between her eyebrows and how the corners of her mouth twitched upwards in a serene smile… It made my throat clog up.

With a shaky breath, I reached over and let the tip of one of my fingers just barely brush her cheekbone.

Katniss shivered under my contact. I had thought she had no energy to move or anything, but apparently, she did. Her arms stretched towards me.

A quiet sob bubbled from my throat and I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her. For a second I didn't care about her head damage, and there was my heart beating like mad, but that turned out to be a mistake.

I felt her wince against me, accompanied by a pained gasp.

Horrified, I pulled away from her. "I'm sorry, Katniss! Are you okay?"

She shook her head a little, and, still panting, said, "No, I'm just lightheaded." Her eyes locked back onto mine. "I—" But she didn't finish. At first, Katniss bit her lips and looked at me, but suddenly her arms caught the front of my shirt and pulled my down over her.

My brain didn't have any time to react before she kissed me. It was brief and fleeting, but the moment made me choke.

I held Katniss tightly to my chest and wept into her hair. "You have…_no _idea how hard those five hours were, Katniss." I couldn't express what exactly I was feeling. My lungs had shrunken to the size of peas, but my heart made up for that. "It was as if I was awaiting my own death."

Katniss seemed to be crying, too. Her fists didn't even try to loosen from the material of my shirt. The side of her face was pressed to my shoulder, sobs trembling her body.

Careful, as not to hurt her any further, I adjusted my arms around her. One was wrapped all the way around her waist, hand curled around the opposite side of her. The other was resting securely on her back, fingers tickling the back of her hair.

I pressed my face into her neck. "I love you, Katniss… I was so scared I'd lost you…" My words were so muffled and quiet, I wasn't sure she heard me.

She did. "But you have me now. I'm all yours. I promise."

That totally helped my sanity. Yet more tears flowed down my cheeks, and I was about to say something when a near-silent moan interrupted me.

Pulling away, I saw Katniss' head scrunched up in anguish. When she saw me looking, worried, at her, she took a shaky breath. "Headache…"

Despite my yearnings, I slid her off my chest and set her gently back down on the bed. "I'm sorry." I wasn't sure what else to say.

She didn't answer. A fresh tear wormed its way out of her eye, and fell sideways onto the pillow. When I made a move to comfort her, she just held up a shaking finger. "Hold on…" She whispered through clenched teeth. "It's going away."

I held my breath for another few minutes, while Katniss' face slowly melted back to normal. When her eyes finally reopened and she looked at me, I tried to smile. "The doctor wasn't kidding when he said 'don't overexert yourself'."

"That-that wasn't really it, though." Katniss was frowning, and she allowed me to pull her head onto my lap. "It wasn't like the day before yesterday when-when…" She inhaled. "It's really weird. Like…the more I try to remember something and the more I try to think, the more it hurts."

"That looked painful." I cupped her face with a hand and, upon realizing what she said, laughed quietly. "What were you thinking about?" Whatever it was must have been pretty intense for her to be in that much agony.

"Don't…make me remember…" She bit her lip, trying to ward off the memory, but it obviously didn't work. A pink haze appeared on her cheeks.

I raised my eyebrows at her. But instead of pushing it, I bent over and pressed my lips against hers. "I'm glad you're okay."

A small smile stretched across Katniss' mouth. "Mm… So am I." And she pulled me down for another kiss.

**oOo**

_As you people can probably tell, that chapter was excruciatingly hard to end, hence the 3,000 words in it. I hope it wasn't too disappointing (I kind of felt as though it was)! There will be more fluff in the next chapter, hopefully, so keep your eye out! _


	108. Chapter 107

_You guys honestly crack me up. Some of those reviews I got were so hilarious… I send out warm (or cold, in this case) Alaskan thank-you's to everyone who took the time adding me/my story to your favorites list, or reviewed, or anything like that. :D _

_This chapter dedication will have to be split between two of my best friends. To Rachel, who had the funniest conversation with me about hot book characters and splitting Gale between us. And to Michelle, who had another conversation with me and understands it when I say that this Hunger Games obsession is getting very dangerous. :DD So love you guys, and everyone else out there who I haven't named. (Rosa, Sophie, Ali, Izzy…) _

**oOo**

**KATNISS' POV**

I knew the second I opened my eyes and saw everyone standing over me, I had made it. It wasn't even something I had to think about too long. Even though my drugged mind was still very slow and hazy, I knew immediately things were going to be alright.

How when I said his name, Peeta's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and he cried. Most men don't like crying in front of anyone else; they don't think its "manly", or whatever. But the special thing about Peeta is he doesn't keep anything from me. Crying isn't a big deal to either one of us.

Though beating sluggishly from the morphling, my heart felt like it swelled fifteen times its normal size and I asked Peeta for my pearl. I needed it, as a reassurance to myself that I wasn't just dreaming. Peeta had put his lips to my ear and slipped his hand into mine. I felt the warm bead in-between our palms.

After that, I fell asleep, but the next time I woke up, all of the medicine had run dry, and I was completely aware of everything. The room was strange, the bed was strange, the off-white walls were strange, but Peeta was lying down next to me, and nothing else mattered. If he was there, everything else was going to be just fine.

"I'm okay with just this, right here." Peeta mumbled against my neck. He had his arms secured around me, and I had my eyes closed against his chest.

It was 11:00. Neither of us had eaten, I was still in the pathetic cotton hospital gown from the surgery, and my feet were cold, but I was okay with it too. I said nothing; only let my lips twitch up into a tiny smile.

Peeta apparently didn't see it. His finger brushed my shoulder blade. "Are you still awake, Katniss?" His voice was low and soothing.

"Mm, I'm awake." My eyes opened and I blinked lazily. "I was just thinking of my astounding lack of clothing."

Silent laughter shook Peeta's chest. "You have a gown."

"And nothing else." Smiling, I tried lifting myself up. Despite the fact that I was perfectly okay with staying curled up on his chest, general care wasn't something you could just ignore.

Lifting didn't work so well. The second I tightened my shoulder muscles, sudden whiteness filled my eyes and I was forced to flump back down onto Peeta with a groan.

Peeta's voice was amused, but soft. "We have to 'order' your clothes, remember, Katniss?"

No, I didn't remember. In fact, without even trying to remember, I knew I hadn't been told that.

"Here," Peeta reached over to the bedside table and handed me something.

It was a single sheet of paper—plastic-coated for some reason—and on it was some boxes, and in each box was a clothing option. One box was labeled "shirts", and in that box was a very short list of shirts available. The next box was labeled "underclothes", with different types and colors of those available, and so on.

I flicked my eyes upwards from the sheet to look at Peeta. "And we have to do this because…?" My sentence trailed off in a question.

He gladly explained. "You and I are ordered to stay in this room until further notice. The white clothing was just for the MI patients. I can't let you be alone _anywhere _until the doctors give the say-so."

I frowned and lowered the paper. "No offense, Peeta, but I'm not sure I'm too comfortable with showering with you just yet."

"There is such thing as underclothes, you know, Katniss." His voice was gentle and teasing.

I felt stupid. "Oh…" Glancing back at the catalog, I changed the subject. "So what am I supposed to do with this then?"

But Peeta was already one step ahead of me. In his fingers, he twirled a little dry-erase marker. When I gave him a look, he handed it to me. "You circle what you want and stuff it into the box."

A little idea popped up into my head. "Can you do it with food, too?"

"Nope. Not unless you like eating denim for lunch."

I deflated, but dropped the subject. My hand gripped the little marker as I pondered what to wear for today. The shirt and trousers wasn't too hard to decide, but I absolutely refused to get any light-colored undergarments. We all know what happens when you get white material wet, now don't we?

After circling some things, I handed the sheet to Peeta, who took it and put it into the metal box. But when he walked back up to the bed, he didn't lay back down. Instead, he gave me a sweet kiss on the forehead. "I'll be right back." And he started to turn around, but stopped. His eyes met mine, suddenly all-business. "Don't get up from that spot, you understand me?"

I nodded.

With a charming little smile, Peeta disappeared into the bathroom.

While he was away, I was free to ponder about things that brought funny looks on my face. I had understood Peeta correct, had I? He had to shower with me? And…going to the bathroom? My nose wrinkled. The showering we could get away with wearing our underclothes, but eventually the places _covered _by the undergarments would need to be washed.

Blood crept up to my cheeks. It wasn't as if I didn't trust Peeta completely to close his eyes while I wasn't wearing anything, like he had done before, but just the simple thought of being naked in the shower with Peeta made me acutely uncomfortable. Ashamed, even, that I had thought that at all.

A familiar 'ding' sounded through the room, and I was relieved I didn't have to think of that certain topic any more. But, um… I couldn't exactly get up to get it. Even if I tried to lift my head up an inch off the pillow, vertigo would hit me and I would have to take a few deep breaths in order to stay conscious. I couldn't even image what standing up would be like.

The bathroom door opened (no curtain this time, thank goodness) and Peeta came back out. It was apparent he had heard the little bell, because instead of heading back over to the bed, he went the perpendicular route and opened the little metal box. Like I suspected, a bundle of clothes were sitting innocently on the metal base.

Scooping it up, Peeta went over to sit by me. "That was awfully fast."

I took the clothes from him and shrugged nonchalantly. "They are watching our every move."

Peeta laughed quietly, but the subject was dropped when he saw me blinking confusedly at the clothes. "What?"

"If I nearly pass out from propping myself up on my elbows, I doubt I would be able to dress myself properly." But as soon as it came out of my mouth, I glanced, concerned, up at Peeta, afraid he'll made some crude joke. But like always, he amazed me.

"If you want I can lock myself into the bathroom or something while you change under the covers." He didn't even smile jokingly, nor have that mischievous glint in his eyes.

That, actually, was a smart idea. If it was even possible to put on underwear in a bed.

Peeta, seeing my agreement, nodded and smiled at me. "Scream if you need anything." And he vanished back into the bathroom for a second time.

I let out gusty sigh, and pulled the covers up to my eyes. If I actually managed to get dressed this way, I would be very proud of myself.

Twisting around, I fumbled with the tie on my back, belonging to the hospital gown. Little white dots obscured my vision, but I managed to get the robe off. I was abruptly aware of being completely in the nude.

By the time I had managed to get my underclothes on the right way, I was panting heavily. This whole "getting dressed" ordeal was tiring me out. Hopefully, tomorrow I would be able to at least sit up.

Since it had been a whole fifteen minutes, I wasn't surprised when the bathroom door cracked open an inch and Peeta called out, "Are you dressed yet?"

Wheezing, I answered. "Sort of. Half."

"Enough for me to come out?"

I peeked down at my underclothes. Instead of the normal undershirt, I had chosen a less-bulky item that I've never worn before. It was like a half-undershirt, made out of something stretchy that clung to my skin. It was cozy. I looked back up. "Yeah."

Once again, the bathroom door opened and Peeta stood by the bed, unsure of whether or not he should sit down next to me.

To break the silence, I looked up at him and joked, "It is harder than it looks to dress lying down."

Peeta shrugged, and smiled. "Without passing out, that is." After popping his back, he stretched out next to me on the bed again. "But other than that you're okay?"

"Yeah…" With an exhausted sigh, I flopped my head onto his shoulder. Now that the issue of clothing was taken care of (sort of), and our reunion was nice and tear-filled, I was hungry. And my head hurt. "Hey, um...hey, Peeta?" I lifted my head up. "What time does food come?"

"I think it already came, but you didn't say you were hungry so I left it in the box." With an apologetic look, Peeta pressed his lips to my cheek. "I'm sorry. I'll get it."

I just love Peeta….

Peeta stood up again and pulled the food out of the metal box in the corner. There were two trays stacked on top of each other, with the usual food on it. I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to picking the remnants of dried goose from my teeth, but having the hollow feeling in my stomach gone sounded inviting.

After we ate and Peeta had the empty trays put back into the box, he took his usual seat on the bed. "Feeling better?"

I felt woozy and my head hurt a little, but I didn't admit that. "I'm fine." Using almost all of my energy, I shifted onto my side and curled myself around Peeta's chest. That probably wasn't the most proper thing to do, seeing as how I wasn't necessarily dressed. But Peeta, like always, acted normal.

Fighting a headache, I looked up at him. "You are just so different from all the other boys, Peeta. You are totally not acting as though a half-naked 18-year-old girl was lying curled up in your arms. How many guys can do that?"

When Peeta laughed, I felt it vibrate through his chest into mine. "It's hard. I'm glad I'm doing such a good job at hiding it." And he put his lips right next to my ear. I could feel his breath tickling my skin. "You have no idea the effect you can have on me."

With a tiny gasp and a stab of pain, the memory came flooding back to me. We were in the dining room of the train with Haymitch, Peeta and I. We were talking about talents… I had blown off any recognition of my excellent hunting skills, and Peeta, weirdly enough, goes to my defense.

_"She has no idea," He had said. "the effect she has."_

Back then I had thought he was just fooling with me, trying to worm his way into my heart so it would be easier to kill me when he had to. But now that I think of it, he wasn't messing with me. That spiteful look in his eyes when he said that… He knew we didn't have a chance. He was just being honest to the both of us.

Wordlessly, my eyes found Peeta's and I was rendered speechless. Up until then I didn't give that moment a second of thought. Now, it just made me even surer.

Peeta's fingers traced the line of my jaw, his face sweet and puzzled. "Everything alright in there, Katniss?" He asked softly.

Blinking, I nodded slightly. "I'm just… speechless."

He put his lips to my cheek and spoke against my skin. "I wasn't lying, you know. I could see it in those beautiful gray eyes of yours that you didn't trust me. Even when you kissed my bruise."

Shivers were running up and down my spine. So many thoughts whirled around in my head; I didn't even know which one to focus on. There wasn't really anything I could say to that anyways, was there?

"Your face is priceless." Peeta, who still had his face close to mine, closed his eyes serenely. "What I wouldn't give to live in this moment forever…"

I knew what he meant. Being this close to Peeta, things quiet and tranquil. Smiling slightly, I leaned forwards to kiss him. "We can. As long as you want."

"Forever is good enough. As long as it's with you." Peeta returned the kiss.

**oOo**

_Whew… Was it just me or was that last line to generic? Cheesy? Lame-o? All of these above? Oh well. Sorry that chapter took so long to finish. I have decided to take your advice and further this would-be career and work on an original story that maybe someday I'll publish. Maybe possibly if I find motivation… __ Best wishes to all of you and have a happy Monday. Or…whatever day it is._


	109. Chapter 108

_Keep up the good work, people! We are doing well so far. Over 600 reviews, about 160,000 words, 310 pages. And on Sunday it was my 6 month anniversary for beginning this fanfic. So feel free to get me flowers and candy and whatnot. :D Oh, and just to warn you guys, until further notice, the POV's of the story will shift from Katniss to Peeta, so just be extra-aware, okey-dokey?_

**oOo**

**PEETA'S POV**

Surprisingly enough, my sleep remained undisturbed by nightmares; Katniss' nor mine. We slept soundly until 7:00 in the morning, when the habitual breakfast bell sounded. I forced my eyes to peel open, and they immediately fell upon the still-sleeping body of Katniss. She was curled comfortably at my side, both arms wrapped around my own, forehead resting against my shoulder. Considering the night before, this was nothing less than perfect.

I lay still like this for a while, decided Katniss needed the rest. But unfortunately, not ten minutes after I had decided that, she stirred beside me.

I watched as her stunning silver eyes opened slowly, and fixed on me. She didn't say anything, though; just yawned and settled back down.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked quietly, slipping my hand over hers, where it was wrapped around my right arm.

"Much better." I could see in her eyes she wasn't lying, like yesterday when I asked. She doesn't seem to realize I'm good at things like this. "I'm not dizzy, which is a definite improvement." Katniss' eyes sparkled slightly.

Did I have to say anything to that? She knew I was glad she was okay. I guess it was enough, though, to kiss her and spin our minds out of control. When I finally pulled away, we were out of breath.

Katniss' eyes looked like they were having trouble focusing. "I'm dizzy _now_," She mumbled, smiling slightly. "But not because of the surgery."

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's good to have you back again." Stretching forward, I leaned my forehead against hers, lips barely an inch apart. "I would have to say those five hours waiting for your surgery to be done was some of the worst hours in my life. And I have had plenty." Though, I didn't add that I was asleep for part of it.

I literally _heard _the breath catch in Katniss' lungs. For a second she was still, and then her eyes flickered upwards to meet mine, hesitant. "Peeta? Can you…do me a favor?"

"Sure." The corners of my mouth tugged upwards into a subconscious smile.

"Can you…" She bit her lip somewhat unnoticeably, and a faint streak of pink appeared on her cheeks. "…Maybe kiss me again?"

Even though I wanted to laugh at this, but I managed to keep a fairly straight face. My finger slid under her chin and I was a good boy and did what I was told. Katniss probably didn't even need to ask me; I would have ended up kissing her again anyways. Either way, we were kissing, and I could feel the rapid thrum of Katniss' heart in my fingertips.

Neither of us really wanted to stop, but oxygen was running low. I reluctantly released her, allowing air rush into both of our lungs. Funnily enough, when I opened my eyes and looked at Katniss face, she looked as though she was about to burst out laughing.

Katniss' gray eyes flicked up to mine when she sensed I was staring at her. "What?" Her voice was just barely a whisper, and the corners of her mouth were slowly pulling upwards.

"Nothing." But we both knew that was a complete lie. I changed the subject. "Food came. I should get it." Without looking at Katniss' unconvinced, amused look, I got up and pulled the foodstuff from the box. But while my back was still to her, I heard a small noise of surprise. When I turned back around, I saw Katniss sitting up in bed, her legs swung over the side. Except she was in a slightly hunched over position, stiff for some odd reason.

I hastily set the trays back down and rushed over to her. "What are you doing? You can't try and stand up on your own!"

Katniss glanced up at me in confusion. She looked fine. "I wasn't really trying to stand up. Just seeing if I can do this without passing out."

After a second-long pause, I sat down next to her. "But still, Katniss. It's dangerous. You could fall and hit your head or something."

She didn't argue; just let me help her lay back down. Once she was situated, and I was positive she wouldn't try to do anything else idiotic, I went back to get our food.

Katniss ate slowly, gazing distractedly at her tray. A few minutes into eating, she put down her bird leg and looked up at me. "It didn't make me dizzy, you know."

I mind was otherwise occupied at the time, so when she spoke, I had to shake my head clear of the cobwebs. "What?"

"When I sat up. I wasn't dizzy." Katniss took a bite of her mashed turnips. "I thought I would be, but I wasn't."

I paused for a second, and then pulled her to my side. "That is definitely an improvement. I'm glad you're feeling better today." And that was the truth. All I wanted was for Katniss to be okay.

"I want to try standing up." She shoved her half-empty dish away and propped herself up on her elbows. "Help me?" I thought the little semi-conscious smile that went along with her request was really quite adorable, but I didn't say so.

"Of course." After pushing aside my tray as well, I curled my arm protectively around Katniss' waist.

At first she did what she had done when I had my back turned; she just swung her legs off the bed. I waited as she sucked in a breath.

Katniss held it for a moment before releasing it in a gusty sigh. "I'm not really dizzy." She glanced over at me. "I can feel it, though, deep in the back of my head, just waiting to come out and knock me flat."

I gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Not while I'm around. Ready?"

She nodded and heaved herself into an upright position.

For a moment we both stood there next to each other, grins slowly spreading across our faces. Then confusion lit Katniss' up and she collapsed against my chest, breaths coming in short, quick pants.

I held her tightly, and sat back down. "Are you okay, Katniss?" My hand cupped her cheek, and I stared worriedly into her eyes.

"I—" She began, but stopped to take a few deep breaths. Then she let out a shaky laugh, not quite out of amusement. "I really have to stop trying to remember things. It hurts."

I frowned. "But…"

Katniss shook her head. "It wasn't the standing up that hurt. It was the trying to remember that day…" Her eyes closed.

"I might be able to help you remember." I offered innocently, secretly still concerned about her.

"It-It wasn't too long ago…" Katniss' eyebrows scrunched, either in the effort or pain. "It was the first night you spent with me in the MI wards…"

I cast my memory back to that day. "Go on."

"I had just had a nightmare. And…we were talking…" She sucked in a breath. "That's all I can remember without hurting."

Thank goodness I knew exactly what she was talking about. Taking a quiet breath, I leaned back on the bed with Katniss and held her close. "We were talking about our favorite things."

The light in her eyes made it obvious she remembered that part. "What did I say? What were my favorite things?"

I felt Katniss' head lean against my shoulder as I tried to remember. "You said…you liked my hair when I first woke up. How it was messy."

Katniss nodded. "I remember that. Keep going."

"And you…" A quiet laugh escaped my lips. "You were kind of rambling on about how I was 'sweet and gentleman-like',"

"You say that as if you aren't." Her mouth was curved into a genuinely confused frown.

"I'm only incredulous because it's sincere. And you just pointing it out like that just made me kind of…self conscious."

Katniss pressed her face into my shoulder. "Sorry."

"Don't be." I kissed the top of her head. "It was sweet."

"Keep going, though. What was the last thing I said?" She seemed as though she knew it already, but acted otherwise.

I played along and brought the memory forward from the depths of my brain onto my tongue. "I think… The thing that you said was your favorite thing was how you could feel my heart skip a beat every time we kissed." A hint of warmth crept into my cheeks for saying it so bluntly, but it didn't actually bother me.

Everything was silent for a minute.

Then Katniss' hand slid around my neck and tilted my face towards hers. When our lips met in the middle, it was as if time froze around us. The only thing I could hear was the adrenaline pounding in my ears. I felt her lips part beneath mine and my head whirled, making me dizzy with her scent. I wondered inwardly if there would ever be a time when I didn't feel this way kissing Katniss.

At long last, Katniss had to pull away for air. She breathed heavily, hand still around my neck. She was glowing, face giddy and flushed. "I remember why that was my favorite thing, Peeta."

I laughed, still a little frenzied from the kiss. "Yeah… I completely forgot what we were talking about before the favorite things…"

"I was trying to stand up." When I readied myself to sit up, Katniss put her hand on my shoulder to stop me. "But I'm not sure I would be able to for long. Let's just…lay here for a few more minutes while I recuperate."

That was honestly okay with me.

Katniss and I lay side-by-side on the bed, arms wrapped around each other, being silent. That was okay with me, of course, because I was too wound up in the idea of _her _to think straight.

I wondered what it would be like when we get back home. I had to admit, I wasn't looking forward to sleeping alone, but a deal's a deal. Katniss needs the time to mature before being with me. But…

In my head I ran through what would be my ideal day for when we got home. Tearfulembraces, me carrying Katniss inside, her screaming at me to put her down, my refusal, her baffled look when I keep going up the stairs carrying her, setting her down on the bed, watching her face as it changed from aggravated to affectionate when I pull her into my arms. "We're home." I would say, and we would spend every second of our lives together from then on.

I resisted the urge to scoff at my fantasy. There was several things wrong with that daydream. First off, Katniss would be returning to her house, not mine. I wouldn't be able to carry her up to her bed because Ms. Everdeen and Prim would be really weirded out if they saw me tromping through their house with one of their family members slung over my shoulder, begging me to put them down. And no matter how much we deny it, there will come a time when the Capitol attacks. We both know the risks of losing one another.

A gentle finger on my eyebrows jolted me back to reality. I opened my eyes again to see Katniss leaning over my head, smoothing the subconscious crease of my furrowed brows.

"A penny for you thoughts." She asked, taking her hand away.

There wasn't any way I was going to tell her what had been running through my head. That was strictly for me to worry over. Not her. "Um…" I quickly ran over a false explanation for why I had looked the way I did. "I was just thinking of how District 12 will be ready for people again in just two or three weeks." Darn it! I was hoping to steer clear of the mentioning of District 12 at all, but that was the first thing my mind came up with.

Thankfully, Katniss seemed to buy it. "I hope I'll be out by then."

"Me too…" I agreed with her, but I couldn't dismiss the ever-growing feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. Somehow, I had a strong suspicion that our days together were numbered.

And numbered, they were.

**oOo**

_Oooh… Intense. Let me know what you think, guys! I have something biiiigggg planned for the Capitol fight and such. I almost want to have them attack while Kat and Peeta are still in D13 to make it speedier. :DD Your homework: Capitol attack in District 13 Capitol attack in District 12. Let me know!_

_ Love you all,_

_ TheSoggyBug (screw this, call me Lana. It's my real name)_


	110. Chapter 109

_Yeah, those last few chapters I'd have to admit were pretty pointless. Just let me know if they were a little TOO pointless. This one might be a little bit… :D Enjoy this chapter! (It's still in Peeta's POV, btw) (Oh, and this chapter goes out to my best buddy, Rachel for being so awesome and helping me through my writers block)  
_

**oOo**

After dinner, I helped Katniss walk around a little more. She could stand alright, but it was near impossible to take more than three steps without her leaning into my side for support. My arm was protectively around her waist, and I did my best to be as patient as possible.

Katniss groaned and pressed her face into my shoulder after she made it all the way across the room. "I'm going to vomit…"

I was immediately cautious. "Should I carry you to the bathroom?"

"No, no." She sucked in a breath and tried to put on her 'I'm totally fine' face. "The more I walk, the better it gets."

I didn't mention how every time she does, she nearly passes out.

"You need a rest." I didn't take no for an answer, and half-carried her to the bed, where she collapsed. "I'll get you some water."

Katniss only nodded, closing her eyes.

When I came back with a tall glass full of crystal-clear water, she drank thirstily. After draining her glass, she wiped her mouth and looked up at me. "Thanks, Peeta. I feel better." She put down the cup.

Smiling slightly, I lay down next to her and turned my head towards hers. "You have really been making improvements. I'm proud." It was a slightly cheesy thing to say, so when I did, I added a small grin to keep the cheese-effect from wearing out.

Katniss couldn't help but smile, too. But then her smile faltered just a little. "I was, um, thinking… Before bedtime I want to take a shower because…" Her eyes avoided making contact with mine. "If I'm able to stand well enough, do you think I'd be able to? Or was the doctor absolutely serious when he said you aren't supposed to leave me alone, _ever_?"

"I think he was absolutely serious." But seeing Katniss' discomfited face, I tried to reassure her. "Don't worry; your recovery shouldn't be too long at the rate you're progressing."

"I just don't know if I am totally comfortable with the idea of showering with you quite yet." Her cheeks turned red and she offered me an embarrassed smile. "No offense intended."

"None taken. I know what you mean." I racked my brains for something to make her feel a bit better about the situation. All that came to my mind was how insulted she was when I called her 'pure' right before the Quarter Quell. "You can go in your full set of clothes if it'll make you feel better. Instead of just under."

Katniss snorted, trying to conceal a smile with her pink cheeks. "Yeah, like that'll work." But then her tone changed from amused to serious again. "It's alright, though. It's not like we've ever seen each other without anything before…" She abruptly cut herself off, face growing even pinker. Katniss muttered, "But this time we'll actually be wearing something, so…"

I tried not to smile. Stupid hormones... "Well, whenever you want. It's 8:45 now, so just before we go to sleep."

"Like… Now?" I could tell she was incredibly uncomfortable with this whole thing. "Is that okay?" Katniss tugged on the edge of her shirt (which she managed to worm her way into earlier) nervously.

"Yeah, it's fine." As I got up, I inwardly wondered if it would be okay to kiss her right then. Maybe it would make her even more awkward, because it just amplifies the fact that I am, indeed, a boy who is required to shower with her. I tried desperately to shove that inane thought away before it rooted. I offered my hand down to Katniss.

She accepted it, but didn't say anything.

We walked unsteadily (Katniss was leaning on my shoulder) towards the bathroom, and when we got inside, I paused. "Judging by the look on your face, Katniss, I would say this wouldn't be the best time. You look as though you're about to pass out." I didn't add how she also looked like she was ready to crawl under the bed and die.

"I'm fine!" Katniss insisted, straightening up. "As long as I don't try to do jumping jacks or remember anything, I should be fine." For a few seconds she stood there eyeing me uncertainly, but then she said, "Close your eyes. It would feel too weird for you to be looking while I took off my clothes."

I did as I was told, though I inwardly hoped she wasn't going to fall down at hit or head while I had my eyes closed.

A minute passed. "Okay, I'm good."

When I opened my eyes, she was leaning uneasily against the wall in her underclothes. Personally, I don't see why she made such a big deal about it since she spent a day and a half not wearing any.

She blinked once and me and turned her head away. I could tell this was just _really _awkward for her, so I finished as quickly as possible. In a record twenty seconds, we were both just standing there uncomfortably in our undergarments.

Walking on unsteady feet, Katniss stepped into the shower, which was conveniently large, with a water-capturing ledge around the edges. The showerhead was huge, and was firmly lodged into the ceiling over us.

Wordlessly, Katniss reached over and turned on the water. It sputtered slightly and a fine, warm mist drenched us from above. When she gave me a self-conscious glance, I sighed.

"You don't have to look like that, Katniss." I reassured her. "I know this isn't exactly ideal for you, but if it is the mere fact that we are showering together, I can promise you that I won't touch you as long as if you don't want. There's nothing to worry about."

Katniss looked startled. "I know you won't." But what surprised me even more, was she stood up on her tiptoes and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry about me." With a small smile, she turned back around to fetch the tall shampoo bottle from the holder on the wall.

But I did worry about her. That ever-growing sense of dread in my stomach hasn't gone away. Even being here with her after that memory-scare, something about this whole thing…

I shoved that thought away violently, and grabbed the shampoo to distract myself. Soaping up my hair with half the bottle, I ran my fingers through it so it all stood up in the middle.

Katniss glanced back at me with an odd look on her face. When her eyes flitted up to my hair, she let out a quiet laugh. "Your hair…"

I gave her a small grin.

But instead of turning back around like I thought she would, Katniss reached up and began spiking it disarray. When she stepped back, I was rewarded with another smile from her. She said nothing, though, just gazed at my hair absentmindedly. Her hand, which had been hanging at her side, subconsciously moved upwards and traced lightly against the white scar running across her belly button. A froze crept across her face, and she glanced down at it as if she had not known it was there.

"Katniss?" I reached out cautiously to her, the angle of the water hitting my arm sending sprays of water into my face.

For a second more she just stood there, hand on her stomach. But then she suddenly winced. The fine black lines of her eyebrows were now furrowed together, and her breath came out in short, quick pants. Katniss whimpered once, and then collapsed against me.

My arms automatically went around her, and I felt the frightened breathing under my fingers. She was still conscious, and her legs still held her up a little bit, but she was trembling against me.

For a few seconds we just stood there in the mist of the shower. When Katniss started crying, I realized that remembering wasn't what was hurting her so badly.

I pressed my cheek against her hair and closed my eyes, holding her comfortingly to me.

"Why did they have to do that, Peeta?" She sobbed against my shoulder. "She was so young… There was time to change! My little…" Katniss gulped. "She was my little Alexis. I was so afraid. So afraid something would happen to her. I didn't want to have a connection with her because things happen to those I love. I knew that if I loved her as much as I do you, she will leave me. It was only a matter of time…"

I found small rivulets of tears streaming down my face, saltwater mixing with the spray of the shower. But I stayed silent. This was first, and probably only, time Katniss would let me into her heart about our departed daughter.

"There was nothing like it, Peeta. Being a mother." With a ragged breath, she pulled gently away and ran a small finger down the length of her scar, not looking at me. "It had affected me in more than one ways. Everything about that girl changed me. I have fallen apart, Peeta." Now Katniss drew completely away from me and hugged her arms to her chest.

I still reached out for her, but she drew away. "No, never. You're perfect." I just said it out of impulse, since I think it nearly every day, but it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"I'm too broken to be perfect." Her voice could barely be heard over the noise of the shower, and she slid onto the wet floor.

It was then I realized what was so off about this. How even though I was happier than anything to have her back again, it didn't feel right. For the first time ever, I understood what Gale had understood. When he came to me right after—well, when he came to me and said he couldn't continue because of the look in Katniss eyes.

She was broken, like she had said. No matter how happy she seems at the moment, there is always that glint in the back of her eyes. She was lost. I could never get into her mind because she was gone, lost to the world. Katniss was so broken into pieces, and I hadn't seen it before. My love for her had veiled the truth.

Soundlessly, I reached over and turned the water off. Katniss didn't even look up when I sat down next to her.

_There are times when we_

_Don't really know_

Katniss curled up at my side and put her head on my shoulder. We were soaked completely through, wearing nearly nothing at all. But that was okay with me. Silent words were passed between us, through our laced fingers.

_Which way is right_

_Which way to go_

I pressed my lips to her forehead. Painful stabs shot through my heart with every doleful beat, surely echoing through the room and could be heard by Katniss as well. Katniss didn't speak, tears the only movement that could be seen.

_We're feeling so lost,_

_So all alone_

Katniss didn't know what I had been thinking, feeling. I wondered to myself whether she understood what I did, even though it was her own feelings. Did she realize how utterly hopeless things seemed at this point? I wouldn't give up, though. I needed her.

_They say we are picture perfect,_

_Flawless,_

_Unspoiled._

But did she need me? She says she does, she says she loves me. But then again, she says she's okay. Broken, but okay. Those weren't necessarily lies she had meant to tell. Maybe she doesn't even realize it herself. Somewhere deep inside of her, I think part of her soul had died. And she thinks I've filled it back up, but it doesn't work that way. She will never quite be whole again. We'll be eighty years old, sitting in chairs by the fire, wrinkled hands reached towards each other but only the tips of our fingers touch.

_But we are only human,_

_Less than perfect_

Can things like this ever heal? I knew she won't ever be the same. That was just a fact I was going to have to face. Our scars adorning our bodies are merely memories, badges that say we were warriors. We lived.

_Sitting naked beneath the sun_

_But that's okay_

In the ruins of what once was called America, we were born. We were the flowers in the sidewalk cracks. We were miracles. Yet… Was there even such thing as a miracle anymore? Everything was science and technology, no coincidences. So if the Capitol could make babies in test tubes, what did I mean? Was it a mere twist of fate both Katniss and I got chosen for the Games? Not knowing we would end up being like this. Not knowing we would need to save our entire country, and the lives of everyone in it.

_Because no matter how shattered_

_How broken you are_

Arenas stained red mean nothing. To the people, they are sets. Stages that appear on TV for their entertainment. To us, they are battlefields, tombstones. On those very spots hundreds of years ago, people use to live. They use to thrive, weep for their family. Lives had begun, lived, and ended. Blood had been spilt, tears had been shed. But that doesn't mean anything.

_I need you_

_So don't leave me_

Taking a shaky breath, I leaned over and pressed my lips to Katniss' forehead. We will make it. We will continue through this hell on earth until we find a happy medium where we can live peacefully. A quote, from a book I had read a few years ago: Walk behind me, and I will lose you. Walk ahead of me, and I will fall behind. Walk beside me, and be my friend forever. You have not seen the last of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark., I thought to the Capitol. And maybe they heard me. We will survive.

_You're perfect_

**oOo**

_Okay, here's the deal. I didn't mean to have that last bit in this chapter, but looking back and reading it, I realized that this would be a PERFECT ending chapter. I could stop it here and just make a sequel. But if you don't want me to, just say. _

_(PS: That little poem I put in there, I wrote. Off the top of my head. :D)_


	111. Epilogue

Despite what some of you guys say, I am ending this story here. Don't freak out and stuff because I am making a sequel.

I must say, without my readers I wouldn't have been able to make a story that long. It was amazing, and I think somewhat of a miracle. Because those who know me, know that I am NOT a patient person, and I have trouble finishing things. So it was quite an accomplishment.

Thanks to those who have stuck with the story until the end, unlike some who just read the first few chapters and stopped. Thank you to Rachel, Rosa, Michelle, Ali, Elizabeth, Sophie, and all of the other people whom I don't know, or forgot your names.

Sorry if this stopping the story is upsetting, an inconvenience, or anything of that sort. :D Thanks for all the love and support and all that other mushy crap people say. Stay in school, be nice to old people, and don't stop eating. Because if you stop eating, you know you die… and such…

Like me, you people (if you're girls, that is) probably got so obsessed with Hunger Games that it has pretty much effected your whole life. I got to the certain point where I kind of feel like there's no one out there for me. I put my "true love" standards right at Peeta. I thought "well, I want my guy to be just like Peeta, and if I think Peeta's better, he isn't the guy for me". I am ashamed to admit it, but it's true. But there is someone out there, and I am constantly reminding myself that no matter how much I hope, wish, think... Peeta is not real. And maybe I have to get my head out of the clouds and think about reality.

Heh. Naaahh!

I love every one of you, and don't you forget it!

Soggybug,

signing out for the last time


End file.
